Mother,
Your question about the will is a truly beautiful one, and it is exactly the thing to be understood. This is the essence of every dharma: the destruction of vāsanā. And so, along with it, the will too is surely destroyed, for vāsanā is only the name of a particular kind of willing. Then why this world at all? Why all these expressions of will? Some dharmas say that it is only the evil will that ought to be destroyed, not the good. Vāsanā-tyāga will be made good by bhoga, in this world and the next. The learned, naturally, are not satisfied with that answer. The Buddhists and others, on the other side, say that vāsanā is the root of suffering and that its destruction is the highest good; but it is like killing the man to kill the mosquito: on the Buddhist view, to destroy suffering I have gone and destroyed myself as well.
The conclusion is this: what we call will is the lower transformation of a state higher still. To be niṣkāma means the tyāga of that lower transformation which is the will, and the dawning of the higher one. That state is beyond the reach of mind and buddhi. But just as a gold mohur looks utterly unlike a rupee or a pice, and yet we know for certain that the mohur is worth more than both, so that highest state, call it mukti or nirvāṇa or what you will, though beyond the reach of mind and buddhi, is greater than every śakti, the will and all the rest. Though it is not śakti, śakti is its transformation, and so it is greater; though it is not will, will is its lower transformation, and so it is greater. Now understand this: the fruit of guiding the will rightly, first sakāma and then niṣkāma, is that the will itself will reach a state far higher than itself.
First one must do dhyāna on the form of the Guru; then one must dissolve that form and set the form of the Iṣṭa in its place. Here, the one you love is to be taken as the Iṣṭa.
The āropa of Īśvara on a human being is very hard; but by trying and trying one surely succeeds. He is in every human being, whether that person knows it or not; through your bhakti that very Īśvaratva will surely, surely dawn in him.
Ever wishing your good,
Vivekananda.