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Umadevi

Miss Umadevi, a Polish lady convert to Hinduism, who came to the Ashram in 1938 asked Sri Bhagavan:

“I once before told Sri Bhagavan how I had a vision of Lord Siva at about the time of my conversion to Hinduism. A similar experience recurred to me at Courtallam. These visions are momentary. But they are blissful. I want to know how they might be made permanent and continuous. Without Lord Siva there is no life in what I see around me. I am so happy to think of Him. Please tell me how His vision may be everlasting to me.

Sri Bhagavan.: You speak of a vision of Lord Siva. Vision is always of an ‘object’. That implies the existence of a ‘subject’. The value of the vision is the same as that of the ‘seer’. (That is to say, the nature of the vision is on the same plane as that of the ‘seer’.) Appearance implies disappearance also. Whatever appears must also disappear. A vision can never be Eternal. But Siva is Eternal.

The pratyaksha (vision) of Lord Siva to the eye signifies the existence of the ‘eyes’ to see; the ‘buddhi’ (intellect) lying behind the sight; the ‘seer’ behind the buddhi and the sight; and finally the “Consciousness” underlying the ‘seer’. This pratyaksha (vision) is not as real as one imagines it to be, because it is not intimate and inherent; it is not first-hand. It is the result of several successive phases of “Consciousness”. Of these, “Consciousness” alone does not vary. It is Eternal. It is Lord Siva. It is the “Self”.

The vision implies the ‘seer’. The ‘seer’ cannot deny the existence of the “Self”. There is no moment when the “Self” as “Consciousness” does not exist; nor can the ‘seer’ remain apart from “Consciousness”. This “Consciousness” is the Eternal Being and the only Being. The ‘seer’ cannot see himself. Does he deny his Existence because he cannot see himself with the eyes as pratyaksha (in vision)? No! So, pratyaksha does not mean seeing, but BE-ing.

“To BE” is to realise — Hence I AM THAT I AM. “I AM” is Lord Siva. Nothing else can be without Him. Everything has its being in Lord Siva and because of Lord Siva.

Therefore enquire “Who am I?” Sink deep within and abide as the “Self”. That is Lord Siva as “BE-ing”. Do not expect to have visions of Him repeated. What is the difference between the ‘objects’ you see and Lord Siva? He is both the ‘subject’ and the ‘object’. You cannot be without Lord Siva. Lord Siva is always realised here and now. If you ‘think’ you have not realised Him; it is wrong. This is the obstacle for realising Lord Siva. Give up that ‘thought’ also and Realisation is there.

D.: Yes. But how shall I effect it as quickly as possible?

Sri Bhagavan.: This is the ‘obstacle’ for Realisation. Can there be the individual without Lord Siva? Even now He is ‘you’. There is no question of time. If there be a moment of non-realisation, the question of Realisation can arise. But as it is you cannot be without Him. He is already Realised, ever Realised and never non-Realised.

Surrender to Him and abide by His will whether he appears or vanishes; await His pleasure. If you ask Him to do as you please, it is not ‘surrender’ but command to Him. You cannot have Him obey you and yet ‘think’ that you have surrendered. He knows what is best and when and how to do it. Leave everything entirely to Him. His is the burden: you have no longer any cares. All your cares are His. Such is ‘surrender’. This is ‘bhakti’.

Or, enquire to whom these questions arise. Dive deep in the ‘Heart’ and remain as the “Self”. One of these two ways is open to the aspirant.

Sri Bhagavan also added: There is no being who is not conscious and therefore who is not Lord Siva. Not only is he Lord Siva but also all else of which he is aware or not aware. Yet he thinks in sheer ignorance that he sees the Universe in diverse forms. But, if he sees his Self he is not aware of his separateness from the Universe; in fact his individuality and the other entities vanish although they persist in all their forms. Lord Siva is seen as the universe. But the seer does not see the background itself. Think of the man who sees only the cloth and not the cotton of which it is made; or of the man who sees the pictures moving on the screen in a cinema show and not the screen itself as the background; or again the man who sees the letters which he reads but not the paper on which they are written. The ‘objects’ are thus “Consciousness” and ‘forms’. But the ordinary person sees the ‘objects’ in the Universe but not Lord Siva in these ‘forms’. Lord Siva is the “Being” assuming these ‘forms’ and the “Consciousness” seeing them. That is to say, Lord Siva is the background underlying both the ‘subject’ and the ‘object’, and again Lord Siva in “Repose” and Lord Siva in “Action”, or Lord Siva and Sakti, or the Lord and the Universe. Whatever it is said to be, it is only “Consciousness” whether in repose or in action. Who is there that is not conscious? So, who is not Realised? How then can questions arise doubting Realisation or desiring it? If ‘I’ Am not pratyaksha to ‘me’, I can then say that Lord Siva is not pratyaksha.

These questions arise because you have limited the “Self” to the ‘body’, only then the ideas of ‘within’ and ‘without’, of the ‘subject’ and the ‘object’, arise. The objective visions have no intrinsic value. Even if they are everlasting they cannot satisfy the person. Mother Uma has Father Siva always with Her. Both together form Ardhanariswara. Yet, she wanted to know Lord Siva in His True Nature. She made tapas. In her dhyana she saw a bright Light. She thought: “This cannot be Lord Siva for it is within the compass of my vision. I am greater than this Light.” So she resumed her tapas. Thoughts disappeared. Stillness prevailed. She then realised that BE-ing is Lord Siva in His True Nature.

Muruganar cited Appar’s stanza:- “To remove my darkness and give me Light, Thy Grace must work through ME only.”

Sri Bhagavan mentioned Manickavachagar’s:

“We do bhajana and the rest. But we have not seen nor heard of those who had seen Thee.” One cannot see God and yet retain ‘individuality’. The ‘seer’ and the ‘seen’ unite into One Being. There is no ‘cogniser’, nor ‘cognition’, nor the ‘cognised’. All merge into One Supreme Lord Siva only!

Sri Bhagavan seated in front of a Huge Rock up on the Hill