← Treasure Trove of Sri Bhagavan’s Grace

1. “Go Inwards, holding on to the Self"

One day, in the latter half of the 1920s, Annamalai Swami asked, "Bhagavan! Give me some upadesa." Sri Bhagavan answered, "Go, go inwards and always hold onto the Self. Identifying with the body and the mind causes misery. Dive deep into the Heart — the Source of Being and Peace. Be established thus always in your Being."

This first upadesa of Sri Bhagavan to Annamalai Swami is very important. As Annamalai Swami himself later told me, "At that time, Ganesa! I did not know the significance of these words. The rest of my life is based on this very first upadesa. I did not know or grasp the main meaning of this Teaching. My ‘vasanas’ came up and I started noticing others around Sri Bhagavan at a very early stage. They were all gossiping and I did not like that." See the power of ‘vasanas’! He felt, "Yes, Sri Bhagavan is Great. But, the people around Him are going to distract me. So, I will not stay here. Instead, I will go and do my spiritual practices elsewhere.”

Without even telling Sri Bhagavan, he walked away. After nearly twenty miles, he felt very tired and hungry. He went around and begged for food in nearly two hundred houses, but nobody gave him even a morsel to eat. Finally, when he did not know whom or where to turn to, somebody asked him, "Hey, why are you suffering? Where are you coming from?" "I am coming from Tiruvannamalai." "From where in Tiruvannamalai?" came the next question. "From Sri Ramanasramam," Annamalai Swami replied. The person reprimanded him, "You have come here from Sri Ramanasramam and you are suffering? Fool! Go back! Go back, you fool!"

Taking this as a sign, Annamalai Swami decided to go back at once to Sri Bhagavan!

Immediately, everything started happening miraculously. A hotelier called him and gave him food. He then boarded a train to Tiruvannamalai, without a ticket. The Ticket Inspector checked all the others in the compartment, except him, for tickets. Many things like these happened on his return journey to Tiruvannamalai. Falling at Sri Bhagavan's Feet, he revealed everything and begged Him for forgiveness.

Sri Bhagavan graciously replied: "How can you escape? You have work to do here. If you try to leave without doing the jobs destined for you, where can you run away? Stay here!" Once again, Annamalai Swami fell at Sri Bhagavan's Feet. "Bhagavan, whatever you tell me, I will do. I will not leave your Presence."

The very next day, when Annamalai Swami was serving Sri Bhagavan, He turned to him, "Annamalai Swami, a wall is being built near the water tank. Go and see what work the mason is doing." He thought Sri Bhagavan wanted information. So, he went to the mason and questioned him. The mason replied, "I am building this wall." He came back and reported to Sri Bhagavan. "The mason says he is building a wall."

Sri Bhagavan sent him back five times to find out what the mason was doing. The mason got really annoyed: "Are you a fool, are you an idiot? How many times do I have to tell you that I am building this wall?" Then, Annamalai Swami woke up, "Why does Sri Bhagavan send me repeatedly? Perhaps, he wants me to supervise this work." First, he had thought Sri Bhagavan wanted him to do some easy work. But, when he held on to Sri Bhagavan's earlier words, he understood that a cascade, an avalanche of work, was going to come. One after another, one after another, came work which was impossible for any one man to complete by his own effort. But, complete a stupendous amount of construction work Annamalai Swami certainly did! Today, people going to Sri Ramanasramam can still see what this one man managed to accomplish!

Work after work, physically painful work, came. He had to often stand under the hot, tropical Sun next to where lime mortar was being made. Though the intense heat the process produced was like standing in a cauldron, instead of appreciating his efforts, people around him added to his acute discomfort by constantly ridiculing, chiding and insulting him. The only relief he got was when Sri Bhagavan came to see how he was doing. Every time Sri Bhagavan came, He exhorted him, "Annamalai Swami, you are not the ‘body’, you are not the ‘mind’, you are “Pure Consciousness” — the all-pervasive “Self”. Be aware of this all the time, even while you are working."

But, why did Sri Bhagavan assign all this almost impossible work to Annamalai Swami? Earlier, he had tried to run away because he did not approve of some of the people in the Ashram. But, he had to return because as Sri Bhagavan told him, "You have work to do." This was not just the ‘external’ construction work. It was also the ‘internal’ work of washing away his destiny (prarabdha).

Each of us creates our own destiny. And, our individual destinies can be wiped out only by each one of us. Nobody else can do it for us — however sympathetic he or she might be. Destroying our destiny is very important because our ‘destiny’ carries with it the ‘vasanas’ which influence us. So, whenever Annamalai Swami got agitated by people criticizing him or not cooperating with him, Sri Bhagavan used to go there and forcefully remind him, "You are not the ‘body’, you are not the ‘mind’, you are ”Pure Consciousness” — the all-pervasive “Self”. Keep your attention on “That”. Be aware of “IT” all the time, even while you are working."

Annamalai Swami later told me, "I held steadfastly on to this upadesa of Sri Bhagavan." Though he was affected by all the criticism, in the ‘war’ between his ‘destiny’ and Sri Bhagavan's “Anugraha”, he held on to Sri Bhagavan's saving upadesa, "You are all-pervasive, you are the “Awareness”. Hold on to “THAT” while you are working."