In plain words
He would stand in front of his full-length mirror. He would deliver the whole speech he had to give in front of the full-length mirror. Practising in this way, he would look at how his face was, how his mouth was, how his action was: ‘My face is very pleasant while I speak.’ ‘My bearing too is quite perfect.’ Satisfied in this way, he would then go out to the public meeting. An election came, and in one speech in that election he went on attacking the opposing party hard. I am telling you all this to show what jokes are. Because he was trouncing the other party just as he pleased, a woman among them stood up. “Churchill, shut up!” she said, flaring up in great anger. “If I were really your wife, I would have given you poison in your milk, your tea or your coffee and killed you,” she said. At once Churchill said, “If I were really your husband, I would hold your nose and make you drink that poisoned coffee.” His saying ‘if I were your husband’ was a great insult to her, poor woman. With that she shut her mouth and sat down. These are jokes made to put down the faults of others.
On another occasion he was giving a public speech. When his speech was over, he sat down in his chair. The opposite party came and gave its speech in turn. The man was speaking in a muddle. Even when Churchill used words, he used good words, clearly and directly, to good purpose. But this opposite leader, out of his anger and agitation, went on talking with nothing connected to anything else. At that time Churchill was sitting in his chair. He had closed his eyes and was in deep thought. It was very hard for him to listen to the man's speech. Before ending the speech, the opposite party leader said, “Is this fair? While a great leader like me is giving a speech, Churchill is sleeping.” “Can he, being Prime Minister, show such disrespect?” he said. Then Churchill got up and made a joke.