My dear brother,
… Duṣkarma lets no one go, and the Divine Mother lets no one off without punishment. I have suffered through my karma. Now, you are sādhus, mahāpuruṣas: put in a little word with the Divine Mother for me, brother, so that this trouble no longer sits on my neck. What I want now is a little peace; I seem to have no strength left to carry the load of work. Rest and peace, for the few days I have left to live, just those few days. Victory to the Guru, victory to Śrī Guru!
… Don't worry about me. I'll roll along somehow. Gurudeva's work is not moving forward: that is my grief. Nothing of his work has been done through me: that is my regret! How much I abuse you all, how bitterly I speak to you; I am the lowest of the low! Today, on his birthday, put the dust of your feet on my head, and my mind will grow still. Victory to the Guru, victory to the Guru, victory to the Guru, victory to the Guru! You alone are my śaraṇa, you alone are my śaraṇa. Let me just tell you: my mind is steady now. This is the abiding state of my mind. Whatever else rises in it besides this, know it for sickness. And don't let me do any work at all. Now I shall keep quiet for a while and do dhyāna and japa, that is all. After that, the Divine Mother knows. Victory to the Divine Mother of the World!
Vivekananda.