← In the Vision of GodHis autobiography, book two

CHAPTER XXIX

Vasishtashram

(i) The Cup of Milk

Now the sadhu looked at Ramdas and asked: “What brought you here?”

“Ram has brought Ramdas here to see the cave and also for your darshan,” replied Ramdas.

“Have you had any food during the day?” he enquired.

“Yes” said Ramdas, “the guides who escorted him hither have been kind enough to feed him on the way.”

Now staring at Ramdas more closely, he asked:

“Is this all you have got about you? Do you possess any money?”

“No, Ramdas has no command from Ram to carry money with him,” answered Ramdas.

“In that case, you have come here to starve,” said the sadhu deliberately. “Now listen,” he continued, “I shall tell you how matters stand with me. I am neither a sadhu nor a mahatma. I am a simple vaishya merchant. I occupy this cave for three or four months in the year. It is not possible to remain here during the rains when the river swells and her water inundates the cave. The rest of the year I spend in my native place, in the plains. There I engage myself in some trade and collect profits amounting to about two hundred rupees with which I come here. I am not beholden to anybody for anything. I spend my own money to meet my wants. For a month past I have been living merely upon milk diet. I take daily not more than three-quarter seer of milk which I procure from the villages on the mountains.

“A man from the village brings me milk at noon every day and I pay him down cash for it. Do you understand? If you would have any food you ought to climb up the hills and get bhiksha from the villages. To go up and down for it will absorb most of the day, and at that rate it would not be worth your while to stay here. So I would advise you to leave this place as early as possible. What are your plans? How long do you intend staying here?” he questioned.

“Ramdas has no plans,” he replied. “He does not know how long Ram wishes him to stop here. All depends upon Him. As regards food, Ramdas is averse to taking solid food at any place where he wants to devote all his time to God, in wakefulness and meditation. Since God has granted him the staying power, even on water for some days, he would prefer not to climb the hill in search of food.”

The sadhu was roused by this reply. Intently gazing on Ramdas, he said derisively:

“Enough of your gab. I have known many sadhus of your type who speak glibly of water-fast, but could not observe it for a single day. None of your bragging to me.” Ramdas could clearly see that Ram was at His old game again. “Well, you say,” he went on, “you would not take solid food, that means you are for liquids, eh!”

“Quite so, water only or milk if Ram provides,” quietly rejoined Ramdas.

The sadhu burst out: “Ah! there you are. Now the cat is out of the bag.” Now bending himself towards Ramdas and pointing his long forefinger at him, with looks full of contempt and words tinged with sarcasm, he spoke: “Have you come here to share a part of my daily drink of milk and starve me to death – is that what you mean?”

Ram, what a consummate actor You are! As is the master so is the servant. Ramdas, who learnt all this art at Your feet, can meet You on Your own ground. The play was now assuming a beautiful turn.

Ramdas coolly replied: “Ramji, it is far from Ramdas’ wish to have any share of your milk. If Ram, who is all love, provides, he would have milk, but if He chooses not to, he will be content with mere water which can be had in plenty from mother Ganga.”

“We shall see, we shall see,” he interrupted. “Now for the night, which is fast approaching, I shall show you two caves, come out,” and he arose and went out, “you may occupy any one of them.”

He took Ramdas out into the open and pointed out two small caves, one to the left and the other to the right of the big cave in which he lived. Ramdas selected the one to the left. It was just sufficient for one to stay in and, moreover, the floor was covered with a layer of hay. When Ramdas got in he found the cold within was severe, as though all the cold from outside had found its hiding place within the cave at the approach of night.

“You may occupy it afterwards, come with me to my cave. There is still light. We can sit together for a while,” he said, and Ramdas, accordingly, followed him to his cave.

From one of his tins the sadhu took out some lumps of sugar and dissolving them in a brass cup of water offered the syrup to Ramdas. Ramdas drank the sweetened water. Then he prepared a chilam of tobacco and ascertained if Ramdas smoked. Ramdas said that he had no objection to smoking when Ram supplied.

“You are a wonderful fellow,” he exclaimed, “you are used to smoking, and still you don’t carry any smoke with you!”

Ramdas explained that he was a slave only of Ram and not of any habit. Then he drew in a few puffs at the chilam. It was now getting quite dark. The sadhu had lit a small earthen lamp poised on a wooden stand. Ramdas now stood up and walked out of the cave to proceed to the small cave he had decided upon occupying, when the sadhu stopped him saying:

“Tonight you may stay with me. From tomorrow you can live in the other cave.”

Ram was kind indeed! Ramdas had really a great desire to remain at least for a night in the big cave which is the famous Vasishta cave. He returned and took his seat again by the side of the sadhu. Thereafter there was no talk. He sat up for about two hours in silence and then, taking the sadhu’s permission, laid himself down. All the night he was half awake. The sadhu also never slept. He reclined against a cushion and at short intervals he was busy smoking his hookah, and was also now and again throwing a lump of sugar into his mouth.

The night passed. At daybreak Ramdas rose and sat up, but he felt no inducement to move. After some time, the sadhu suddenly flared up and said in a harsh voice:

“Get out, what are you doing here? Go to your cave. I wish to go into samadhi.”

Ramdas quietly slipped out and directly entered the small cave in which he remained unmoved for the whole day. At about eleven o’clock noon, two men passed by the cave carrying milk for the sadhu. Half-an-hour later, one of them came to him with a cup of milk. He said that the sadhu in the cave had requested Ramdas to accept it. Ramdas now played his part as artfully as Ram played His. He refused to have the milk and asked the man to take it back to the sadhu. Thereupon the sadhu came in person with the milk-cup and approaching Ramdas pressed him to drink.

“Maharaj,” Ramdas said, “excuse Ramdas. How can you expect him to receive a share of your milk which is just what you require for yourself for the day? You may remember how you warned him when you said: ‘Have you come here to share my daily drink of milk and starve me to death?’”

At this straight talk he winced and lowered his eyes, but still he pressed again.

“I appeal to you,” he cried. “I want you to take this milk. I have mixed ample Gangaji’s water with it. For me there is a sufficient quantity left.”

“It is clear, Ram wills that Ramdas should live upon water diet for some days, but since you are so insistent, in the present instance, Ramdas accepts your milk on condition that he should not be offered again, and even if you do, he would not have it by any means.”

The sadhu excitedly said: “All right.” Ramdas drank the milk.

(ii) The Vision of Christ

Till evening Ramdas stuck to the cave. When night was drawing near, he found the sadhu popping in his head at the mouth of the cave and shouting out:

“Would you like to come to me for a smoke?”

It was evident that he wished to have Ramdas’ company. Ramdas accordingly followed him to his cave. He offered Ramdas some puffs of his hookah and a cupful of sugar-water. There was not much of talk. Before it became quite dark, Ramdas left him and returned to his cave. The cold in the cave at night was very intense. He covered himself with the piece of blanket and sat up. About two or three hours after midnight, he was prompted by Ram to go to the sadhu for a live cinder. There were dried pieces of timber lying about in front of the cave. He thought of making a fire. In fact, he could bear the cold. Yet, why this idea of a fire? Ram, you want some fun perhaps, else why do you egg him on to this? He crept out of the cave in the darkness, came to the other cave and entering it called out:

“Maharaj, will you kindly spare for Ramdas a bit of fire? He wants to light up a fire in his cave.”

“Eh!” he snarled, “you can’t endure the cold and you want fire. You are climbing down, my boy. Here, take it.”

Ramdas got a live cinder and returned to his cave. While he was doing so, he heard the sadhu muttering something in his own peculiar mocking tone, and Ramdas could not help chuckling within himself: “Ram, you are a downright joker!” The fire was lit, and he burnt all the firewood he could scramble together in the dark.

Morning dawned. Ramdas walked out of the cave. The morning light presented to him a most bewitching scene. The river was flowing at a distance of about twenty yards from the cave. A number of huge rocks were scattered over the bank of the river. He got a perch upon one of these rocks to view the enchanting scene before him.

From between a chain of tall, heaven-kissing mountains the glistening waters of the Ganges were gushing down past the caves. The mountains were clothed with dense vegetation and it looked as if a multi-coloured carpet was spread over them. Orange-hued clouds were slowly moving in the sky, on a background of pure blue. Stillness, coolness and grey mist pervaded the whole atmosphere. Ramdas’ soul thrilled with inexpressible delight. For a while, all account of time, place and circumstance was lost. No wonder, Vasishta selected this spot for his ashram. To breathe that air is meditation itself. Your entire being remains merged in the infinite existence of God’s own being. You are simply intoxicated with eternal peace and joy.

Except going up to the river twice or thrice a day for drinks, Ramdas spent all his time on the rock. As night was throwing her dark mantle on the scene, he returned to his cave. For the first night in the cave he had some sensation of cold, though he could endure it. During the subsequent nights he was entirely free from its effects. As usual, the second night also passed in a half-wakeful and blissful state. In the morning, again he was found on the rock. When the sun had risen high up in the heavens, he observed a hill-man standing before him.

He questioned: “Is it true that you are bent upon starving yourself to death?”

Ramdas had no reply to give. He only smiled. The man gave him some half-ripe berries. They were hard and yet, for the sake of the love with which they were offered, Ramdas put them into his mouth, chewed them a little and then threw them away. Now the sadhu from the other cave also came to the scene, and staring at Ramdas said:

“You have come here not for yoga but for atmaghata, downright fool that you are!”

At this fresh fling, Ramdas’ risibility was again excited and he burst into a hearty laugh.

Then Ramdas addressed him:

“O Ram, having brought your child here you are making him fast, and, on the top of it all, you are calling him a fool. Well, do as you will.”

Here Ramdas discovered the truth of the saying “Man is God playing the fool.” The sadhu was uncontrollable in his rage. He could not speak more. He turned round and went back to his cave. Another day passed. The sadhu was careful thereafter to avoid Ramdas. Days were spent on the rock, and nights in the cave. Thus passed three more days.

Now the memorable night. It was on the fifth day, may be after midnight; the nights were pitch-dark. Ramdas usually sat up the whole night in the cave. The cave was suddenly lit up by a strange light. Ramdas saw seated before him, on the floor about three or four feet from him, the figure of a man. His face was dazzling with a heavenly splendour. The features were fine, regular and beautiful. There was a short, black, glossy beard and moustache on the face. The lips were crimson red, revealing milk-white, lustrous teeth. Soft shining black curls flowed down his shoulders. He wore a long, dark, chocolate-coloured robe or gown with wide, loose sleeves. What fascinated Ramdas were his eyes. They were scintillating like twin stars. The rays they were emitting were filled with tenderness, love and compassion.

Ramdas gazed on them, charmed and delighted. It struck him: “This is Jesus Christ.” There was another beside him, but Ramdas’ eyes were not for him, although he was aware of his presence. He might be a disciple. Now Christ’s lips moved. He was speaking. Ramdas listened, but could not make out what he said. The language sounded strange and unknown to him. For, perhaps, a minute he spoke; then the vision vanished, while the glow of light remained in the cave for some minutes more. Ramdas was completely immersed in ecstasy and only came to external consciousness after broad daylight.

(iii) Selfishness – Root of All Ignorance

Ram now made him understand that his stay at that place was coming to a close. He had no thought of the definite hour for starting. Until three o’clock he remained, as usual, on the rock in the open air.

Ram within told him: “Five days’ fast has weakened your body, and so you are not fit to travel back to Swargashram. Go to the Sadhu and request him to feed you with roti and dal; then start.”

Ramdas directly went up to the sadhu in the cave. The sadhu showed surprise at the sight of him. With eyes dilated, he looked at him and shook his head questioningly. Ramdas observed a marked change in him. His face was pale, dry and careworn. His frequent ebullitions of anger must have worked havoc with him.

Ramdas: “Maharaj, Ram wills Ramdas should now take leave of this place, but since his limbs are weak, owing to the fast, he has come to beg of you to feed him with roti and dal, so that he may gain sufficient strength for his return journey.”

For a while the sadhu was perfectly silent – then a smile beamed on his face. First, he mixed some sugar in water, and making Ramdas drink it asked him to follow him. He took Ramdas out and both walked to the foot of a mountain, a furlong away. There, at a small stream of water flowing downhill, they found five sturdy mountaineers at work. They were turning wood on a lathe contrivance by water-power – a crude wooden wheel revolving on a long spindle, at the end of which was fixed a round log of wood. With sharp edged tools they were working at the wood, turning out beautifully-shaped vessels. The sadhu approaching them said:

“Look here, here is a sadhu who has been fasting for five days; he wants food. I have no food-stuffs with me. Will one of you run up to your village on the hills and get me victuals for one meal? Here is money for the purchase of the things,” and he produced some coins.

They glanced at Ramdas and, turning to the sadhu, said: “Out of the stock of wheat-flour, ghee and dal we have with us, we can spare for him a meal, but we will not accept any price for them.”

The sadhu remonstrated: “That will not do. You shall accept the price of the things you give. I wish to feed him at my expense.”

So he persuaded them to take the price. They returned to the cave with the articles. The sadhu was a quick and neat hand at cooking, and, in less than half-an-hour, he prepared four roties smeared with ghee and a curry of green dal. When he was at this task, he chose to have a few words with Ramdas.

“Nice fellow you are! These five days you have been frying me as I am now frying these roties. Your fast has created a flutter in all the villages over the hills, wherefrom so many people brought milk and foodstuffs for you, while you were sitting on that rock oblivious of everything. I sent them all back, for I dared not go and tell you. You denied me even the pleasure of feeding you with milk.”

Here Ramdas interrupted him: “What! Maharaj, why shirk it? You have brought it about by your own words.”

At this he cried out impatiently: “You fling it at me again and again!”

Ramdas looked straight at him, and the sadhu cowered beneath the gaze. Then Ramdas said:

“Maharaj, please listen. Ramdas is a humble servant and an innocent child of God, and he came here by His will alone. It is again He who prompted him to fast during these days. Ramdas never expected you to feed him. From the very first you thought of driving Ramdas away. You tried to frighten him, but Ramdas could not be frightened. You spoke harshly to him, but Ramdas could not be scared. You denounced him, and yet Ramdas remained good-humoured and calm. This is on one side. On the other, you were extremely kind to him. You compelled him to drink milk on the first day. You granted him the happy privilege of staying for a night in your cave. You regaled him with sweet drinks and tobacco, and gave him fire even at dead of night. Your appearance shows, because of this fast, you have been feeling anxious about Ramdas. Ramdas knows that this is all Ram’s play. Kindness and harshness are the same to him. He does not know what yoga or atmaghata means. He is a simple believer in the all-powerful Name of God. It is that Name that has brought Ramdas face to face with Him.”

Here the sadhu broke in:

“That you do not know yoga, I cannot now believe. I admit I made a mistake. I ought to have known better by the colour of your cloth. I have a perfect dread of sannyasis. Fasting is no good for you any longer. It brings you down to tamoguna; otherwise you would not have talked as you have done.”

Ramdas replied: “Ramdas does not know how any guna works in him. He does everything by Ram’s will. Even now he is talking by His will alone. Ramdas has neither hatred nor love for anybody. Whereas he had been tutored by Ram that selfishness is the root of all ignorance in this world; it is the cause of all misery and pain. By surrendering to the Lord of the universe, the supreme Master of our being, we can eradicate the ego sense, get enlightenment and attain eternal peace and joy. This blessed cave is the abode of the rishis who realised the grand Truth. The atmosphere here is thrilling with the fervour of their tapasya. Living in it let us not forget the aim and goal of life, viz. the realisation of the Godhead within and without us.”