CHAPTER XXVI.

THE COSSIPORE GARDEN,—JANUARY, 1886

The Master is sitting in his room in the Cossipore Garden, talking with Mani about Sj. Ram Chatterjee, who came from the Dakshineswar Temple to see him.

It is 4 P. M., Monday, the 4th of January, 1886, corresponding to the fourteenth day of the dark half of the month of Pausha.

Narendra enters and sits down. The Master looks at him from time to time and smiles affectionately. He hints to Mani that Narendra has been crying. After a while, he hints again that Narendra came crying all the way from home.

After some time Narendra breaks silence, saying, "I am thinking of going there to-day."

Sri Ramakrishna: Where?

Narendra: To the Bel-tala at Dakshineswar, I will light a fire there at night.

Sri Ramakrishna: No, they^* will not allow you. The Panchavati is a favourable place,—many Sadhus have made Japam and Dhyana there—but very cold and dark.

Again there is silence, till the Master says to Narendra! "Won't you continue your studies?"

^* The authorities of the Magazine.

Narendra: (to Master and Mani) I am saved even if I get a medicine to make me forget all that I have already learnt!

Budo Gopal who has been sitting there, says, "I will accompany him."

A box of grapes has been lying beside the Master,—an offering from Kalipada. The Master gives a few to Narendra and divides the rest among the other devotees.

II.

It is evening. Narendra is sitting downstairs, smoking a hookah and speaking out the agonies of his heart to Mani.

Narendra: Last Saturday, as I was meditating here, I felt a peculiar sensation in my heart.

Mani: It was the awakening of the Kundalini.

Narendra: May be. I clearly perceived the Ida and the Pingala nerves. I asked Hazra to feel my heart.

"I saw him [the Master] upstairs yesterday and told him everything. I said, 'Every one has been satisfied; give me some realisations!—Why should I alone go unblest?'"

Mani: What did he say to it?

Narendra: He said, 'Settle your home affairs and come to me: you shall have everything—What do you want?' I replied, 'I want to remain immerged in Samadhi for three or four days at a time only occasionally coming down to eat a little.' He replied, 'You are very low-minded! There is a higher state yet than that! Don't you sing, "Thou art all that be"'?

Mani: Yes, he often affirms that, after coming down from Samadhi, man finds that it is He who has become Jiva, Jagat and all this. He says that the Jiva-koti can, at the most, realise Samadhi, but cannot come down from it.

Narendra: He advised me, 'Have done with the home troubles,—you shall realise a still higher state than Samadhi!'

"I went home this morning. They all began to rebuke me saying, 'What is this, you are wandering like a vagabond? The Law Examination is drawing near, and you are not making any preparations,—what is this vagrancy?'"

Mani: Did your mother say anything?

Narendra: No, she was anxious to feed me. And, though I did not want it, I had to partake a little of venision.

Mani: Next?

Narendra: I then went to my study at my grandmother's. But when I tried to read, a great fear seized me, as if reading was a terror! My heart struggled within me, and I wept as I had never wept before.

"Then away from the books I ran,—I ran along the streets, and I did not know where my shoes slipped from my feet! I ran by a straw-rick and was covered with straw; but I didn't care and ran along towards Cossipore."

Narendra pauses for a time. He then says, "The reading of Viveka-Chudamani^* has made me still more restless. Sankaracharya says that these three things can be acquired only through great Tapasya and good fortune: human birth, desire for Liberation and refuge with a man of realisation. I thought that surely I have gained all these three. Through great Tapasya, I have been born as man; through great Tapasya, I have learnt to be eager for Mukti; and through great Tapasya, I have secured the company of such a great soul!"

Mani: Ah fine words!

Narendra: I have no taste for the world. Everyone living in the world, excepting a few devotees, appears repulsive to me.

He is silent again. An intense Vairagya is consuming his heart, and it is yearning and panting for the vision of the Lord.

Narendra breaks the silence: "You have found Peace, but my soul knows no rest! You are blessed indeed!"

But Mani makes no reply; for he remembers the words of the Master,—a man must pine and pant for God like this, before he can see Him!

^* 'The Crest Jewel of Discrimination,' a work of Sankaracharya.

In the evening Mani goes upstairs and finds the Master asleep.

The Master wakes up at about nine. Niranjan and Sashi are waiting upon him. He is again and again speaking of Narendra.

The essential requisite for God-realisation.

Sri Ramakrishna: How wonderful is the state of Narendra. This very Narendra would not believe in God with form. But see how his soul is struggling now! You know that story of the man who asked his Guru how he could attain God. The Guru said, 'Come along, I will show you how you can realise Him,' and led him to a tank and plunged him under the water. After a short time, he released him and asked, 'How did you feel?' The disciple replied, 'I was dying for a breath of air.'

"When your heart pines and pants for God, know that you will presently see him. The rosy hues of the dawn herald the approaching sunrise.

The Master's illness has grown worse to-day. But his mind has no thought for the ailing body; it is engaged in thinking of Narendra!

Narendra has gone away to Dakshineswar, accompanied by a few devotees. It is the last night of the dark half of the month,—Amavasya—and extremely dark.

Mani spends the night in the Garden and dreams that he is sitting within an assembly of Sannyasins!

III.

4 P.M., Tuesday, the 5th of January. The Master is sitting on his bed, talking alone to Mani.

Sri Ramakrishna: If Kshirode goes to Gangasagar, buy him a blanket.

Mani: Yes, sir, I shall.

After a short silence, the Master speaks again: "Well, what has happened to the boys? Some are flying to Puri, others to Gangasagar!

"They are all renouncing their homes! Narendra has also done it. Indeed, when a man conceives an intense dispassion for the world, it appears to him as a veritable well and his relations as venomous serpents!"

Mani: Yes, sir, life in the world is full of suffering.

Sri Ramakrishna: The sufferings of hell! and that from the very moment of birth! Don't you see what a trouble wife and children are?

Mani: Quite true, sir. And you said that they^* have no liabilities to bind them to the world.

Sri Ramakrishna: Don't you see how Niranjan is? 'Here, take what is thine, give me what is mine,'—that's all; there is no more connection with the world—nothing to pull from behind!

^* Those who have not entered the world.

"Kamini-Kanchana truly is the world! Haven't you seen the moment you have money, you want to secure it by a knot?"

On hearing this, Mani bursts into laughter. The Master also laughs.

Mani: And it requires a good deal of calculation before money can be brought out! [Laughter.] But you said at Dakshineswar that if any one lives in the world, after having transcended the three Gunas, he may be safe.

Sri Ramakrishna: Yes, like a child.

Mani: Yes, sir; but it is very difficult to live like that; it requires tremendous power.

The Master is silent.

Mani: They went last night to meditate at Dakshineswar. I dreamt a dream.

Sri Ramakrishna: What did you dream?

Mani: I dreamt that Narendra and others had become Sannyasins, and were sitting before a fire. I was also sitting amongst them. They were smoking a hookah and blowing out smoke through their mouth; I said that it smelled like hemp.

Sri Ramakrishna: Mental renunciation is the essential thing; one having it is also a Sannyasin.

After a short silence, the Master says,—"But one must set fire to one's desires first!"

Mani: You said to the Pandit of the Burrabazar Marwaris that you still have the desire for Bhakti. This, then, is not to be counted among 'desires'?

Sri Ramakrishna: No, just as Hinche greens are not to be counted among pot-herbs^*, because they are antibilious.

"Well, all my joy and ecstasy, where are they gone?"

Mani: You seem to be living now in that state which the Gita describes as beyond the three Gunas. These Gunas, Sattwa, Rajas and Tamas are fulfilling their functions, but you are not affected by them, not even by Sattwa Guna.

Sri Ramakrishna: Yes, I am placed in the condition of a child. Well, do you think the body will not survive this time?

The Master and Mani are sitting silent. Narendra comes in to take leave. He will go to his home to settle its affairs. Since the death of his father, his mother and brothers have been passing very hard days, sometimes even going without food. He is their sole hope and support. But his heart is a fire with intense Vairagyam: he could not appear for the Law Examination. A friend has promised a loan of a hundred rupees with which he hopes to make some provision for his family.

Narendra: I am going home. (To Mani) I shall stop at Mahim Chakravarti's; will you go there?

^* Pot-herbs generally excite the bilious humour of the body.

Mani is unwilling. The Master looks at him and asks Narendra, "Why?"

Narendra: I am going that way, so I shall stop there to have a chat with him.

The Master gazes at him.

Narendra: A friend here has promised me a loan of Rs. 100. I hope to make therewith three months' provision for our home.

The Master is silent. He looks at Mani.

Mani: (to Narendra) No, you go. I shall go afterwards.