Revered sir,
… What am I to do? I am so weak, so wholly wrapped in Māyā. Bless me, that I may become hard. What can I tell you of the state of my mind? A hell burns inside it day and night. Nothing has come of it; this life, it seems, has gone to waste in a muddle. What am I to do? I can make out nothing at all. Babaji speaks sweet, sweet words, and keeps me tied here. What can I tell you? I am committing offence after offence, hundreds of them, at your feet. Forgive them all as the doings of a man driven mad by inner torment. … My brother disciples think me utterly heartless and selfish. What am I to do? Who will look inside my mind? Who will know what torment I suffer day and night? Bless me, that unshakable patience and perseverance may be mine. Know that I offer you a billion praṇāmas.
Your servant,
Narendra.