Sri V. Ganesan

My mother Nagalakshmi was a simple village girl who lived far away from Arunachala. She was a playful child who probably studied only till the third or fourth grade. She was married to my father T. N. Venkataraman at the age of thirteen. My father was Bhagavan’s nephew. My mother too was related to Bhagavan. However, she was unaware of it at that point of time. (My maternal grandfather was Bhagavan’s maternal uncle.) It was Alamelu Ammal, Bhagavan’s sister and also my father’s foster mother, who revealed the greatness of Bhagavan to her. During her wedding, Nagalakshmi told Alamelu Ammal that she wanted to see Bhagavan. Alamelu Ammal gave her the Collected Works of Ramana Maharshi in Tamil, which at that time was an abridged version, and said, “When you memorize all the verses in this book, I will take you to Arunachala to see Bhagavan.”

Taking this to heart, my mother completed the task of memorizing the verses within a few weeks. Although she did not comprehend its philosophical content, it struck a spiritual chord. In 1930, one year after her marriage, at the age of fourteen, she got the opportunity of having Bhagavan’s darshan. Bhagavan gave her a long look. Later on, she told me that the look conveyed the message, “Did it take you so long to come to me?” Other chosen devotees of Bhagavan have also had the same experience when they first stood in front of Bhagavan - a sure indication that they belonged to his orbit. Yet, he treated all alike - everyone was his kith and kin. The uniqueness of Bhagavan lay not only in his spiritual status, but also in the warmth of his interpersonal relationships. He had the deepest fraternal affection for his sister and great reverence for his mother. As far as us grandchildren were concerned, he was not like Bhagavan or a teacher, but like a natural grandfather gently commanding us and telling us what to do. He would frequently call out to us, “Come here. Sit down!” In those days though, it was customary for the daughter-in-law to be rather reserved with the father-in-law and vice versa. That was the reserve that Bhagavan also maintained with my mother. However, just by his look and presence he bestowed spiritual bliss on my mother. She was firmly in the net of his Grace.

My father got a job that took him further south and naturally my mother also accompanied him. My mother prayed to Bhagavan for his continued spiritual presence. Bhagavan’s blessings are of course a token of his spiritual presence. When a son, the first of her seven children, was born in 1934, he was taken to Bhagavan, who named him Sundaram. Sundaram is the present president of Ramanasramam. The next child was me. I was born in 1936. When I was taken before Bhagavan, he said, “He has not given me the problem of naming him because he has been born with a name.” This was indeed true because I was born on Ganesh Chaturthi, Lord Ganesa’s birthday! I was thus named Ganesan. Similarly, Bhagavan also named all my other siblings. My younger brother was named Subramanian (which is the name of Lord Ganesa’s younger brother), and my four sisters were named Lakshmi, Azhagammal, Mangalam and Saraswati.

In 1938, when I was two years old, our entire family shifted to Arunachala. We lived in the town. Though my mother was caught in the whirlwind of household work and looking after our family, she still somehow made time for spiritual sadhana. She taught us to look at Bhagavan as God and also taught us to imbibe whatever we could of his powerful spiritual presence. Of course, at that time we were unable to understand the full implication of what she meant. When seated in the hall, Bhagavan would be rather reserved and stern with my mother.¹

My mother is my upaguru. For it was she who showed me Sri Bhagavan even while I was in the crib by singing the third song of Ramana Stuti Panchakam to me as a lullaby:

“Of bright Gold Form, full blown lotus-faced One! Personification of Rare Realization, spreading fragrance all over the Earth! Having heard of Your fame, poor as I am, I looked for You throughout the World and reached You here, my Gracious Lord! Wise Ramana, Hill of Light. (1)

“Oh, Brahmin who dwells in Virupaksha Cave on the Sacred Hill of Light called Sonagiri! Oh Primordial, Eternal Treasure, oh Ramana, the Pure! Make me Your own without testing me. You are indeed the Supreme Being!” (2)

“Let me place Your Soft, Holy Feet on my head, at this very moment, to gain the Life free from pain and be cured of the disease of recurring births! Ramana, reborn in Self, living silent in Arunachala, unknown even to the Gods, tell me when I shall attain You, oh pupil of my eyes!” (4)

“Lord Ramana! I sought Your Holy Feet. You are Knowledge untiring, Silence and the Supreme Thing beyond ‘thought’. Your Heart is the Centre that unifies the individual and the Supreme. You are the Ultimate Reality that endures beyond birth and death.” (9)

At that time, I did not understand Sri Bhagavan, the Guru or the Self. But it was this lovely lullaby extolling Sri Bhagavan that sowed the seed of awareness of Him in me, and finally guided me to remain at the Lotus Feet of my Master. When I was around one and a half years old, my mother often had me in her lap when we were in Sri Bhagavan’s Hall. Then, she would slowly push me in the direction of Sri Bhagavan’s sofa so that I could crawl towards him. I would try and climb up the sofa but the attendant would pick me up and place me back on my mother’s lap. This was a daily occurrence. One day, I moved towards the sofa and just climbed up. Sri Bhagavan, who had been watching all this, supported me with His left leg lest I tumble down. He pressed His right foot on my head, remarking, “He has been making an effort every day to achieve this. Today, there have been no hurdles. He has succeeded.” I was able to get this prasad of Sri Bhagavan’s Holy Feet on my head because of my mother. My mother, who showed me the real Sri Bhagavan, would always declare, “I only gave birth to your body. Sri Bhagavan is your True Mother.” In this manner she trained me to have true Bhagavan-Consciousness.²

One day, when I was three years old, I went and prostrated to Sri Bhagavan. When I got up, Sri Bhagavan said, “Ganesa ! Go, your Noye is seated there. Go, sit on her lap.” I ran joyfully towards the elderly American lady and happily clambered on to her lap. She was Eleanor Pauline Noye. Much later, I came to know that Noye was all the time shedding tears in the presence of Sri Bhagavan. Sri Bhagavan might have wanted to distract her by making me sit on her lap. This was not the only incident where Sri Bhagavan’s Grace linked me to her.

The same year, I went one day into the dining hall when Sri Bhagavan and the devotees were seated for lunch. Heading straight for Eleanor Pauline Noye, I insisted on eating from her leaf plate. The cooks and several of the seated devotees were aghast – steeped as they were in orthodoxy. For them, even the thought of a Brahmin child sharing food from the plate of a Westerner was abhorrent. They came running to save me from this unthinkable act of pollution ! Adamant on having my way, I started throwing a tantrum and creating a scene. Sri Bhagavan’s attention was drawn to the whole drama. With a single look, he took in what was taking place and advised the cooks,

“Bring a plate of food with a spoon in it and show it to the child. He will come along with you. His insistence is not to eat from her plate. Since Ganesan has never seen anybody eat with a spoon, he too wants to eat with one !” The cooks did as Sri Bhagavan suggested and I followed them like a happy puppy. Sri Bhagavan looked at me and remarked, “See, your wish is fulfilled !” Sri Bhagavan then turned to the cooks and the others and said, “And, your problem too is solved !”

Chinna Swami (Sri Bhagavan’s younger brother and the Sarvadhikari -- Sole Manager of the Ashram) -- my grandfather, had always been very kind to me. He would brush my teeth in the early morning (whenever I happened to stay back and sleep at the Ashram), take me to Sri Bhagavan at the Hall and make me prostrate before him, saying, “Here is Bhagavan – our God”. I am deeply grateful to him for taking me to Sri Bhagavan’s sacred presence – the importance of which I did not understand then – but, which I now gratefully remember.

When I was four or five years old, I used to run away from our home in town and walk to the Ashram, all alone, in the night. In those days, the streets were dark and desolate. The first time I did this, Chinna Swami was taken aback. He asked me, “Why did you come ?” I replied, “I didn’t agree with my father; so, I walked away.” He immediately took me to Sri Bhagavan and said, “He has walked all the way alone without fear.” He hastened to add, “I have already sent a messenger to his father.”

Sri Bhagavan looked at me and gave a mischievous smile. Chinna Swami took me back to the office wherein he used to sleep on a comfortable bed and offered it to me. “Why did Bhagavan smile at me ?” I asked. “When you were two years old, you got into an empty bullock cart which was yoked to a bull. Its driver too wasn’t around. Startled by a visitor suddenly opening an umbrella, the bull sped away with the cart into the town. We frantically searched for you in the Ashram, but you could not be found. We went to Sri Bhagavan and informed him that you were missing. Sri Bhagavan said, “What can we do ? Running away from home is built into our family !” “What did Bhagavan mean by that ?” I asked, puzzled. “Bhagavan’s father had an elder brother called Venkatesa Iyer. He had also run away from home on a spiritual quest,” Chinna Swami informed me.³

Once, Jackie, Bhagavan’s favourite dog, was gravely injured while fighting a pig. Its intestines were exposed and it lay in immense pain. It was Chinna Swami who carried Jackie in a basket on his head to the veterinary hospital and had it attended to. Jackie recovered and lived many more years. By 1938, Chinna Swami needed assistance in the ashram. So he sent word to his son - my father - and the whole family to join him. I was two years old when my father brought me to Ramanasramam. Chinna Swami was just as strict with his son. He never favoured him; so much so, my father was always disappointed and disgruntled with him. When gifts like cycles were given to the ashram, my father would ask for one - only to be refused by Chinna Swami. If my father pulled a long face, he would tell him, “Venkatoo, we are commanded by Bhagavan to manage this ashram. We are his slaves and have to do this, generation after generation. But we do not have any special rights over this place. We should dedicate ourselves to do service with the attitude of a dog guarding a haystack. The dog will not eat the hay and it will not allow the stray cattle to eat the hay either.” My father, T. N. Venakataraman, followed this instruction meticulously and so did my two brothers and I. The third generation now manages the ashram and it is Chinna Swami’s blessing that generation after generation looks after the ashram, not like dictators or sole managers, but like dogs guarding a haystack!⁴

I was very short until adolescence. People used to call me “Kuttai ” (meaning, ‘Shortie’ in Tamil). There would be a hundred people eating in the Ashram dining hall, in the presence of Sri Bhagavan. Everyone would be served first and Sri Bhagavan would be served last. He used to pay much attention to the food servers. I wanted Sri Bhagavan to look at me with the same attention. So, I thought that if I too served food, Sri Bhagavan would give me the same attention.

I went inside the kitchen and said, “I want to serve food !” All the cooks were elderly widows, and they were all very fond of children – especially me, because I moved very closely with Sri Bhagavan, whenever and wherever he walked. The vessels were so big, and I was so short, the cooks restrained me saying, “No, no, no. That’s only for grown up people, not for children. You go and sit with Sri Bhagavan and eat.” When they refused, I started crying out loud and throwing a tantrum.

Sri Bhagavan heard this, looked up as if to enquire, “What is happening ?” One of the cooks told him, “Our baby Ganesan is throwing a tantrum.” “What ? What does he want ?” “He insists that he would serve food.” “What is wrong with that ?” “Bhagavan ! He is so small ! All our vessels are bigger than him !” “That’s your problem, not his. Put salt and a small spoon in a cup, give it to Ganesan and send him to me !”

So, they did. I felt very proud. I came to Sri Bhagavan. He looked at me and asked, “You want to serve ?” I said, “Yes, Bhagavan ! I want to serve.” Of course, what I wanted was his attention. “Do you know how to serve ?” Sri Bhagavan asked me. I replied, “No.” “Do you know why you want to serve ?” “No.” “Do you know where to serve ?” I said, “No.” Sri Bhagavan smiled and said, “I will teach you.” He said, “Do you know what is in the cup ?” “That I know, Bhagavan ! It is salt !” I said very proudly. “Do you know how much to serve ?” “No, that too I don’t know,” I said, rather ashamed. He said, “Take some in the spoon. No, no not that much ! Aah, that’s it ! That’s it. Do you know where to serve it ?” “No, Bhagavan.” “Put it on the banana leaf on the top left hand corner.” I was very happy because Sri Bhagavan was paying so much attention to me. I immediately put the salt on his leaf, just as he instructed. “It doesn’t matter today”, he said, “but, you should serve this leaf last !”

I looked at all the others in the big dining hall. Then, I went and served them. And, when I looked back, I was thrilled – Sri Bhagavan’s attention was on me !

We did not have any toys at the Ashram. One day, an American visitor sent a hundred different beautiful toys requesting they be distributed among the children in Sri Bhagavan’s presence. Chinna Swami called me and said, “Go to the Hall and choose a toy now. In a few minutes all the other children are going to come. Whichever toy you like, you tell Bhagavan.” So I went in. Only Sri Bhagavan and I were there. I was so short and my eyes were so wide. I had never seen so many toys in my life ! My eyes went straight to an airplane, something I had never seen before. I used to occasionally see some small tiny thing in the sky making a lot of noise, but I didn’t know what it was. This airplane was big, not really a toy, it was made to scale.

Sri Bhagavan called me, “Ganesa, come ! Some American has sent all these toys. Show me the toy you like and take it. But remember, you can choose only one !” I ran and picked up that airplane. “You like that ?” “Yes, Bhagavan ! I like it.” I was so excited. Sri Bhagavan said, “Come, bring it to me.” I went to where he was seated. He said, “Do you know what an airplane is ?” I said, “I don’t know, Bhagavan.” “See ! This is the propeller,” and he touched the propeller to make it spin. “We start this first. These are the wheels; the plane will be running along on them, and then, zoom !” My excitement and joy were increasing. He said, “ Look at this ! These are all the passengers !” He pointed through the window, “And, this man here is the pilot !”

Sri Bhagavan gave me joy by simply explaining a toy airplane. I can never forget this; even now I can see how he became me and expressed my joy. It’s so beautiful ! At that moment Sri Bhagavan became me ! I was in such tremendous excitement, and I could see the same thing in him. A Jnani – a realized Sage – is like a mirror. I was in heaven ! Then, bringing me back to earth, Sri Bhagavan concluded, “Don’t break it. Keep it safely !”

Even before my head and mind started dominating, the search for Truth occupied my Heart, imperceptibly though. Two every-day-things attracted my attention and puzzled me to no end : The first – my eyes, which were so small, could contain the huge Arunachala Hill and the tall temple towers, with ease. “How is this possible ?” I asked myself. The second puzzle was, where did the Hill, temple towers and trees in front of me, disappear when I closed my eyes ? And further, when I opened my eyes again, how and from where did they all reappear ? Therefore, what is the truth – the appearance of the ‘seen’ or its disappearance ?

Later, when I was studying in the elementary school, I had to go through the courtyards of the big Arunachaleswara temple. Every time I looked at the huge towers (more than 120 feet tall), I used to mentally admire how grand they were all ! One day, suddenly for no reason, I squinted my eyes while looking at the tower. Wonder of wonders, there were, then, ‘two’ towers in front of me ! Which of the two towers was true ? Among the two, which one was built seven hundred years ago and which was the one created by the squinting of my eyes ? The search continued…….

In due course, while treading the spiritual path in search of the Truth, I became aware that it paved the way to one’s birthright for Self-Realisation. I worked hard to obtain the Grace of the Guru, through intense sadhana, through sacrifices, through sincere self-erasing surrendered service ! For, I clearly understood that I have to continue to stay in the spiritual search – all the time – to know and be immersed in the essence of Truth !

I confess that my spiritual search from childhood was not to know the truth of the existence of God, but the truth about Truth itself. The verse of Sri Bhagavan in “ Reality in Forty Verses ” (v.20) got implanted in my Heart, very deeply. “To see God as apart from the ‘seer’ is only a mental image, since God is not separate from the ‘seer’. To abide in the poise of the ‘Self ’ [ Truth ] is the true vision of God.” The more I started reading Sri Bhagavan’s compositions, the more clarity started dawning on me. I realization dawned that to get released from the limitation of mental images in one’s mind, one should go beyond it to its very Source – to the ‘Centre without circumference’. I started feeling deeply, that everyone is God, especially every devotee – old and new !

During the life time of Sri Bhagavan, there were only two huge functions – one, his birthday celebrations [ ‘Ramana Jayanthi ’ ] and the other, ‘Maha Puja’ [ Mother Alagammal Day] when thatched sheds would be erected on vantage positions. Underneath these vast sheds, mounds of soft sand would be heaped, to be spread evenly on the previous day of the function. I was six or seven years old and was very fond of swinging energetically on the poles supporting the sheds. The thrill was in swinging oneself as high as one could and then let go of the pole to land on the soft heaped up sand below. Many children of devotees and visitors would wait for me to start the proceedings !

One day, while trying to land, I overshot the sand mound, and fell on the hard ground. Consequently, I badly fractured my right upper arm. It was so severe that the bone protruded. The pain was excruciating. Everyone gathered around. But I did not allow anyone to come near me – especially, the Ashram Doctor, Dr. Shiva Rao. There was a great commotion and it happened opposite to Sri Bhagavan’s Hall. I was adamant that I should be taken only to Sri Bhagavan’s presence. By that time, Ashram authorities found out that the village bone-setter was also there on his usual visit to have Sri Bhagavan’s darshan.

They took me inside the Hall. Sri Bhagavan was alone. I was crying aloud out of pain. Sri Bhagavan called me near him and looked at the protruding bone. He consoled me, “See ! I also fell down and broke my collar bone while trying to save a squirrel from an attacking dog. It was very painful. This bone-setter from the nearby village – Valluvagai – applied a paste on the affected shoulder and I felt a soothing chillness around the broken bone. He gently, but suddenly, pushed the broken bone into position. Immediately, the pain got reduced and within a day the pain was gone, though the discomfort of having the arm in a sling was there ! He is a very good gentleman. Let him set your bone. You too will not have any pain then. Everything will be alright.”

Sri Bhagavan’s consoling words persuaded me to agree. The bone-setter smilingly held my arm gently in his hands. He diverted me saying, “Ganesa ! See, Bhagavan is showing you something.” When my attention and my eyes were turned to Sri Bhagavan seated behind me, I felt a momentary shock of enormous pain. The bone-setter had put the protruding bone back to its position. He then quickly applied a soothing paste on it and dressed it up. Amazed, I turned again to Sri Bhagavan, “What you said is true, Bhagavan ! The pain is not affecting me. I feel the coolness of the paste taking away the pain !” After a few days, my arm became alright.

But, next year too, I broke the other arm. Then, almost like clockwork, the very next year, I broke my arm again – for the third time. Every time the same village bone-setter would make my arm perfectly alright. The beauty of all those occurrences was, after this, any day I went and prostrated to Sri Bhagavan, he would ask me, “So, which arm did you break today !”

In fact, this whole sequence of events that took place in front of Sri Bhagavan was truly a blessing. Not only pain does not affect me, but I have never broken a bone since then !⁵

While K. K. Nambiar brought a movie camera with which he filmed Bhagavan, it was Framji who brought popular spiritual movies on saints like Tukaram, Mira, and Nandanar for Bhagavan’s viewing. With the help of another devotee who had a movie projector and screen, Framji succeeded in showing Bhagavan such movies in the ashram dining hall at night. I was fortunate to sit next to Bhagavan when he was seeing these movies. I remember, as if it happened just yesterday, Bhagavan laughing and thoroughly enjoying the humorous scenes and shedding ecstatic tears during those scenes where the saints were moved by spiritual bliss. But afterwards, when the movie was over, there was not a ripple of reaction in him. It was ample proof that Bhagavan was the perfect mirror. He reflected whatever happened in front of him fully. When at this distance of time I reflect over it, I feel this helped me grasp the true state of a jnani. And how in that perfect inner state, the jnani is untouched by events happening around him!⁶

Till very late in the 1940s, our family was staying in a house situated on the main road, called Big Street, in Tiruvannamalai town. From my childhood, I was very attached to my mother. When all the other members at home went to the ashram to be with Bhagavan, I always preferred to be with my mother with only the two of us at home. During such sessions, I have observed my mother go out of the way and feed with great care, love and attention, a few mad sadhus and beggars who were ignored, insulted and even beaten up by others.

Once I asked her why she was so kind and attentive to such people. Though my mother’s reply initially stunned me, later on it took me to a different dimension of joy and contentment.

“One day, when I was helping the elderly lady-cooks in the ashram kitchen, Bhagavan came there. It was forenoon. He stopped, looked pointedly at me and said, ‘Sages and saints come to Arunachala, putting on various disguises. The mask, with which they often shun public attraction and adoration, is that of a mad person or a beggar. So, whoever comes and knocks at the door should forthwith be attended to and fed well. Such loving care bestowed on them, accrues great spiritual merit, the merit which is attained only after prolonged penance’. I knew on that day that Bhagavan had initiated me into a very special, spiritual ritual!”

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The strange spiritual ritual, as it were, into which my mother was initiated by Bhagavan, had another dimension too. It was not merely the unknown, unrecognized, strange-looking sadhus and beggars who were fed by her. Recognized and reputed renunciates also received alms from her hands. Whether they stood outside the house or were seated inside, she fed them sumptuously with her usual attitude of worshipful reverence.

Yogi Ramsuratkumar, quite often used to tell me, “In those days, when people looked down upon this beggar and drove him out with disdain, your mother would invite me home by sending your sister, the little girl Lakshmi, to fetch me from the Dakshinamurti shrine near the ashram and feed this beggar with great joy and delight!”⁷

I happen to have two upagurus. My first upaguru is my mother. My first memory is of the time when I was one and a half years old. I was in the cradle and my mother was singing a lullaby - a Ramana lullaby. Every time she wanted to make me sleep, she sang that Ramana lullaby. When I close my eyes and pay attention to my Heart, even now, I can hear my mother singing that lullaby. She sowed the seeds of my devotion to my master. When I was a crawling baby, she would seat me in front of Bhagavan. When I grew up, she would tell me every day, “Go and prostrate before Bhagavan. Look at his eyes and receive his blessings.” When I began school and shared any episode with her, she would say, “Go and tell Bhagavan.” If I got a new pen, my mother would say, “Go and show it to Bhagavan, place it in his hand and receive it back.” Until she died, this loving mother’s one commandment to me was, “Bhagavan is enough for you. You need nothing else.”

My second upaguru is my school teacher T. K. Sundaresa Iyer. We used to call him TKS. His humility was exceptional and his simplicity extraordinary. He was my teacher in the sixth grade and paid a lot of attention to me. Every day, he would come to Ramanasramam. He took particular interest in me. He would call out, “Ganesa, come here, a holy man has come. Prostrate before him.” Or, “Ganesa come here, a lady saint has come, prostrate before her,” or, “This swamiji has come from the Shankara Mutt, prostrate before him.” He would prostrate and command me do so as well. So much so, that some people in Ramanasramam, would object to this and say, “TKS is a crazy man, and he is making Ganesan crazy too. He makes him prostrate before eccentric people, saying that they are all holy saints and sages.” I believe it is the extraordinary grace of my master, Bhagavan, which guided me to TKS, my teacher.

Later, when I grew up, it was he who introduced me to the sages and saints of India, either in the body or without the body. It was he who directed me to Swami Ramdas. TKS had this intuition that Swami Ramdas would guide me. Swami Ramdas saw that his spiritual heir, Mother Krishna Bai, was the one to guide me all my life. There were a few living saints, like Tiruchi Swami; even when he was almost unknown, TKS would make me prostrate before him. When Yogi Ramsuratkumar was absolutely unknown in Tiruvannamalai, he would sit in silence with TKS for hours. One day, TKS pointing at Yogi told me, “Ganesa, here is a siddha purusha, give him some food, he is hungry.” I ran to the kitchen, brought food and offered it to Yogi.

The only process by which the spiritual Heart opens up is that which my master Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi described, “It is like a lotus bud in which the petals have to be opened. Only when the petals open, can you have spiritual experiences.” Reading scriptures or practicing spiritual disciplines cannot open these petals. No yoga can open it. Only the look, the proximity and the blessings of holy people who have already trodden the path works; just by one look they can make one petal open in your heart. This is not just a euphemism. For me, each petal was opened by contact with a particular master.

Once, I asked TKS, “When we have Bhagavan as our teacher, why are you directing me to saints?” He gave me this beautiful clarification, “Bhagavan is the vast ocean. He is the cosmic consciousness, while all the sages and saintly people are like rivers. Where do you stand Ganesan? I want you to be at least a drop of water. You come to know yourself to be a drop of water only when you recognize the love of the rivers, rivulets and streams that actually take you to the ocean. The ultimate end of all movement of water, our scriptures say, is to reach the vast ocean from where it comes. It is a cycle. To be a part of the ocean you must become conscious that you are already a drop of water. That drop of water has to merge with rivers to reach the ocean. A drop of water will not otherwise be able to be the ocean.” This teacher taught me humility, silence, and the greatness of sages and devout people. Without recognizing the greatness of saintly people, humility will not come, because one will be dominated by the worldly mind. It was he who revealed to me for the first time that Arunachala is Ramana and Ramana is Arunachala, the Self.

I was very close to TPR during my childhood and even later on. In fact, I was fascinated by him. Now, looking back, I can very clearly see why I was attracted to him. On the last day when Bhagavan was to drop the body, family members, along with the doctors and other important people of the ashram, were inside the Nirvana Room. Bhagavan was lying down. During the last moments, doctors advised everyone to leave the room. We all got ready to leave. I too was going out, when TPR held on to my hand tightly and made me stand at the entrance. Had he not forced me to stay on, I would have missed the glorious opportunity of seeing the light that emerged after Bhagavan dropped his body. I did not see the light travel to Arunachala though. The Life magazine photographer, Henri Cartier Bresson, saw the light merging with the top of the hill. He was opposite the ashram at the time. It was he who marked the time as 8.47 p.m.⁸

I had the good fortune of being brought up in Sri Ramanasramam by the Old Devotees of Sri Bhagavan who knew Sri Bhagavan as ‘God’. Until I was fourteen, I only saw Sri Bhagavan as my granduncle and an extraordinarily compassionate old man! I obtained a degree in Economics in 1956. For the next two years, viz., up to 1958, I made fervent efforts to get a job and help support my father financially. To begin with, I stayed at the Ashram and started helping my father with the Ashram work. Then, neither did I have any inclination towards spiritual life nor to stay on in the Ashram on a permanent basis. But, all my efforts to get employed outside, failed!¹

In 1956, Swami Madhavtirtha came to Ramanasramam with sixty devotees. He was already renowned as a saint. He stayed for a few weeks in the ashram, while his devotees stayed outside in the ashram guest house. At that time, I was managing the Ashram, as my father was away on a long journey. Senior devotees like T. K. Sundaresa Iyer were guiding me. These old devotees advised me, “Swami Madhavtirtha had his Self realization in the presence of Bhagavan. Spend some time with him.” On the day Swami Madhavtirtha was to leave along with his devotees, the duty of seeing them off fell on me. I arranged twenty horse carts for them to reach the railway station. The horse cart for Swami Madhavtirtha was waiting at the entrance of the ashram. When I entered his room, the Swami was in an ecstatic state with tears flowing from his eyes. His devotees handed over to him his sandals and an umbrella as it was raining heavily. I told him, “Swami, it is time for you to go to the train station. All the horse carts have come. Your devotees are waiting. Please come.” He followed me. But he refused to wear his sandals and also rejected the umbrella. Instead, he walked in the pouring rain unmindful that he was getting drenched. We reached Bhagavan’s shrine which was a thatched shed at that time.

For the first time in my life, I saw the thrilling sight of a radiant, six foot, elderly sannyasin, falling like a cut tree at the entrance to Bhagavan’s shrine and crying like a baby. He uttered the following prayer to Bhagavan, “I am like a suckling baby, Bhagavan. I cannot leave you. Yet, I have to go.” We had to literally pull him up and supportively drag him to the cart. He refused to get into his horse cart inside the premises of the ashram. We had to walk with him outside to where all his devotees and the other horse carts were waiting. All through, Swami Madhavtirtha was crying in ecstasy, submerged as he was in the state of surrendered devotion to the master. The devotees were about to help him into the cart. A pious and mature old devotee, B. M. S. Naidu, who was fully aware of the greatness of the Swami, advised me, “He is a saint. Place your head on his holy feet.” I obeyed. Swami Madhavtirtha put both his hands on my head and blessed me. I went into ecstasy! That was my very first spiritual experience - the experience of going beyond the limitations of one’s body and mind! I felt blessed. It was B. M. S. Naidu who helped me commence my true spiritual journey, though at that time, I was not aware of its true significance. It is all Bhagavan’s grace!²

After my graduation in 1956, I stayed on in Sri Ramanasramam till I would find a job. I was twenty years old at the time; two years went by, and I still did not get a job. Sri Bhagavan made me His apprentice! I was asked to attend on the devotees, the Sages and Saints who came to the Ashram. My school teacher, Pundit T. K. Sunderesa Iyer took on himself the task of giving me this training. He not only introduced me to Saints and Sages, he also introduced me to the Old Devotees of Sri Bhagavan.

It was then that I noticed Sankarammal who was then in her sixties. She was always seated in a corner. She hardly uttered a word. (In fact, she didn’t even speak much with Sri Bhagavan when He was still in the body. There was a reason for this. Sri Bhagavan poured His Grace on her by His mere Glance, so there was no necessity for words.) Physically unattractive, she was a thin, dark skinned lady with a dour demeanour. As she was not sociable, nobody approached her. In spite of all this and perhaps because of Sri Bhagavan’s Grace, I was always attracted towards her. I would sometimes enter the kitchen and sit next to her, but she would remain silent. Finally, one day, I told her, “Tell me about Sri Bhagavan.” I persisted till she ultimately opened up.

She said, “Sri Bhagavan’s Silence was His Direct Teaching. He taught Self-Enquiry to those who could not comprehend His Silence; so Self-Enquiry actually takes a secondary place as far as His Teaching is concerned. He imparted His Teaching of Silence by His mere Grace filled Glance. This is the look that Muruganar and others refer to as His “Glance of Grace”.

“There was never a need to talk to Sri Bhagavan. He made me mature gradually and steadily. All of Sri Bhagavan’s devotees extol Sri Bhagavan’s Look of Grace; however, even that Look was an external expression of His Inner Silence. Silence was the state of Sri Bhagavan; and His Direct Teaching was only through Silence. Those who received His Message of Silence had no need whatsoever to talk to Him, much less a need for His instructions. How can I possibly express in words the mysterious working of Sri Bhagavan’s Silence?”

I was not prepared to leave her in peace! I was drawn towards her like an iron filing to a magnet. I noticed that she was always tranquil and quiet. She did a meticulous job in the kitchen and never stirred out of it. I was insistent in my questioning. I always asked her, “What state are you in? You are not in a state of samadhi because you are very active. You are open-eyed, yet in a state of silence. What is that state? Will you please tell me?” Sankarammal was not only astute, but stern. She was totally lost in her work. She did her work with great care and focus. She was never found talking to anyone. These made others avoid her, but it had the reverse effect on me! I was strongly drawn towards her.

The more I became acquainted with her, the more I came to hold her in higher esteem. I was convinced that she was an extraordinary person, and therefore I requested her to tell me the secret of her perfect equipoise. After several persistent efforts, she finally relented. She revealed, “I was myself puzzled at this Inner Felicity that I have and which is extolled in our Scriptures. I was doubtful about this state because, you see, I am an ordinary woman. The Scriptures state that even Sages and Saints perform penance for years before attaining this Blissful State. I wondered, am I really in that State?” Bogged down by such doubts, but unsure of whom to ask, she waited for the opportune moment.

One day, after breakfast, she found herself alone with Sri Bhagavan. She was pondering on how to find out from Him whether she was genuinely in that extraordinary, tranquil state. But, how does one ask? A truly realized soul will not put forth questions like, ‘Am I in that state of Realization?’ As Sankarammal prostrated before Sri Bhagavan, she felt a verse of Kaivalya Navaneetam spring from within her. The verse was the one in which the Guru asks his disciple to come out with what he had understood. The disciple addresses the Guru with folded hands thus: “O Lord! You are the Reality, the Truth, remaining as my very innermost Self, ruling me during all my countless births. Glory to you, who have taken a human form to redeem me through your Teaching and grant me this Perfect State of Inner Felicity. I do not see how I can repay your Grace for helping to liberate me. Glory, glory, more glory, to your Holy Feet!”

When she recited this verse, Sri Bhagavan looked at her with compassion and said, “What is there to doubt?” and then continued, “Yes! Yes! The reply is in the very next verse.” The next verse says that the Guru was ecstatic after listening to the explanation of the disciple. The Guru bid him to come near and embraced the disciple and said, “To stay fixed in the Self, in the state of this Inner Felicity without experiencing the three obstacles of ‘ignorance’, ‘uncertainty’ and ‘wrong knowledge’ is the highest recompense you can pay me.” Sankarammal looked at Sri Bhagavan, and Sri Bhagavan again looked at her steadily for a few minutes. Sankarammal’s eyes were teeming with tears as she repeatedly prostrated before Him.

(There is a translation of this book in English. I would strongly recommend that everyone read this dialogue between the Guru and the disciple. This small book is in two parts. The first part describes the Guru giving instructions to the disciple about the ‘I AM’ experience, and the disciple grasping it. In the second part, the Guru asks the disciple to explain to him what he had understood. The explanation given is not an intellectual one, but an experiential one. That is why Kaivalya Navaneetam is so important.)

She told me, “Ever since, I have been in that State. There are no thoughts.”

No matter how much we read — whether it is about the Teachings of Jesus Christ, or the Buddha or Ramana Maharshi — we always maintain a distance from the Teachings, because we think that it is not possible for us to follow the Teachings. This is the intellectual limitation of human beings. We tell ourselves, “It is possible only for Jesus Christ, the Buddha and Sri Ramana to be so, but do I stand any chance?” I had the good fortune of being in the proximity of Sankarammal till her end, so I was able to imbibe much from her. She lived the Truth, and therefore, I received a lot of clarity from her.

Once, I requested Sankarammal to select some significant verses composed by Sri Bhagavan to help me in my sadhana. Instantly, she sang two verses in Tamil from Sri Bhagavan’s Marital Garland of Letters:

(v.79) “Let me not like a ship without a captain flounder in the storm. Guard me with your Grace, O Arunachala!” (v.81) “Don’t be a mirror held in front of a noseless person. Lift me up and embrace me, O Arunachala!”

Even before I could ask her about their significance, she explained, “Initially, seekers feel two deficiencies in themselves. One becomes conscious of the lack of perfection in oneself, and secondly, one doesn’t understand how to overcome the insurmountable obstacles one faces while doing sadhana. Both plunge the seeker into desperation and possibility into depression. With these two verses, Sri Bhagavan removes such apparent fears. Total surrender to the Higher Power is the only panacea for all spiritual illnesses. If Wisdom is compared to pure milk or nectar, surrender is the vessel which holds it, preserves it and makes it one’s own. Surrender helps one plunge into one’s Inner Being.”

Sankarammal was fully conscious when she died. She closed her eyes and gave up her body with a smile! Death did not terrify her. When she was asked to give her blessings, she smiled and said, “What is this talk of giving and receiving? Remain in the State of Inner Felicity that you already ARE, and always ARE in.”

Manni Patti and Sankarammal were in our house in their last days. Manni Patti died the previous day and the very next day Sankaramma dropped her body.

Both blessed me by giving me the Golden Opportunity of carrying their Sacred Body to Yama Lingam and putting fire on their Hearts, chanting “Arunachala Siva, Arunachala Siva” and witnessing the Glory of Fire-God accepting their bodies and absorbing them into Father Arunachala!³

During those two years, I moved closely with all the old devotees who lived in Tiruvannamalai - Chadwick, Arthur Osborne, Muruganar, Cohen, Devaraja Mudaliar - and a host of others like Professor G. V. Subbaramayya who used to regularly visit the ashram. Something about them aroused in me tremendous awe, wonder and interest. I used to pester them, “What did you talk to Bhagavan? What was Bhagavan’s relationship with you?” Sometimes, they condescended and took some time off to tell me. I used to get excited and would feel impelled to request them to write all these precious gems down so that they wouldn’t get lost. Many of them demurred, saying, “Who am I and what can I say?” I used to plead with them, “Who is going to be worried about you? It is about what Bhagavan told you and what his relationship was with you. You owe a responsibility to posterity by preserving these remarkable reminiscences. Please note them down.”

When Bhagavan’s will was drawn and executed, Chadwick fully supported it. He was there on that day when Bhagavan drew a line in lieu of his signature in the presence of a high court judge and a court official. Later on, when some people started contesting it, Chadwick went to every relevant government office, testified that he was there when Bhagavan executed his will and that the management of the ashram was left to the family. According to Chadwick, “Instead of any Tom, Dick and Harry, if the family was made the managers, whatever happens, they will not leave the ashram. Bhagavan’s choice is the best choice.” When my grandfather Niranjanananda Swami passed away, my father Venkatoo became the manager as he was next in the hierarchy.

From 1956 to 1958, I was staying in Tiruvannamalai and trying to get a job. Finding no success, I was very sad. On one such day, Chadwick called me to his room. When I went there he said, “Ganesan, during Bhagavan’s lifetime itself, Osborne, Cohen, Munagala Venakataramiah and I were four people who were very much interested in astrology. Munagala Venkataramiah and I believed in Hindu astrology, whereas Cohen believed in western astrology. Osborne trusted I Ching, the ancient Chinese science of divination. We knew that according to the will, the next president will be the eldest son of Venkatoo - your elder brother Sundaram. But, among the three grand nephews of Bhagavan, who will be the one that spreads his spiritual teachings? This was our question. Each of us consulted our preferred divination method. All of us arrived at the same conclusion: you are going to be the one, Ganesan, to spread and pass on the teaching.” He said this in 1957 when I had no inclination to take to spiritual life or stay on in Ramanasramam. Chadwick told me, “Why do you want to go seeking a job when your place is here? Stay here!” But I did not stay and went away - only to come back in 1960. As I know now that talking on the teachings is only one way of spreading it; it became clear to me that they meant I would be the one to give talks and satsangs, even by travelling to other countries!⁴

One day, Sri Ramanathan, the General Manager of Southern Railways, Chennai, telephoned my father, the Ashram President, seeking his permission for performing the marriage of his daughter in front of Sri Bhagavan’s Sacred Samadhi Shrine. In keeping with the then prevailing rules of the Ashram, the President firmly declined.

The very next day, my father got another phone call from Chennai. This time, it was from Sri T. Sadasivam, the well-known husband of M. S. Subbulakshmi, the world-renowned Carnatic music maestro! Sri. Sadasivam pleaded with my father to give his consent for the marriage, as the proposed bridegroom who was also the grandson of the Saint, Janaki Mata of Tanjore, was refusing to get married anywhere else except in front of Sri Bhagavan’s Samadhi Shrine.

In a quandary, my father consulted me. Now, since I held M. S. Subbulakshmi in very high regard — not only as an unparalleled Carnatic musician but also as a veritable Saint — I persuaded my father to give Sri Sadasivam the permission he sought.

The marriage took place a few months later, in 1958-59, in Sri Bhagavan’s Sannidhi. After it was over, MS, as M. S. Subbulakshmi was popularly known, held my hands and requested me to take her and her husband to Tirukoilur.

The reason, as she confidentially told me, was Sri Sadasivam’s child by his late first wife had an incurable disease. So, they wanted to have the darshan and blessings of Swami Jnanananda Giri, the famous Saint of Tirukoilur, who was well known for curing incurable diseases.

On the way to Tirukoilur, Sri Sadasivam sat in front with the driver, while I had the golden opportunity of sitting next to MS in the back seat. And this is what she told me, “Ganesha! Do you know what the greatest disappointment in my life is? That when I was younger, I did not have the darshan of the Greatest Mahatma, Sri Bhagavan, when He was still in the body.” Her eyes glistened with tears as she continued, “What a great tragedy! I was prevented from going and seeing him. To console her, I replied, “Maami, don’t feel sad. Bhagavan has seen you. Isn’t that enough?”

She turned to me, held my hands tightly and with uncontrollable joy and emotion, exclaimed, “Has HE seen me? When? Where?"

"Yes, amma,” I answered. ‘Not only has Sri Bhagavan seen you, but as He watched you, He shed profuse tears of ecstasy and joy!” “How, Ganesha? When did this happen? Tell me,’ MS Amma urged. I continued, “I was twelve years old and was seated next to Sri Bhagavan in the Ashram Dining Hall. We were all there to watch a special screening of your much lauded film, Meera. To be honest, I did not see much of your film, amma. So fascinated I was watching Sri Bhagavan: His eyes brimming over with devotion and ecstasy as He watched you playing, no, living the role of Meera!”

Before I could continue further, she held my hands more tightly. With tears of joy streaming down her cheeks, she sobbed softly, “Did Sri Bhagavan see me? Did Sri Bhagavan look at me? That is enough for me, Ganesha! What you have told me is precious, Sri Bhagavan looking at me is the important thing. Not me looking at him. You know, Kanchi Periyava once told me, ‘There is a great significance in going repeatedly to kshetras, visiting temples and having the darshan of the murtis there. Us having the darshan of the murtis is only of secondary importance. What is of paramount importance is the deity ‘seeing’ you, ‘looking’ at you! When the deity’s eyes fall on you, the impurities in your Heart are entirely and instantly wiped out! What cannot be washed away even after enormous sadhana by the sadhaka, gets instantly wiped out by one such look of God falling on you.’

“Sri Bhagavan has seen me! Sri Bhagavan has looked at me! All my inner imperfections are completely washed away, wiped out! I am emancipated! Thank you, Ganesha! Come and see me in Chennai whenever you come there."

Since then, I have had the darshan of MS Amma more than a dozen times! How blessed I am to have had my Heart cleansed by the look of such an exalted Saint as MS Amma!⁵

At that time, the Professor of Philosophy at the University of Madras, Dr. T.M.P. Mahadevan, used to often visit the Ashram. I was drawn to him, his erudition and his calm nature. In 1958, he guided me to join the University for a Master’s Course in Philosophy, as it was also the same year that Sri Bhagavan's unique teaching of Self-Enquiry was being included in the syllabus. For the next two years I studied in the University of Madras and obtained a Master's degree in Philosophy. I thus learnt both eastern and western philosophy as academic subjects. While Dr. T.M.P. Mahadevan and other three professors taught eastern philosophy, western philosophy was taught exclusively by a genius, Dr. C.T.K. Chari. His elucidations on Berkeley, Hegel, Immanuel Kant and Henri Bergson captivated my heart.

When I once expressed to Dr. Chari my wonder and elation in listening to his exposition on the philosophy of Henri Bergson, he said: "Though other philosophers did not agree with his theory on ‘Élan Vital’ [vital impetus], Henri Bergson is the Western philosopher besides Spinoza, who came very close to the Vedanta philosophy of the Hindus." He added: “All the western philosophies, in spite of their brilliant analysis, could at the most arrive only at 'Karmam Jadam’ [ ‘Actions are insentient ’ ]. For Bhagavan Ramana, it is the beginning of his exposition on Truth. The very first verse in his ‘Thirty Verses of Instruction', commences with this statement. Then, he goes on building up to his conclusion that one's own being is the Final Truth. How true it is ! Western philosophies could not progress further, as their dependence is totally based on the brain’s understanding and never based on intuitive experience. Bhagavan Ramana, however, gives an acceptable blend between logical conclusions and intuitive confirmations through his practical method of the 'Who Am I?' enquiry. Through Self-Enquiry each one can directly experience the Truth in oneself!"

On the completion of my Master’s in Philosophy, Dr. Mahadevan advised me to take up the three year Ph.D. course. He said that I could bring out a systematic research paper on the greatness and necessity of Bhagavan Ramana's Self-Enquiry and get a Doctorate in Philosophy. Another professor suggested that I bring out a paper synthesizing Bhagavan Ramana's Self-Enquiry with the essence of all existing religions. Both professors were very fond of me and interested in my welfare. Somehow, I was not fully convinced.

I went to Dr. Chari and told him about my plight. He listened attentively and then asked me, "Do you want to get a Doctorate in Philosophy, like all of us? What are you going to do after you obtain the Doctorate? Become a Professor of Philosophy in some University? And lecture on philosophy all your life? Look at us. We talk on philosophy, every day; but, what is our spiritual achievement? Nil." I was overwhelmed by the force of conviction and candour with which he drove home his point!

He got up, came near me and putting his hands on my shoulders, said in a melting voice, "Ganesan! Do you want to live a true spiritual life, like your granduncle or give courses on the theories of philosophies, all your life, like us Professors ?"

After a few moments, he continued: "Go and live at the Ashram. Practise your granduncle's supreme teaching of True Spirituality. His teaching of 'Who Am I?' Self-Enquiry is the pinnacle of all philosophies - the highest truth! Live that teaching, Ganesan! To quote Swami Vivekananda: ‘Any philosophy, especially Advaita, as theory, will be a windmill around one's neck, whereas its practice is Heaven on Earth'. I bless you!"⁶

However, thanks to Dr. T. M. P. Mahadevan, I joined for M.A. Philosophy, since during his visit to the Ashram, he pleaded with me to join the course as from that year — for the first time in an University — Sri Bhagavan’s philosophy had been admitted as an academic course in the Post Graduate course in Philosophy. “If you join, I would feel honoured that Sri Bhagavan had approved of my tireless efforts!”. A new vista opened in my life by the study of eastern and western philosophies. Post-graduation completed, I was thrust into a Bank job, where I completely confined. Then, through Professor K. Swaminathan I got a post as sub-editor in a daily newspaper in Bombay. I liked the work. On a visit to my colleague's apartment in Colaba, he explained to me how a magazine could fetch money through advertisements. At that time, I heard him and promptly forgot about it.⁷

In 1960, when I was employed in Bombay as a sub-editor in a newspaper, I was traumatised by the death of a near and dear one in Tiruvannamalai. Falling into a state of altered consciousness, I went about my work mechanically like a robot, not fully aware of what I was doing. One day, I got out from my room and felt I was going by tram to my office… when, after some hours, I realised I was on a train going to Varanasi! I was pleasantly shocked!

There was a compassionate and elderly man seated next to me. He was very kind to me. He seemed to have clearly understood my altered state of consciousness. He gave me food, tucked me into my berth at night, and generally made sure I was comfortable and safe, until the train reached Varanasi.

Noticing that I was not carrying any baggage, at Varanasi he took me and got me a small, bare room in a choultry. After making sure that I was safely ensconced in it, he told me, “I have paid one day’s room rent. It includes morning tea. Get up early in the morning at around five, go to Dasaswamedha Ghat, take a bath in the Holy Ganga, and after that go straight to Sri Viswanatha Temple and offer puja to Him. Lord Viswanatha will bless you and take care of you! I am going away to Gaya at two in the morning. I pray that you are well taken care of!” Saying this, he left even before I could thank him properly!

Next morning, following my elderly friend’s advice, I went to the temple with a small flower basket after my bath. There was already a crowd of bhaktas in a queue to enter the sanctum sanctorum. When my turn came, an old and venerable looking priest guided me to the deity, “Bow, bow down, and putting the garland around Lord Viswanatha, embrace Him!” I did exactly as he advised.

After seven days, I came to my normal consciousness and became aware that I was lying beside a deep gutter — a small distance away from the Temple. An old policeman who happened to come that way, took me to the Government Hospital and admitted me.

While lying on the Hospital bed, I completely lost my consciousness. Before losing it, I heard the old policeman speaking to me in Hindi and enquiring repeatedly: “Child! What is your name? Where are you coming from?” I heard him and replied, “My name is Ganesan and I am coming from Arunachala.” But my voice being inaudible, the policeman did not hear it and went home.

That day the Hospital staff found my condition had deteriorated so much because of purging and vomiting, that they had to call the Doctor. I was told later that he examined me and declared that I would be dead in an hour or two. Consequently, I was put in the mortuary to free my bed for another incoming patient. The next day when the policeman came, he was shocked that I was put in the mortuary because I was dying. But, perhaps, hoping that I would somehow survive, he came to where I was lying in the mortuary.

There, amidst the filthy and gloomy surroundings, he pleaded softly in my ears, “Beta!, Don’t die. You have to live, you are young, do not give up.” Then, on checking me for some sign of life, and feeling the faint ticking of my heart, he ran to the Doctor. But the Doctor was adamant. The policeman then begged some medical students who were assisting the Doctor to come and examine me. One of them, finding my Heart still beating faintly, took me back into the ward and put me on a mat on the ground. The policeman went on begging me not to die but to come back to life. After two days, I regained consciousness to the extent of being able to whisper audibly and coherently to the old policeman, the name of a devotee of Sri Bhagavan who lived in Varanasi: “Dr. S. Nath, Eye Specialist, Kashi”. Relieved and happy, the policeman contacted Dr. Nath who came and took me to his house.

At Dr. Nath’s house, he found out that my back had a bad wound that was septic. This was the result of some bhairagis branding my back to revive me when I was lying beside the gutter, before the old policeman found me and admitted me to the Hospital. After applying some medicines on the wound, Dr. Nath sent a telegram to my father. My father immediately rushed from Arunachala to Kashi.

Both my father and Dr. Nath decided I should be taken to Chennai, then called Madras, and be given treatment there. I was still bed-ridden and in an altered state of consciousness. When they were ready to take me to the Railway Station, I refused to go without them finding and rewarding the old policeman who had saved me. Dr. Nath searched high and low for him. He enquired in every police station in Varanasi. But there was no trace of the old policeman! Who else could it be but Sat-Guru Sri Ramana Himself!¹

In 1960, I went to Varanasi from Bombay. No one knew where I had disappeared to from Bombay. Naturally, the office I was working in, my friends in Bombay, and especially my parents back at home in Arunachala, all were worried over my disappearance.

Mrs. Taleyarkhan took my father to Bangalore, where Ma Anandamayee Ma was staying and giving darshan to devotees. When my father expressed deep concern as to where I could have disappeared, Ma gave a beautiful smile and said, “Don’t worry! My Ganga Mata is protecting him. You will soon hear from him. He will be alright!” When father went back to Arunachala from Bangalore, a telegram was waiting for him, announcing my having been located at Varanasi!²

At Madras, Dr. T. N. Krishnaswami, another staunch devotee of Sri Bhagavan, examined my back and felt strongly that I should be admitted immediately for an emergency surgery, failing which I could be paralysed for life.

However, I refused, “I will be treated only by Dr. M. R. Krishnamurthy Iyer in Tiruvannamalai.” I do not know what urged me to say this. My father said, “We are not on talking terms with Krishnamurthy Iyer. We haven’t been in touch with him for over a decade now. How can I go and ask him to attend on you?” I replied, “I don’t know.” My father took me home and my mother said, “Go to Krishnamurthy Iyer.” My father was reluctant. He said, “How can I possibly face him?” However, my father went, and Krishnamurthy said, “Yes, I will come, but under two conditions. When I am treating him, no one should enter the room. And you should not give me a time limit. You should also not question me on the treatment and the nature of the medicines I am going to give him.”

Krishnamurthy Iyer treated me for two months. While I was lying all the time on my stomach, he applied medicines on the deep sores on my back. More importantly, during those moments, he shared with me his mystical relationship with Sri Bhagavan and Arunachala. It was very elevating and healing. I felt that more than the potency and efficacy of his medicines, it was the spiritual sharing that effected speedy healing of my wound and cured me fully. He once shared with me, “Arunachala and Sri Ramana are the same. Sri Bhagavan has left the key of Self-Enquiry in Arunachala. The Bible says, ‘Ask, and it shall be given; knock, and it shall be opened.’ That is true literally. If you ask Arunachala, He will give you the ‘key’ to Self-Enquiry, which is to dive within.

Later, Krishnamurthy Iyer started going around the Hill daily. He could also be seen walking around Sri Arunachaleswara Temple and sometimes wandering in the streets in an ecstatic state. People in the town openly said that he had gone ‘mad’. He would visit the Ashram while doing the giripradakshina, stand ecstatically in front of Sri Bhagavan’s Samadhi Shrine and sing songs on Sri Bhagavan and on Arunachala at the top of his voice. I would prostrate to him and he would give me a smile of recognition, but also point to Sri Bhagavan’s shrine, indicating that Sri Bhagavan alone deserved the prostrations. I could feel that he was being inundated by wave after wave of mystical experiences, all the time.

During his last days, he had an extraordinary experience. He said that Lord Arunachaleshwara had informed him that the wheels of the big chariot on which the deity is taken during festival days would break and that he should ask the temple’s committee to repair it. The committee members did not pay attention to the doctor’s words because they thought he was insane. However, when the chariot came near his house, it did break down. For three days, Krishnamurthy Iyer was on the terrace of his house looking at the chariot intently, unmindful of the scorching heat of the Sun. He locked the terrace door and did not come down. On the third day, for some strange reason, I had the inclination of visiting him when I was going round the Hill. His wife said, “What can we do? We have not seen him for three days. He is upstairs and we dare not even knock on the door.” As his wife was talking to me, Krishnamurthy Iyer entered and queried, “Has Ganesan come?” He asked his wife to leave us alone. I prostrated before him. Despite his skin being tanned dark by the summer Sun, he was glowing with an ‘inner Light’. He told me, “Ganesan! Arunachala has called me. I am leaving. I bless you. Do not swerve from this path. Arunachala will save you. Stay here.” He passed away after a few days. Arunachala had absorbed him in His Light!³

After being treated by Dr. Krishnamurthy Iyer as an in-patient in my own house for two months, I regained my health under the tender care of my mother. The day she saw I was fully fine, she bade me to enter the Ashram with the express instruction: “Never go out of the Ashram. Stay there assisting your father in his role as its President and serve all the Old Devotees of Sri Bhagavan who reside there.”

Stepping in through the Ashram’s gate, the first person I saw from under the benign shade of the gnarled and ancient illupai tree was my beloved Arthur Osborne. He was standing on the steps, almost as if to welcome me! “Come Ganesan! We all knew you would come! Welcome! Go straight to Sri Bhagavan’s Samadhi. And pray to Sri Bhagavan only for His Anugraha, His Grace. Don’t ask for anything else. Being the most Powerful and Compassionate, He can and will readily grant your prayers for wealth, power, position, a loving wife, children…anything! He will give them all to you but will send you away! So, be careful! Pray only for His Grace and He will shower you with It and also keep you here at His Feet in Arunachala.” I was wonderstruck and overwhelmed with gratitude with how Sri Bhagavan was guiding me through Arthur Osborne to take to Spiritual Life in toto!

When after praying to Sri Bhagavan as advised by Osborne I reported to my father, he asked me to work under the manager of the Book Depot, Sri Sivarama Reddiar. By working under Sivarama Reddiar, I learnt, not just intellectually but by experience, that to work under a Jnani is the best way for a sadhaka to live in the World without getting lost in it. Without a doubt, Sri Bhagavan had made this arrangement, through my father the Ashram President, to ripen me spiritually.

During the day, I would work in the Book Depot and in the evening go up the Holy Hill. Returning to the Ashram before dark, I would help serve dinner and then eat along with the cooks. After that, it was time to spread my straw mat for the night, not in the Men’s Guest House, but right in front of Sri Bhagavan’s Samadhi Shrine — only a thatched shed at that time. As for my pillow, it was a block of wood. That was all that the Ashram could afford to give anyone who slept in its premises — a straw mat and a block of wood. Yet, I would dare say, the sleep I had then was more refreshing than any sleep on a soft mattress or pillow, since then!¹

I am very grateful to Chadwick because he was the only person who encouraged me. On many a day, when there were no crowds or much work to be done at the ashram, he would make me sit next to him and narrate a thrilling incident. I did not know then, that after narrating each incident, he was going to his room and noting it down in a notebook. In 1958, I went away from Tiruvannamalai to take a two year post graduate course in philosophy. Before I left, Chadwick told me, “Thank you. I have noted all of these reminiscences in a note book.” After my post graduation, I worked for a few months and came back in 1960 to live in Ramanasramam. The very first thing that I did was to go straight to Chadwick’s room and tell him, “Give me your prasad - that notebook in which you have written everything.” This note book of Chadwick’s was the first book of reminiscences that was published. A few days after the book was released, I received a letter of thanks from Chadwick, in which he wrote: "There is no tradition in our ashram to dedicate the book to a person of one's choice. For, every book is an offering to Bhagavan - 'Ramanarpanamastu'- dedicated to the holy feet of Sri Bhagavan. If there would have been such a custom, I would certainly have dedicated this book to you, dear Ganesan."

By that time, I had become so close to the old devotees that another person, G. V. Subbaramayya, listened to me and said, “I am writing my reminiscences in my mother tongue, Telugu.” I replied, “What is the use if you write it only in Telugu? You are an English professor. Translate it into English too.” This was the second book of reminiscences. He had it published outside. I pleaded with him and subsequently got its future editions published by Ramanasramam. A cascade of reminiscences followed: T. K. Sunderesa Iyer’s At the Feet of Bhagavan, Devaraja Mudaliar’s My Recollections of Bhagavan Sri Ramana, Suri Nagamma’s My Life at Sri Ramanasramam and then those of Kunju Swami, Balarama Reddiar and Kanakammal. The spiritual food was theirs. I was the lucky one, blessed to be the spoon that served it to hungry spiritual seekers! No doubt it was Bhagavan’s Grace that such things should happen!²

When I came to the Ashram in 1960, I had taken three vows of my own accord. I thought they were essential for leading a spiritual life: “I will not touch money; I will not sign my name; I will not look at women.” Though visitors used to come very rarely, if a woman or a family came to buy books, I would get up and go away. To close the accounts in the evening, I would assist Reddiar in writing the accounts, but he had to count the cash as I wouldn’t touch it. Moreover, when it came to signing invoices or receipts, I would fill in the details but give them to him to sign. What I didn’t know was that he was noticing all this. Realized people do not jump to conclusions and do not judge others — he observed me quietly for three or four months. He used to sleep under a thatched shed in front of the old Book Depot. One night, he called me around nine, “Ganesu, come here.” He used to have terrible asthma attacks. Whenever he had one, he would call me and I would rush to him to help him in any small way I could — giving him hot-water-bag fomentation, fanning him, etc. I thought he was having another such attack and hurried to his side. “Sit down next to me,” he told me. “I have been observing you all these months. You do not touch money, you do not sign in any invoice and whenever a woman of any age comes in to the Book Depot, you run away. What is the matter with you?”

I told him about the three vows I had taken to help me stay on the spiritual path. “Oh, that is good,” he replied, “But you have practiced it enough. Now, ponder over your actions. What is wrong with money? Touching money is not a sin, attachment to money is.” He didn’t say it as an argument or as an instruction. He was sharing from the Heart and it naturally went straight into mine. He continued, “What is wrong in signing a name? Were you born with the name? Your parents gave you the name. You should not be attached to the ‘body’. By giving up the ‘name’ you have not given up your attachment to the ‘body’. Give up the idea ‘I-am-the-body’. For you Ganesu, Sri Bhagavan Himself gave you the ‘name’. See, how holy that ‘name’ is.” From that moment onwards, I stuck to my name. Regarding my third vow, Reddiar said, “Are you aware that when you ignore ‘women’, you are insulting the Creator? It is the Higher Power that has created ‘male’ and ‘female’ forms — in humans, animals, birds, other creatures, trees, plants and why, even rocks. By not giving the importance due to the ‘female’ aspect, you are denying one entire half of the Principle of Creation. Is this right? Is this necessary? To transcend this obstacle, love all ‘women’ unconditionally as ‘Mothers’. The more deeply you love them, the greater will be the devotion that wells up in you for the Creator. Ignoring one half of the ‘work’ of the Creator will by itself become a very great impediment in your spiritual practice and progress.” Since then, I started truly loving all ‘women’ as my own ‘Mothers’, as my own ‘sisters’.

I soon found that life in Bombay was far from soul-satisfying. I was unhappy. Due to various causes and circumstances, I returned for good to the Ashram, with the full consent of my parents, to serve Sri Bhagavan's devotees, particularly the older ones. In course of time, not surprisingly, my relatives were upset that, while my sisters and brothers were getting married, I was not. My father, on the other hand, was happy with my work at the Ashram as I plunged myself whole-heartedly into Sri Bhagavan's seva (service).

In addition, I enjoyed the blissful and serene company of Muruganar, Major Chadwick, A. Devaraja Mudaliar, Arthur Osborne, S.S. Cohen, Munagala Venkataramaiah, T.K. Sundaresa Iyer, Sadhu Om, Viswanatha Swami, Kunju Swami, N. Balarama Reddiar and others.³

It was the first time that I was leaving Sri Ramanasramam to go to another ashram. Carrying within my heart the sacred instruction of my teacher Pundit T.K. Sundaresa Iyer: ‘Meet Swami Ramdas’, I darted straight like an arrow to Swami Ramdas at Anandashram, in 1960. It was late in the evening when I reached that serene ashram. A sannyasi came near me and putting his arm around my shoulders told me, “You do not know me. But, I know you very well, through K.K. Nambiar!” Later, I came to know that he was the ever-cordial, ever-smiling and ever-affectionate Swami Satchidananda, the ever-working human machine of Anandashram! He continued, “Come! I will take you to Papa.” Just as Sri Ramana Maharshi is always addressed by all as ‘Bhagavan’ (meaning, “God”), Swami Ramdas is ever referred to by all as ‘Papa’ (meaning, “Father”).

Papa Ramdas, was in a room seated on an easy-chair, with his legs stretched on a stool in front of him. I prostrated to him and put my head on his sacred feet. When I raised my head, I saw Papa holding his right hand up, and pointing at something. Since I was immersed in happiness, by merely touching his holy feet, I didn’t make any effort to see what he was pointing at. Papa then told me, “If you want to say something to me, come here at seven tomorrow morning and we shall talk it over. Now, go and take rest!”

Next morning at 6.45, I was seated alone in that same room. While waiting for Papa, I started looking around. Its walls looked clean, clear and bright. There were no photos, except one of Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi. I was thrilled to realise that Papa was pointing at it while I was prostrating to him the earlier evening. I remembered my teacher Pundit T.K. Sundaresa Iyer telling me that Swami Ramdas got Self-Realisation in the presence of Sri Bhagavan. No wonder that Papa had only one photo in his room - that of Sri Bhagavan! While I was drenching myself in such thoughts, Papa came in. There was no one else in the room. He looked at me enquiringly. I said, “Swami! I want to talk to you about some personal matters!” Even before I could complete my sentence, Papa interrupted with all kindness, “Then, you should go to Mataji. She will deal with you!” And, with one of his glorious, famous smiles, he dismissed me!

I spent a few weeks at Anandashram. Under Mataji’s instruction, I sat at the feet of Papa Ramdas when he held satsangs in the mornings, evenings and nights. Swami was tenderly affectionate towards me.

I want to share two incidents from among the many glorious ones that took place in those satsangs.

During one evening satsang, I was seated at the feet of Swami Ramdas, in the grove of five trees called Panchavati. An old devotee of Papa had arrived that morning along with his mother. He sat at the other side of Papa’s easychair and poured his heart out, “Papa! All say that God exists. You too give absolute importance to it. Saints like Meera Bai, Tukaram and Namdev, among others, claim that they have seen God in the form of Krishna, Vittal, Rama, Panduranga. I am an ignorant family man. I am constantly confronted with this one doubt - is there truly a God?” Papa smilingly confirmed it with a nod of his head. To this the devotee countered, “If so, Papa, can you show me God? Just one God! Can I, with my naked eyes, see at least one God?”

Papa assumed a serious stance and roared, “Why just one God? I can show you, right now, here, three Gods. Gods you can see with your own eyes.” Everyone around was spellbound!

Resuming his usual smiling and joyous attitude, Swami said, “Who is God? The true God is the life sustainer! Right now, you can see the “Sun” in the sky, next is your “own mother”, and the third is there the “cow”, grazing in the fields. Without the sun, not even a blade of grass can grow. Your mother gave you life. And the cow gives life to innumerable beings. So, all the three are Gods -- Gods who can be seen by anyone who has the eyes to see.” I was thrilled by Swami’s outpouring on the living, visible God!

Another day, another long standing devotee of Swami Ramdas visited Anandashram. As usual, I was seated at the feet of Papa. This gentleman asked, “Papa! By your Grace, my sadhana of chanting ‘Ram Nam’ is going on meticulously. Again by your Grace, I have no other material or family problems. Everything is going on smoothly, by your Grace. Yet! Sometimes, while immersed in doing japa, a bout of depression overpowers me, plunging me into dense darkness. No matter what I do, I could not get rid of it. Why should it happen? What is it? What should I do to get over it?”

Swami Ramdas kept quiet for a short while, then gave a broad smile and said, “It is a process of spiritual purgation. Your stored up vasanas are struggling to leave you. You cannot and should not do anything about it except allow it to happen. This is an aspect of the inner struggle that happens in the process of progressing spiritually. During these times, start reading about the life of a saint. But a word of caution, do not, I repeat, do not read his or her teachings. Simply details about his or her life! Reading about saint’s life has the power to totally remove the stagnation caused by stored up vasanas. In fact, every saint lives only for the benefit of yearning sadhakas!”

I felt elated - Swami Ramdas on that day opened an inner door in my own struggle to progress spiritually. It was on that day that I understood the significance of the life led by every saint, that the life of a saint is just as important as his teaching.

The very first darshan of Pujya Mataji sent quivers of joy in me! I didn’t know - and no one told me at that time - that Mataji was a saint herself. I was to know about it only later. So, the experience of sanctity, serenity and saintliness in her presence that I felt, was not my mental projection – it was pouring out from her in a most natural way. I am making a specific mention of this only to confirm to fresh seekers that divinity, sanctity and saintliness exist in these extraordinary personalities, independently of one’s perception based on information derived from books or from fellow-seekers.

Pujya Mataji was not well. One Dr. Leelavati, who was attending on her, was with her. Swami Satchidananda introduced me to Mataji. Mataji looked at me with all affection, love and compassion, and said: “Child! What can I do for you?” I replied: “Mataji! I have problems and I need your help!” She looked surprised and said: “Then, why did you come to me? You should have gone to Pujya Papa.” Now, it was my turn to be surprised. I felt, “What is this? Are they playing football with me?” Bewildered, I replied “But, Mataji! It was Papa who sent me specifically to you!” She asked, “What did he say?” I repeated what Papa had told me, “Then, you should go to Mataji. She will deal with you.”

I saw a pleasant but tremendous change coming over Mataji. She became still, silent and stood like a rock for a few moments, and then poured forth the following glorious words of ‘abhayam’ (acceptance), “Oh! Pujya Papa has said so and sent you to me. That means I have to take complete charge of you. The entire responsibility of yours has thus been entrusted to me. Yes! I am taking over you!” For some time, a steady flow of silence permeated all around. Coming back to her normal poise, she said, “I am not well now. So, come here at four in the evening, when I will be taking a walk here. Then, we shall talk.” Mataji turned to Dr. Leelavati and told her to be there at that time to act as the interpreter between us.

Sharp at four, I was in the long hall. Mataji too entered the hall along with Dr. Leelavati.

I prostrated to Mataji, knelt in front of her, and said, “Mataji! I want to talk to you on personal matters.” Mataji looked down at me with love; and, asked me: “Do you understand my Malayalam? I can understand if you talk to me in Tamil. So, Leelavati, you may go!”

After she left, we were alone. To my great and good fortune, Mataji condescended to speak to me for more than an hour. Through it, and` Mataji’s Grace, my life was given an entirely different turn; and, I turned over a new leaf.

Still kneeling before Pujya Mataji, I saw her moon-like, peace-showering face turn to me, “Now, child! Tell me, what is your problem?” The powerful, yet homely presence of Mataji overwhelmed me, with awe and ecstasy and hence it took some time for me to gather all my faculties to reply. “Mataji! I have come away from the world to the austere life of an ashram for good. I took the decision myself and I am confident now that I would stick to it, at all costs. But, I have two deep doubts: One is, I am now 24 years old and my body and mind are in excellent condition. I am very firm that I do not want any of the pleasures that money, property, position and power can offer me. I have not an iota of doubt about it at all. But, after 10 or 15 years, I do not know whether I will continue to have such complete hold on my physical and mental condition. So, I want to know whether my decision to lead a spiritual life is correct or not. If not, I shall promptly go back to the life of the world, instead of going back to it after so many years. I pray, Mataji, please give me a clear direction, in this regard. The second is, having come to live in the Ashram and having taken to sadhana so early in life, I sought the advice and guidance of senior devotees of Sri Bhagavan, who live in and around the Ashram, to tell me what should be my sadhana. Each one advised me differently. One said, ‘Learn Sanskrit’, another, ‘Sit in meditation in the Old Hall for an hour in the morning and in the evening’, yet another, ‘Chant the Vedas, along with the Veda Pathasala boys’ ‘Go away from the Ashram; wander all over India, meet Sages and Saints; remaining inside an institution amounts to the bird with wings enclosing itself inside its mother’s nest’. When they were thus telling me, I knew very well that they were very sincere. Yet, none of what they said went in. Not that I was resisting them, but not one of them got assimilated into my system. The puzzle continues. So, Mataji! I want you to guide me as to the nature of sadhana that I have to seriously adopt and observe, if your answer to my first question is ‘yes’!”

Pujya Mataji seemed very pleased, since while listening to me, all the time, her most beautiful face was glowing and she showered on me a nectar-like smile. She bent down and touched my head and said: “Child! I bless you! In the very beginning itself, I want to correct you, correct your understanding. Your understanding is raised on wrong foundation. Rectify it now itself, in my presence, so that you can follow rightly what I am going to tell you. You repeatedly said: ‘I have chosen’, ‘I have come away’, while talking about your decision to take up sadhana and to lead an ashram life. Have complete faith and conviction that it is not you who have chosen the spiritual life, but it has been chosen by the Lord. You have no other choice but to implicitly obey it and follow it! With this basic, right foundation of conviction, listen to me. You are on the right track. Since you need an assurance, I guarantee that you will succeed in your sadhana and you will not swerve from the path until you attain your goal. I will guide you and protect you. Pujya Papa has invested me with that duty. So, don’t worry! Go ahead, never look back!”

After some time, she continued, “As for your second question, none of the counsels given by others suited you, for the simple reason, that none of them were meant to be your mode of sadhana! Your sadhana is to get back those Old Devotees of Sri Bhagavan who have moved away from the Ashram after Sri Bhagavan’s mahanirvana. They are all scattered across many towns, cities and their native places. Beseech them, convince them that the abode of the Master alone is their place of stay and bring them back to the ashram. Then, look after them, make their stay comfortable, and thus attend on them, one-pointedly. They have all sacrificed their personal lives of comfort, power, position and pleasures for the sake of living in the proximity of the holy feet of Sri Bhagavan. Now, you should extend all these to them, with respect, love and tender care. This is your sadhana. Do it diligently.” She took a break and rested a while. But my mind, in that split second, manufactured a thought.

Pujya Mataji gave me a mischievous smile and stroked my head, and said: “I know! While you were prepared to do all these, your mind raises the question: ‘What about my spiritual sadhana?’ Isn’t it? When you do this precious service to the Old Devotees, one-pointedly, joyously, diligently and continuously, all the stages in your sadhana, will get fulfilled automatically at the appropriate time. Don’t worry over it. That is my responsibility. I have taken full charge of you and as such I will be guiding you, through and through!”

Again, there was a break. And, again, my mind quickly mulled over the thought, “We both will soon be separated by hundreds of miles away. She can’t come to Arunachala and I don’t know whether I will come again to Anandashram. How is she going to guide me, in my day-to-day life, which I feel is very essential to me at that fluid stage of my sadhana ?” The moment I was thus reflecting, she said with great compassion, “My guidance will continue even when you are far away from me. Poor child! Have faith. My guidance will protect you throughout your life. You will yourself realise this as time moves on. Anyhow, for your immediate understanding I shall explain how I will guide you. If anyone comes to you and advises you -- unasked by you -- take it that, that advice comes from me. Likewise, if something is taken away from you – unasked -- don’t resist - it is I who is removing it from you. I will do both these for your betterment and spiritual growth. Now, I want to give you a foretaste of what I am going to do for you. Do you have any money with you?” I took out a hundred rupee note. She continued, “Hold it in front of your face. From now on money will not affect you. While you will know its value, I am wiping out from your system the power of money to grip you. You will no longer be corrupted by money power!” I instantaneously felt it drop away from me. From then until today, I have lost the capacity to know the real worth of money!

She walked a little and again came to me and said: “I have answered your questions. Now, I want to tell you something of myself. This is to put you on the right track of successful sadhana. Listen to it carefully!”

I was thrilled that Mataji had condescended to guide me. I still feel that it is Sri Bhagavan’s Grace that enabled me to deserve the supremely important words of wisdom and practical guidance that Pujya Mataji showered on me.

She continued, “Sadhana is not a means to an end. Sadhana is not a means to a goal. It is both the means and the goal. It is like sports coaching: The pupil is initially told ‘not to do this’, ‘not to hit the ball outside the court’ - only to focus the pupil’s attention on what exactly has to be done by him. Here too, the sadhana is introduced to the seeker as a means towards a goal. Since the goal itself is already there, that is, your own SELF, how can there exist another goal, other than the one who is striving? So, the sadhana is merely an initiation to plunge within and be the goal. That is why it is said, ‘The beginning itself is the end ’. The SELF in its assumed state of ignorance should do sadhana to attain the goal of perfection. Sages also go along with such ignorant sadhaks and say, ‘Yes’, ‘yes’, go ahead. Be diligent in your sadhana. Then only you will attain the goal!’ It is all God’s Leela! So, be serious with your sadhana–it is the beginning, end and the fulfillment of your life’s crowning glory!”

“Learn to use only positive terms. Never use negative terms, like, ‘No’, ‘I wouldn’t’, ‘I can’t’, etc. Be conscious and use an alternative, positive expression. Instead of saying ‘I can’t do it’, say, ‘I will try to do it’. Negativity, in any form, is the realm of the mind; it always pulls you down -- slowly but surely. In positivity, acceptance and responsibility are thrust on you. People, usually, shun taking burdens. A spiritual aspirant should be prepared, at all times, to own responsibility, for, the whole purpose of creation is for the Lord to play His Leela. Be a part of it! Have a positive attitude and use only positive answers and terms – be vigilant about it. Such adherence to positivity will, in the natural course, build in you strength, humility, simplicity and perseverance – very essential qualities for progress towards the Truth, inwardly.”

“Never look back to the past. Always be in the ‘Now ’. Likewise, don’t be endlessly planning or dreaming about the future. Trust the Guru. Have faith in the path you have been blessed with. Pay all attention to your sadhana. Sadhana is done always in the ‘Now ’ – be conscious of this important instruction. Past thoughts and future desires intrude into the ‘Now ’ and impede your peacefully plunging into sadhana – be it japa, Atma Vichara, puja or parayana. While in the ‘Now ’, i.e., while doing any of these sadhanas, never allow the thoughts about the past or future to arise, to intrude into you.”

“When a vacuum is created, nature’s law is that air should rush in and fill it up, instantaneously. Similarly, when through total attention on sadhana one is plunged in the ‘Now ’, which is equivalent to creating a vacuum, since the ‘Now ’ is ever devoid of the contents of memory and desires, these outsiders in the form of past and future thoughts force themselves into the ‘Now ’. That is why sadhakas are ever faced with the apparent insurmountable struggle against the invading thoughts, especially when one progresses in sadhana. Guru’s Grace alone will help the true sadhaka to win over these invaders and remain in the silence of the ‘Now ’. Therefore, before sitting for meditation, prostrate to your Guru (or picture of the Guru), take his name and pray for his blessings, protection and guidance, and then plunge into Self-Enquiry. You will then see how effortlessly you will be established in the ‘Now ’, with great ease too! Guru, Guru and Guru alone IS – you are not!”

“Be always generous. The giver is ever God only. No human being is capable of producing any of the life-giving commodities. From this, you should understand clearly that the giver is God alone. Such clarity will equip you with the inner strength to give away things; and more importantly, not to cling to material objects. By assuming this attitude of positive giving, one of the stoutest obstacles in the progress of sadhana – attachment – is triumphed over with effortless ease! Take delight in giving, generously. All religions, therefore, preach charity and giving alms, as vital virtues. Be conscious of the need to be generous, as one of the most important traits for progress in sadhana.”

“Accept things as they come. Lead a simple life. By this, I do not advocate austerity. At your young age, you should enjoy life in all its wholeness. Do as you please, but with the string–‘Will Mataji approve of this?’–attached to every one of your desires. This will help you decide for yourself, without a hitch, whether the desire is to be fulfilled or to be rejected. Try to live from the heart and not merely through the head. Remember, the intellect acts merely as a safety-valve – it helps to reject the unreal, thus preventing calamities and disasters, that’s all. It can never lead you to the Reality. Whereas if you follow your heart, you will never falter, for, it is the Inner Voice, it is the intuition, it is the divine which activates the heart! Its dictates are based on compassion, love, tolerance and sacrifice. Intellect will urge you to always be the winner, the gainer. The heart, on the other hand, will embrace you even if you are a loser in upholding noble causes. Be a loser, never aspire to be a gainer, for, the eternal law is that those who lose will ultimately gain!”

“Since you are related to the Maharshi, the greatest Jnani of our times, people will try to brainwash you, saying, ‘Seven generations before and seven generations after a Jnani is born in a family, will get liberation automatically!’ Don’t believe it. The whole of humanity is the family of a Jnani. Without doing sadhana no one will attain Self Realisation. Being born in the family of a Jnani is most certainly most fortunate. People will respect you, shower you with material things, praise you, adore you and even worship you.”

“But remember, none of these will take you even an inch forward towards the Self Realisation. Be ever conscious of this simple truth - it will save you from the biggest pitfalls of being born in a Jnani’s family.”

“ Refrain from projecting yourself as a ‘somebody’. No one need know that you are a seeker. Look normal; do sadhana unknown to the eyes of others. Keep it as a secret and preserve it as a precious jewel. Has not Sri Bhagavan said, ‘There are no others’ ? It only means that you alone count as far as sadhana is concerned. The Guru knows the sincerity and depth of your sadhana. What other form of recognition should you seek? The Guru guides you both from outside and inside. No other aids are necessary. Nothing but sadhana should matter to you. To preserve the purity of progress, one needs this defence mechanism of not projecting oneself as a spiritual seeker. Become a ‘nothing’. Be a ‘nobody’. When you thus empty yourself, it is easy for the Guru to come and occupy your heart, thereby guiding you from within, which is the mark of ultimate progress in one’s spiritual path. Has not Sri Bhagavan repeatedly affirmed; ‘Be simple, be humble and be natural’ ? These are the three supremely noble traits a true seeker should aspire for and be rooted in, forever!”

“Finally, I want to assure you that your Satguru is Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi. You are fortunate to have the greatest Jnani as your Guru. Hold on to him, cling firmly to his holy feet. Never swerve away from him. Never go searching for any other Guru. If you really get rooted in your Satguru, it will be his duty to ripen you spiritually. It can also be by his sending you to learn from other masters. You yourself do not have to make any effort to go to other masters. You will be taken to other masters when the need arises - but it is not your concern. Unasked you will be led to other masters - don’t resist any such move when it occurs. Once you have totally surrendered to the Satguru, he guides you through and through. Who do you think sent you here? It is Sri Bhagavan alone! Is Pujya Papa other than Sri Bhagavan? Why did Pujya Papa send you to me? Who is Mataji Krishnabai but Pujya Sri Bhagavanji? Has not Sri Bhagavan clarified this point by saying, ‘There are no Jnanis, there is only Jnana’? Only Jnana counts. To make it blossom in the disciple, the same Jnana appears as the Satguru, and takes him to other masters, who all are also nothing but Jnana. But, when you make efforts to go to masters, you will see them only as individuals. But, when the Satguru sends you to masters, you will see only Jnana and the blessings received from them will also be Jnana only. It is the process to ripen you, even without your knowing it consciously! The Satguru’s workings are often mysterious. But, be assured that it is always for your spiritual advancement!”

“The Guru is all important. But, who is the Guru? The Guru is not just the body, the person whom you see with your eyes. “The ‘teaching’ is the teacher. The ‘teaching’ is the Guru”. Preserve this secret deep in your heart as the most precious treasure. I bless you, Child! You are already blessed by Pujya Sri Bhagavanji and by Pujya Papa. Rest assured that my protection, guidance and blessings are always on you!”

Like a honey-bee coming out of a lotus flower after having its fill, I got up in all joy and repeatedly prostrated to Pujya Mataji. The nectar that poured forth from her holy mouth, though very precious, could be understood by me in its depth and purity only slowly, as I began to experience every sentence of hers coming true in my life of inward journey towards the Self! I returned to Arunachala, after a few days stay at the peace-filled Anandashram. While taking leave, both Pujya Papa and Pujya Mataji blessed me, profusely.¹

When I came back to Ramanasramam, I acted on Mataji Krishna Bai’s counsel very sincerely. I started searching for old devotees, bringing them back to the ashram, serving them and putting Bhagavan’s teachings into practice. In the beginning, neither did I always succeed nor did I have a complete grasp of it. Nevertheless, I did not give up. I kept wondering why she had said that to serve the devotees was my sadhana. The answer came to me like a flash: I was being called to record the reminiscences of Bhagavan’s old devotees and their relationship with him - something that had not been done. I began working on this task with enthusiasm. Veneration goes to those old devotees who proactively started sharing their memories of Bhagavan. Most of these were recorded by me, which were published periodically as Ashram publications and regularly in the Ashram journal, The Mountain Path. I owe much to ‘boulders’ like Kunju Swami, Annamalai Swami, Ramaswami Pillai, Devaraja Mudaliar, Suri Nagamma, Major Chadwick, and others for coming forward with beautiful recollections of their meetings with the master.²

In the 1960s, there was not much activity in Sri Ramanasaram. There were hardly any visitors. Added to this, as there were a number of court cases going on, the atmosphere of the Ashram was one of pensive passivity. It looked almost deserted. The lady cooks, who were used to cooking enormous quantities of food in giant vessels during the lifetime of Sri Bhagavan, used to jokingly remark, “When we were children, we used to play the ‘father-mother game’. Our parents too encouraged us by buying toy vessels that were tiny replicas of all types of large vessels used in cooking for a big family. The vessels now used in the Ashram kitchen remind us of those toy vessels!”

One day, after a couple of months, the apparently sleepy Ashram suddenly woke up, as it were, to jubilation and activity. The reason was that Mother Rama Devi was coming from Mangalore with her retinue, exclusively to be at the Ashram and pay homage to Sri Bhagavan at his Shrine of Grace. N. Balarama Reddiar and Mrs. F. Taleyarkhan were actively involved in making arrangements for the Mother’s visit. On the appointed day, she arrived and was accommodated at the Sathanur Project Guest House, while her retinue was put in the Morvi Compound. The Mother and her retinue of devotees were regularly visiting the Ashram. But, I was not very much interested.

That day, while I was working at the Ashram office, Munagala Venkataramiah, the author and compiler of Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi, came to me and said, “You have read about Thakur Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, right? One of the many things wondrous about that spiritual colossus was his Bhava Samadhi (going beyond body consciousness in ecstasy while remaining in a particular posture). All of us have only read or heard about it. But, none of us have ever seen one absorbed in that ecstatic state. Mother Rama Devi also gets into genuine Bhava Samadhi, effortlessly. I believe there is going to be bhajan by her devotees today. I am told that the Mother often goes into Bhava Samadhi during the course or at the end of the bhajan. Come, sit with me. I will explain to you.” I obeyed him. The bhajan was arranged in the open space in front of the Ashram office and there was quite a good crowd.

According to Arunachala Mahatmya - a scripture about the greatness of Arunachala - when Mother Parvathi was performing intense, one-pointed penance at Arunachala to be re-absorbed with Lord Siva, a demon named Mahishasura violently disturbed her. The Mother warned him not to hinder her tapas. But, the demon persisted. Then, the Mother assumed a fierce form, fought with the demon and destroyed him. This great victory of the Divine Mother has been vividly described in the beautiful and popular Sanskrit hymn -- Mahishasura Mardani Stotra – it is a long hymn of praises, set in rhythmic tunes.

The disciples of Mother Rama Devi started singing this hymn in chorus and it was really inspiring to hear. When the verses describing the details of the battle between the Divine Mother and the demon were being sung, Mother Rama Devi who was until then in deep meditation, got up with her eyes still closed and started dancing in perfect rhythm, her hands expressing the meaning of the verses with mudras – traditional vocabulary of Indian classical dance that is expressed with hands. As the singing reached a crescendo, Mother Rama Devi went into Bhava Samadhi ! It was a divine sight, even for a novice like me ! The Mother stood for fifteen minutes in a posture in which it would be impossible to maintain the body’s balance. Especially, considering the generous heft of the Mother’s body. The peculiar posture of triumphing over the demon, with one leg up on the air, the arms swinging and the body slanted fully to one side - even a circus acrobat couldn’t have remained in that strange posture for that long. The disciples now started singing a pacifying song in low soothing tones, and the Mother slowly came back to her normal state. All prostrated to her. Munagala urged me also to follow suit. I did it willingly and happily, for I was deeply affected by the divine fervour of Mother Rama Devi’s Bhava Samadhi. Munagala explained to me the nuances of that special samadhi state, which enhanced my understanding and inner joy of conscious participation. Without doubt, it was one of the greatest spiritual experiences in my life.

The next day, Balarama Reddiar, an Old Devotee of Sri Bhagavan and an Ashram resident, took me to his room and taking me unawares, pleaded that I should go back to the world, take up a job, earn well, get married and lead the life of a grihastha – a family man. I was shocked! Despite all my reverence for him, I flatly refused. He became very angry and told me that this was also the earnest wish of Nagu, my mother and that I had to obey her. In the evening, my mother called me and confirmed what Reddiar had told me that morning. I was totally nonplussed! Why this sudden plot to drive me away from my haven, the Ashram, into the hell of worldly life? I made up my mind not to give in and never move out of the Ashram.

Within a few days, the news of Mother Rama Devi’s presence at the Ashram spread all over the town and beyond. Large crowds rushed to the Guest House where she was staying to have darshan of her. Restrictions were imposed on the timings of her darshan. I didn’t take notice of any of these activities as I was deeply hurt and disappointed, feeling that I had been unjustly let down by everyone. My mother’s support to this plot intrigued me. How could she join hands in drowning me in the mire of worldly entanglements? Oh, my dear mother, you too!

A day or so later, Dr. Gopalakrishnan, the able secretary of Mother Rama Devi, approached me with the message that the Mother wanted to see me at 2.30 in the afternoon. He was kind enough to add, “Ganesan, you know, it is very rare that the Mother gives private interviews of her own accord. Hundreds of people long to have it, but are unable to. You are very fortunate that she herself has invited you. So, don’t miss this golden opportunity. It is a great boon bestowed on you.” Despite my disturbed condition, thanks to my good fortune, I replied that I would definitely go and meet the Mother.

When I went to meet her, the Mother was seated alone in a big hall on a comfortable chair. She was all graciousness in welcoming me. I prostrated and kneeled in front of her. She told me in very good English, “Child! I am happy you readily agreed to come. You are well educated. You have also chosen the right thing to serve Sri Bhagavan’s institution. My blessings are on you.” I felt very happy over those words of confirmation.

I was emboldened to say, “Mother, I have come for good to the Ashram and am very serious in taking to a life of surrender and sadhana. I want to dedicate myself to the teaching of Sri Bhagavan all my life and attain Atma Satshatkar, Self Realisation. Please bless me, Mother.” She put her holy hand on my head and said, “I bless you, child! You will be crowned with success in your spiritual efforts. Bhagavan Ramana will guide you, protect you and absorb you as his own. Be assured of that.” With great elation, I again prostrated to her.

Then, she started talking to me in intimate terms, “Ganesa! You are my own child. I am very happy you are responding in a positive manner. Such ready response is a spiritual trait. Please listen to me further. Your father brought your mother here and your mother prayed to me to advise you to take up a job and start involving yourself in the regular worldly life. I plead with you that you implicitly obey your mother’s wish. Such compliance on your part will bring you all that is good for you and your spiritual aspiration.”

This was like a bolt from the blue! I did not expect such an instruction, that too from the Mother who had just blessed me and my spiritual aspiration. Yet, the soothing, luminous presence of the Mother was influencing me in a positive way. Managing to assume a balanced state of mind, I replied, “Mother! You are the Divine Mother, who knows everything - past, present and future. You will definitely know that my most sincere desire is to serve my Master and adhere to his teaching, by staying at his Ashram. I pray to you, my dear Mother, please bless me that I achieve this sincere spiritual aspiration of mine!”

“Child, I fully comprehend your genuine aspiration. That is why I am advising you to make your mother happy, by agreeing to her request.”

“How is it logically possible, Mother? You just now blessed me that I will achieve my spiritual goal. Yet, if I am advised to go away from the spiritual quest and get drowned in the quicksand of the world, how am I going to succeed in my spiritual efforts? Isn’t it completely contradictory? How can you advocate both to me, simultaneously? On the one hand you say I will be crowned with success in my spiritual quest and on the other suggest the diametrically opposite course of going into the world and getting involved in the cobweb of worldly affairs.”

Mother touched my head again and smiled at me graciously. With a countenance, filled with peace and bliss she replied in a pleasant but firm tone, “Child, I fully understand your predicament. It seems logical to you. But, you overlooked the most important thing I told you – ‘First, fulfill the wish of your mother’. Yes, I advised you to leave the Ashram and take up a job elsewhere. I did this keeping your spiritual fulfillment in my heart. I bless you again that you are sure to attain Atma Sakshatkar. I too am very keen on it. That is why I am requesting you to first obey your mother.”

I couldn’t understand the full import of Mother’s explanation. Fortunately, no resistance rose up within me. I appealed to her to bless me with greater clarity. The Mother was pleased at my readiness to continue to listen to her. “Child, according to nature’s laws, water drenches, fire burns and air cools. These laws are never interchangeable. That vehicles should be driven only on the left side of the road in India, but on the right side in America, are man-made laws. Likewise, there are scientific, medical and architectural laws. In the same way, there are spiritual laws, too. Though everyone is governed by such spiritual laws - no one is outside their purview - the ignorant can never grasp them. But, Sages know them. The difference between the Sages and the ignorant is that the Sages are conscious of these laws while the ignorant are affected by them unconsciously. For your clarity, I shall give you an elementary law: ‘Your mother is the cause of your birth’ - this is easily understood by everyone. But, according to spiritual law, ‘You are the cause for the birth of your mother’. Can you grasp its significance? No, it is difficult, right? Look, you know that Adi Sankara and Bhagavan Ramana revered their mothers and did extraordinary things for them. Bhagavan Ramana even actively gave Liberation to his mother. Ordinarily, it will be taken that they did so out of their filial love. But, only Sages realize its full import, its spiritual content. Child, one’s mother’s full concurrence, consent and satisfaction are critical to one’s final spiritual attainment - this is the spiritual secret. Both Sankara and Ramana had already attained the highest possible spiritual state. Yet, they did their best for their mothers’ final emancipation - this is a teaching from them that aspiring seekers must emulate. No one is exempt from this spiritual law. Bhagavan Ramana has clearly narrated the process of his giving Liberation to his mother by putting his left hand on her head and his right on her Heart and making her pass through many lives until there was no residue left. But, how many understand what he described? Sages abide by the spiritual law - they never transgress it. It is in this light child, that I ask you to abide by your mother’s wish.”

It was thrilling to hear the Mother explain the secret about the spiritual law. Yet, I needed further elaboration, greater clarification in the matter. Why should one’s mother alone be extolled? What about one’s father who is also responsible for one’s birth? Mother Rama Devi must have read my thoughts. She gave a pointed smile that almost bordered on laughter and continued, “You doubt why one’s mother alone is given total importance and why the father is left out, don’t you? I will explain it to you. It is common knowledge that the birth of a child is due to the physical union between the father and the mother. But, this is merely on the physical plane. Just like the foetus growing in the mother’s womb. But, something remarkable takes place in the seventh month - the Atma, call it Spirit or Soul, enters the foetus. Only then, does what we call a ‘child’ come into being. Bringing in the Atma is done exclusively by the Mother Principle. The Mother Principle is a unique spiritual energy which the intellect can never grasp aright. You have to simply accept the declarations of Sages and Saints in this respect. This is the spiritual uniqueness of the mother. Further proof of the physical uniqueness of the mother is that only a mother can bear two Atmas simultaneously – hers and the child’s. This is the glory of the Matru Tattwa ! Adi Sankara and Bhagavan Ramana were only revering this Mother Principle in their mothers. No father has this unique spiritual feature, though the Father Principle too has special spiritual qualities. So, my child, obey your mother and fully satisfy her wishes. This is my commandment to you!”

I could clearly see that Mother Rama Devi was not using any psychic powers to cow me down. She was logically -- pointing out a spiritual truth, which I understood clearly only years later - whatever is to happen, Saints participate in its early and sure fruition. By now, though I was not opposed to her suggestion, I was still genuinely reluctant to leave the Ashram and go away. So, I appealed to the Mother, “Mother! It is great of you to condescend to come down to my level and explain things to make me agree to your suggestion. My spirit too, is willing to implicitly obey your commandment. But, my conviction to take up a spiritual life is so fervent that I find it impossible to say ‘yes’. Mother! If you make my attachment to Ashram-life drop off, I will immediately agree.” The Mother, with a pleased look, looked pointedly at me. Our eyes met - hers shone very powerfully. She said, “From this moment onwards, your mind will not dwell on perpetuating your stay at the Ashram. You will also willingly take up a job elsewhere and enter a new life. This is my blessing. Don’t worry! I will be with you, protecting you wherever you are!”

A miracle took place - like a garment falling from one’s body, the clinging thought that I couldn’t go away from the Ashram, dropped from me, instantaneously! I prostrated to her and exclaimed, “Mother, you have removed the thought that I will not go away from the Ashram. That phantom’s octopus like grip over me is gone. I am happy and free now.”

Mother Rama Devi gave me an embrace and blessed me with raised hands, “I am proud of you, my child. You have come successfully through the difficult test that I put you to. You are a dheera, a brave man. Now, go home. And happily, willingly, report to your mother that you will leave the Ashram and take up a job outside. Receive her blessings in full! Go, child, go!”

My mother was pleased and blessed me with tears rolling down her cheeks. I went to Chittoor and got employed as a sub-editor in the same English daily for which I was working in Bombay. Strangely, never even once did the faintest thought of going back to the Ashram occur to me. On the other hand, I was planning to get a better job with a higher salary in any one of the reputed English dailies being published from other cities - I applied to all of them.

Three months passed smoothly. Then, one night I woke up to find my pillow completely wet, thoroughly drenched by what I realized were my tears - I had cried for a long time in my sleep. Within a moment of this realization, the old phantom caught me tightly, almost to the point of suffocation. From where did this come and where had it gone these three months? I didn’t want to succumb to its tantrums. I went out for a walk, even though it was an odd hour– one o’clock in the morning. The hold of the phantom did not loosen up. I clearly saw that I was not clinging to the thought of going back to live in the Ashram. Despite this, it was tightening its grip over me, like a ghost. The next morning, I wrote to Mother Rama Devi about all that had happened and seeking her protection so that I could continue undisturbed in my job. She wrote back that it was a trick of my mind and that I should fight it out and win over it. I tried, sincerely, but I could not. For two weeks the tussle went on.

Then, my body started to get affected. I started having loose motions. I went to the doctor and took medicines to stop the diarrhea. Nothing worked. The ailment not only continued unabated, but also terribly weakened my whole system. I was trying my best to obey Mother Rama Devi’s advice of suppressing the thought. One day, I couldn’t come out of the bathroom, so frequent was the purging. After a few hours, I struggled hard and managed to come out. Something in me, impelled me to write a direct appeal to my Satguru Sri Ramana. So, I wrote a letter addressed to Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi, c/o Sri Ramanasramam, Sri Ramanasramam P.O., Tiruvannamalai. I narrated my condition - the mental fight being put up by me as guided by Mother Rama Devi; and, my utter physical instability. I prayed for his grace for success in my fight with my phantom mind.

Within two days, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a letter from my mother – Nagalakshmi Ammal -- advising me to resign the job, come back to the Ashram and never to go back anywhere else. I was delighted, not only because I was going back to live in the Ashram but also because the final words of Mother Rama Devi on that day of taking leave of her were repeating themselves in my ears, “Your spiritual aspiration will get fulfilled, undoubtedly, if you obey your mother by leaving the Ashram and taking up the job. Don’t ask me again, ‘How?’ You will yourself realise and rejoice when it takes place!” How true Mother Rama Devi’s words of wisdom proved to be!

Before leaving Chittoor, I wrote to Mother Rama Devi, enclosing a copy of the letter that I received from my mother and seeking the Mother’s continued blessings. No sooner I reached the Ashram, I wrote to her about resuming my Ashram duties and again sought her blessings.

A few days later, I got a short letter from Mother Rama Devi, “My blessings are always with you, child !”

I shed tears of joy !

The gap of those months away from the Ashram - I realized - had actually rejuvenated me to rededicate myself in the arduous task of my making efforts to bring back the Old Devotees of Sri Bhagavan to the Ashram and attending on them – the sadhana specifically prescribed for me by Pujya Mataji Krishna Bai !

My mother Nagalakshmi Ammal’s involvement in this whole affair of causing me to leave the Ashram, remained a great puzzle, as I considered my mother my ‘Guru’. I got it cleared by her later – only after many years – when she was on her death bed. She clarified, “Balarama Reddiar and your father came home and forcefully told me that I should say so to Mother Rama Devi, for your own good. I wanted you only to be in the Ashram and serve Sri Bhagavan all your life.”

Sri Bhagavan’s Grace ever rules supreme, indeed !¹

When I came back to Ramanasramam, some people for whom I had a lot of respect often spoke ill of Kavyakantha. They claimed that his accounts were figments of his imagination. I was influenced by their views. I approached Munagala Venkataramaiah, a great scholar and one of the recorders of the talks with Bhagavan. Munagala had not seen Kavyakantha and was therefore neutral about him. “Why do people pull down Kavyakantha so much?” I enquired, listing out all the transgressions he was rumoured to have made. “Ganesan, stop!” he exclaimed. “How did you know all this?” I revealed the names of the people who told me this. He replied, “They have given an opinion and you have received it. Are you sure it is the truth?” I was puzzled. “How can we know which opinion is correct?” I asked. Munagala then said, “Ganesan, don’t you know the secret? Whatever Bhagavan says is correct. Whatever everyone else says is an opinion. ”

I was still not satisfied. I had read an argument that Kavyakantha was not a Self realized soul because he had so many sankalpas. His detractors often quoted this and I was convinced by this logic. I put forth my argument to Munagala. He told me, “I asked Bhagavan the same thing - how come it is written in such and such a book that Kavyakantha was not Self realised. Bhagavan told me, ‘That is not what I said but what the recorder must have expected me to say.’” Munagala then advised me, “Go by whatever Bhagavan has said and you will be near the truth. Do not go by opinions, particularly if they divide people - whether about saints or anyone else. Do not pay heed to them. Seekers should never be carried away by negative statements made about any saint. In order to progress, this is the first rule to remember. What detractors say are just opinions and if we believe them we fall victim to the mind.”

In the early days of my life as a resident of the Ashram in the 1960s, I realised by dint of my study of Sri Bhagavan's books on 'Self–Enquiry' ; and, thanks to my association with the direct disciples of Sri Bhagavan, the uniqueness of His ' Direct Teaching' of 'Self–Enquiry. However, in my youthful fervour and enthusiasm, I began to think poorly of the efficacy of other less direct paths, such as 'Bhakti ', 'Karma ' and 'Yoga '. Little did it occur to me that Sri Bhagavan Himself has often spoken in praise of such systems, though He always taught that they ultimately merge in 'Self–Enquiry' !

The watchful and caring eyes of my teacher T.K. Sundaresa Iyer, did not miss all this. He came to me, one night, and gave me an Ashram Library book :" The Life and Teachings of Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa " by his 'Eastern and Western Devotees' [ 400 and odd pages ] and insisted that I read it. By the time I had read 50 pages, my whole being bowed down before this Great Saint of Dakshineshwar ; and, my spiritual life attained a new dimension ! From then on, Sri Bhagavan's "Vachanamrutam" [ "Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi" ] and Sri Ramakrishna's "Kathamrutam" [ "The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna" ] became my supreme spiritual guides. During my spiritual Inner Journey, I could meet with nearly thirty Mahatmas, who opened one inner window after the other in me !

Knowing Viswanatha Swami’s greatness, I kept searching for him after I came to Ramanasramam in 1960, but he was nowhere to be found. I could not find his whereabouts. One day, I was walking on the streets of Chennai when an old friend of mine met me and told me in great joy, “Ganesa anna! I am so happy because I am just returning from a meeting with Viswanatha Swami.” My joy knew no bounds. “Viswanatha Swami is here?” I asked incredulously. My friend provided me the address and I immediately went there. He was living in his brother’s rented house. When I walked in, he was in the kitchen, cooking for the family. I prostrated before him right there in the kitchen. I cried, “Swami! Is cooking your job? Is not your place in the abode of Bhagavan? Is not Ramanasramam your home?” He replied, “ Ganesan, what is wrong in being a cook? We need only a little food for the stomach. That, I get here by working here. The inner food, Bhagavan has already given.” I begged him to come back to the ashram and he did.

After Bhagavan dropped the body, like all the old devotees, Krishna Bhikshu left the ashram and wandered from one city to the other, staying with some friends who generously offered their hospitality. When I came to the ashram and began calling back all the old devotees, someone suddenly suggested, “How about Krishna Bhikshu?” On hearing the name, I thought he was a Buddhist monk and must have passed away during Bhagavan’s life time. Then, I learned that he was Munagala Venkataramiah’s son-in-law’s brother. I wrote to Munagala’s daughter, Kamakshi, got his address and invited him to Ramanasramam. When he arrived, he admitted, “Ganesan, I do not have any money.” “That is immaterial sir, please stay here,” I replied.

His integrity was truly awe inspiring. He used to receive a money order of twenty seven rupees every month, sent by some kind friend. He insisted on giving twenty rupees to the ashram and kept seven rupees for himself. My regard for him grew in leaps and bounds. This austere man was a jewel in the Ramanasramam crown, but many people took no notice of him because of his simple appearance. Yet, this exalted man had written Bhagavan’s Telugu biography, Sri Ramana Leela, ‘The Play of Ramana,’ and had lived with the master from 1928.

At one time, the trustees’ board of the ashram was about to pass a resolution that the permanent residents of the ashram must pay a minimum of thirty rupees if they were not doing any service in the ashram. Krishna Bhikshu came to me and said sadly, “I am leaving the ashram, Ganesan.” “Sir, why are you leaving,” I asked in surprise. “I cannot afford that amount.” Appalled, I marched straight to the trustees and gave them a piece of my mind. “What is this nonsense? He is a genuine gem in the ashram!” I exclaimed. They condescended to cancel that resolution. Krishna Bhikshu shook my hands and embraced me. I will never forget that sweet embrace.

He fell ill at Ramanasramam and decided to leave, saying, “My friend is a doctor. I will go to him. He will treat me.” As he left, he embraced me and blessed me. I never thought that this was the last time I would see him. Later on, I received the news of his passing. Describing his last days, his doctor friend wrote to me that Krishna Bhikshu had been fully conscious and had continuously chanted, “Ramana, Ramana, Ramana, Ramana.”At the final moment of dropping of the body, his face shone with a gentle light and he uttered, “Yes, I am coming!” Bhagavan seems to have come to take him in his embrace and back to the source - Arunachala - for time and space are no constraints for Bhagavan and Father Arunachala.

Chadwick was a pillar of strength for me when I came back to the ashram and started helping with its management. Whatever problem I had, whether financial or legal, Chadwick stood like a rock behind me. Once, it happened that my father was away - the year was 1961. I had been in the ashram for one year and in the absence of my father I had to take up the responsibility of taking decisions and making arrangements. The annual ten day Karthikai festival of the Arunachaleswar Temple was on. The climax of the festival was the lighting of the Karthikai Deepam by the temple management, a huge flame, on the summit of the holy Arunachala. During his lifetime, Bhagavan would be seated outside the hall from where the deepam could be seen. The moment the deepam was lit on the hill, a lamp of ghee would be lit in front of Bhagavan. After Bhagavan dropped the body, it was the ashram practice to keep a picture of Bhagavan and light the ghee lamp in front of it as soon as the deepam on the hill was lit - a tradition that continues to this day.

That day in 1961, it started raining heavily. I was agitated because we could not keep the picture and light the lamp outside as it was traditionally done. Seeing this, Chadwick came to me and said, “Ganesan, do not be agitated. We can take the picture inside the dining hall and light the lamp there.” I expressed my concern, “Though Bhagavan was never interested in rituals he was very particular on witnessing the Karthikai Deepam. How can I deviate from the ashram tradition? My father is not here and I do not want to do something that breaks the tradition.” He reassured me, “During Bhagavan’s lifetime, it rained one year just like this. Since he was keen on seeing the deepam, Bhagavan suggested that we go into the dining hall and open the big door through which one could see the hill’s summit. I was next to Bhagavan. I told him ‘Bhagavan, we will not be able to see the deepam because it is raining heavily.’ Bhagavan took his binoculars and looking through it, exhorted, ‘Watch, watch!’ And at the moment the deepam was lit on the hill, see the miracle Ganesan, I was watching eagerly, the rain stopped, the clouds dispersed for a few minutes and we got a glimpse of the deepam as it was lit. Immediately, Bhagavan said, ‘Now light the ghee lamp. The deepam has been lit.’ We too will follow suit.” I was a little skeptical because it was pouring. I anyhow followed Chadwick’s advice. Chadwick sat next to me and eagerly said, “Watch, watch!” And exactly the same thing happened. At the time of lighting the deepam on the hill, the rain stopped and the clouds dispersed. And we lit the ghee lamp in front of Bhagavan’s picture inside the dining hall - just before the clouds gathered again and hid the deepam from our view!

It may have been some time between 1961 and 1963. The ashram’s funds were very limited. There was only one male cook in its employ. Food was cooked for less than fifteen people and it was ration time. There was only 'cupped-rice', kuzhambu without dhal, watery buttermilk and pickle - no elaborate bhikshas! I was attending to all the ashram work, including the needs of the dining hall. Mudaliar was excited that his granddaughter was coming immediately after her marriage, along with her husband. I had arranged for their stay at the Morvi Guest House, their return bus ticket and a horse cart to bring them from the bus stand. Since I had to go to town in the morning to see the ashram lawyer, I assured Mudaliar that I would return in time to attend to the newlyweds.

There was a little delay and hence on return from town, I rushed to Mudaliar's room to apologise. The young couple was in the Old Hall. As I was leading Mudaliar and the couple to the dining hall, he held my hand tightly and told me with great emotion, "See! I miss Sri Bhagavan's physical presence tremendously! He would have been delighted to see, talk to my grandchildren, feed them as if they were his own and would have given special, personal attention." He became too emotional to continue the conversation. It was 10.30 - earlier than the usual lunchtime – when I took the couple inside the dining hall, accompanied by Mudaliar. I was naturally surprised to see banana leaves spread for the couple. (Mudaliar always ate only at the usual lunchtime.) What was served to them was a veritable feast, with vadai, payasam and appalam! Just then, the ashram cashier rushed in and reported to me in whispers, "You were away in town, from early morning. A telegraphic money order came with instructions that an elaborate bhiksha should be organized for the sender’s granddaughter and her husband. So, without your permission I arranged for all these...please pardon me!" The couple was very happy! After we saw them off, Mudaliar gave me a big hug with tears of joy in his eyes and exclaimed, "Ganesu! What a big fool I am! Though I did not express it openly to you, I was feeling miserable that we would have to feed them our daily dry food and that if Sri Bhagavan were here, he would have ensured a big feast for them. See Ganesu! To remove my misery, Bhagavan has induced someone to send a telegraphic money order! What a great good feast on banana leaf with vadai, payasam and appalam our compassionate Bhagavan has arranged!" Saying this, he sobbed and sobbed joyous tears in great elation and ecstasy!

Mudaliar was always neatly dressed, pleasant and polite and never got angry. Once, I asked him, “How is it that you are always happy and pleasant?” In response, he shared with me three teachings: “Be light. Never feel heavy hearted at any time. Jesus Christ said, ‘Be a light unto yourself.’ That’s it. Do not involve yourself in complications. Look at me, how happy I am. Do not make anything an issue. Remembering the past creates issues. Likewise, worrying about and projecting the future creates issues. Refrain as far as possible from brooding over the past and the future. Remain in the now.” He added, “God is within you. Who looks through your eyes when you look through your eyes? Who hears? Who eats? Who digests? Who makes you go to sleep? This inner power, which Bhagavan called the higher power, is God. This inner power is truly who you really are. Abide in silence, abide in the simple ‘I AM’. Be happy, always.” The third thing he told me was, “Bhagavan is the truth. Do not try to define the truth, for the mind cannot. Nobody has ever done it. If you surrender your ‘me’ to the ‘I AM’, the truth will reveal itself in your Heart. You will recognize it intuitively, spiritually. I bless you.”

In 1964 or 1965, he had to leave the ashram in his last days because his family members wanted him to live with them. I arranged a farewell celebration in which all the devotees participated. He moved to Kancheepuram with his children and chanted Bhagavan’s name continually. I directed a newspaper correspondent - who had come to interview the ashram residents - to Mudaliar, telling him about this gem of a devotee living in Kancheepuram. One of the questions this journalist put to Devaraja Mudaliar was: “It was you who elicited from Bhagavan that even a stone, a bird or a tree residing in Arunachala is liberated. Why are you then staying away from Arunachala in Kancheepuram?” That same correspondent later told me Mudaliar’s reply. Mudaliar told him, “That is what you say. Did I say I am ever away from Arunachala? Now that I am in Kancheepuram, is it any different for me? Bhagavan is always with me and I am always in Arunachala. Wherever the feeling of ‘I AM’ is, there is Arunachala.” The teaching of ‘I AM’ spreads in this way!¹

In her final days, Lokammal stayed in a cottage in the Ramana Nagar. I attended on her, as I did on other devotees. Lokammal was a ripe individual, but her prarabdha was that she remained an irritable person till the end. She once said to me, “You must send a maid to attend on me.” She was so difficult to please that I had to change her maids eighteen times! Each of them pleaded to me with folded hands, “Please do not ask us to serve Lokammal.” When I went to see her the next morning, Lokammal scolded me, “I was alone. I was afraid. You did not send a maid.” I was afraid of her abrasive tongue and ran away. Even for that one night, I couldn’t get any maid for her.

The next day I entered the cottage with great trepidation. But I found her face all aglow. She asked, “Is it Ganesa?” I replied, “Yes, Amma.” I thought she was going to scold me because I had not sent another maid. She said instead, “Come here, my child. Come.” She held my face tight, kissed my forehead and said, “Because of you, I had the darshan of Sri Bhagavan. Last night, I scolded you. But look at Sri Bhagavan. Here is the picture that Sri Bhagavan gave me when I once told him that young men are troubling me. He at once got up from his sofa and gave me this picture. He gave it to me saying, ‘From today onwards, you will not face this problem.’ Just look at me, Ganesa. I am ninety years old! After that day, I have never had any problems from any man. Last night, as I was scolding you, I heard Sri Bhagavan say, ‘Lokammal, Lokammal!’ And you know, Sri Bhagavan seemed to come alive in that picture and say, ‘Have I not told you that I am always with you? When I am with you, why fear. Be happy!’ Sri Bhagavan spoke to me because of you.” I was delighted.

Next day, Lokammal passed away. I lit her funeral pyre. What a blessing! It doesn’t matter whether the cooks were ordinary people or great people. They were all transported to the highest state of ‘I AM’ MUKTI !²

When I was staying within the premises of the Ashram, from nine to half past eleven at night I used to walk alone around the Holy Hill. I would then get up around half past three, sweep around the Samadhi with a broom, then the Old Hall after which I would go to the kitchen. The gracious and old Raja Iyer would be already there, preparing to make idlis. He used to give me a couple of them to eat along with a cup of milk to drink. Then, after my morning exercises, I would take my bath and pluck flowers from the flower garden behind the Old Hall to offer at Sri Bhagavan’s and the Mother’s Shrines. Now it would be time for the milk-offering puja at Sri Bhagavan’s Shrine. As soon as that was over, ring the bell for breakfast at seven, serve ghee or oil to the rows of people sitting to eat in the Old Dining Hall. Eight o’ clock would find me seated in front of the typewriter inside the office — clearing the pending correspondence work or typing old manuscripts for printing a book. Nine to eleven, I would keep myself busy attending to the letters that had arrived that day and sending the appropriate response. My teacher, Pundit T. K. Sundaresa Iyer, used to guide me in drafting replies to seekers who wrote seeking spiritual clarifications. Then, at half past eleven, it was time to ring the bell for lunch and go inside to pour a generous spoon of ghee on the banana leaf plates of those who were sitting for their lunch.

There were only eight residents then, including a servant named ‘Bheeman’, and two maid-servants who came from town. No visitors! Only one cook, assisted by two lady-cooks — Sankaramma and Subbulakshmi Amma. (Until they were joined later by Sampoorna Amma). After serving them, I would eat along with the cooks. No siesta for me in those days! Though one of the old devotees, Sama Thatha, who ignored my protestations — probably because he was stone deaf – and forcefully make me lie down and close my eyes!

Evening, by five, the letters I had typed earlier that day, had to be posted. With that, my office duty was over for the day and I was free to climb the Holy Hill and meditate, seated on my favourite rock. Half past seven, the bell for dinner, help serve dinner and the curtains would come down on another day at Sri Ramanasramam. The above was my austere daily routine!

In 1963, there was a crisis in the Ashram’s finances. It struck me one day that I probably could do something tangible to help save the Ashram from this dire situation. The long-forgotten conversation I had had with my friend in Colaba at Bombay came to mind. Yes! That was it! I could help the Ashram by bringing out a yearly magazine! At that time, I was also helping with replying to the letters and queries of devotees from far and near. Many of them were keen on knowing about whether the Ashram was being run as of old and if so, what its activities were. T. K. Sundaresa Iyer and L. P. Koppikar were in charge of the correspondence section, and I was being trained by them. I used to see the draft of Arthur Osborne's replies to letters demanding spiritual clarifications. I used to be spellbound by his brief and aptly worded replies. Yes! Here was the solution! I resolved to prepare a yearly bulletin that would report the happenings at the Ashram, print excerpts from letters of devotees and the Ashram’s replies, have the material polished by Arthur Osborne, and carry in it as many advertisements as possible, thus helping both the Ashram and devotees across India and the rest of the World.

Rushing excitedly to Osborne's house, I explained to him this idea of a yearly bulletin and how it could financially help the Ashram while simultaneously keep devotees informed about the present working of the Ashram. I sought his blessings and active cooperation. He listened with keen attention. When I finished, he held my hands and shed tears of joy! I had never seen him so deeply moved.

"Ganesan! You do not know what a blessing you have brought me today. A few weeks back, I had a dream in which Sri Bhagavan appeared. I knelt before Him. He had a few copies of a magazine which He handed over to me, saying, 'Take it'. I understood the message to mean that He wanted me to be an Editor! I had to obey my Master's wish. But, where would I fit in, in India? My elder brother is the reputed Editor of the U.K. magazine, The Economist. Was I to seek employment under him, I wondered. I was pained at the thought for I would even leave Arunachala if that was Sri Bhagavan’s command. Now, I know what Sri Bhagavan meant. What a joy!"

He continued with great vigour, "You know, Ganesan! During the lifetime of Sri Bhagavan and even afterwards, I was asked by many times by many devotees to start and run a journal for the Ashram. I refused. Sri Bhagavan's Teaching is meant only for practice, I felt. What is there to write about, that too in a journal that would be published regularly? I knew I disappointed my close friends like Dr. T. N. Krishnaswami and D. S. Sastri. But I stood firm. Now, Sri Bhagavan has commanded me to spread His Teaching of Atma Vichara, through the medium of this journal which we are going to start!"

I was thrilled by his enthusiasm and exchanged views on the plans for the journal. It was agreed then that it would be published as a yearly and would have: (i) an Editorial, (ii) important articles based only on the practical side of sadhana, (iii) Book Reviews, (iv) Letters to the Editor and (v) an Ashram Bulletin, covering the happenings at the Ashram. He agreed to be its sole Editor. He advised me to consult Dr. T. N. Krishnaswami. When I met him at Madras, Dr. T. N. K. was overjoyed, but pleaded that it should not be a yearly but a monthly journal. Mr. Osborne felt that a monthly would involve too much work and there might not be enough material of high quality. He added that it would interfere with our regular sadhana. I went back to Madras again, and with Dr. T. N. K.'s consent it was decided that the journal should be a quarterly. He also gave a cheque for Rs.100, to start it off. This was our first Life Subscription! It was the beginning of September 1963.

Then, I sought the counsel of D. S. Sastri, who happened to come to the Ashram at that time. Mr. Sastri was firm that I should be the Publisher and Owner of the journal, but I was equally firm that it should be an Ashram Journal and that its President, Sri. T. N. Venkataraman, should be the journal’s Publisher. After prolonged persuasion by Mr. Sastri, I however, agreed to be its Managing Editor.

Mr. Arthur Osborne was not only a steady, strenuous worker, but very quick and precise. He collected the articles in a remarkably short time. There was another big question mark. How should we name the journal? Again, it was Mr. Osborne, who came out with the brilliant title The Mountain Path — the Mountain standing for Arunachala and Path for the right-royal path of Sri Bhagavan’s Vichara Marga!

The next item to be decided was the subscription fee. But, as luck, or rather, Grace would have it, the very next day, a money order of Rs. 5/- arrived from one Mr. H. R. Chadha of Calcutta, whom we hardly knew. In the money order coupon it was written: "The annual subscription for the Ashram journal. More details follow in my letter". Yes! Sri Bhagavan again had decided what the annual subscription should be. We were happy. The letter arrived and it read: "I had lost touch with the Ashram. Sri Bhagavan, whom I met in the later thirties, is my Guru. He still is my all! The other day, He appeared to me in the dream, showed me a Journal and I saw clearly Rs. 5/- written on the cover. I take it that there is an Ashram Journal. Please enrol me as a subscriber". The first annual subscriber for yet to be printed journal was Mr. Chadha!

I did not know how to collect advertisements. Before printing the rate-cards, I had sent letters of request for a few. Sri M. A. Chidambaram, the reputed industrialist and philanthropist, was the first to respond with Rs. 250!

I started my hunt for advertisements in Madras. I used to meet many businessmen — big and small — and beg them for advertisements. For days I would walk the streets of Madras. Some received me with happiness, but many hurt and humiliated me. But, I never gave up. Finally, I managed to collect twenty-three pages of advertisements for the first issue. I thought that that was the end of it! But, no! At Jupiter Press, where the journal was being printed, I was told that one more advertisement was needed for completing the last forme (‘forme’ is the technical term for printing eight pages). Just then, Sri Framji Dorabji, the Proprietor of Wellington Talkies and an Old Devotee, who had already given an advertisement for his Talkies, came to the press with the block for an advertisement from AVM Studio, just in time to complete that forme!

The Cover Page was designed by Sri Gopi, who had served in the 1940s at the Ashram during Sri Bhagavan's Jayanthi. He was working at Sunday Times under the leadership of M.S. Kamath. The very first design drawn by him, and approved by Mr. Osborne, featured Arunachala Hill and the temple. It was liked by all.

The printing of the journal at the Press was itself a great excitement for me. The press workers were surprised to see me standing next to them from seven in the morning till seven in the evening for nearly a fortnight. When the first batch of copies of the first issue — dated January 1964 — were printed, I rushed to the Ashram with a few copies. Arthur Osborne refused to even look at them before they were placed at the Samadhi of the Master! At a simple function, Dr. T. M. P. Mahadevan released the first copy. When I wanted Arthur Osborne to preside, he said, "There is no need for anyone to preside, since Sri Bhagavan is ever here as the Presiding Presence!"¹

The satsang I had with Arthur Osborne is filled with fond memories. He guided me more through his silent presence than through words. One day, I went to him with a personal problem. I was harassed by a dream in which a black apparition descended and sat on my chest and throttled my throat. I was alone, I could not breathe and I did not know what to do. I was neither afraid nor curious to know what it was. Its strangulating grip was tightening, tightening. I felt I could not breathe and that I was going to die when suddenly, the mantra ‘Om Namo Bhagavate Sri Ramanaya’ started sounding repeatedly by itself from within my Heart. To be honest, I never believed in japa or mantras in those days. This came of its own accord, ‘Om Namo Bhagavate Sri Ramanaya’ - obeisance to Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi. The black apparition disappeared and I woke up. I could not make out whether it was a dream, my imagination or reality. I ran to Osborne and described the whole experience to him with the minutest detail. After listening carefully, he patted me on my back with a smile and said, “Ganesan, this is a genuine spiritual experience. You are fortunate. You have been given the mantra, ‘Om Namo Bhagavate Sri Ramanaya’. This is what they call ajapa japa. I shall tell you about my own experience.”

“When Bhagavan was in the body, we who belonged to the circle of Rene Guenon were drawn to Sri Bhagavan like iron filings to a strong magnet. From among this group, David McIver was fortunate to stay with Bhagavan under his guidance and translate into English the works of Sri Bhagavan and also works like Tripura Rahasya, Advaita Bodha Deepika and other books recommended by Sri Bhagavan. Then, attracted by a yogi in Kerala, he took him as a guru and settled down there. David, who was very fond of me and my wife, felt very strongly that we should also become disciples of his guru. His contention was that for spiritual fulfillment a spiritual guru was absolutely essential. Since Bhagavan never claimed himself to be a guru, we should leave him and accept a guru who was prepared to accept us as disciples. There was a spate of correspondence between us in this regard and all these letters from and to David were shown to Bhagavan without fail. My replies claiming Bhagavan as my only guru, and that if Bhagavan is not a guru then the term guru has no meaning at all, were all approved by Bhagavan with a nod of his head.”

“One day, I received a nasty letter warning me of dire consequences if I did not immediately leave Ramana and go over to his guru. I did not show this letter to Bhagavan, but I was terribly upset over it. I thought I might show it to him that evening. That afternoon, I was doing some weeding work in my garden when I suddenly heard a thudding sound behind me. Some animal like presence jumped down from a tree and approached me from behind. In no time, it got on my back and sat down. It felt like a bear as it had a lot of hair. It was holding onto me with its hind legs and gripping me around my chest with its hands from behind. For me then Ganesan, there was neither any curiosity to know what it was, nor any fear. There was just a calm detachment. Undisturbed, I continued with the weeding. Noticing my indifference, the animal started increasing its size and weight. Soon, I had to bend forward owing to the burden on my back. The weight became unbearable. Still I was undisturbed and felt no fear. Suddenly, it gripped my throat with its hairy hands and started throttling me. I was becoming breathless as its grip tightened more and more. Even this did not produce in me a tinge of fear. I remained fully alert and undisturbed. I felt I could breathe no more, the grip continued to tighten and without any trace of fear I felt I was going to die. Then the miracle took place. At the thought of death, I heard within me the sound ‘Arunachala Siva, Arunachala Siva, Arunachala Siva, Arunachala Siva’. Although I was not making the sound, something else within me was doing it. The intensity, volume and speed of the japa increased and it was a delightful experience to hear within you a japa pronouncing itself, while at the same time you were being aware of the grip of death. As the ajapa japa continued, the grip on my neck started loosening and the size and weight of the animal grew less and less. Suddenly, it jumped off from my back and started running back towards the tree. I could hear its steps rushing back and it climbed the tree and disappeared. Immediately, I got back to my normal senses while the ajapa japa continued uninterruptedly.”

“The next day, when Bhagavan was returning from his stroll up on the hill, I met him and showed him the letter and narrated to him what had happened the previous evening, not omitting a single detail. Bhagavan listened to me and when I stopped, said with his benign smile, ‘That is all they can do. Everything is alright.’ By ‘they’ he must have meant the guru who was a past master in black magic and who made David write me that threatening letter. Bhagavan is a purna jnani, a complete and perfect sage. When you come under the protection of a perfect satguru, even a bad experience caused by black magic is a blessing in disguise. I had thus the good fortune of being initiated into the ajapa japa of ‘Arunachala Siva ’ and you got the fortune of being initiated into the ajapa japa of ‘Om Namo Bhagavate Sri Ramanaya’.”²

I was steeped in Sri Ramana Maharshi’s teachings and had come for good to live in Sri Ramanasramam. The recorded conversations of the Maharshi with seekers had just been published. As I was associated with its production from the manuscript to the printed book, almost every answer of Sri Bhagavan was resounding in my ears. If I was not reading or contemplating the Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi, I would be discussing its contents with fellow seekers. Sri Bhagavan’s name and form meant so much to me -- that it was like the breath of my life itself!

Then, in the early 60s, a friend spoke to me about a great spiritual Master whose teaching, he said, was similar to that of Sri Bhagavan’s. I listened, but nothing went in. I had not read J. Krishnamurti. Whatever little my friend told me about the man and his teachings fell on deaf ears.

When I was next in Madras, the same friend took me in his car one evening to a talk given by Krishnamurti. I must confess I went more to humour my friend than to listen to a spiritual talk. When we reached the gates of “Vasant Vihar”, the talk had already begun. After walking a few yards into the garden, I was charmed to hear a sweet voice talking over the microphone. Its very tone made me very happy. I was yet to see the speaker. “Sir, take it for certain. If there is no Truth within you, there is no Truth outside of you!” My whole body shook with ecstasy. If Sri Bhagavan had spoken in English, he would have said the very same words – this was the feeling that reverberated in me! Also, the very first darshan of his comely figure, mysteriously humbled me. I listened to the talk. Something churned inside and a tremendous admiration for him arose within me. I was silent for the rest of the evening.

Every year, thereafter, I regularly went to Krishnaji’s talks. I listened to him as attentively as possible. I made it a point to read his books. I honestly tried to understand his teaching, without bias or prejudice. I did not discuss Krishnamurti with anyone, since I wanted to learn his teaching myself, directly. My outward behaviour, movements, why, even the way I dressed, all changed by themselves, though imperceptibly. And, it happened in a most beautiful and natural way.

I understood that the crux of his teaching was centred around each individual as the Truth. “You are the Truth. You alone can know it. No one else can make you realise it.”¹ This absolute stress on the ‘you’ helped me to take the plunge within ‘me’. Yes, the ‘I’ in every ‘you’ and ‘me’ is the clue to the living Truth. This vital message, though couched in the most unconventional terms, made me pursue it relentlessly.

The message of the Maharshi, “The ‘I’ is the Reality, the only Reality that ever exists,”² became vibrantly evident in Krishnamurti’s central teaching. However, one question again and again reared its head: while Bhagavan Ramana’s words had a soothing effect, why did Krishnamurti’s create such turbulence in my mind?

I chanced to read the following lines from M.P. Pandit: “One teacher does not repeat what another has done already... To compare Ramana Maharshi to some modern teacher is to see him in a wrong perspective. Sri Ramana, like every other world teacher, has come to reveal a new approach to the Eternal Truth. The Truth always stands Eternal, but the approaches vary depending upon the changing conditions through which humanity is passing.”³

I remembered Sri Bhagavan’s proclamation, “There are no jnanis (Realised Persons). There is only jnana (Realisation).”⁴ Since we view the Masters as bodies through our body-mind complex, we see them as different entities and their utterances too as separate, differing, and in opposition. When we look at them as persons (like Jesus Christ, the Buddha, Lord Krishna, Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa, Bhagavan Ramana, J. Krishnamurti) we miss the unifying aspect of their singular ‘Wholeness’.³

It was my remarkable teacher TKS who often reminded me of how importantly Sri Bhagavan repeatedly told him the great significance of Holy Arunachala and how tremendously important for a spiritual aspirant to stay in the vicinity of this Sacred Mountain by quoting the Puranic statement: 'One gets "Mukti" ("Liberation") unasked who live or die within a radius of 30 miles around Arunachala'. "To see Chidambaram, to be born in Tiruvarur, to die in Varanasi, or, merely think of (meditate on) Sri Arunachala, is to be assured of Liberation." He used to stress that for one to be born or to see or to die at particular places is NOT within one's capacity or capability, but surely anyone can 'think' or 'meditate within one's Heart' on Sri Arunachala at any time or at any place, under any circumstances!

He impressed me so deeply within my Heart that I should drop my body ONLY at Holy Arunachala!

It was this compassionate Teacher of mine who made clear to me two more important essence and significance of True Spirituality!

(1) It is not you who is going after the Guru, but it is the Guru who is all the time coming towards you; and, (2) The Guru is so vastly greater than one can ever imagine of how magnanimous he always has been, is and ever will be! HE gives equal treatment to every one of us!

Those were the last days of my revered teacher. He was very seriously ill and bed-ridden in a house opposite to the Ashram. I was visiting him every day. The last day of his physical existence, he gave me a pat on my head and said: "This is my blessing to you! See! I am giving you my all! I want you to carry my body, chanting 'Arunachala Siva' all the way to the cremation ground!" Can anything else in the World equal the beauty and splendour of that ‘Single Touch of Wisdom’ by my beloved Teacher?

In the 1960’s, visitors coming to stay in the Ashram were very rare. But, after the release of The Mountain Path in 1964, spiritual aspirants started coming. As I was given the role of receptionist by the Ashram President, I had the opportunity to move closely with them, arrange their stay in the Ashram, take them up and around the Holy Hill, and accompany them to the Big Temple. There was a steady increase in young seekers flocking to the Ashram, especially from abroad.

I was given a tiny room near the office and under the Ashram water tank, close to the entrance to the kitchen. Those young aspirants who had come to stay in the Ashram for a few days and who were keen to learn and practise Sri Bhagavan’s Direct Teaching of Atma Vichara, would come to me and we would sit on the steps leading to the entrance to the kitchen discussing Sri Bhagavan’s Teaching.

Once, while wanting to emphasise the rational aspect of Sri Bhagavan’s Teaching, I brought in, for comparison, incidents that took place in the lives of other well-known Saints and how these had, in my opinion, glaring flaws. “For instance,’ I said, “In the life of Moses, when he led the Israelites across the desert, they became very thirsty and appealed to Moses to find water to drink. Moses was then resting in the shadow of a huge rock. In response to their plea, Moses tapped the rock with his staff and water started gushing out from the middle of it. All of them drank it and their thirst was quenched. This is the story according to the Bible.” Pausing dramatically, I continued, “This is why even good devotees dislike the ancient texts. They could have plainly written, ‘Moses pierced the earth with his staff and a spring came bubbling up.’ That is believable. But water from the middle of a rock in a desert? How is that possible?” Before I went any further, I felt a firm hand on my back. It was my most revered Viswanatha Swami! Even though he did not utter a word then, I knew from the pressure of his hand on me, that he wanted me to get up and follow him.

He took me up the Hill, straight to Skandashram, all the way, without a word. He then led me to a big rock there and made me bend down and stretch my hand underneath the rock. Wonder of wonders, I felt cool water flowing from the middle of the huge rock onto my upturned palm! Thrilled by this, I looked up at him. Holding me in a steady, affectionate gaze, he said, “Ganesan! Be very careful while talking about Sages and Saints who lived in the past or are living in the present!” He continued, “When Sri Bhagavan came down from Skandashram to live here, I was enthusiastic, naive and just as excited to meet young spiritual aspirants — like you are now!” Once, after breakfast, when I was talking to a small group about a particular Saint. I remarked how illogical it was for that Saint to have said what he said, Suddenly, I felt the pressure of a soft palm on my back. I turned and saw it was Sri Bhagavan. He started walking silently and I followed him. He took me to Skandashram as it happened to you today, and made me bend down and feel the water flowing from the middle of the rock Then he cautioned me, “Viswanatha! Be careful and respectful while talking about Sages and Saints — past or present!” After a few moments, He elaborated: “In the early days of our stay at Skandashram, the Mountain spring you see underneath to dry up completely during very hot and long summers. Visitors rarely came up. But those few who stayed with me, had to go down to Mulaippal Theertham further down on the Hill and carry up water for their use. Two of the sadhus who always stayed there, fretted on seeing more visitors come up: “Oh, no! We now have to go down and get more water!” Hearing their frustration, I responded, “Why? There should be a spring of water here itself!” Then, I took them and put my hand in a small cleft in the middle of the rock. From that moment onwards, there has been no dearth for water at Skandashram!”

I listened spell bound and then, fell at the feet of Sri Viswanatha Swami and begged his forgiveness. He embraced me, gave a benign smile full of Grace and continued, “Listen to another interesting teaching Sri Bhagavan imparted to me here, right where we are sitting. He called me one day and said, ’Viswanatha! When you take youngsters to the top of Arunachala, have you noticed the two Sacred Feet of Father Arunachala engraved on the top-most spot?” On indicating that I had not, Sri Bhagavan told me, “When you go there next, make sure that you do puja to Them. Arunachala, as you know, is ‘அடிமுடி காணா, அண்ணாமலை?’ the single, solid, complete Divinity without distinction between head and feet. It is to demonstrate this Truth that Arunachala’s Feet are engraved on top of His Head. While His head is at the foot of the Hill, inside the temple!’”

Sri Viswanatha Swami then concluded, “Ganesan! Next time you take youngsters to the top, make sure that you take some offering and do puja to Arunachala’s Sacred Feet just as Sri Bhagavan told me to. Then, chant Aksharamanimalai, (The Marital Garland of Letters) and distribute the prasad to all who came with you”

In the 1970’s, young spiritual aspirants started flocking at the Ashram in large numbers — from across India as well as from abroad. I was exceptionally happy meeting with them and sharing with them the Glory and Grandeur of Sri Bhagavan and His Teachings. This meant not just talking to them but also taking them to places in Arunachala that Bhagavan had stayed in and been to – Patala Linga, Gurumurtham, Virupaksha Cave, Skandashram, the Seven Springs and to the peak, to mention those of importance..

The first time I went up to the peak after Sri Viswanatha Swami shared with me the significance of the Lord Arunachaleswara’s Engraved Feet, I did puja to Them as he advised me. After offering idlis and bananas, I was about to begin chanting Akshramana Malai when I noticed a thick bush bearing beautiful and fragrant Hill Jasmine flowers! (There are three types of jasmine – the common garden variety, the Forest Jasmine and the highly regarded Hill Jasmine.) I was thrilled! To me, this was a sign that Holy Arunachala had blessed me to complete the puja with the ritual offering of His own flowers. After that, every time I went to the top, alone and also accompanied by other devotees, the bush would generously have 4 or 5 flowers for me to offer to Arunachala’s Sacred Feet.

Once, on the way to the peak with a group of seekers from across the World, I narrated to them about my first puja that culminated with the Hill Jasmine flowers. When we reached the top, everyone was interested to see the bush and the flowers. But to their disappointment, there was not a single flower on the bush. Feeling guilty, I went straight to the Holy Feet, fell on Them and cried, “Please forgive me, oh, Arunachala! Pardon me for flaunting my ego!” I was shedding copious tears, when two of the group, both Westerners, who were still going around the bush searching for flowers, suddenly shouted: “All of you come here! Look at the miracle of Arunachala! Come, come!” When we all ran to the bush, to our astonishment we saw five or six fully blossomed Hill Jasmine flowers, freshly plucked and placed on a large plucked leaf! Prostrating to the jasmine bush, we took the flowers, rushed to the Holy Feet and prayerfully offered them! All of us were ecstatic!

After the excitement over the mysterious and miraculous appearance of the flowers had abated, the two young Westerners confessed, “When you were narrating about your experience with the jasmine flowers on our way up, we both wondered if such a wondrous thing would ever happen to us. Yes, that it can happen to a ripe seeker like Ganesan we could accept. But, what about immature ones like us? Ganesan! It seems Arunachala heard us! And made us the ones who discovered the plucked flowers first! The sheer thrill of it is still giving us goosebumps, Ganesan!”⁴

My father had a light stroke in 1965, leaving his right side slightly paralyzed. Dr.T.N. Krishnaswami who came down from Madras and attended on him called me aside and said, “Ganesan, this is his second attack. I did not inform anyone of the first attack he had. A third attack may prove fatal. Please take good care of him.” Feeling as if a bolt of lightning had struck me, I ran to my mother and informed her. Totally unperturbed, she very calmly said, “Go to Bhagavan’s shrine and pray there.” I did as she advised and also told Bhagavan what had happened. In those days, the shrine of Bhagavan was just a thatched shed in the midst of a lot of open space. I would sleep outside the shrine on a plain mat with neither pillows nor sheets. I used to enjoy the experience. Bhagavan appeared in my dreams three or four times and each time it was crystal clear - almost like I was in the waking state. This time too, it was a lucid dream. Bhagavan enquired, “Ganesa! Why are you crying?” I told Bhagavan that perhaps my father would die and to me that would be unbearable. Bhagavan answered, “There is nothing to worry.” Then, Bhagavan put out his hand in which there were three wood apples (Feronia Limonia) - a fruit found in India. Handing over a wood apple to me, he said, “Give it to Venkatoo (my father’s pet name). Ask him to eat it.” He then gave the second one to me and said, “Give this to Nagu (my mother’s pet name) and ask her to eat it.” Handing over the third wood apple, he said, “You eat this yourself. Everything will be all right.” I woke up from my dream. It was two in the morning, but I ran home to my mother and told her about the dream. We tried to get wood apples the next morning but we were not successful. When we were able to buy them after a few days, we followed Bhagavan’s instructions precisely. Needless to say, my father fully recovered and never had a third attack. In fact, he lived in good health up to the ripe old age of ninety three and passed away in 2007 . When I told Dr. T. N. Krishnaswami about the dream, he started prescribing wood apples to his patients with similar ailments, along with their other medicines. My mother’s unshakeable faith in Bhagavan and her advice to me were without doubt instrumental in my having this life saving dream.

Whenever I met Dr. TNK in his residence, he would take me upstairs and talk about Bhagavan. “What did you do after Bhagavan dropped the body?” I asked him. He replied, “Bhagavan’s body, which I had worshipped, was no more to be seen. This gave me a severe jolt. I was shocked. Had I missed the opportunity of a lifetime to imbibe the direct teaching from the enlightened one? I had done nothing in the direction of spiritual practice. Had I wasted all my time taking photographs while I should have engaged myself in trying to understand and practice his teachings in his very presence? No, I said to myself, this cannot be true. I was sure I had obtained some grace from the Maharshi. He is somehow still here - only we have to learn to feel his presence as the substratum without form. We will never be forsaken, for he has himself assured us that he was not going away. He is omniscient. Then, I turned to study his teachings. I began to see the truth in them. Some of the sentences touched me and made me feel that I was in his presence, listening to him. I took heart. The more I read the more intimate the Maharshi became to me. His teaching pulsated with life. I began to understand it and it mixed with my being and became my own.” When he said this, I immediately prostrated to him, held his feet and said, “Doctor, bless me!” I knew that he was in that immaculate state of inward repose, peace and perfection, though he was dressed in a western suit and had a stethoscope around his neck.

Once, a couple came to the ashram from New York. They wanted to know if there were any realized beings after Bhagavan. I replied, “I can show you one, but will you recognize him as the Self realised one?” They answered that they would try their best. I told them that he was not here in Ramanasramam but in Chennai and that he does not wear ochre robes or have a clean shaven head. I also forewarned them that he would be dressed in western attire. Not deterred, the couple asked me to take them to see him. I took them to Dr. TNK’s residence in Chennai. The moment I saw the doctor, I prostrated to him. His whole house was filled with Bhagavan’s pictures. He showed the couple around and offered to give them any picture they wanted. They chose a picture that has never been seen in Ramanasramam before. Dr. TNK immediately removed it from the wall and gave it to them. Then, he told us, “There is a story behind it. For the naming ceremony of my second son, a celebration and pooja was arranged. I wanted to name him Ramana. My wife objected to that. She said, ‘By tradition, you should give him my father’s name, just as you have named our first son after your father. As I could not object to that, I reluctantly agreed. The function was going on and as per tradition I covered my second son under a cloth and was about to whisper my wife’s father’s name in his ear. Suddenly, this framed picture fell off from the wall on to my back. For me, it was as if Bhagavan himself was telling me, ‘Give him my name.’ So, I named him Ramana!”

When Dr. TNK was on his death bed, I went to see him. Seeing him, I wept. He chided me, “Is this your understanding of Bhagavan’s teaching? Look at me. I am looking at Bhagavan beckoning to me. I am going to him. Why should you cry? Come on, wake up.” I said, “I have one doubt, doctor. You are a millionaire. You have acquired many properties. People say that you are a cheat pretending to be a devotee, but that actually you are only after money. You own sixty houses in the city and have millions of rupees in many bank accounts.” Dr. TNK smiled at me and said, “Yes, I own all these but they do not own me.” He continued, “I am advising you. Do not pay any attention to anything outside of your Self. Property or no property, they are all untrue. The silence within you is the only truth. Focus your attention on truth. Bhagavan is calling me. Bhagavan blesses you, Ganesan.” He then lay with his eyes closed for some time. A few minutes later, he turned to me with great affection and said, “Opposite to the ashram, I have a building in which I requested Muruganar to stay. I am bequeathing that building to you. I know you do not have any money or property to lean on. You are rendering surrendered service to Bhagavan. You should not suffer in the future for want of anything. Please accept it.” Reverentially accepting his offer, I touched the feet of Dr. TNK and took his leave. (Very recently, I surrendered this building to Ramanasramam.) After a few days, Dr. TNK, ‘Bhagavan-photographer’, merged fully conscious with Ramana Arunachala.⁵

I had spent seven years in the ashram when suddenly one day my friend Dorab Framji asked me, “Do you know Sadhu Natanananda is alive?” I jumped with joy because I loved his book, Spiritual Instruction. I paid him a visit. He was an austere man with nothing in his room except for a few loincloths. He blessed me and asked, “What are you doing? Are you practicing Self Enquiry?” I replied, “I am not capable of doing Self Enquiry. I only chant Arunachala Siva , Arunachala Siva .” His face was red with rage. I was taken aback because this was my very first meeting with him and I was accustomed to people indulging me whenever they met me. Not Natanananda! He was a stern and serious man. He raged, “What a fool you are! What do you think you have come to Bhagavan for? For what function has he chosen you? It is only to make you like him! Read his Forty Verses on Reality, practice Self Enquiry, be the truth. That is why you have been chosen!” I was stunned in disbelief.

He refused to come into the limelight or even stay at the ashram. Dorab Framji found a cottage next to Osborne’s house for him. Natanananda stayed there till 1981. I was very fortunate that he allowed me to visit him and talk with him whenever I liked. Once, I drew him out of his reticence by asking him to give me an article for a souvenir I was bringing out for the ashram. He obliged and handed it over to me. Unfortunately, I misplaced it. I assumed he would have a copy. I went to him and said, “Swami, I am sorry but I lost your article. Please give me your copy. I will very carefully note its contents down and then return it.” He laughed and said, “Look around you, Ganesan. My environment gives you an idea about me. Look at my room, there is nothing here - no books, no clothing, no utensils, nothing.” Puzzled, I asked, “What do you mean, Swami?” He replied, “Ganesan, you must have come to know that I have written many verses on Bhagavan. However, do you see any book here, even though they were all printed? The moment I wrote my adoration about my master either in verse or prose, I would place it at my master’s holy feet. As far as I was concerned my job was done. After Bhagavan dropped the body, a few people asked me to write for them just like you have. I complied by writing and submitting it to the management. There ended my responsibility.” However, he did oblige me by writing that article again, which one can find in the Ramana Pictorial Souvenir published in 1967.

I once took a family which was popularizing Bhagavan’s name to meet Natanananda. He was told about the work they were doing for spreading Bhagavan’s name. Natanananda became furious, “You talk such nonsense, thinking you are going to spread our master’s fame! The only way you can do it is by becoming the truth yourself. Put the teachings into practice right here right now, that is the best way you can serve the guru. Our master is the teaching. The best way to express your devotion to Bhagavan is by putting his teaching into practice.” This family got frightened and never again went to Natanananda.

In Natanananda’s last moments, Sadhu Om, Kunju Swami, a few others and I prayed before him. In every devotee’s death that I witnessed, the one common factor was that none was bothered about his or her body. Just before he dropped the body, I asked, “Swami, how do you feel?” “I am happy,” he replied. Physically, he was suffering deeply. Every doctor that I took to him, diagnosed him to be severely ill. Yet, he said he was happy. I asked, a little surprised, “What do you mean by happy?” Natanananda replied, “Look at Bhagavan’s picture and you will understand.” Those were his last words. He directed my attention to Bhagavan and then happily closed his eyes and passed away. It was a privilege for me to help build the samadhi for this jnani’s body inside the compound of Dorab Framji’s residence.

When I was in charge of constructing Bhagavan’s samadhi hall, I encountered many problems. One day, Mrs. Taleyarkhan told me, “All these problems will be solved.” I looked at her questioningly. She continued, “Last night, Bhagavan appeared to me in my dream and said, ‘Tell Ganesan to take up the construction of Chinna Swami’s samadhi alongside and everything will be alright’.” With Bhagavan’s grace, I managed to construct his and Niranjanananda Swami’s samadhis simultaneously. The consecration ceremony was done in 1967 of all three samadhis: Mother Azhagammal’s, Bhagavan’s and Chinna Swami’s.

Being involved in building Chinna Swami’s samadhi, I was going to place a stone tablet which would simply read, ‘Niranjanananda Swami’, with his birth and death dates. Instead, the stone cutter sent me a tablet on which was etched: ‘Niranjanananda Swami - absorbed in Arunachala on 29.01.1953’. This thrilled me, and later in the fifteen samadhis that were built, I used a similar tablet for each devotee. For example, ‘Absorbed in Arunachala - Muruganar’, ‘Absorbed in Arunachala - Kunju Swami’, ‘Absorbed in Arunachala - Major Chadwick’.¹

In 1968 I was introduced to a new dimension in my relationship with my Editor, Arthur Osborne. We had always had the most cordial relationship, despite occasional differences which he nipped in the bud through his intuitive understanding and magnanimity. We freely consulted each other and decisions were taken only after we reached a consensus. Mr. and Mrs. Osborne had given me full freedom to knock at their door at any time, even at odd hours! Entering the house after a week's interval I found him stretched on his bed, suddenly reduced to skin and bones. This physical debility struck me first. Then, I noticed the change, the transformation in his face and I was wonderstruck. It shone with an aura bright and peaceful. My inner voice announced; "He is realised!" He opened his eyes and gave me a warm welcome with his lustrous look. He said: "Ganesan! I am saved. The Mountain Path will go on. Don't worry!" I sat next to him. I was overwhelmed with joy. I held his hand and sat gazing at his radiant face. I spent half an hour with him and went to my house and announced to my mother: "Mother! Mr. Osborne is realised. Please go and see him; his face shines with light!" She went to Mr. Osborne's house in the evening and confirmed my view.

Though after a few days Mr. Osborne physically improved, he spoke to no one. He was totally drawn within and showed signs of interest only when 'Bhagavan' or 'Arunachala' was mentioned. Even The Mountain Path — his pet child — did not seem to interest him. I started telling all my friends about the change and urging them to go and see him. Some were sceptical, some delighted. I took Sri T.P. Ramachandra Iyer to Mr. Osborne after I had tutored him how to test the change in Mr. Osborne by mentioning the journal, then some anecdote about Sri Bhagavan, and then Mr. Osborne's children (whom he knew very well) and so on.

Mr. Osborne looking at us, smiled and said nothing. TPR started praising The Mountain Path, particularly the Editorials. Mr. Osborne sat like a statue. TPR then said: " One day, in the hall of Sri Bhagavan..." but before he could proceed any further, Mr. Osborne sat up and said: "Yes, TPR! Tell me what happened." TPR narrated an incident. Mr. Osborne became very happy and pleaded, "TPR! Record all these incidents. You owe this to posterity." TPR, as planned already, switched the topic to his children and Mr. Osborne turned into a statue again. Next TPR spoke about Sri Bhagavan's love for Arunachala. Mr. Osborne joined enthusiastically. When again TPR went on to other subjects Mr. Osborne lapsed back into indrawn silence. When we came out TPR was extremely happy and said: "Ganesan ! Thank you! You have proved to me beyond doubt that Arthur is realised! It only proves that if one is sincere Sri Bhagavan's Grace will transform one here and now!"

The wonder was that our beloved Editor, perhaps anticipating the great change, had already prepared and finalized nine full issues: those of July & October, 1968, all the four of 1969 and January, April and July, of 1970 (except, of course, Ashram Bulletin, which in any case was my province). It was incredible, but he had done it! Later, when the burden of carrying on the journal fell on my shoulders, I realised how taxing it was even to put together a single issue in the given three months! Mr. Osborne had kept them all in different envelopes marking the date on each. A practical demonstration of how a Jnani is the master of Karma.

Mr. Arthur Osborne went to England and returned, now steadily established in inward poise. As he entered his house, he said: "Thrice I was about to die and every time Sri Bhagavan saved me! "Like a child I used to be delighted in his proximity. Friends pulled my leg: "Don't carry too far your hero-worship of Mr. Osborne." They didn't know how I enjoyed his Brahmic state.

He used to say: "At last Life has a meaning and a purpose! It is tremendously exhilarating to realize the truth of the One Self!" His words had come true in his life!

* * *

On May 8, 1970 I was woken up from sleep by Mrs. Osborne, giving me the news that the body of her beloved husband, had been brought by taxi from Bangalore, I went and saw the body. He looked as if asleep. Before breathing his last, though physically unable to utter a word, he had spoken in a loud, clear voice, to Mrs. Osborne- "Thank you!" I missed him very much but at the same time somehow felt his guiding presence for months thereafter.

The July 1970 issue was ready and I brought copies from Madras and placed them at Sri Bhagavan's Samadhi, symbolising its release. That night, while sleeping near the Samadhi of Sri Bhagavan I had a vivid dream. Mr. Osborne appeared and demanded from me the July copy and carefully went through every page. After the great change in early 1968, he had not shown much interest in the issues as they came out. Now in the first issue that I had brought out in his physical absence, he evinced keen interest to assure, as it were, his continued guidance in the journal's smooth running.²

Suddhananda Bharati

He came to Ramanasramam in 1970 to write the biography of Annamalai Swami. I received him and served him for a few days. Before leaving, he invited me to stay at his ashram in Chennai. I accepted his offer and found him to be most kind and affectionate. One day, he made me sit next to him and shared with me something that is very important for all of us. He said, “Ganesan, I saw you managing the ashram and bringing out The Mountain Path efficiently. People will praise your capacity in management. I too am willing to give away this ashram to you. I will do it right now if you are willing. But remember, even vast volumes of possessions will not help you erase and annihilate the possessor. I see clearly with my inner eye that your spiritual fulfillment is waiting at your doorstep. Do not fall into the trap of any possessions or any management thrust on you. You are ever free. Be the Self, plunge within, be the dust of the holy feet of Bhagavan who is now in your Heart. He is the universal Heart. The kingdom of God is within your infinite Self. Repose in the Heart. That is the truth.” He further added, “Do not make the same error that I did. I focused on the glory of writing hundreds of books, building an ashram and chasing fame. Don’t do that. Stand by Bhagavan and obey him always. Remain at Arunachala as dust at Bhagavan’s holy feet.”

I didn’t know about Muruganar’s two stupendous works then - Ramana Sannidhi Murai and Guru Vachaka Kovai - both edited and approved by Bhagavan. I had brought Muruganar into the ashram and was looking after him with some other friends. My sister would sing some of his songs and he would often ask her to sing those from Ramana Sannidhi Murai, hearing which he would be reduced to tears. On enquiring about the reason for his tears, he replied, “I was in the presence of Bhagavan one day and he was looking at a girl child intently. I asked him, “Who is this baby who has received so much of your grace and blessings?” Bhagavan replied, ‘Do you not know? Idhu namma Lakshmi - This is our Lakshmi.’” Muruganar then again shed tears and said that when Bhagavan uses the word ‘our’, it implied a shared spiritual experience.

I asked him to tell me more about Ramana Sannidhi Murai. “When it was privately published, the management refused to sell it in the ashram. Many incidents of protest took place - it is good that you are not aware of them,” he recalled. “But I want to tell you this. One day, I was very upset about this when I prostrated before Bhagavan. When I stood up, Bhagavan said, ‘Have no worry, we will publish it ourselves.’” I ran back to the office and tried to get a copy of Ramana Sannidhi Murai, but couldn’t find it. It wasn’t available in the library either. I spoke to some devotees in Chennai and got a copy of Ramana Sannidhi Murai and had it printed. When I presented it to Muruganar, his eyes moistened as he gratefully said, “Look, Bhagavan has fulfilled his prophecy.” This happened a few weeks before he passed away. Then he told me about Guru Vachaka Kovai, a book which had the guru’s sayings and which was edited and titled by Bhagavan himself. With great enthusiasm, Guru Vachaka Kovai was also brought out by the ashram as its prestigious publication. My heart beamed with joy that Bhagavan’s assurance, “We will publish it ourselves,” was thus successfully fulfilled!

When Muruganar was dying, the doctors said he was in a coma. Dr. Hugo Maier sent word, “His breathing will stop any moment. Come here quickly.” It was three in the morning. I stood close to Muruganar. Hugo and the other doctors told me, “He is in coma. He is not going to respond to you.” “No, I will sing Arunachala Aksharamanamalai,” I said firmly. Despite their repeated objections, I leaned close to Muruganar and whispered into his ear, “Swami, I want to sing Aksharamanamalai.” The body was still, but his eyebrows went up. This was witnessed by Hugo and the other doctors. Maybe they were right too. The body was in coma; but the Heart - in its state of spiritual ecstasy - responded out of compassion, by making the eyebrows move. We all sang Aksharamanamalai continuously. In a state of spiritual ecstasy, Muruganar merged with Arunachala. We carried Muruganar’s body out and laid it in samadhi worthy of a Sage or a Saint. His samadhi shrine is situated in between Arunachala and Bhagavan’s Old Hall. On his Samadhi day, puja is offered; and devotees chant Aksharamanamalai and sing selected verses from his Ramana Sannidhi Murai.

By 1926, Muruganar had left his wife Meenakshi in Chennai to join the ashram. Gentle, innocent Meenakshi was an uneducated lady who had no means of supporting herself. Not knowing how to tackle the world, she would stay with her father for some time, and then come to Tiruvannamalai to beg Muruganar to live with her. Whenever this happened, Muruganar would disappear up the hill and it was always a tough task for even Bhagavan to find him. Each time, he had to send four people after him for three whole days to bring him back! Finally, Bhagavan pleaded with Muruganar to comply with Meenakshi. Muruganar was so stubborn that he ran away into the hill once more. So, Bhagavan found another way to soothe Meenakshi. He took special care of Meenakshi. When I met her, she told me of many instances of her direct experiences with Bhagavan. I requested her to put them all in writing, which she did in Tamil, in a notebook that is now in the archives of the ashram.

One incident mentioned in the book particularly touched my heart: One day Bhagavan asked Meenakshi: “Meenakshi what can I do for you?” Meenakshi showed him her torn sari. “Bhagavan, look at my sari! What do I want? I want clothes and food to eat, which have been denied to me because my husband is not taking care of me.” Bhagavan was so moved that he said, “Meenakshi, I assure you that all your life, there will not be a dearth of these two things - clothes and food.” Bhagavan did not stop with just this verbal assurance. He sent Kunju Swami to the head of the Isanya Mutt in town, to ask for a sari. A master in a loin cloth, who seldom asked anything for himself, sent a sannyasi to another sannyasi to beg for a sari for a devotee’s wife! He then offered it to her with the repeated assurance, “Meenakshi, you will be happy. You will be provided with clothes and food all your life.”

When she narrated this in the 1960s, I started taking care of her. I would send her two saris every year. She was not a spiritually inclined person and could not stay in Ramanasramam. She preferred to stay in Chennai. So I arranged for her to be given food in seven houses - one for each day of every week. When I came to know that Meenakshi was on her death bed, I went to Chennai to spend some time with her. She blessed me profusely. I asked her, “Meenakshi Amma, how are you?” Her stomach was swollen. She said, “I am very happy.” I could not believe her. She added, “Bhagavan is with me all the time and has fulfilled his assurance to me through you. I have no dearth of clothes or food. Ganesa, Bhagavan is God himself.” Meenakshi could not have a happy life as Muruganar’s wife. But she was always happy until her last moments as Bhagavan’s pet child. It was a privilege for me to interact with her and be of some service to her.³

In the early 1970s, when I was busy helping the Ashram management in various ways, Mrs. Taleyarkhan, Balarama Reddiar, Hugo Maier and Dorab Framji met me at the Ashram office. They insisted that I go along with them to Chennai to have darshan of Ma Anandamayee Ma, who was being given a rousing reception in that city. I could not immediately obey them. While Mrs. Taleyarkhan, Hugo Maier and Dorab Framji left earlier, the great good-hearted devotee Balarama Reddiar, stayed on and took me to Chennai towards the end of Ma’s stay in Chennai.

Thanks to these Old Devotees, I had my first darshan of Ma at “Kalki Gardens”, where she was staying and conducting satsangs. She was giving a talk and I listened with rapt attention: “To lose control over oneself is not desirable. In the search after Truth one must not allow oneself to be overpowered by anything, but should watch carefully, whatever phenomena may supervene, keeping fully conscious, wide awake, in fact retaining complete mastery over oneself. Loss of consciousness and of self-control are never right. While absorbed in meditation, whether one is conscious of the body or not, whether there be a sense of identification with the physical or not – under all circumstances, it is imperative to remain wide awake - unconsciousness must be strictly avoided. Some genuine perceptivity must be retained, whether one contemplates the Self as such, or any particular form. What is the outcome of such meditation? It opens up one’s being to the Light, to that which is Eternal.” The devotees took me near Ma and made me prostrate to her. When I stood looking at her, she showered her grace on me, so profusely that I felt as if I was in the physical presence of our Beloved Bhagavan. I stood still, in ecstasy! However, I was taken away very quickly as there was a very long queue of devotees, waiting behind me.

When I expressed to the Old Devotees my wish to meet Ma personally and seek her blessings, Balarama Reddiar held my hand and assured me that he would take me to Ma, who was leaving Chennai the very next day. Impatiently I waited for the fortunate hour.

The next day, Balarama Reddiar took me to the Central Railway station. There were lots of police constables guarding all entrances. Reddiar held my hand and walked in a right, royal manner to the compartment in which Ma was travelling. Her compartment was adorned with flower garlands. So, it was very easy to locate it. There was a thick posse of policemen guarding it. But, none dared stop the majestic Reddiar! And he boarded the compartment with a meek me in tow.

Ma was seated all alone – not a single other person or assistant was there. Balarama Reddiar prostrated to her and directed me to put my head on her outstretched feet. She blessed me by fondling my head and asked me to rise up. Reddiar introduced me as the grand-nephew of Sri Ramana Maharshi, and added that I sought her blessings - especially for progress in my sadhana, as I had left all worldly links and was permanently staying at the Ashram serving the old and new devotees. Ma graciously blessed me and said, “Everything is in God’s hands, and you are His tool to be used by Him as He pleases. Try to grasp the significance ‘all is His,’ and you will immediately feel free from all burdens. What will be the result of your surrender to Him? None will seem alien, all will be your very own, your own Self. Either melt by devotion the sense of separateness, or burn it by Knowledge – for what is it that melts or burns? Only that which by its nature can be melted or burnt - namely the idea that something other than your Self exists. What will happen then? You come to know your own Self. By virtue of Guru’s power, everything will become possible. I bless you, child!”

Ma put her hands again on my head and said, “Sri Maharshi’s Grace is fully on you. Stick to your sadhana, studiously. Guidance will flood you! Sri Bhagavan’s teaching of Self-Enquiry is your path. Stay at the Ashram. Don’t go anywhere else. He is your Guru. His teaching is your only guidance. Arunachala is your kshetra. All blessings will accrue to you. I bless you, my child !”

She gave me two oranges and gestured to me to eat them. Reddiar too confirmed it. So, I ate both of them in Ma’s presence. I felt her Grace seeping in. I felt profusely blessed !¹

One couple from America — Charles Reeder and Anne Reeder — took to Sri Bhagavan’s Teaching very deeply. Hence, I was interested in them, as well. Mrs. Reeder, being a good singer, wanted me to teach her the song Ramana Sat-Guru from ‘Ramana Stuti Panchakam’. Only too happy to teach her how to sing it, I used to sit with her in the Hall in front of Sri Bhagavan’s Samadhi Shrine, every day after lunch.

Sadly, people around started criticizing me for moving so closely with “a married, American woman”. This criticism was not as innocuous as it looks now. But then, in the 1970s, it was a big scandal. Hearing of this, my father, the Ashram President, called me and reprimanded roundly.

Being young and immature, both in matters spiritual and Worldly, I got very upset. By then, I had studied and was practising Sri Bhagavan’s Teaching single-mindedly. Resolving to follow it on my own as a wandering mendicant, I threw away my clothes and wearing only a towel around my waist, I started walking towards Vellore without even going and prostrating at Sri Bhagavan’s Sacred Shrine.

When I had walked about fifteen miles, somewhere near Polur, a deep depression took over me. Feeling betrayed by Arunachala, I looked up with a heavy Heart. Wonder of wonders! The silhouette of the Holy Hill suddenly appeared before me! I cried with tears in my eyes: “Oh, Lord! Is this Your Grace?” The soothing Grace of Arunachala then descended on me!

Almost immediately, a taxi came from behind and stopped right in front of me, obstructing me from going forward. Its doors opened and out stepped Hugo Maier, Rajagopala Iyer and Santhanam Iyengar! Rajagopala Iyer and Santhanam Iyengar were then the Ashram cashiers and loved me deeply! Holding my hand they said, “Is it fair that you desert us old people and go away from the Ashram?” Hugo Maier held the other hand and asked me, “Did you take permission from Sri Bhagavan before leaving?” I felt remorse and sorrow for not having gone to Sri Bhagavan’s Samadhi Shrine and taking His consent for my act! Santhanam Iyengar embraced me and said, “Come with us! Report to Sri Bhagavan! If he permits, we will bring you back to this very spot and leave you!”

I was deeply moved! The three of them then pushed me into the taxi and took me straight to Sri Bhagavan’s shrine. While they stood behind me, I prostrated and appealed, “Bhagavan! I have been repeatedly insulted, ridiculed and slighted by people here for no fault of mine! How can I then do sadhana here? Oh, Bhagavan! Give me permission to go away!”

I turned to the three who were waiting behind me, embraced them and exclaimed, “No! Sri Bhagavan not only refused to give me permission, but also said, ‘You have work to do here; how can you and where can you run away? Did you not give an assurance that you would render service all your life, here, at my Abode in Arunachala, if you were saved from the drainage ditch in Varanasi? Stay here!’”

One night in the 1970s, after completing all my Ashram work, when I was doing Giripradakshina alone as was my daily wont, I heard someone chanting “Lingashtakam” in a stentorian voice behind me. Only the previous evening, I had heard a portion of it being chanted inside a house in the town where I had to go on Ashram work by bicycle. I was mesmerised by it and longed to listen to all of it.

You can now imagine how thrilled I was to hear it again that night while doing Giripradakshina around holy Arunachala! The person who was chanting it overtook me and continued walking. He had a perfect Yogic body, lithe and as if chiselled out! Wanting to see his face I started walking faster. But to no avail, for the Yogi walked at an even brisker pace, And, on reaching Adi Annamalai, disappeared into one of its streets.

I literally ran the rest of the distance and reached home at the dead of the night. Waking up my mother, who was also my upaguru, I narrated the whole incident. My mother was ecstatic on hearing about it and exclaimed, "Who else was He but Lord Arunachaleshwara Himself! Is not one of His names “Asutoshi”, meaning 'one who satisfies the devotee's smallest of desires"!²

During one of my trips to Bombay in the 1970s to seek advertisements from firms for “The Mountain Path”, I went to see Mr. Sinha, the General Manager of a reputed company. He received me cordially and asked me the purpose of my visit. I told him about my purpose. He replied without hesitation, “Granted! Don’t worry over the release of advertisement. It will be sent to you promptly. I want you now to tell me about Sri Ramana Maharshi and his unique teaching.”

Seeing the deep enthusiasm of Mr. Sinha, I began explaining to him in depth the significance of Sri Bhagavan’s “Death Experience” at the tender age of sixteen. He listened very attentively and said he wanted to spend more time in satsang with me. He added that he was going that evening to a Sufi Saint living on Mount Pleasant Road and that he wanted me to accompany him. He picked me up from Juhu, where I was staying with my brother Mani and his family. On the way, he gave me details about the Sufi mystic.

On arriving at his residence, Sai Mirchandhani, a tall figure adorning a long kurta welcomed me with a hearty hug. It was late in the evening and it was time for his dinner. Sai invited me to have dinner with him and about ten of his disciples. I was hesitant as I presumed that the fare was non-vegetarian, to which I was averse. Seeing my hesitation, Sai reassured me “Don’t worry! It is pure vegetarian food!”

After dinner, he asked me about Sri Bhagavan’s approach to Bhakti, love, and surrender. I narrated to him about the deep Bhakti Sri Bhagavan had for his Guru, Arunachala, and how he had expressed it by writing hundreds of extempore verses of adoration. Being a Sufi, Sai was moved to tears of ecstasy. He embraced me again. There was a great aura around him and his words were as sweet as nectar - I became his admirer, instantly.

He then expressed his true happiness in meeting me - a sincere seeker with deep spiritual aspirations. He pleaded with me to make further efforts to gain the blessings of great Mahatmas, asserting, “Only the Grace and Blessings of Mahatmas can make the ‘journey within’ smoother, unobstructed, and crown it with success.” He added, “The Kumbha Mela will soon be conducted at Hardwar. You should go there. Mahatmas, who roam naked in the Himalayas for hundreds of years, will come to participate in it. I want you to receive their Grace and Blessings!”

Though I was thrilled to receive this direct and practical spiritual guidance from Sai, I also felt diffident as there was no way for me to discern who was a Mahatma and who wasn’t. For instance, I might mistake a clever fraud disguised as a Saint to be the real thing and a true Saint staying knee-deep in a drain to be a lunatic! So, how could I correctly judge and seek a Saint’s blessings?

Reading my thoughts, Sai thundered at me, “Did I not instruct you only go to the Kumbha Mela? Did I tell you to go in search of Sages? Roam about amidst the huge crowds there. Walk hither and thither. You need not identify anyone as a Saint. Indeed, you cannot identify them. They, on the other hand, will recognise you as a true spiritual aspirant and shower Grace, Guidance and Blessings on you - something which is almost impossible to gain through your own effort”.

I was thrilled to hear Sai Mirchandani’s glorious words of assurance which abided in me throughout my life !³

I recollect a significant happening that took place in the 1970s. By then, I had come to the ashram on a permanent basis. In the ashram cow shed, the newborn calves, were all mysteriously dying one after the other. The veterinary doctor was not able to diagnose the malady and prevent this calamity. This pained all of us, especially my mother. One day, this chain of mysterious deaths suddenly stopped. All of us were naturally delighted. But no one, including the veterinarian, could figure out how or why.

Later we came to know. The previous day my mother had given a sadhu alms at our house. This sadhu, before leaving the house, gave my mother a very attractive, medium sized, bronze statue of a cow to keep in the pooja room. Consequently, my mother had started doing pooja to it! Today, the life saving statue is still there.⁴

In the 1970’s, I received letters from the two reputed writers and spiritual seekers - Wei Wu Wei and Douglas E. Harding - telling me about Nisargadatta Maharaj and his book “I Am That ”. They said that after Sri Bhagavan’s “Talks with Sri Ramana Maharshi”, they admired this book the most. Both of them urged me to visit Maharaj and share my experiences. As I felt that I had the privilege of being Sri Bhagavan’s devotee, I wondered why I should take time off to visit other Gurus. At any rate, who was I to comment on Saints and Sages?

Whenever I visited cities and big towns on Ashram work, I would never fail to devote one day to visit the Old Devotees of Sri Bhagavan living there, who have had the great good fortune of having Sri Bhagavan’s darshan or being with Sri Bhagavan. I would prostrate to them and spend some time with them. Mrs. Soona Nicholson, daughter of Framji Dorabji, a Parsi devotee of Sri Bhagavan, was one of them. When I reached her house on one of my visits to Bombay, she asked me to hop into her car. On the way, she told me that she was taking me to a Saint, without naming him. She said, “Ganesh! Don’t expect the countenance of Sri Ramakrishna or Sri Bhagavan. In fact, he looks like a village farmer.” Instantly, within my Heart I prostrated to that Saint, for, it never mattered to me whether a ‘Saint’ was male, female, learned or illiterate.

That Saint turned out to be Nisargadatta Maharaj. He was sitting alone in his room. The moment Maharaj looked at me, I felt a flood of peace and quietude flowing into me. Soona was right. Maharaj could easily pass for a rustic farmer. But what a powerful unmistakeable spiritual presence! I prostrated to Maharaj. Maharaj lifted up his right hand, the index finger pointing somewhere up. My eyes were riveted on his. The more I was with him the more ecstatic I became.

Maharaj spoke only in his mother tongue Marathi or in Hindi. I knew neither. Soona acted as my interpreter. Maharaj said to me, “Ask some question.” Soona translated his words. I heard them but could not respond. Soona again insisted, “Ask Maharaj some question.” I kept silent. When Maharaj repeated himself for the third time, Soona nudged me and asked me to say some thing. Looking deeply into the eyes of Maharaj, I said :“I have no questions to ask, Maharaj. But, I would like to listen to you!” Maharaj laughed loudly and tapped forcefully on my lap.

Then, suddenly, he became very serious. He directed his pointed look at me. Words rushed out from him! “Just as an orthodox Brahmin will look down upon a non-vegetarian dish, a sadhaka (seeker) should look down upon the ‘I-am-the-body-idea’” ! He repeated it thrice and each time Soona translated it into English. I felt I was being pushed inwards and felt a mental peace which I have never had before. At that very moment, I lost my body-consciousness; and, sat silently for quite sometime. Then, Maharaj smiled broadly, touched me and looked at me with approval and affection.

Soona introduced me as the grand-nephew of Sri Ramana Maharshi. Then, Maharaj gestured to me to look above his head.

There was a large framed photo of Sri Bhagavan. I then remembered that his raised finger had pointed to it even while I prostrated to him earlier. He then said that Sri Bhagavan and he were brothers. So, I was his grandson, as well. When I expressed my desire to offer money in homage, he said that according to Hindu custom only elders can give ‘gifts’ to youngsters and not the vice versa. He wanted me to visit him every time I was in Bombay. He also told his family that I should be allowed to meet him at any time, any day! I felt immensely blessed!

Maharaj always received me with tender love and great affection. Once, when I was with him alone, a few Americans came in. They said that they had already read “I Am That” and would love to hear him talk. There was no interpreter with us. I did not even know a smattering of Hindi. Maharaj told me, “Tell them that I will be talking in their language this evening at the J.J. School of Arts grounds. Ask them to come there.” They said “J. Krishnamurti is giving a talk there this evening. Is Maharaj also going to speak ?” Maharaj smiled and told me, “Tell them. We are three brothers. Ramana Maharshi, J.Krishnamurti and I. We give the same teaching in different languages and styles. Ask them not to miss listening to Krishnamurti!”

In September, 1978, the Board of Trustees of Sri Ramanasramam deputed me to tour all over India. I was to visit major cities, meet the Old Devotees of Sri Bhagavan and gather their suggestions on how best to celebrate Sri Bhagavan’s Birth Centenary in 1980. Dates for my travel by train were all fixed and the necessary ticket reservations made. I went to Bombay and met the devotees there. The next day, I was to leave for Baroda on the next lap of my journey. I went to take the blessings of Maharaj in the evening.

Seeing me, he expressed joy and said, “I want you to stay with me for eight days. You should be with me continuously for eight days, without a break.” I was stunned. I had not yet told him that I had to leave for Baroda the next day as part of my All India tour. Maharaj must have read my thoughts, for he hurried to add, “Not necessarily this time but I do want you to stay for eight days with me, sometime!”

On January 18, 1979, I reported myself to Maharaj in the evening and waited for his instructions. He commanded me, “Come tomorrow morning at 8 o’clock sharp!” I prostrated to him and took leave. This is what I had written in my diary [the only time I ever wrote a diary — never before have I done so].

19-1-1979 (Diary Entry)

Morning 6.40: Left home at Juhu and boarded train at Andheri; reached Grant Road station and walked to Maharaj’s house. When I stepped into his room, the wall-clock chimed. It was 8 o’ clock !

[ Maharaj had asked me to be with him between 8 and 10 a.m. for 8 continuous days ]

Maharaj was alone. Just after his bath, with a towel around his waist, he shone like the early morning Sun. He was fresh and full of energy. His daughter-in-law came and started making preparations for the puja, like making garlands, etc. He placed a cushion on the floor and asked me to sit on it. When I looked at him enquiringly, he added reassuringly, “You need not do anything. Just keep looking at me!” He went to the other side of the room and performed puja, with meticulous one-pointed attention. After 10 a.m. Maharaj asked me to stay next to him and offered me tea. He again placed a cushion next to him and bade me sit on it. Then he commenced his talk. Pointing me out to the audience he said that he was giving a special talk in my honour. The essence of the talk was on Atman [ ‘I AM’ ] and how it is nothing but one’s own ‘simple being’. After a long, torrential outpouring, he turned to me and said, “I will put you a question and you have to answer me, clearly.” Then he asked: “Do you agree with all that I said?” When I, overwhelmed with emotion, said, “Yes”, Maharaj turned to the audience and said: “All the time, the talk delivered today was given by ‘That’ which just now said ‘Yes’!”

He turned to me and said firmly, “You should give talks daily at Sri Ramanasramam. What you speak does not matter. Whatever you talk will be Sri Bhagavan talking.” I pleaded, “Maharaj! I am incompetent, incapable of giving talks. I can’t!” Maharaj thundered, “The one who says I can’t talk is not going to talk. Open your mouth and ‘That’ will deliver the talk!” He added, “The one who sees the Sun rise, was before it – that one is ‘I AM’, that one is ‘That’, that one is the ‘Truth’ .”

On the 20th, 21st and 22nd of January too, I reached Maharaj’s house at the stroke of 8 o’ clock and meditated, sitting on the cushion Maharaj had promptly laid for me. On the 23rd, 24th & 25th Maharaj was away at Nasik. I, however, went to his house and meditated. On 26th I meditated while Maharaj performed his usual puja.

On that day, after being seated on the cushion placed for me by Maharaj, my attention was completely pivoted on him. His usual routine was to take from the closed shelf the small idols of Gods, clean and bathe them, clothe them, apply sandal paste, kumkum and ‘attar’ (Indian perfume containing rose essence), and finally perform puja to them. He would then carefully replace the idols with absolute reverence. After this was completed, he would climb on a small ladder laid for him by his daughter-in-law (who was totally devoted to him, as a disciple would be to a Guru ) and repeat this process with all the pictures of Sages and Saints that adorned the walls in the hall. He did this meticulously and perfectly, as I watched with rapt attention.

Suddenly, while Maharaj was applying ‘attar’ (perfume) with his finger to each of the glass-framed pictures of Sages and Saints, a thought arose in me, ‘Why was he applying ‘attar’ on those pictures, as only living people use this?’ The moment the thought arose in me, from a distance, still up on the ladder, Maharaj gave me a piercing look and asked, “Pictures? Are they only pictures? Look more closely!” When I looked at the thirty and odd framed pictures, lo, all of them became ‘alive’ as if truly animated! I was thrilled! Then, he climbed down, came and sat next to me and said: “One’s ‘bhava’ (inner attitude) of surrendered devotion, is most important while doing puja or witnessing a puja. If you see God-forms as ‘idols’, they will certainly look like mere idols. If you treat them as ‘pictures’, they will only appear as pictures. Change the ‘bhava’. Wholeheartedly treat them as ‘alive’ and approach them with reverence.

“Then, they will certainly turn ‘alive’ and shower their blessings on you. That is how Sages and Saints worship God, in the idols they have. However, always remain pivoted on the ‘essence’ - that the one who witnesses the puja or the one who performs the puja is the same Truth, since it is only God that resides in him or her. There exists no falsehood at all, for, everything including ‘you’ is the ‘TRUTH’.”

Maharaj then gave me a pat on my back, and added, “Has Sri Bhagavan not pointed out the spiritual truth that God resides in one’s Heart, namely, the right side of the chest? Yes! He resides here!” Maharaj put his right hand on the right side of my chest. I felt totally elated. He further added: “From now on, put ‘attar’ on your attire covering the right side of your chest!” I continue to apply perfume on my Heart, every day ! What an extraordinary blessing!

The eight days were thus successfully completed.

On 27th, I couldn’t go as I was indisposed. On 28th & 29th I went at 10 a.m. and attended Maharaj’s talks. Mrs and Mr. Sapre were there.

I was busy with Ashram work until February 8 evening. In the evening, along with P.V. Somasundaram, at the request of Maharaj, I attended the Marathi session of Maharaj where he expounded Saint Jnaneswar’s “Jnaneshwari ”. He performed a ‘miracle’. There was quite a crowd of local people. He asked me to come and sit directly in front of him, at his feet. He was standing. He bent towards me and said, “Listen to every word I speak, attentively.” He spoke in Marathi of which I don’t know a word. For 45 minutes he spoke very fast, without a moment’s pause, in Marathi unmixed with Hindi. When he completed, there was a thundering silence. Slowly he again bent down towards me and asked: “Did you understand?” ‘Something’ in me replied: “Yes, Maharaj! I understood every word you spoke!” I was surprised, for, though these words came out of my mouth, I felt I was only a ‘listener’ of those words and not the ‘speaker’ of those words. Maharaj laughed aloud and said, “Yes! It is for this that I made you come, this evening!” [That was the only evening session he permitted me to attend.] As I was leaving, he said with all affection, “Come and meet me tomorrow positively. I have kaam (business) to do with you!”

9-2-1979 (Diary Entry)

When I entered Maharaj’s room it was 11.30 a.m. All eyes were on me; I was surprised. Mrs. Sapre slightly chided me, “Maharaj has been expecting you from 10 o’clock onwards. He was frequently casting his glance at the stairs.” As I was about to sit, Maharaj swiftly directed Mrs. Sapre to make a pile of huge cushions and then guided me towards it and asked me to sit on it. A plate full of puja materials was handed over to Maharaj. He applied tilak on my forehead and perfume on my chest. He garlanded me. I was in a state of awe, wonder and suspense. A large plate containing a woolen shawl, terry-cotton shirt cloth, dhoti and an envelope containing Rs. 51/- was given to me and Maharaj requested me to accept them. Then, what Maharaj did took me unawares. He fully prostrated before me. He turned to the audience who were witnessing all that, with amazement [I learnt later Maharaj had never done such a thing ever before] and said, “This is how in Bharat [India] a Jnani greets another Jnani.” I got up immediately and prostrated to Maharaj, tightly holding his feet. When I got up, he pleaded with me that as soon as I returned to the Ashram, I should start giving talks. I just kept quiet! (End of Diary Entry)¹

In 1979, both Viswanatha Swami and I planned that for Bhagavan’s birth centenary in 1980, we needed to work together and bring out issues dealing exclusively with the direct teachings of Bhagavan. Unfortunately, Viswanatha Swami had a sun stroke. He came to my office and said, “I am ill. Come to my room.” I followed him into his room, where his behavior was alarmingly abnormal. He kept standing and sitting restlessly, like a clockwork toy. I was shocked and upset, not knowing what to do. “Do not pay attention to my body. I am inwardly in a blissful state. Attend to the inward state of mine,” he counseled. “Send a telegram to my brother. I will not give you trouble to nurse me for long. The second day I will drop my body. Bury me in the simplest way - I want no rituals. But come in the evening at four, I have a message for you.” I went at the appointed time.

In that seemingly restless state of standing and sitting, he again told me, “Do not pay attention to the body. Listen to what I am saying.” This is Viswanatha Swami’s message and it has been guiding me very powerfully: “The body is affected, perhaps the mind also. But, the spirit, the Heart, is unaffected, and the Heart is speaking through me. Though there is so much of confusion, turbulence and misery in manifestation, all of that belongs to the realm of the mind only - the ignorant mind split as object and subject. All experiences of life are relative, related to the experiencer who is nothing but a shadow having no intrinsic reality of his own. The reality in every person is the ultimate, pure existence which is the pure state of ‘I AM’, the awareness-absolute, which does not split into subject and object. It is the only thing that matters. If the ego and all its experiences are dismissed as passing shadows, the ever present, ultimate reality alone will be self evident. If one even intellectually is convinced of this truth, one will gain detachment and mental peace. We should now and then, stop for a while, stand aloof and experience this immutable and immaculate awareness-absolute, the still ‘I AM’, which alone matters, which alone is, despite the manifestation of endless variety of experiences. The Buddha, Jesus Christ, Adi Shankara and Bhagavan Ramana are a few standing monuments affirming the reality which is our very own being. The very sight of these pillars of light reminds us of this reality and brings us the peace that passes the mind’s understanding. Only the finite mind, the ‘me’, has to be relinquished to merge and dissolve in the ever-present, infinite reality of ‘I AM’. I bless you Ganesan.”

I prostrated before him, one of the blessed devotees who came to Arunachala drawn by the Grace of Bhagavan, basked in the sunshine of his Presence, gained Self-Knowledge of ‘I AM’ and guided earnest aspirants to gain it, by Self-Enquiry. From him I learnt that it is not enough if we just read some books, and get convinced intellectually by the statements in them. I also learnt that we must experience these teachings as states of one’s own inner peace and stillness.

Let us pay homage to Viswanatha Swami by remembering a few verses from his Sri Ramana Ashtottaram glorifying Sri Bhagavan: “Prostrations to one who dwells ever in the Self of pure awareness! Prostrations to one who is self-luminous like the sun, dispelling the darkness of ignorance! Prostrations to one who is the embodiment of unbroken awareness! Prostrations to one who is the light of awareness! Prostrations to one whose birth is for the purpose of spiritual awakening! Prostrations to one whose advent is for giving salvation to the whole world, to enable every being to recognize itself as the eternal ‘I AM’!” Though the literal meaning and purpose of the above verses looks like adoring Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi, the true inner meaning is much more significant and important - to pursue the inner path by staying in the Heart as ‘I AM’. Bhagavan said that one can write a whole biography out of these 108 verses.

Viswanatha Swami, as predicted by him, dropped his body fully conscious and peacefully on the second day. His samadhi inside the ashram, close to Arunachala, is a place of serenity, the same serenity his physical presence emanated all his life – a peace filled boulder!

Prof. N. R. Krishnamurthy Iyer

Once, in 1980, I lamented to NRK, “You have been doing sadhana. Even now you are continuing your sadhana, Professor. I am burdened with ashram work. I have no time to do sadhana. I feel miserable when I look at you.” He replied, “Why worry? It is immaterial whether you do sadhana or service. Fully recognize that you are a part of Arunachala. That is enough.” Puzzled, I asked, “What do you mean that I am part of Arunachala?” NRK took me from my office to the foot of the holy mountain. He reverently pointed the mountain out to me and said, “Arunachala is the pure Self, the ‘I AM’, the nature of Tat Tvam Asi - That Thou Art - you are that. The Vedas also declare this truth. Humanity has forgotten that Arunachala is the same ‘I AM’ in each one of us, that Arunachala is the essence of Vedas. In order to make humanity recognize and re-establish the truth of ‘I AM’, Arunachala itself has taken the human form of Ramana Bhagavan. When Arunachala took the human form to spread the truth of ‘I AM’, all the rocks and boulders from the hill also took birth as devotees. So, be assured Ganesan, you and I are also rocks and boulders of Arunachala. Just as Bhagavan went back to Arunachala in the form of a meteor like light which we all saw, we too, when we drop our bodies, will go back to the holy mountain. Keep this truth deeply embedded in your heart. Share and announce the greatness of these rocks and boulders. Be happy, Ganesan; you have this work to do. I feel Bhagavan wants you to do this.”

I was very fortunate to have been able to persuade NRK and his wife to stay in Ramanasramam for a long time. This gave me the great opportunity of receiving his blessings. Once, around 1981 or 1982, I requested him to grant me the state of ecstasy that he and other old devotees experienced in the presence of Bhagavan. He was overjoyed at this request of mine. He said, “Yes, not only you Ganesan, but anyone who listens to this incident will melt into Ramana’s silence inwardly and shed tears of ecstasy outwardly. Listen to this. One day, Bhagavan was seated cross legged on a bench close to the thatched mud hut that had been built over the Mother’s samadhi. Bhagavan’s classmate Rangan, Ramaswamy Pillai, and other old devotees were sitting on the floor before Bhagavan. They all started singing the five hymns in praise of Ramana called Ramana Stuti Panchakam in Tamil. Rangan was on the floor close to Bhagavan. His head was only a couple of inches away from the bench. The verses concluded with ‘Pray! Place your soft, holy feet on my head.’ As this line was being sung, one of Bhagavan’s feet descended, came into contact with Rangan’s head and stayed there for quite some time. The whole group, including Rangan, was hypnotized at this remarkable spiritual experience and continued repeating the same stanza again and again.”

Before he came permanently to Tiruvannamalai, Ramsuratkumar travelled in ecstasy across India from 1952 to1959. He spent these seven years visiting shrines of realized saints, all along remaining in an unbroken state of samadhi. When he touched the sacred soil of Arunachala, he fully regained his normal consciousness. It was in that normal state that he returned to Ramanasramam in 1959, and this was when I first met him. I was spending time with my teacher, T. K. Sundaresa Iyer, when I noticed this dishevelled, unkempt ‘madman’ in front of me. As the thought flashed across my mind, T. K. Sunderesa Iyer turned to me and said “He is not a madman, he is a yogi. Ganesa, he is a Siddha Purusha. He is hungry, so go inside, get some food and give it to him.” Food was scarce in the ashram during those days. Despite this, I made it a point to try and feed Ramsuratkumar whenever possible. Later, he told me that it was T. K. Sundaresa Iyer who named him ‘Yogi Ramsuratkumar’ and that from that point on, the name stuck. He lived in a small hut in a neighborhood of the ashram called Ramana Nagar and went walking all over the hill, much like his master Ramana Maharshi. While walking around the hill, I would often chance to see him in the burial grounds, jumping from one tomb to another, chanting, “Om Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram.” During those years, I had many an occasion to have contact with Yogi Ramsuratkumar. I did not know that there was a spiritual cord that was binding Yogi Ramsuratkumar and me. Later in 1962, he started living in the temple, and also under a punnai tree near the railway station.

I lost contact with him after that point as I was immersed in ashram work - being actively involved with The Mountain Path. Still, I sometimes caught sight of him near the bus terminus during my trips to Chennai. He would suddenly appear, hand me a flower and then demand, “Ganesa, please give me a rupee.” It was only in 1980, after a gap of several years, that I came into contact with him again. The centenary of Bhagavan’s jayanthi was being organized at the ashram on a grand scale with lots of celebrations and poojas.

A group even toured all over the world singing Bhagavan’s songs. One day, Yogi Ramsuratkumar met me and said, “Ganesa, the local people of Tiruvannamalai are not in favour of what is happening at Ramanasramam. They are saying that it is a Brahmin institution and only Sanskrit is chanted there. During Bhagavan’s lifetime, Tamil parayanam from the Collected Works of Bhagavan was being sung. Start that again.” I tried, but except for two or three old devotees there was nobody who knew the entire Collected Works. I avoided meeting him again as he was very persistent with this demand.

He solved this dilemma of starting the Tamil parayanam in his own inimitable style. My friend Anuradha had settled in Arunachala in 1983. My brother Mani had also resigned his job and moved permanently to Tiruvannamalai to help with ashram work. Together, they were helping me manage the ashram as its activities had grown significantly. During the Karthikai festival in 1983, Anuradha, Kanakammal (an old devotee of Bhagavan) and I were near the temple witnessing the procession of the huge wooden car. Suddenly, out of nowhere, Yogi Ramsuratkumar came and caught my hand and said, “Ganesa, this beggar has been sending word to you to meet you and ask you to start the Tamil parayanam. But you have been avoiding me.” He was in his garb of several shawls, carrying a coconut shell bowl, sticks and a large fan. Anuradha was quite frightened with this vision of a ‘madman’ suddenly accosting me - this was her first darshan of Yogi Ramsuratkumar! I admitted that I was avoiding him as I was unable to find someone to take on the heavy task of learning all the Collected Works of Bhagavan in Tamil and teaching these to others to do parayanam. He instantaneously turned towards Anuradha and said, “She will take up this task!” He then disappeared into the crowd as abruptly as he had appeared. Anuradha, still quite stunned by his dishevelled appearance and the familiarity with which he addressed me, asked, “Who is this madman who accosts you and gives orders to you? What is this Tamil parayanam he is referring to?”

Some power must have been transferred from Yogi to Anuradha because she started learning the Collected Works of Bhagavan from Kanakammal and Kunju Swami and started singing whatever she had learnt, in Bhagavan’s shrine. Many ladies were attracted to her singing because they had never heard Bhagavan’s Collected Works being sung in the recent past. Whenever Kunju Swami taught Anuradha, he used to say, “You have to learn it by heart otherwise I will not teach you.” She soon learned every poem in the Collected Works by heart and taught all the ladies who were interested. Ramani, my brother’s wife, was especially keen on learning them. Yogi Ramsuratkumar kept himself informed of the progress of the parayanam. A few years later, when Anuradha had completed and prepared six days of parayanam, Yogi asked her, “How many days of parayanam are ready?” When she replied that six days of it were ready, Yogi asked her, “What about Sunday?” Anuradha, who is very bold and quick witted, retorted, “Sunday is Sabbath!” Yogi Ramsuratkumar burst into peals of laughter and said, “Oh, then Sunday will be a rest day.” Even to this day, there is no Tamil parayanam in Ramanasramam on Sundays!¹

In the 1980s, after the birth centenary celebrations of Sri Bhagavan, the activities of the Ashram burgeoned. Being an important part of the management, I became engaged all the time in arranging functions not only within the premises of the Ashram but also across India. I travelled extensively to help other organizations celebrate Sri Bhagavan’s Birth Centenary. I was too busy to pay attention to my sadhana. Guru-seva took precedence over Guru-upadesa. I didn’t know how to extricate myself from being engaged in the continuous organizational activities and tours.

There was a ‘mad’ Muslim at that time in the town. Day and night, he would walk the streets, continuously using abusive language. People used to hurl stones at him, beat him with sticks and drive him away without fear of retaliation. Because, he never reacted nor retorted. In fact, he never even looked at them. Occasionally, he would come to the Ashram and demand food through gestures – all the while continuing to shout abusively. Every time he crossed me, he would give me a piercing look, which kindled in my Heart a sense of sympathy and love for him and never a feeling of dislike or anger.

One day, he begged me through gestures to let him into the Dining Hall and have food. Since he was dirty and smelly, even servants refused to eat along with him. With a rush of compassion, I assured him of a sumptuous meal if he followed me. I made him sit outside the Old Hall, spread a big banana leaf, and brought some buckets full of rice, vegetables, sambhar, rasam and butter-milk. He looked very happy, though he still mouthed abusive words. He ate with relish all the buckets full of food and demanded water. That bucket of water too he swallowed. It was an impossible feat! I knew something remarkable was happening. After finishing, he gave me his usual piercing look. But this time, it was long and filled with love. His abusive outpouring, stopped abruptly. To my utter surprise, he told me in clear Tamil, “உனக்காக ஒரு கோடி ரூபா காத்திண்டிருக்கு. ஒரு ரூபாவை நாடி, தேடி, ஓடி, அதுவுங்கிடைக்காம ஏமாந்து போகாதே” – (“A crore (ten million) of rupees is waiting for you! Don’t commit the grave mistake of running around all over the world for gaining just one rupee and, finally get heart-broken by getting not even that!”). He repeated these words three times and went away. I was in a state of ecstasy!

Next day, our servants reported to me that the ‘mad’ Muslim that I had fed the previous day, was lying dead, near a tank right by the side of entrance to the Big Temple!

My attention on ‘life’ took a complete ‘U’-turn from then on. It turned from attending to external activities to focusing my attention exclusively ‘inwards’ to practising Sri Bhagavan’s teaching of Self-Enquiry!²

Yogi Ramsuratkumar, a great siddha purusha, lived in our midst till as recently as 2001. He often declared, “This beggar has three masters –Aurobindo, Ramana Maharshi and Swami Ramdas. My father gave them the work of preaching and teaching. He didn’t give that work to this beggar. Instead he gave this beggar the duty of alleviating the physical, mental and spiritual suffering of earnest seekers.” Many have witnessed the compassionate way in which he helped hundreds of suffering souls, mostly in the physical and mental realms. I would like to share how he once alleviated my spiritual suffering.

💧︎

J. Krishnamurti was a great spiritual mentor who lived amongst us till 1986. For many years I was blessed to attend all his talks, including his last talk, in Chennai.

As a beginner approaching J. Krishnamurti’s teaching, I was faced with two hurdles. (i) He employed unconventional terms. (ii) He rejected all forms of spiritual technique and even exhorted his listeners not to follow any scripture, guru or God.

I put my problems before Yogi Ramsuratkumar, who was himself, a great admirer of this modern sage. He listened attentively, and with a brilliant smile said, “Krishnaji is for non–believers. For us believers there are any number of masters to follow. But for genuine non-believers, what is the recourse? Hence, Krishnaji chooses terms that are different, yet completely acceptable to non-believers,” After a pause, he added, “I assure you, Krishnaji gives us the same essence as any of the great masters. But he couches it in opposite terminologies!”

💧︎

As I sat transfixed, and puzzled over his explanation, Yogi Ramsuratkumar narrated a page from his own life history. “My master, Swami Ramdas, emphasized that everything is in the Name. When I read J. Krishnamurti with equal reverence and interest, I found that he said there is nothing in the Name. I was perplexed with these two differing and diametrically opposite statements. I also knew that both these utterances came from great masters. But by now, Swami Ramdas had passed away.

So, I sought Krishnaji to get this clarified. I went to Madras. But Krishnaji had gone to Rishi Valley. I went there. I could not meet him. He then went to Bombay. I followed him. There also, I could not meet him. He returned to Madras. I too, relentlessly followed. I was keen to get my doubt cleared by this living master. In Madras, I was told I could not meet him.

Early one morning, I waited in the garden of Vasant Vihar, where he was residing, hoping that he would come down and meet me. What happened after that, I can’t describe as dream, vision or reality! But this is what happened. Krishnaji came straight to me. I prostrated fully before him. After some time, he lifted me up affectionately and put both his hands on my shoulders tenderly. I could not speak a single word as I was in a state of spiritual awe, physical wonder and mental exhilaration! He said in his ever-sweet voice, “Both of us say the same thing!”

💧︎

I was in ecstasy. My doubt was eradicated. Yes! Both the statements, “Name is everything” and “Name is nothing”, convey in essence, the same Truth. Purna, total Presence, and sunya, total Absence mean exactly the same, single, indivisible Oneness!”

💧︎

Having received this inspiring clarification from the incomparable siddha purusha, Yogi Ramsuratkumar, I plunged again into reading both J. Krishnamurti and Bhagavan Ramana. It was not surprising that I stumbled across a plethora of striking similarities. These not only gladdened my heart, but also widened my understanding that all masters speak the same Truth, though in different languages!³

It was the Sacred Maha Sivaratri night of 1982! Every Maha Sivaratri has been very special for me. As is the Sacred Night of the Karthigai Deepam. For on these two nights, I have seen and felt shimmering silver waves flowing from the Holy Hill, spreading out and engulfing everything. It was my practice to join a group of young visitors and residents and start Giripradakshina between 8 and 9 p.m. The aim was to be on the Giripradakshina path at the stroke of midnight and look at the Sacred Mountain, at the same moment — ‘yaamatthu’ — when according to mythology, the Column of Light turned into the Mountain of Stillness!

That year was very special, as the children of ‘Ramana Bala Kendra’ had visited from Bangalore. I had been connected with ‘Ramana Bala Kendra’ from its inception and every child of that batch was very dear to my Heart. They had studied the Life of Sri Bhagavan for a whole year. In order to make this learning process come alive, from time to time, the children were encouraged to enact the different scenes from His Life. These scenes were finally put together as an hour-long play called ‘The Ramana Evening’.

That Maha Sivaratri, as part of the celebration of Ramana Bala Kendra’s first annual day, the children were hosted by the Ashram. After dinner, all the devotees gathered in the Old Dining Hall for the play being enacted by the children. They acted so well that they lost themselves in their roles and brought before our eyes the scenes of Sri Bhagavan's birth, His childhood, His Enlightenment at Madurai and His arrival at Holy Arunachala. It culminated with Sri Bhagavan embracing the Lord in the form of Arunachala Linga inside the sanctum sanctorum of the Temple and declaring: "Father! I have come at Thy bidding. Thy Will be done!"

A few hours later, around eleven, the children bade us goodbye boarded their bus back to Bangalore. It was an emotional parting and there were tears in my eyes too! It was in this heightened emotional state that I started for the Giripradakshina — this time all alone. In those days, I used to go round the Holy Hill almost every night. It took me only a little more than two hours to complete the circumambulation. I would walk chanting the 108 verses of Sri Bhagavan’s “Marital Garland of Letters”, repeating its refrain after every couplet. Usually, I would complete singing this Bakthi soaked hymn three times by the time I re-entered the Ashram premises.

That sacred night, perhaps, after that uplifting time with children re-living Sri Bhagavan's Glorious Life, my chanting was surcharged with a sublime spiritual fervour. By the time I reached a bend in the road near Adi Annamalai temple, from where I could see the tip of the Temple’s tower, I was chanting the hymn for the second time. I distinctly remember even now, as if it happened just yesterday, that I was singing verse 32 at that time: "சூது செய்தென்னைச் சோதியாது இனி உன் ஜ்யோதி உருக் காட்டு, அருணாசலா!" "Arunachala! Do not test me with Your deceptive tricks. Instead, graciously reveal your Real Form of Supreme Effulgent Light so that I may directly perceive You!" At that time, I was looking at the tip of the Temple tower, with the Holy Mountain in the background.

Lo! A huge Effulgent Column of Light appeared, piercing through the sky above and boring down into the Earth! Everything else disappeared! My Heart pulsated with a Sacred Presence which affirmed in Silence that what was being revealed was the same Infinite Column of Light that has been described as the very Origin of Arunachala! Without beginning and end, enveloping all things of the Universe in its Brilliance — below and above — encompassing the Earth and the Skies!

How can one see that which is Limitless? No eyes of the flesh could have beheld such a sight! Therefore, I can never say, "I saw the Light!” Nor could the ‘mind’ have envisioned such Glory! Yet, Grace revealed IT at that moment and thus the impossible became possible. The Divine Vision bestowed on the Great Gods — Brahma and Vishnu — had been bestowed on ‘me’, without my asking! As I had not sought it, there was no thought about IT until the very moment of that Illimitable Blessing. I cannot say how long the Divine Vision lasted, for, "’Time’ was not when the “Light” was!” Untold Bliss coursed through me! And, after IT disappeared, as seamlessly as IT had appeared !

Not able to contain my exhilaration, I almost ran all the way home to my mother — Nagalakshmi Ammal, my unfailing guide and best friend in my inner spiritual journey. I softly called out to her in the manner that had been arrived at by us mutually, so as not to disturb my father. She opened the door and let me in. We both lay down, cuddling together and I softly whispered in her ears what all had taken place with great excitement. She answered laconically, "Hum, hum, so what? Now, what of it? Go to the Ashram and continue with your “Maha Sivaratri” night routine. Give up thinking about it." I felt completely deflated and discomfited. Was not the Divine Vision a tremendous and rarest of the rare one? Had it not been a Great Blessing beyond imagination? Why was my mother pooh poohing it?

I asked her outright. My mother replied with supreme love and compassion, "Ganesa! In your exhilaration, if you narrate this incident to others, some will disbelieve you and others will glorify you. You will be disappointed by the former and this will water down the magnitude of the Glory that you witnessed. If they praise you, it will bloat your ego and make you feel that you are great on account of it. Have you come here to glorify your ego? Or glorify Guru Ramana? Yes, the Divine Vision is indeed auspicious. But, has not Sri Bhagavan told us that all visions are only in the ‘mind’? So, do not think about it any further." I asked her, "Mother! Then, why did it happen to ‘me’ who is lesser than the dust of Arunachala’s Feet?" She gave me a ‘pat’ on my back and replied: “It is just like this: Arunachala Ramana is giving you a pat on your back to encourage you by emphasising, 'My, child! You are on the right track. March ahead, without turning back!"

Hail Arunachala!

Hail Arunachala Jyoti'!

Hail Sat-Guru Ramana!

Hail Mathru Tattva Mother Nagalakshmi Ammal!

When my mother was admitted in the local Government Hospital, the Government Doctor who attended on her, Dr. Sundaram, a ranked military officer, held her in such high respect that he used to prostrate first to her before checking her pulse. And as the hospital had only a common ward with two rows of fifteen beds, with no provision for a separate room for my mother, Dr. Sundaram graciously gave her his private room with its bed, attached bathroom, etc., an act for which I am eternally grateful to him.

But, since his bed was too high for my mother who was quite short, I had to carry and lift her up whenever I had to put her back on the bed. I felt blessed doing even this small act of Mathru Seva! I would come daily with dinner for her at around 8 pm, stay the night watching over her and return to the Ashram at 4 a.m.

During the day, my cousin sister, Gomathi, would take my place in the hospital. Gomathi’s mother, my aunt, was very fond of my mother and used to keep her food ready for me to pick up. When handing over the packed food, she would pinch my check — hard enough to hurt me — and scold me: “Because of you my sister is in the hospital. You have not got married and that has affected her so much that she has fallen sick.” At first, I took this as a joke. But, when she repeated it night after night, it started bothering me. So, one night, after feeding my mother and putting her on her bed, and hesitantly told her, “Amma! Your elder sister is accusing me daily of being the cause of your illness. She says it is because I have refused to get married that you have fallen ill. And, my looking after you here every night is only to pretend that I love you and show off that I am serving you. Amma! Is it true?” My mother ordered me to immediately lift her from the bed onto the floor. The moment I did as she wanted, she fell at my feet. I was shocked and cried out, “Amma! You are my guru! You are my revered mother! It is I who should fall at your sacred feet! Not you at mine!”

Before I could continue, she closed my mouth with both of her hands and said, “You know how I am proud of you — proud that I could be the mother of such a blessed son! In fact, not only do I not want you to get married, but I also do not want you to lead the Worldly life of a grihastha. Understand this! By remaining a brahmachari, you are performing the Divine act of preventing the creation of generations of jivas bearing lorry loads of prarabdha karma! Ganesa! Within a hundred years of your married life, you would have been responsible for creating a thousand prarabhdha-filled jivas! Though you are born in the Sacred family of Sri Bhagavan, you too will have a load of prarabdha karma to exhaust. One’s prarabdha itself is so hard to eradicate! Imagine then, being responsible for a thousand jivas — each with their heavy load of prarabdha to exhaust! By remaining a brahmachari, you have saved a thousand jivas from being born, and having to suffer their prarabdha. How noble a vow that is! That’s why I wanted to prostrate to you! May you live long and happily as a brahmachari and serve Sat-Guru Sri Ramana! I whole-heartedly bless you, my dear son!” Deeply moved, I embraced her in gratitude before laying her back on the bed. And once she was comfortable, held her sacred feet and drenched them with my joyful tears! Till then, I had worshipped my mother as my upaguru, the one who showed me and made me accept Sri Bhagavan as my one and only Guru. On that day at the Government Hospital, she revealed to me that she was a fully blossomed Jnani. I repeatedly prostrated to her.

After this happened, another great revelation took place. My mother got cardiac asthma in 1980. She was suffering from severe pain and was admitted to the local Government General Hospital. However, there was no suitable treatment for her condition. Even oxygen cylinders were not available there. During that time, instead of going around the hill at night as I usually did, I used to sleep in the hospital at night and return around four in the morning to the Ashram.

On one such night, the Chief Doctor called me aside and warned me, “Your mother’s condition is critical. She will die. Take her to a bigger hospital in Chennai.” Although he spoke in a low voice, my mother had an idea of what the Doctor told me. She called me and asked, “What did the Doctor say?” I had no choice but to tell her. She said, “Give me your word on two things.” I nodded. She continued, “First, promise me that under no circumstances will you take me away from Arunachala. My Guru, Sri Bhagavan, came to Arunachala and never left this place until He dropped His body. Likewise, do not allow anybody to take me away from here, no matter what the circumstances are. Secondly, I must die when I am in a state of Full Consciousness. Please allow that to happen because if I die in that state, then I will not have any rebirth. Even if I scream in sheer agony, do not allow the Doctors to give me morphine or any other sedative. Let my body suffer outwardly. Inwardly, I will have merged in Silence.” I kept my promises even though the Doctors chided me, “You are an educated fool. You claim to love your mother, but you are a rakshasa, a demon. Just look at her plight!” I bore it all without uttering a word.

Before she left us, I prostrated before her and entreated, “Mother, are you going to leave me? What will I do?” I wept uncontrollably. She tried to soothe me, saying, “Do not cry. Be happy! The ‘body’ has to die one day. Do not give such significance to this ‘body’. Shift your focus from my ‘body’ to my State of Being. Inwardly, I am immersed in Peace. The Being transcends both the ‘body’ and the ‘mind’. Cling to the ever free Being and allow the ‘body’ and the ‘mind’ to fade away as they should. By not pampering them, they remain your servant. You become the master when you start paying sole attention to your Inner Being. My blessings are with you.” My mother further blessed me by adding, “Sri Bhagavan will bless you. I gave you only your body. Sri Bhagavan is your True Mother.” With her third blessing she said, “Serve Sri Bhagavan faithfully by practicing His Teaching. His grace is His Teaching.” When I sobbed uncontrollably, she comforted me by saying, “I constantly feel Sri Bhagavan’s Holy Presence, Ganesa! That is enough for me!” She passed away fully conscious in the midst of all her kith and kin at the foot of Arunachala. I helped carry my mother’s body and we performed the final rites.

My mother was a devotee who was a Jnani, a truly realized soul. Yes! There is a great purpose in leading the spiritual life! And that purpose is to obtain the Guru’s Anugraha, which alone can completely destroy all our stored up prarabdha karma!¹

Thus, twenty-four years rolled by!

For various reasons, I suddenly felt tired and wanted to quit or close down the journal. I thought that the journal had more than fulfilled the purpose of its creation — all the aspects of Sri Maharshi's Teachings and the practical aspects of other religions had been brought out and all Old Devotees of the Master had been given due recognition. There was a dearth of fresh articles on Sri Bhagavan and His Teachings. I was also tired of begging for advertisements. I felt I should quit.

However, I also felt strongly that I should do my utmost to make the issues of the Silver Jubilee year a grand success. I sought Professor Swaminathan's counsel. He fully realised my predicament, but yet said: "Sri Bhagavad Gita has been commented upon all these centuries by various scholars, yet still new commentaries are coming up, every day! The teachings of Masters like Sri Bhagavan never become stale, the more you write about them the fresher they are." After some time, he continued: "All right! Don't worry. I shall take the entire responsibility of the journal. I will help you, first, to complete the four issues of the Silver Jubilee: and then let us leave it to Sri Bhagavan"! This 91 year 'youngster' came to the relief of a 51 year 'old man'!¹

Venkatesa Shastri

One of the first instances of Shastri Mama’s guidance came to me when I was reading a book on the miracles of a living saint. Neither could I put the book down, nor sleep the entire night. I felt I must meet this master and that I too must possess the power of performing miracles. After the day’s pooja, while I stood in front of the old office about thirty feet away, Shastri Mama suddenly said, “Ganesa, stop! Stay there!” I obeyed him. “I order you not to have any thoughts,” he commanded. He then held out a bunch of grapes and said, “Now tell me how many grapes are there in this bunch.” “Thirteen,” I replied. “Come here and count them,” he commanded again. My guess turned out to be accurate. “How did you say thirteen?” he asked. “I don’t know,” I answered, puzzled. “Don’t say that. You cannot get away by saying that. Tell me how you thought there were thirteen grapes?” he pressed. This time, I kept quiet. “You know I told you to stay without thoughts.” he said. “Why did you not say fifteen or ten or eleven? How did you say exactly thirteen? When you were without thoughts, I put that number into your mind. I had already counted them. A miracle is nothing but a stronger mind occupying a weaker mind. Never get distracted by a miracle.” I was amazed. I had never spoken to him about the book. He said, “I am not saying this without support.” He quoted from one of Bhagavan’s verses, “To enquire into and abide as the Self, which is the ever present Reality is alone the true attainment, the greatest siddhi. All other siddhis or occult powers are equivalent to powers enjoyed in the dream state. When the sleeper awakes, are the dream powers real? Can those who stay in the state of Self, thereby casting off all forms of unreality, ever be deluded by indulging in the siddhis?” At one stroke, Shastri Mama wiped out for ever any inclination I might have had for siddhis or occult powers!

Shastri Mama was the most profound, yet simplest man with whom I have interacted. In the Vedas, it is said that the ultimate truth is smaller than the atom and bigger than all the cosmos put together. With no one was this truer than with Shastri Mama. It was he who chose my present home, ‘Ananda Ramana’. When this house came up for sale, I told him that I wanted Anuradha to buy it. He was totally blind at that time. He instantly said, “No. You should own it.” He added, “Take me to that land.” I took him around every inch of the land. At one spot, he stopped and asked me to describe the location. I said, “There are two trees here - one a peepul tree and the other a neem tree.” Before I could say anything more, he interrupted me and smilingly said, “Yes, Lord Ganesa has chosen this spot. The peepul tree represents the Father aspect and the neem tree the Mother aspect. Lord Ganesa is the son of Lord Siva and Mother Parvati. Make a shrine for the idol of Lord Ganesa in between these two trees. Since Lord Ganesa himself has selected the spot, I have named him Samartha Vinayakar - auspiciousness showering Ganesa.” In accordance with his guidance, I bought ‘Ananda Ramana’ with the help of a friend and constructed a shrine for Lord Ganesa at the spot Shastri Mama had indicated. On the day of the house warming, he himself guided all rituals, including the pooja to Samartha Vinayakar. When I prostrated to him and sought his blessings, he was very gracious to tell me, “The world around you will ignore you and give you up. But, don’t worry. Samartha Vinayakar will protect you and guide you. I will also initiate you today into a special Ganesa mantra which should neither be written down nor chanted loudly. Do the japa of it only inwardly, within your Heart. Ignore the world. Turn inward and always be submerged in that japa in your heart. You are ever blessed by Bhagavan!”

I had the good fortune of interacting with Yogi Ramsuratkumar on several occasions after this. It is no exaggeration to say that he played a pivotal role in my life. The following is an example where he specifically stepped in and resolved a crisis. In 1987, I was caught up in a problem involving a printing press. I was trying to print the ashram publications locally at a lower cost so that we could sell them in our bookstore at reduced prices. A local printer offered to take this responsibility of printing our books if I could help him purchase a printing press. The bank gave him a loan on the condition that I was the guarantor. I agreed without fully understanding the consequences of this. Unfortunately, he defaulted on the payment and the bank manager held me liable to repay the loan. I was bewildered about the situation. As the pressure mounted, I even contemplated suicide. Seeing my increasing desperation and depression, Anuradha suggested that we take this problem to Yogi Ramsuratkumar as many of his devotees were in the printing business.

We met him at his house and Anuradha told him about the problem, “Ganesan is going through a lot of stress with a printing press issue and he wants to commit suicide”. Pat came the response: “Ganesa, what did our master Ramana Maharshi teach us? You have to enquire into the source of thoughts and kill the mind and not the body. The body has served you well all these years. Why take it out on the body?” I felt cornered and blurted out, “Let me then run away from Arunachala.” With a spark of inquisitiveness in his eyes, Yogi asked me, “Where will you go if you leave Arunachala?” I spontaneously said, “Kashi, swami!” Seeing an opportunity, he asked me with intense enthusiasm, “Will you promise to go to Kashi if the problem is solved?” I expressed my full consent. He then turned to Anuradha and asked her, “Will you be able to do the magazine work in the absence of Ganesa?” She readily agreed. He turned to me and asked, “Tell me what the problem is.” Anuradha explained the issue in detail.

One of the traits of Yogi Ramsuratkumar was his intense and complete involvement in any problem that he took up. He went into all the details and after a thorough understanding of the issue, remained silent for a moment, then took out his cigarette packet and wrote ‘Om’ and gave it to me. He then said, “The name of the person who will help you is one of my devotees, S. P. Janarthanan, and this is his address.” He directed me to write down the address on the plain side of the cigarette wrapper. When I contacted him, he came to Tiruvannamalai and without so much as looking at the printing press said, “My master Yogi Ramsuratkumar has asked me to take this press off your hands and I will pay the entire amount of this press.” I felt instantly relieved. But my relief was short lived as his partners refused to endorse this idea. It took another seven months for him to finally take the press and clear the loan. I felt completely harassed during this time. Yogi continued to be my only support and solace. Finally, the ‘press problem’ was solved. I was ready to fulfill my part of the ‘deal’! With Yogi Ramsuratkumar’s blessings and the help of J. Krishnamurti’s nephew G. Narayan, I retreated to Varanasi for an entire year. Even there, I could feel Yogi’s mystic hand helping me with the staying arrangements. I had a cottage right on the banks of the Ganges and spent a year there with a sense of quietude and dispassion. I felt he was guiding me by freeing me from the continuous involvement in the ashram. It was for the first time after nearly thirty years that I felt a new sense of spiritual independence. I actually felt that I was being weaned away from the karma of service to the ashram.²

I reached Kashi on a Wednesday. I was welcomed in Krishnamurti Foundation India and given a cottage to stay in and Badri, a Nepali boy, to look after the cottage and me. The very next day, on blessed Guruvaar, dear Badri told me in a commanding voice: “Sadhu Swami! Tomorrow, I will give you tea early in the morning. After that, you must go to Lord Viswanatha’s Temple. Sit there, have His darshan and offer your prayers from 7 to 1. Then, from 1 to 3.30 p.m. go and sit in Mother Annapoorni’s Temple and pray there. After that, go to the banks of Ganga Mata, meditate there till 7 p.m. and return here before 9 p.m. I will have your dinner ready and serve it to you. Let this be your routine every day of the week. One thing more, Sadhu Swami, on Fridays you should not eat anything through the day.”

Recognising that a young servant boy would never on his own order his new master, thus, I accepted his command reverentially as my Guru’s Anugraha. All the 365 days of my stay at KFI, I meticulously attended to my Puja routine as dictated by Badri. My servant was my Master !³

Later, in 1988, as I shared before, I stayed for a year at the Krishnamurti Foundation in Varanasi. My very first day was filled with ecstatic experiences. That evening Sudhakar Tiwari, the Hindi teacher in the Krishnamurti School there, came to my cottage and offered to take me to river Ganga. I sat on a spot from where I could safely put my feet into the running water. When I was intently looking at the Mother Ganga, I felt Ganga Ma was initiating me with a mantra. Elated, I went on chanting the mantra for a full three and half hours in a state of spiritual fervour. So much so, it was dark when some people from the Foundation came searching for me in that darkness with flash-lights. They took me back to my cottage. The mantra kept on repeating within for days, no matter what I was doing outside.

The very same night, while I was deep in slumber, I was woken by another deeper and stranger happening! Though I was awake, I could not open my eyes. I heard many pooja bells ringing in frenzy. The fragrance of flowers, burning incense sticks and camphor filled my room. Suddenly, I heard tens of hundreds of people shouting fervently, “Har, Har Mahadev !” Then, there was a total silence. I opened my eyes. My whole body quivered with joy and ecstasy. I tried to understand what all had happened. But, my weak mind could not ascertain whether or not all these actually happened.

A couple of months later, R.R.Upasani, the secretary of KFI, came to my cottage. We sat outside in the verandah. He had earlier informed me that he would come one day to listen to me talk about the Maharshi and his teachings. However, instead of asking me to tell him about the Maharshi’s teaching, he showed me the ‘banyan tree’ that stood silently next to my cottage and asked me,” Do you know about its significance?” I replied in the negative.

The following is the extraordinary story he told me: “Krishnaji was a mighty spiritual personality! Yet in the beginning of our relationship itself, I had boldly told him that I could not understand his teaching and hence had no pretension of putting them into practice. I loved him deeply and sincerely and would do anything for him. Every day, in the evening, he would request me to accompany him during his long walks. My daily evening routine was to be with him during dinner and see him off at the first floor room of his. I would wait till he bade me good night and closed the doors behind him.”

“One night, he suddenly reopened the closed door, called me back up the stairs and said, ‘Upasaniji! When you come tomorrow, bring a sapling of a banyan plant, a spade, and a bucket of water’. The next day, I brought them and waited. Krishnaji came down and asked me to take him to this piece of land next to which your cottage now stands. Then, it was a rough piece of neglected land overgrown by cacti and other wild bushes. Krishnaji walked up and down there in a state of frenzy. I was worried as there were blood stains on his pyjamas, caused by the thorns and cacti. After sometime, he stood still exactly on the spot where the ‘banyan tree’ stands now. Everything he did was very unusual, strange and illogical. He stood with closed eyes for several minutes in deep meditation. Opening his eyes, he called me and said, ‘Upasaniji, Will you please clear this place up and dig a hole to plant the sapling?’ I did as he asked. When I looked up after digging the hole, he asked me, ‘Don’t you have a mantra that you chant before planting a banyan sapling in your villages?’ Having studied in an Agricultural College and obtained a master’s degree in it, I affirmed, ‘Yes sir, I know the mantra !’ Krishnaji said, ‘Then, chant it and plant the banyan sapling in that place.’ On my plea, he too held the sapling in his hands, and we both planted it with the mantra chanted by me. We poured the water around the plant. Krishnaji stood up and remained in a deeply prayerful attitude with closed eyes for a fairly long time. And then, moving away, started walking back in measured steps.

While walking back to his house, I could not control my curiosity. I asked him, ‘Krishnaji, what is the significance of all that happened today? Why was that neglected place chosen for planting the banyan sapling?’

He replied, ‘You want to know why? Because, the original Viswanatha Temple is buried right under the place where the sapling is planted! The Viswanatha Temple that people worship now, is its third location. More than two thousand years ago, the original Viswanatha Temple was here. Though it is buried, it is still active and energetic.’

Upasaniji did not claim to have fully understood this last sentence of Krisnaji’s. But, while listening to Upasaniji, an electric sensation, went through my system. I not only connected it to my experience of bells ringing, puja being done, the remarkable aroma of fragrance and a sense of divinity on the first night I stayed in the cottage next to the banyan tree, but it also instantly brought to my mind what Sri Bhagavan had said once about an underground tunnel connecting the Adi Annamalai and Arunachaleswara temples. This tunnel, which went right through the Arunachala Hill, was used by celestial and other higher beings to do puja in both the shrines every day! When I shared my own experience and the mystical statement of Sri Ramana, Upasaniji was thrilled, “All these days, Krishnaji’s revelation remained a puzzle to me and now it is getting cleared. Ganesanji! This frank sharing of yours encourages me to unravel one more mysterious declaration Krishnaji made to me!”

Upasaniji continued, “One day, while taking a walk, Krishnaji turned to me and asked, ‘Upasaniji, do you know why ‘Kashi’ is regarded as the most sacred city by the Hindus?’ I answered, ‘Because of Viswanatha Temple.’ He disagreed and gave me one more chance. ‘Because of Holy River Mother Ganga?’ Krishnaji shook his head and said with a smile, ‘It is because of the Sages and Saints who are always here. Right now, there are nearly forty Sages and Saints in Kashi. Many of them cannot be seen because they stay in hidden underground caves. They will always be here and so, ‘Kashi’ will always be sacred.’

Upasaniji added: “Later on, I did some research and came to know that these Yogis meditate in caves along the banks of the Ganges, and when the river got flooded during the monsoon and sand blocked the passages to these caves, the Yogis remained inside continuing their tapas!’ Ganesanji! Sages alone know about Sages! Krishnaji is a True Sage!”

Upasaniji added, “Once I asked Krishnaji, ‘Why did you select this particular piece of land for the Foundation?’ Pat came his reply, ‘Because, this is the land that the Buddha’s feet first touched when he arrived in Kashi by boat, after his Enlightenment at Bodh Gaya!’ He did not stop there. He held me by my hand and took me to the exact spot where the Buddha had placed his feet, bent down, touched it and remained silent for some time!’

I requested Upasaniji to show me the spot which remains unmarked and largely unknown to this day. I felt blessed and prostrated. Since then, every time I visit and stay at KFI, Rajghat, without fail I go at least once to that spot and prostrate in total veneration !

During my long stay at KFI, Varanasi in 1988-89, I had the great good fortune and opportunity of transcribing more than 70 audio cassettes containing the talks given by Krishnamurti all over the world, never transcribed before ! That enabled me to have direct access to Krishnamurti’s core teaching, which were not available in any of his published works of that time. It made me even more deeply interested to go deeper into his inimitable teaching.⁴

One day, a scantily dressed Bhairagi suddenly came up to me and asked in English, "Hey you! Have you read Srimad Bhagavad Gita?" On my replying in the negative, he ran away and vanished from my sight. After an hour or so, while I was still walking, he again appeared and said, "Read it from the standpoint of Lord Krishna. Don't read it from the standpoint of Arjuna." Then, he again ran away and disappeared, leaving me gazing at Mother Ganga and pondering over his words.

Yes, I told myself, it is true. Whoever reads the Bhagavad Gita — for the first time — invariably reads it from the standpoint of Arjuna. "This is my doubt which Arjuna is raising," they would tell themselves. Instead, if we take the position of Lord Krishna who dissolved all the doubts of Arjuna, we too would realise that we are ever the “Self” and never the ‘mind’! What a great Revelation it was when the significance of the Bhairagi's words hit me! I suddenly felt elevated and uplifted !

After all these years, my heart still brims over with gratitude towards that unknown Bhairagi who imparted this ‘Secret’ to me! The whole set of dialogues between Lord Krishna and Arjuna in the battlefield is truly taking place in each of us between the “Heart” and the ‘mind’. Lord Krishna is the “Heart” and the ‘mind’ is Arjuna.⁵

It was this same siddha purusha, Yogi Ramsuratkumar, who in 1989, directed me to immediately go to Anandashram and be with Pujya Mataji, as long as she wanted me to be with her. He said that she was on her death bed and was calling me. I left for Anandashram the same night. When I reached, Swami Satchidananda was standing underneath the ‘Panchavati’ repeating loudly and joyously to himself, “Now, I understand! Now, I understand!” I went and prostrated to him and demanded what he had understood. He replied, “Mataji has been telling me every morning and evening the past one week, ‘Ganesha is coming! Ganesha is coming!’ I used to reply, ‘No, Mataji! Ganesha can’t come. He is definitely not coming!’ She would insist, ‘No! You don’t know, but I know. Ganesha is coming!’ I used to leave it at that. Now I understand that she was predicting your coming here. I was under the impression that Mataji was talking about her seventy year old son, Ganesha. He is in a Mental Hospital in Pune and will not be released from the hospital unless Mataji sends them a requisition letter. So, as such, I was positive that Ganesha can’t come. How ignorant we are with our limited and collected knowledge and how wise Saints are! How madly we cling to and assert what little we know! Come, come! We will go and see Mataji!”

Mataji was bedridden and very seriously ill. Darshan was restricted to just one hour in the morning, when all stood in a queue to see her. Other than that, men were disallowed to go to her, as most of the time Mataji was simply covered with a thin cloth. Consequently, only women were attending on her.

When we entered her room, after giving sufficient advance notice, Mataji welcomed us with a glorious smile! Swami Satchidananda bent towards her and first apologised to her, saying that he now understands what she was telling him every day for the past week. She replied, “I am glad you now understand. Stay always in a state of learning!” She turned to me, and said, “Child! Stay here. Take rest. Come every morning and sit where I can see you.” I was in tears - I could not bear to see Mataji’s body so emaciated, pale and thin. She blessed me by touching my head. What a great blessing, I thought, for my small effort of travelling a few hundred miles! Next morning, when I entered her room, I noticed Mataji had already had a comfortable stool placed for me to sit near her holy feet where she could see me, all the time even when she was lying down. I felt reluctant to sit on a stool that was at the same height of Pujya Mataji’s bed. But she insisted that I sit on the stool.

Every day, when I entered, she would strain herself to see whether the stool was there. She instructed me to observe everything that happened and be watchful and aware all the time I was with her. This was exceptionally kind and gracious of Mataji, for, many eye opening things, for a sadhaka like me, did happen.

One day, a bright youngster came along with his mother and told Mataji: “I am an engineer working in a good firm in Bangalore. I am unmarried. Three years ago, I was initiated into a mantra, by a reputed sannyasin. I have been sincerely chanting this mantra since then. But, it has not given me any spiritual benefit - I am still where I was. But, I have total faith in japa yoga.I recently heard about you and that you give initiation into japa. I pine from my heart for a mantra. Please initiate me into the right one.” Mataji listened carefully and asked him the mantra into which he was initiated. He replied: “The Narayana mantra, ‘Om Namo Narayanaya’.” “She told him to come the next day at the same time and that she would initiate him into the right mantra. Then she added that he should receive it and recite it with all care, attention and sincerity so that it became his own. The next day, when the youngster came, Mataji told him “Repeat the mantra I am going to initiate you into three times.” I was following the whole thing eagerly. To my surprise, Mataji gave him the same mantra that he was initiated into three years ago - ‘Om Namo Narayanaya’. As I watched, puzzled, I saw the youngster’s face. Even as he repeated the mantra after Mataji, with closed eyes, his face brightened up with joy, and ecstasy. He prostrated with all reverence a few times to Mataji. She blessed him with a glorious smile. After they left, Mataji lifted her head a little, looked at me deeply and then gave me a smile of grace and blessings!

Mataji made me stay for a full two months, at Anandashram, with her. During that period many absorbing things happened. Of course, every day, the morning darshan and an hour’s proximity to Pujya Mataji was my elixir! During the early part of my stay, the Navarathri festival was being observed and joyously celebrated all over India. At Sri Ramanasramam, the idol of Goddess Yogambal would be taken out in procession and kept outside its usual inner shrine, where it would be decorated attractively for nine nights to depict various divine aspects of the Holy Mother. After the ninth night, the idol would be carried again in a procession back to the inner shrine. Every year, I used to actively participate in this festival. I used to take special delight in carrying the idol of the Holy Mother, on both the occasions of bringing it out and taking it back. One day, I got a letter from Sri Ramanasramam that it was the day that the Mother Yogambal was being carried out and that they all would miss me. I was deeply sad that I would miss that privilege of being one of the carriers of the holy Mother Yogambal. That afternoon, someone came to my room and told me that Mataji was calling me.

When I reached the hall, I saw a chair tied to two long poles and devotees talking excitedly. From one of them I came to know that Mataji, who was bed-ridden, had suddenly expressed that she wanted to visit Pujya Papa’s Samadhi and pay her homage. Since doctors had strictly prohibited her from walking, Swami Satchidananda had suggested that she be carried on a chair. By the time Mataji came to the hall, it started drizzling. She was then helped with some difficulty to sit on the chair. Unexpectedly, she turned to me and said with a smile that I should be in the front - the exact position that I used to occupy while carrying the idol of Mother Yogambal, at Sri Ramanasramam! We all joyously carried her on our shoulders out of the hall. I was in ecstasy since I clearly saw Mataji’s divine hands behind this most compassionate act of fulfilling a simple need of mine! On the way, when people held out an umbrella over Mataji, she said, “Hold it over Ganesha. He is getting drenched!” When I heard my name being mentioned by Mataji I strained and turned back to look at her with eyes full of gratitude and joy. She smiled at me and raised her hand by way of blessing me; and, said, “Are you happy, now ?” The acts of saints are supremely compassionate! Never before and never after, did Mataji ever sit on a chair and ask others to carry it! For me, there was no doubt that she was doing that only to appease my longing, to carry the Holy Mother on my shoulders. What a blessing to me that I could happily and joyously carry my sacred Mother Yogambal – that too in flesh and blood - on my shoulders! I should definitely have accrued great merit in hundreds of past lives to have this one single act of Grace to descend on me! No one knew why Pujya Mataji acted as she did on that sacred day. Nor did I dare to even vaguely express to any one that she was doing it for my sake! The relationship between a Saint and a devotee is inscrutable - anything can happen, at any time. But one thing is sure – it is always to the benefit of the devotee!

There is another interesting anecdote about Mataji that I want to share with seekers. It is important, as it brings out the value and beauty of reading reminiscences of and incidents connected with Sages and Saints. Every occurrence in a Saint’s life is a signpost for the seeker to either rectify his own flaws or to build up his virtues. Each one of them is filled with significance. Those who find these reminiscences as not relevant to them, would at least have read something good and interesting. Such reading is not a wastage of time, as it is spiritually energizing. These readings fill the heart with contentment and take one into a state where time seems to stand still. Contentment, Love, Compassion – all are pure spiritual traits that put an end to the chaos of ‘time’ and ‘mind’. When one’s ‘mind’ is active in divisive thinking, disappointment, disagreement, hate, anger, sorrow, jealousy, bitterness and so on, rule supreme. Reading about Saints and their acts of compassion, brings in a deep sense of contentment and, a sense of time well spent.

During my long stay at Anandashram, Swami Madhurananda, a friendly, cordial and affectionate resident of the ashram who took good care of me, would ask me to tell him stories and incidents about Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi. I obliged him for a few days. At that time, another resident of the ashram, was Sashikala of Secunderabad. A young lady, she was close to Mataji. She was allowed by Mataji to serve her food and also attend to some of Mataji’s personal needs. Mataji had guided her from her childhood. Madhurananda used to tell Sashikala whatever I had narrated to him about Sri Bhagavan. Sashikala, in her turn, was narrating all those anecdotes to Mataji while serving her food. On the fourth day, Mataji told Sashikala that instead of her getting those stories from Madhurananda, she should fix up a time with me and hear the stories directly from me and then daily narrate them to her.

One day, due to some reason, Sashikala could not listen to my narration and the session was dropped. When she went to feed Mataji, she refused to eat lunch without a Ramana-story! From next day onwards, our story sessions continued in the mornings – without interruption.

As for me, I would eagerly await Mataji’s reaction to the previous day’s Ramana-story. I was told that Mataji always called Sri Bhagavan her ‘grandfather’, while Pujya Papa ever remained as her ‘father’. Yes, Mataji’s devotion to Sri Bhagavan was truly very deep. After these story sessions, Mataji started seeing Sri Bhagavan, quite often in her room. On some days when she was suffering from acute illness, she openly said that her ‘grandfather’ was very kind to her and was all the time with her, consoling her and even healing her! Swami Satchidananda told me that one day when Mataji was in a serious condition, he rushed to her room. He said that she shouted at him, saying, “Satchidanandam! Where were you? Look, my ‘grandfather’ has come, and he is standing with his stick and kamandalu outside the room. Rush, go! Invite him into the room. Offer him a comfortable seat! Take full care of him. Attend on him. Don’t just stand there! Go, go!” When I went to her room, early in the morning, next day, as usual, Mataji gave me a benign smile and said, “You see! I told you that Pujya Bhagavanji is my grandfather! Yesterday, when my health became critical he came, he sat near me and he healed me!” I was thrilled! I did the only thing I could do–I got up and prostrated to her! I felt the powerful presence of Sri Bhagavan in her own physical frame, which, of course, was very fragile and was lying flat on the bed!

In the course of my story sessions, I shared with Sashikala, the remarks of Sri Bhagavan about the conducive food of true sadhaks, which, I am sure, will remain a permanent guidance to all aspiring seekers. Sri Bhagavan usually ate like all others - in the dining hall. An attendant once asked as to whether the rich food and varieties that were continuously being served at the Ashram, were conducive to sadhana. Sri Bhagavan first countered, “Why complain about anybody or about anything, especially the food that is given to you? One is always free to limit the quantity of the in-take. Also, if the preparation has more spice or salt, one can add hot water to it, dilute it and eat it without any complaint. Never complain about food!” After a pause, he consolingly added, “For a true seeker doing sadhana, a little rice and rasam (pepper water–melagutanni) are more than sufficient. Even a serious sadhaka, occasionally needs something palatable. If he continues to eat only bland food, he may get aversion to food. The tongue needs a little taste and the body system needs a little nutrition for sustenance. Rasam which is very watery, also contains the essence of the pulses in addition to some spices and salt. Rice gives strength. That is sufficient for a sadhaka. In addition to this, whatever he eats will bring about only illness and ailments to the sadhaka.”

Sri Bhagavan would take the little rice on his leaf plate add rasam, make it into a thin paste and dilute it further by adding more and more hot water. Having done this, he would scoop this mixture with his right palm and eat it! Never on his leaf plate was even a grain left over. The leaf-plate he had eaten from, always looked fresh and unused!

After I narrated this to Sashikala, at about 2.30 that afternoon, there was a knock on my door. It was the affectionate girl -- NEERU -- with a big cup of rasam for me. She explained, “Mataji wanted this to be given to you. Please drink it.” I asked her what the matter was. She replied, “Oh! When Sashikala told Mataji about Sri Bhagavan recommending rasam, Mataji refused to eat the lunch that was already prepared. Instead, she asked us to prepare rasam and further told us that she would henceforth take only rasam and rice, as advised by her ‘grandfather’ ! She also wanted us to prepare a lot of rasam and to distributed it to every resident of the ashram.” I was thrilled - what prompt compliance and what great humility! No need to repeat here that when I went to Mataji the next morning, her first query to me was, “Did you drink the rasam, yesterday?”

Mataji made me stay with her for two full months. When my father sent a letter requesting her to send me back, she asked me to return. The next day, when I went to her, she asked me, “I feel you want to say something to me! Child! Please go ahead and tell me!” Though I was longing to do so I was reluctant, considering her ill health. Understanding my predicament, she gestured me to come closer, touched my head and told me to get my doubt cleared. Moved to tears, I opened my heart out, “Mataji! More than twenty five years ago, you were gracious enough to guide me on sadhana and life. You have protected me as you had assured. There arose no need for me to come to you for either additional personal guidance or any sort of clarification. Everything went off very smoothly. You literally proved that though you were hundreds of miles away, you were with me whenever a need arose. By your Grace, I could do things with a clear understanding that it is you -- my Pujya Mataji -- who is guiding my actions.

“Sri Ramanasramam, which was in debt when I went there for good, is now prosperous. With regular inflow of donations, many guest rooms and guest houses for sadhakas to stay in were built. Many important manuscripts from the archives have been brought out as books. The Ashram journal, The Mountain Path , was started and through its pages, the name and teachings of Sri Bhagavan are spreading across the world. Old devotees were requested to write down their reminiscences of Sri Bhagavan and most of them have already been brought out as books -- all of them are very popular with devotees.

“Mataji! You especially commanded me to bring back as residents all the Old Devotees of Sri Bhagavan, who had moved out of Sri Ramanasramam, look after them well and attend to their needs. I am happy to report that nearly forty to fifty Old Devotees have thus been taken care of. Not only were their daily needs met, but during their last days they were given the required medical care. And, once they chose to drop their bodies, I helped carry their bodies to the burial ground and had them buried or cremated, according to their wish. Now, only two more Old Devotees are left. When they also attain the lotus feet of Satguru Ramana, my work at the Ashram will be over. After that, I want to totally dedicate myself to inner sadhana, as taught by Sri Bhagavan. I want – as advised by you -- to become a ‘nobody’. Mataji! Let me dissolve, disappear as an unknown entity, seriously seeking the Truth. I want to be relieved of all responsibilities and single-mindedly pursue my sadhana. Please bless me that I become absolutely free - spiritually, mentally and physically!”

Mataji asked me to come still closer, took my head on her lap, and said, “Who are the two devotees still alive and how old are they?” I replied, “One is Kunju Swami and the other is Ramaswamy Pillai. The former is 94 years old and the latter 96 years old! Both are remarkably agile and healthy. I love and revere them. I do not want them to leave me. They are so precious!” [ Kunju Swami passed away in 1992 and Ramaswamy Pillai, in 1995 ]

Pujya Mataji touched my head again and said in a very firm tone, “My child! I will grant you that state of total freedom. It is my responsibility! But, there are a few things yet to be completed by you, through you. After that, you will be free. Until then, be patient and attend to the work entrusted to you. Face all problems with fortitude. Bear all forms of insults, acts of ingratitude and deprivation - all these you will have to face. They will only strengthen you and prepare you to pursue the arduous sadhana that you have chosen. Never lose heart, my child ! Remember! I am with you, all the time! My blessings are fully on you! You are ever blessed by Pujya Sri Bhagavanji !”

I got up with intense emotion and repeatedly prostrated to Mataji. My gratitude brimmed over and my eyes were filled with tears, which blurred that most beautiful divine form. I went into ecstasy over the inspiring assurance given me by Mataji. She is the Holy Mother, indeed!

From the time I came back from Anandashram and until I left the Ramanasramam management, a lot of external disturbance I had to face, did hurt me deeply. However, I was also fortunate to be aware that in the midst of uncertainties, a thin filament of dispassion, one-pointedness and inner stability was getting stronger inside me. The potent words of Pujya Mataji, “They will only strengthen you and prepare you well to pursue the arduous sadhana that you have chosen,” were happily realised as prophetic!

The tragedy of it all was that many of those who were very close to me all those years, turned against me. Yet, again, as assured by Mataji, she stood by my side protecting me -- though imperceptibly -- in the form of a few remarkably dedicated friends; and more especially, through the Siddha Purusha Yogi Ramsuratkumar -- her devout disciple -- who unfailingly extended support and protection to me, during this period of ‘the dark night of the soul ’.¹

After those two months of spiritual bliss, when I tried to settle down again at the Ashram, a thunderbolt hit me out of the blue: Someone had sent an anonymous letter to all my close and respected friends, which included Swamijis of different Ashrams, in which I was accused of various misdeeds and abused roundly. This totally disturbed my mental poise. An Ashram worker took me to Yogiji. After listening to all the details, Yogiji said, “This is pure poison. Our Lord Siva became immortal by swallowing poison. You too have to do it. Swallow this poison, Ganesa! This beggar is with you!” He held my hand with deep affection throughout the time he spent with me. He got a cup of tea, covered it with his hand for a long time and then made me drink it. His words, his touch and his overflowing love, quietened my agitated mind. I returned to the Ashram with a clear heart – with an attitude of indifference to whatever happened in and around me, and determined to serve the Ashram no matter what.

Yet, after a few days, I had to face much bigger and deeper attacks. I started receiving letters of disapproval and reprimand from reputed people. My mind was so deeply disturbed that I ran to Yogiji again, taking with me all those letters. After listening to the details, Yogiji said, “You remember, this beggar requested you a few days back to swallow the poison. You were kind enough to oblige this beggar. Now, this beggar begs of you, Ganesa, to digest the poison! Digest it! Father’s blessings are fully on you!” He held my hand for two full hours! All the while I was shedding tears. I appealed to him again that I was still deeply upset and disturbed. Yogiji replied, “Adverse situations do afflict sadhakas. Lot of insults are hurled upon them. Our ancient works, like Periya Puranam and Thiruvilayadal Puranam abound with such stories and how when they patiently bore them all, Lord Siva blessed them and merged them with Himself!” Yogiji continued his tender and affectionate attention on me and added, “You are not the mind, Ganesa! Mind is only a phantom. It is only a bundle of thoughts. Our master, Bhagavan Ramana, guided us to only enquire into the source of thoughts and not to entertain the mind’s wandering thoughts. There is no mind, at all. Enquire and it will disappear. Release yourself from the clutches of the mind. You are never the mind, Ganesa!”

It is an amazing fact that using the pretext of my ‘press problem’, Yogiji piled many trials and tribulations on me. And it was he himself who removed them all, then guided me to leave the Ashram and settle down in my house, ‘Ananda Ramana’. He was and ever is Vighna Vinayakar, the god who creates and removes obstacles. Indeed, it was Yogiji who helped me release myself, free myself, from the bondage to my body and mind. I became calm, like a clean slate!

It was Yogiji who also helped me to settle down at ‘Ananda Ramana’. While I was still in the Ashram, he would come early in the morning, take me to ‘Ananda Ramana’ and give me exclusive satsang the entire day. On all those occasions, Yogiji would insist on taking Anuradha too with us to ‘Ananda Ramana’. He would tell her, “Ganesa needs help and protection. Let us extend it to him.” Soon, Yogiji started bringing famous and reputed persons, like Ilayaraja, the daughter-in-law of a newspaper magnate, famous artists, Maniyam Selvam, Lee Lozowick and Ma Devaki along with him to spend the whole day. Sometimes, he would even spend two or three days at a stretch in ‘Ananda Ramana’.

He got me accustomed to living alone at ‘Ananda Ramana’. He himself loved ‘Ananda Ramana’. He adored its serenity and kept commenting on how the air there was unpolluted, how the water in the well was like the Holy Ganga and how the birds in the garden were always singing! The way he would pick up a flower, inhale its fragrance, hold it over his eyes, his heart, ask Ma Devaki to make a garland and then, enjoy wearing it around his neck, was always a divine sight!

He would make me read passages from Sri Bhagavan’s Talks, Day by Day and Letters and would pointedly draw my attention to Sri Bhagavan’s famous declaration: “The only purpose of life is to realize the Self. All other activities are waste of time!” To stay with Yogiji at ‘Ananda Ramana’ was a true spiritual experience, indeed.

Yogi Ramsuratkumar not only guided me spiritually but also, since I was very naive in matters of the world, he guided Anuradha to take care of me and attend to my mundane needs and activities. He fully approved of her building a house – ‘Ananda Vana’ -- behind ‘Ananda Ramana’ for her son, Sankar. He even insisted on her staying in it for the exclusive purpose of pursuing her spiritual sadhana and more especially, for taking care of me.

Soon, Yogiji started building his own ashram. As was his wont, he was intensely involved in it. Whenever I went and stood in front of him, he would say, “Ganesa! We have spent a lot of time together. Go back to ‘Ananda Ramana’ and put Sri Bhagavan’s teaching into practice all the time.” It was Yogiji’s constant prodding to share the teaching and put it into continuous practice that reshaped my spiritual life!

There was always the Grace of Sri Bhagavan and the blessings of the Old Devotees, but it was Yogi Ramsuratkumar who moulded my life in many ways. All the travelling and sharing I have done on Sri Bhagavan’s Teaching in the U.S.A. and elsewhere, was done on Yogiji’s instructions.

“Wherever you go, Ganesa, this beggar is always with you!”

He blessed me, one day, saying, “For everyone else God is everywhere. But, for Ganesa, God is only at ‘Ananda Ramana’!”

Thank you, Swami !

Repeated Prostrations At Your Feet , Swami, From This “Child of Yours” !¹

The famous composer and Music Director, Illayaraja, used to visit the Ashram quite often in the 1980s and 1990s. I was fascinated by his devotion and dedication in taking time out for his spiritual aspirations in spite of being extremely busy as the topmost and most sought-after Music Director in South India. We somehow became close friends and spent a lot of time together — doing Giri Pradhakshina, going round the Holy Hill through the inner forest path, climbing up to the summit and meditating in Sri Bhagavan’s Old Hall.

He was also keen in meeting Sages who were still physically present. Coming to know that I had got my spiritual guidance directly from Mother Krishna Bai of Kanhangad, he urged me to take him to Sages and Saints I had the fortune of meeting. Over the next few months, we went together to see Yogi Ramsuratkumar — then living in Tiruvannamalai’s Sannathi Street, Mother Mayee Ma, Koti Swami and Papaji.

During one of our visits to Puravipalayam to be with Sri Koti Swami, the Saint looked pointedly at me and said, “Koti planes! Koti people! Koti happiness!” (Koti in Tamil means ‘one crore’,’ten million’). None could understand what he meant. When we returned to Arunachala, we went and told Yogi Ramsuratkumar what Koti Thatha had said. He laughed aloud and replied, “Can’t you see? He is saying that Ganesa has to travel abroad by plane many times to give talks on Sri Bhagavan’s Teachings and that it would make the spiritual aspirants there very happy!”

Sometime back, Swami (I called Yogiji ‘Swami’) had urged: “Ganesa! Father says you have to go to America and give talks on Sri Bhagavan’s Direct Teaching!” I silently dismissed the possibility. For in those days, I didn't even want to leave the Ashram compound. Swami continued, “This beggar was also urging you to go abroad. You are the Swami Vivekananda of our Sri Bhagavan, Ganesa! You have to go, says my Father!”

Strangely, the next day, I got a letter from Sri Bhagavan’s German devotee, Charles Madigan, from Hamburg. “Ganesan! As I own and manage a Hotel here, I am unable to come there to have sat-sangh. Please come over here and spend a few weeks with me, sharing Sri Bhagavan’s Teachings as you have heard directly from His Old Devotees. Say ‘yes,’ and I shall immediately send you a return Air Ticket. Please come!”

When I showed this letter to Swami, he read it, looked at me and said with all seriousness, “Please ask your German friend whether he can extend the Air Ticket from Germany to the US too!”

I did as I was guided by Swami. By the very next post, I got an affirmative reply from Charles: “Of course, I can and I will Ganesan! Please accept my invitation. I am grateful to your Swami ! Now, I am eager to have Swami’s darshan too and I pray that this also takes place! And, why just the US! I will send you an ‘Around-the-World-Ticket’, which includes Germany, France, England, USA and Asian countries like Singapore, Hong Kong, Japan and Sri Lanka.” Yogiji was very happy over the generosity of dear Charles!

The next challenge — that of arranging my multi-city tour in the US — was just as easily overcome. My very close friends, Joan and Mathew Greenblatt, with whom I had worked for one year at Arunachala to bring out the remarkable book, Ramana Pictorial Biography, were more than ready to help. There could not have been a better arrangement, for this devout couple not only hosted me and arranged for my talks in various centres, but also accompanied me throughout my tour! The couple’s presence was proof that Sri Bhagavan was arranging for everything through Yogi Ramsuratkumar!

After this first trip, every year, Swami would tell me, “Ganesa! This year also, you will have to go to America and give talks!” Some American devotee would voluntarily buy me my Air Ticket — every year a different American devotee! Seven years passed thus! My vasana to travel to America was exhausted very smoothly and without strain for anyone, including me!

And just as easily this portion of my prarabdha was washed away, so too were the load of the other two — in the Powerful Flood of the Sat-Guru Sri Ramana's Anugraha!¹

Krishnaji, had his initial spiritual breakthrough experience at the Adyar beach in Chennai even at a tender age. He had his final spiritual experience when he was at Ojai, America, under a ‘pepper tree’. (Have you not noticed how “trees” play a significant role in spiritual attainment? Lord Dakshinamurti sat under a “Banyan tree” and the Buddha got enlightenment under the “Bodhi Tree”?). Ojai became his permanent residence. On reading about this glorious turn of events in Krishnaji’s life, I was very eager to go to Ojai and meditate under the ‘sacred tree’.

In 1990, when I took my first pilgrimage abroad under the insistence of Yogi Ramsuratkumar, Joan and Mathew Greenblatt helped me fulfill this deep Inner urge. They contacted Mark Lee and got a small but comfortable house next to the compound of Krishnamurti Foundation of America reserved for my stay. When I was introduced to Asha Lee and Mark Lee I felt like I was in the presence Sri Bhagavan’s Old Devotees – both were that exceptionally kind and affectionate. The next morning, I went to where the ‘pepper tree’ still stands. Sitting under it, I lost myself in meditation. I was rudely woken up by an American who announced that he was the gardener. He told me in no uncertain terms that he would not allow anyone to sit under the tree, as the property belonged to a private person [Mary Zimbalist]. I politely told him that I was coming from far off India and for years I had dreamt of meditating under the ‘pepper tree’. He continued to be rude and even threatened to call the police. I closed my eyes and went back to meditation after firmly, but politely, telling him to do whatever he wanted.

Suddenly, I felt someone touch me softly on my shoulders. It was Mark Lee! He affectionately told me, “Ganesan! Your body was leaning so much to one side that it was about to fall. That is why I woke you up. Please pardon me.”

During my meditation under the sacred tree, I felt an inner explosion taking place, confirming that there was only one Truth and that there was nothing other than the Truth ! Meanwhile, Mark Lee had spoken to the concerned people. He assured me that I could meditate there, any time.

Almost every time I toured USA since then, I made it a point to make Ojai a part of my itinerary and spend hours in deep meditation under that out-of-this-world tree.

Later, Mark Lee fulfilled another deep and secret urge of mine. I always felt (and still feel) Krishnaji’s true teaching and Sri Bhagavan’s direct teaching are similar. So, I wanted to give talks on Sri Bhagavan’s direct teaching of Self-Enquiry in that Krishnamurti Centre Soon afterwards, Mark told me that there was financial crunch in the KFA and they had decided to hold retreats and collect a fee for the boarding and lodging. I felt Krishnaji himself was urging me to hold a retreat on “Who Am I?”

When I expressed this to Mark Lee, he gave me a pleasant surprise by informing me that I could hold my ‘Retreat’ at the very “Pine Cottage” itself ! It was Krishnaji’s residence; and, the venue where he met with and spoke to advanced spiritual souls. In great elation I told Mark that I would conduct a retreat on ‘Who Am I?’ there, for three days. He readily agreed; and, I successfully completed the Retreat, in June, 2006. The hall at the “Pine Cottage” was small and could hold only fifteen participants. I felt both Sri Bhagavan and Krishnaji together were blessing me and every one of the participants ! Two sessions were held, every day – in the morning and evening. It was a remarkable revelation for every one who participated, as how easy Self-Enquiry is and how effective it is to pursue the inner journey.²

‘Vaishnava Ekadasi ’, ( the 11^th day after Full Moon and New Moon) started playing a special role in my life ! At Sri Ramanasramam, we gave monthly importance only to Masa Sivaratri, because of the pradosha puja to Lord Siva. Suddenly, the days dedicated to Lord Vishnu, every month, started becoming important to me! When I mentioned this to Kanakamma, she smiled and exclaimed, “Saivam Muththinaa Vaishnavam.” (“When devotion to Lord Siva ripens, it lands one in devotion to Lord Vishnu.”)

At that time, I was at Tiruchuzhi, the birth place of Sri Bhagavan, undergoing nature cure treatment that entailed fasting and total rest. Anuradha accompanied me. In that nature care centre, named after Sri Bhagavan, we were given a small hut each, with a bed where one is supposed to be most of the time totally resting – no bathing, eating, talking and if possible, no thinking – complete silence -- merely staying still – ’Summaa Iruttal’ !

We completed the first three days of fasting with difficulty. Two days after that, there was ‘feasting’ – albiet only on soups and steamed vegetables, in restricted quantities! Another round of three days of fasting was going to commence, when Swami Ananthananda most cheerfully announced that our Ekadasi round was starting! We had good satsang with Swami Ananthananda who was running that institute. He too loved Sages and Saints.

Our good friend, Gnanagiri Ganesan from Sivakasi arrived to have sadhus darshan and brought along with him a cassette player and tapes containing spiritual discourses of Krishna Premi Swami, who is fondly addressed as Sri Sri Anna! He said that he always listened to Sri Sri Anna’s tapes on all Ekadasi days. Gnanagiri Ganesan, Anu Ma and I started listening to the first tape titled: “Madras Bhagavatham”. The entire side of ‘A’ of the tape was like a commentary on Sri Bhagavan’s ‘Who am I ?’ We listened very intently - the narration was breath-taking! Anu Ma and myself uttered at the same time: “It feels like Sage Sukha himself is narrating ! ”

Swami Ananthananda came in to suggest to us that we all better rest; but, stayed back to listen to the Bhagavatham. His assistants, Chithra and Narmada, who came in to give us pranic healing too stayed back to listen. The space inside the hut was fully packed by the afternoon! The recognition came that we were not going to take rest from our listening to the tapes. So, one more cot was placed in the corner of the room for Anu Ma. The subsequent three days of fasting flew by like three minutes! We had no idea that the contents of ‘Bhagavatham’ could be so Vedantic and Advaitic!

We continued to listen to Sri Sri Anna’s remarkable expositions with deep dedication and total absorption. ‘Srimad Bhagavatham’ touched the core of our Hearts, with its richness of Vedantic truth. His Ramayanam meanwhile, melted our hearts to sink into the Self. His hilarious narration of Mahabharatham made us laugh to the hilt. His talks on Bhagavad Gita were so highly evolved in its content that we were wondering to whom Sri Sri Anna was delivering such an invaluable treasure!

We had planned to stay for only fifteen days. But, we went on to stay in a trance for thirty-three days, as we felt we were thoroughly being blessed by the ‘Sacred Voice’ of Krishna Premi Swami !

Back at Sri Ramanasramam, a lot of work was pending and as such we were buried in it for a few months. One fine morning, Swami Ananthananda arrived at our Ashram from Tiruchuzhi along with the auditor Gopalakrishnan and insisted that we take him to Tirukoilur, 20 miles from Arunachala, to show him the sacred places where Sri Bhagavan had got His jyoti darshan, his meal from the temple drummer and the house where he had pledged his ear-rings. We went along with them in their car.

After showing Swami Ananthananda all the places hallowed by Sri Bhagavan in that temple city and while we were preparing to return to Arunachala, the Swami was suddenly attracted to the tall, majestic towers of the Ulagalandha Perumal temple in the centre of the town. All of us went in and stood in the presence of the huge, imposing idol of Lord Vishnu standing with his right foot lifted up to the sky. It was a divine and moving sight! The priest who did the puja to the Lord on our behalf, held the aarti plate in front of us and enquired whether we had come to have darshan of Sri Sri Anna. As we looked askance at him, he explained that devout devotees travelling to see Krishna Premi Swami on Dasami night, stopped in the temple and then went on to spend Ekadasi with Sri Sri Anna.

It was then that we realised that the priest was talking about the ‘Sacred Voice’ we were all listening to in Tiruchuzhi! He said the village, Paranur where Sri Sri Anna lived, was only eleven kilometres from Tirukoilur. It was a very pleasant surprise to know that the Saint lived so close to where we were! I firmly believe to this day, that it was the Lord Ulagalandha Perumal who directed us to Sri Sri Anna’s presence on that day!

The road that led us from Tirukoilur to Paranur village was a mud bund. In the twilight, we felt we were ‘crossing the seven hills and the seas’ to reach there! On entering the village, we felt as if we had also crossed over several centuries into a hoary past, into the ancient times of Vedic Rishis! A pious man was seated on a raised platform of a small temple, and in front of him sat devout men and women, facing him. All of them were chanting ‘Vishnu Sahasranamam’ (the Litany of 1008 holy Names of Lord Vishnu). It felt like ‘Eternity frozen into a moment’ !

After all the devotees went away for dinner, Swami Ananthananda introduced me to Sri Sri Anna, the man seated on the raised platform, as Bhagavan Ramana’s grand-nephew. Sri Sri Anna gave a most gracious nod of his head in welcome. I asked him if he had seen Sri Bhagavan. He answered, “If there was one person on earth whom I wanted to see, it was Sri Bhagavan. But, I was not able to do it, as I was still a dependent on others and lived far away from Arunachala.” He said he was about 8 or 9 years old when he was presented with a book on the Upanishads in which he saw a picture of Sri Bhagavan with his name. He added, “Every time when the Upanishad revealed an aspect of Truth to me, I would turn the pages and look at Sri Bhagavan’s picture. It would confirm and establish me in that state of Truth.” He talked to the four of us about Sri Bhagavan and his glory for thirty minutes and concluded, “What is the wonder if Sri Bhagavan gave his state to pundits like Kavyakantha Ganapati Muni or Jagadeesa Sastri ! What is remarkable is that he granted that state even to the dogs Chinna Karuppan and Jackie!”

After listening to this enthralling story, we were prepared to leave. Sri Sri Anna insisted that we return for Ekadasi celebrations the next day. We did. We witnessed his tireless nature that started at four in the morning and continued unabated until eleven at night! The day included activities of singing, prayer, puja, dancing, and a divine lecture. On that day, an old devotee of Sri Sri Anna had completed reading the great epic Ramayana for the 100^th time. To honour and celebrate it, Sri Sri Anna decorated the idol of Sri Krishna to look like Lord Rama (with bow and arrows in His hands). He observed the whole day as an adoration of Lord Rama. As a special offering to Lord Rama, he delivered an inspiring talk on ‘Rama Hridayam’ – the Sacred Heart of Lord Rama. Every event was scintillating and elevating!

Sri Sri Anna asked me, at the end, “Did you enjoy the decorations and pujas to the Lord, with all its grandeur?” I replied, “I enjoyed only your dedication and devotion to the Lord. In the process, I did not notice Him at all. I was absorbed in looking at you!” Sri Sri Anna blessed me with a gracious smile, “Yes! Do that alone; and, always!” Even after many years, every time I am in his presence, he insists that I sit close to him and be looking at him! A true blessing, indeed!

A few months later, Sri Sri Anna commanded us to follow him on his Sapthaham pilgrimages all over India – Chennai, Kadayanallur, Rameswaram, Tiruppullani, Kanyakumari, Bangalore, Kashi, Haridwar, Sukhatal, Brindavan, Mathura, Delhi, Senganoor, Kumbakonam, Sivakasi, Nava Tirupati (nine Lord Vishnu temples), Govindapuram, etc. Until then, I had not done any such extended pilgrimage. This was a new spiritual experience for me - to go with a Saint to places of religious and spiritual importance and have the greatness of each place expounded and explained by him either through a public talk or in a private conversation. Never had I visited so many pilgrim centres, worshipped at so many old temples, or had dips in so many sacred rivers!

Our regular pilgrimages to Paranur – either on Ekadasi or Dwadasi – gave both of us true inner joy! On such occasions, we would mostly stay until evening, listen to the chanting of Vishnu Sahasranamam in the presence of Sri Sri Anna. And, when we took leave of him, he would occasionally ask us whether we have seen Ulagalandha Perumal. In course of time, we also became intensely devoted to Ulagalandha Perumal and having his darshan.

The temple archaka (priest) got used to our visits. An additional reason for him to be attached to us, was that one of the boys he knew was studying in Sri Ramanasramam Veda Pathasala. Once, the priest exclaimed the true greatness of the Perumal. His right foot is lifted towards the heaven, while His left foot is rooted on the earth.

A drop of water from the big toe of His right foot being worshipped by the celestial beings in Heaven, formed the huge River Ganga. Ganga once flowed only in heaven - delighting the celestial beings. It was King Bhageeratha who brought Ganga from heaven to earth. Since we both are deeply devoted to Ganga Mata, this imposing standing idol of Ulagalandha Perumal (a 20-foot wooden Idol) became the focus of our devout attention!

On one such visit to this temple, when we entered the sanctum sanctorum, the priest came to me after taking the aarti. Usually, he would only talk to Anu Ma. On that day, quite unusually, he addressed me: “They have planned to cover the entire form of Perumal in pure gold. The devotees have voluntarily undertaken to take up the cost of gold to cover the entire form, except the lifted foot. In fact, many are ready to take it up also. But, Perumal has instructed me to ask ‘you’ alone for that gold. So, take up that kainkarya (donation) and get blessed by Perumal.”

When I stood still unable to answer either way, noticing my predicament, Anu Ma offered her gold bangles. But the priest refused to accept them and firmly reiterated, “The gold must come only from him,” and pointed his finger directly at me! We returned home without a clue about what to do, as we both knew very well that I did not have any gold!

On reaching home, Anu Ma suddenly remembered that two years back, my brother’s son, Ravi, had gifted me a piece of gold on his return from abroad. He put it in a corner of my puja shelf. I had totally forgotten about it. Fortunately, Anu Ma found it after searching for it.

We both went to Paranur and narrated the whole incident to Sri Sri Anna. He seemed very pleased. He joyously exclaimed, “In the Vaishnava tradition, it is said that Perumal talks through the archaka. You are fortunate. You have been chosen. If you have brought that piece of gold with you, come, let us all go to Tirukoilur and hand it over to the ‘Jeer’ Swami who has undertaken this huge task. He is the right authority to receive it.” We all went to the residence of the ‘Jeer’ Swami and Sri Sri Anna handed over the gold piece to him. The Swami offered us dinner and noted down our address.

The next Ekadasi was Vaikunta Ekadasi. We knew that there would be a very huge crowd both at the temple and at Paranur. Hence, we went to Paranur the previous evening itself. Sri Sri Anna received us with extra-jubilation, saying, “Come! We all will go to Ulagalandha Perumal. They have adorned Him entirely with gold. Ganesa! Your contribution of gold on His lifted, right foot, glows. Tomorrow, it will be very difficult to enter the temple and have darshan. So, let us go now itself and have an exclusive darshan of Perumal.” Saying this, Sri Sri Anna, got into the taxi, in which we had come from Arunachala, like an excited child!

How can I describe that glorious event of being exclusively in the presence of Ulagalandha Perumal who was adorned in gold! That too, with only the three of us standing in front of Him and receiving His blessings in abundance! On that sacred spot, I offered prayers on behalf of Ravi without whose gift we could not have had this tremendously exhilarating spiritual experience! For the three of us, that previous night itself was Vaikunta Ekadasi!

While writing this at this distance of time, I again offer my prayers that Ravi who departed from us three years ago, be blessed to reside in ‘Vaikunta’ -- the abode of Lord Vishnu in Heaven !¹

He would enthrall us with stories of the master and whatever I am sharing with you is prasad from Kunju Swami. It is Kunju Swami who has given us a wealth of information, all the reminiscences about other devotees, about Bhagavan’s relationship with them, his beautiful relationship with monkeys, animals, men, trees, plants, with the hill, with its rocks, even with its sands! We are all deeply grateful to Kunju Swami. I can never forget his solicitude to me. I had given Kunju Swami Chadwick’s old room. He said, “Ganesan, come and stay with me in the next room.” Even though I was an adult and held a responsible position in the ashram, he looked after me as if I was a child. He was so kind!

I had appointed two attendants to look after him as he experienced a lot of physical pain. These attendants did their duty very well, but sometimes they made blunders. Kunju Swami never complained. One day I asked him, “Swami, are they all looking after you properly?” “They are looking after me very well. In fact, today I wanted to call and tell you that I would like to break some good news to humanity.” Puzzled by his words, I asked, “Swami, what are you talking about?” “Do you know these muscular pains can be cured with a massage using honey?” replied Kunju Swami. “I still don’t understand, Swami.” I learned later that there was a jar of honey kept next to the jar of brown oil which was to be massaged onto Kunju Swami’s body to relieve his muscular pain. His attendants, mistaking the honey for the oil, had been massaging Kunju Swami’s body with it. It obviously did not prove useful but all Kunju Swami said was, “I wanted to announce a medical breakthrough, but it did not work.” He used to get his point across indirectly without complaining, despite being in so much pain.

Towards his end, he was almost bed ridden. He could not even sit up. Anuradha, a few others and I would visit him and try to amuse him. We used to ask him to tell us something about Bhagavan’s verses and he would come alive. Anuradha’s son, Shankar had finished school and was soon to leave for America to study medicine. He was very fond of Kunju Swami because he had been almost brought up by him. He knew that when he returned from America the next time, Kunju Swami would no longer be among us. This saddened him deeply. Kunju Swami wanted to cheer him up, while we tried to amuse him. I put a question to Kunju Swami, “In Bhagavan’s Tamil translations of Sankara’s works, which song do you like?” Kunju Swami steadied himself and looked at me. I continued, “Swami, I like the song where it is said ‘I am the Self, I am awareness’ and Anuradha likes the song where it says ‘You are the Self, you are That’. Whose side are you going to be on?” Kunju Swami said, “Let her sing first.” The first song she sang was Hastamalaka Stotram, which says ‘I am That (avvaanmaa naan)’. Then she sang Guru Stuti, which says ‘You are That (avvasthu andro needhaan)’. I asked Kunju Swami, “Swami, to which party do you belong? Do you belong to ‘I am That’ or ‘You are That’?” Kunju Swami smiled at us, “What is the difference between ‘You’ and ‘I’? In ‘You are That’, the important word is ‘are’, not ‘You’ or ‘That’. Both get merged in the ‘are’. In ‘I am That’, the important word is ‘am’, not ‘I’ or ‘That.’ Be the ‘I AM’.”

He passed away a few days after listening to those beautiful songs. On his last night, he asked his attendants to remove the cushions from his wooden bed and help him sit in padmasana. “I am going to meditate,” he declared. He remained in deep meditation while his attendants slept. After two hours, when they awoke and touched him, his body was cold. He had passed away in that silence. His Heart will always be in Arunachala, at the feet of satguru Ramana.¹

In the 1990’s, I started staying in ‘Ananda Ramana ’ for longer periods of time. When I had to go to the Ashram, it was my practice to stand on the main road and try to hitch a ride. On one such occasion, a stout, middle aged man jumped over the forest fence, came up to me and extended his hand. When I gave him a five rupee note, he declined. Strangely, he only accepted when I gave him a one rupee coin! After this, he ran back, jumped over the fence and disappeared back into the forest.

This happened regularly over the next several months. The surprising thing was that he appeared only when I was troubled by emotions of anger, jealousy, envy and hatred that others had against me. And each time, he would demand just one rupee, nothing more, nothing less.

One day, I was alone on the main road filled with joy and gratitude to Bhagavan for his Grace on me ! On that day, the Siddha Purusha came up to me and instead of demanding his usual due, thrust a new one rupee coin into my hand and disappeared back in the forest around the holy hill.

The very next day, Chinnaraj, my Man Friday, whom I treated like my brother, came to me and reported that the ‘One Rupee Swami ’ was found dead on a rock at the foot of the hill and that people were rushing to see his body which was in a frog like yogic posture !

I felt that the demanding of a rupee from me every time I was troubled, was this Siddha Purusha’s way of taking over my problems and freeing me to be established in Inner Silence. And his giving me a one rupee coin was his way of confirming my being established in that Inner Peace.²

In 1994, I felt the load of work was too heavy and resigned from all activities — editing the journal, bringing out books, attending on the visitors, etc. I felt it more like a positive step forward than a negation of responsibility. And so, after thirty years of service to the Ashram and being very closely associated with The Mountain Path, that prarabdha too was wiped out by Sri Bhagavan’s Anugraha. A small announcement in the journal I had helped start and nurture was the only sign of it:

“After many decades of dedicated service to the Ashram - especially in the Publications Section - V. Ganesan retires in 1994 from all the official positions that he has been holding hitherto at Sri Ramanasramam. He will, however, continue to be available between 8 and 11 in the morning for seekers to meet him and have spiritual discussions with him. He will also continue to give talks on Sri Maharshi and His Teachings whenever invited by devotees.”

I was now available to devotees at the upstairs room over the Ashram office for Sat-Sangh. I also dedicated myself to bringing Old Devotees who were living away from Arunachala to live inside the Ashram, attended on them, took care of their health and other needs till their last moments, and then, carried their bodies to the cremation ground after they had been “Absorbed in Arunachala”.

The years from 1960 to 1994, my staying in the Ashram, in dedicated service of this hallowed institution and surrender to my Master, Sat-Guru Ramana, I recognise now as the Anugraha needed for the exhaustion of my stored up Prarabdha Karma! I am very blessed and grateful to have been associated with the growth of the Institution through the collection of funds, the construction of its various buildings, the bringing out of The Mountain Path and many manuscripts as books. The latter of these have helped spread Sri Bhagavan’s Teaching and consequently brought to the Ashram many devotees from all parts of the World.

Still, what I consider the most singular act of Sri Bhagavan’s Grace, is making me instrumental — through Mother Krishna Bai’s ‘command’ — in bringing back nearly forty to fifty Old Devotees from different parts of India to stay in the Ashram. Not being able to bear the absence of their Master’s physical Presence after He dropped His Body, they had left the Ashram and were scattered across the country. That I could take care of each of them, as a devotee of Sri Bhagavan’s devotee, by giving them a room, an attendant, medical attention whenever needed, and finally, carry them on their final journey when they had dropped their bodies, is for me more than any other blessing I can envisage.

G. Ramaswamy Pillai, who had just then completed 101 years, was the last of the Old Devotees staying in the Ashram to pass away. After interring his body in a tomb in the Ashram premises, I took bath and returned to my upstairs room. It was January 1995. As soon as I unlocked my room to enter, I heard Sri Bhagavan whisper in my ear, not once but three times, in English, “Hand over the key. And, walk out!”.

When Sri Bhagavan released me from the Ashram, He also instructed me through the Siddhapurusha Yogi Ramsuratkumar to go away from the Ashram and live in my residence, ‘Ananda Ramana’. Yogi Ramsuratkumar categorically commanded me: “Ganesa! You have done enough service, spoken all over the World on Sri Bhagavan and His Teachings and served His devotees. Now, go to ‘Ananda Ramana’ and practise His Teaching of Atma Vichara by diving within all the time and abiding in Inner Silence. I bless you!”

I did as was commanded. The Ashram President took very good care of me — even though I was not serving the Institution — by providing me food end employing a servant to take care of me at ‘Ananda Ramana’. A truly magnanimous gesture on his part! Sri Bhagavan’s Anugraha continued/continues to rain on me even after I left the Ashram!³

In 1995, I left Sri Ramanasramam, whose noble seva I had committed myself to do from 1960. Stumbling out of that safe and protective world of mine, I travelled to scores of pilgrim centres and took dips in holy waters of India – mostly in the holy company of Sri Sri Anna. This continued for seven years until after my heart surgery ( in 2003 ).

Previously, Yogi Ramsuratkumar protected me, stayed in my life for ‘seven years’, thus saving me from intense suffering. Yogiji even guided me during that period to go away from Arunachala to holy Kashi for a year! I would run to Yogiji almost every day, carrying my intense mental agony like a child running towards its mother. He too, like a true mother, graciously took me under the cool shade of his gracious umbrella, until all my problems were totally resolved! What love, what compassion, what blessing!

While Yogi Ramsuratkumar was soft like a mother, Sri Sri Anna was stern and majestic like a father! Yogiji would ask me what he could do for me. Sri Sri Anna, on the other hand, would warn me, “You should not give importance to the vagaries of the mind and the demands of the body.”

Once, Sri Sri Anna visited us. Seated in Anu Ma’s swing at her house, ‘Savithri’, he requested her to do the evening parayanam there itself, saying, “This too is the Ashram!” Kanakamma, Srividya, Jnanasundari and Parvathamma were also there. Anu Ma started reciting ‘Bhagavad Gita Saram’ – 42 verses, selected and translated by Sri Bhagavan into Tamil.

After listening with keen attention and reverence, Sri Sri Anna gave an absorbing and scintillating talk based on the selected verses, using Sri Bhagavan’s own Tamil words. It was a sheer blessing to hear it.

Then, Sri Sri Anna turned pointedly to me and said, “Do not accept namaskarams (prostrations), adorations and praises of admiration from anyone. They will keep you in bondage to them. You are ever free from any form of binding and bondage. Be free! Be like a thief! Hide away from attention of people. You are the Self. Abide in the Heart, wherein Sri Bhagavan resides as the ‘Inner Guru’. Surrender yourself only to the ‘Inner Guru’, who is guiding you from within, all the time. Be the Self!”

I went into a deep and joy filled silence!

Another day, we both were at Paranur. That was truly a sacred day. I went into the room of Sri Sri Anna along with Anuradha. The ‘Saint of Paranur’ was glowing with the brilliance of Jnana, Bhakthi, Yoga and Karma. We were both filled with peace and bliss. We deeply felt that we had had a remarkably wonderful session of spiritual clarity! When the time came for us to take leave and return to holy Arunachala, he rose from his easy-chair and gave us prasad of fruits. Before receiving it, I prostrated – filled with spiritual fervour.

Though he permitted it to happen, Sri Sri Anna compassionately chided me, “Are you cheating me or cheating yourself? Why all these prostrations? Are we ‘two’? Is there anything else other than the ‘Oneness’, the ‘Whole’, the ‘Purna’ ? You and I are never different - ever! When you come here and stand along with others in the crowd, I feel insulted. I call you, make you sit next to me so that you feel there is no separation between us. ‘You’ and ‘I’ are ‘ONE’ !”

Then, in a state of ecstatic benediction, Sri Sri Anna quoted Sri Bhagavan’s Tamil verses 4 to 10 from Bhagavad Gita Saram:

“I am the Self, O Gudakesa, dwelling in the Hearts of all beings. I am the beginning and the middle and the end of all beings.” (x:20)

“For to him who is born, death is indeed certain; and, to him who dies, birth is certain. Therefore, you should not grieve for the inevitable.” (ii:27)

“Invulnerable He is, not to be burnt, not to be drenched or dried. He is eternal, all-pervading, changeless, motionless, enduring.” (ii:24)

“Know that which pervades all this to be indestructible. That immutable none can destroy.” (ii:27)

“The unreal has no being, the Real has no non-being. These two facts the Truth-Seers perceive.” (ii:16)

“Just as the all-pervading ether, being subtle, is not affected, (tainted or contaminated) (by anything), even so, the Self pervading the whole body is not tainted.” (xiii:33)

Listening to Sri Sri Anna’s exemplary talk on that day and being in his Grace-filled presence, elevated each one of us to a spiritual state of ecstasy.

How fortunate I am, and for that matter, every one of us, that Grace guides us, in the form of Sages and Saints!

Following, adhering to the sacred words of Sri Bhagavan, let us abide in and as the Self:

“What IS, is only Grace. Abide in the Self.”

After a few days, we went again to Paranur, to be with and to soak ourselves in the spiritual presence of this powerful Sage! The previous evening, I had gone around the Holy Hill Arunachala and while crossing ‘Panchamukha Darshana’, the following two verses gushed forth from my Heart! On return to “Ananda Ramana”, I wrote them down.

When we reached Paranur and entered his room, Sri Sri Anna extended his hands as if demanding something from me, with a broad smile and a Heart brimming with Love, Grace and Compassion. I placed these verses in his sacred palm.

“இன்று இங்கு இப்போதே இருப்பாய் இருந்து ஆழ் உள் ஆனந்தத்துள் என்று பணித்திடும் பகவான் ரமணர் பரனே -- பற்றிடு! நீ கன்றுக் குரங்கு நல் தாய்ப் பூனை ஞான நாதன் ரமணனே நன்று நில் பூரணனாய் அருள் உற்று”

(“Bhagavan Ramana, now commands you to dive within into the Ocean of Bliss by remaining ever as the ‘Awareness per se’ - HERE and NOW - consciously, as ‘IT’ alone is the Eternal Truth! ‘It’ alone is God Himself. “To successfully abide by His commandment, you have to necessarily make the effort of ‘clinging' like the baby monkey to Him. On His part, He assures you that like the ‘mother cat’ He will complete the process of your Perfection by taking you to Self-Realisation - the Truth of Wholeness.” )

“என் உடல் உள்ளத்துள் உணவூட்டுஞ் சீரோங்கு தோன்றலே என் உயிருக்கு ஒளிசேர் களி பொழிக் -- களஞ்சியமே உன் உயிருக்குப் பிறப்புண்டோ உளத்திற்கேதான் இறப்புமுண்டோ உன் உயிரின் உயிரே ஆத்ம அழகே அன்பே வாழியவே ! ”

( "You, who hail from a Culture Supreme, have been energizing my body and my soul! You, who are yourself a ‘Rich Treasure’, have been enriching my Heart, with bliss and lustrous glory, awake! Can there be birth for the soul given to me? Neither can there be any ‘trace of death’ for the Heart given me by You? You truly are the ‘Life Force’ of your ‘Life Being’ ! Oh! Beauty of Self! Oh! Fullness of Love! YOU ever live as BEING!" )

He read them, kept them with himself; and, said :

“They are the Truth showered on us by Lord Arunachala! ”

In January, 1998, Anu Ma, Srividhya Ma and I went to Paranur. Sri Sri Anna was very cheerful, though he looked tired, as he had just rushed to Paranur for Ekadasi from Chennai, where he was giving a series of talks on the eleventh chapter of Srimad Bhagavatham, which highlights pure Jnana Marga from the Uddava Gita, among other things. He himself started talking about how well the discourses turned out to be - almost to the extent of making us feel guilty for having missed them. Sri Sri Anna, however, gave us a gist of all that he had spoken in Chennai: “It is wonderful how everything came out, especially the part on Guru Kripa, Guru’s Grace.”

When I expressed my sincere regret for having missed that great opportunity, Sri Sri Anna looked at me sternly, though compassionately and advised, “Do not move out from ‘Ananda Ramana’, your home. You need not even go to the Ashram if you do not feel like it. If you do not like meeting with people, refrain from doing so. Just be with yourself! I will come and see you.” After a pause, he gave a glance of grace and added, “Yes! ‘Smaranath Arunachalam’, say the ancient texts. It is enough if you merely think of Arunachala.

“One need not do anything else. Wherever you are placed spatially, it is enough just to think of Arunachala and He will fill you with His presence! That is the true greatness of holy Arunachala!”¹

It was the year 2001! The fateful year when Sri Yogiji chose to drop the body. That night, Sri Yogiji’s health was in a very critical condition. Apart from the Doctors who occasionally visited and helped him, it was only Devaki Ma who was permitted to go into his room. Though deeply upset seeing my beloved Swamiji with so many tubes all over his body, I requested Devaki Ma to get permission from Swami for me to sit there and meditate. Even in that critical stage of being unable to even open his eyes, Yogiji gave specific instructions for me through Devaki Ma: “Let Ganesha go to ‘Ananda Ramana’ and meditate there. Let him not go anywhere else. He has to put Sri Bhagavan’s Direct Teaching of Atma Vichara into practice, all the time! This Beggar blesses him and assures him that this Beggar will always be with him! Ask him now to go to ‘Ananda Ramana’.” This happened at half past 12 at night. So, I left for ‘Ananda Ramana’ with a heavy Heart. At 3.30 a.m. I got the news of Sri Yogi Ramsuratkumar having attained Maha Samadhi.

I used to spend hours with T.K.Sundaresa Iyer. Most of the time, he would be silent. He would sometimes take me around the Hill or up the Hill to Skandashram. On the rare occasions that he spoke, he would say things of tremendous interest. He once told me, “Ganesan, when I was with Sri Bhagavan, He once told me, ‘Siddhapurushas’ living in Tiruvannamalai, elsewhere in India and around the World, all come to Arunachala to go around the Hill. Sometimes, they come in the Form of Light.” Sri Bhagavan told TKS and some others that He had seen this Light and if one had true devotion, one could see this Light. TKS continued, “Many of us Old Devotees have seen that Light moving around Arunachala. Long for it, Ganesa, but do not expect and do not put a time frame just long for It with humility and a prayerful attitude. Rest assured, It will reveal Itself.”

I would like to share with you that I have seen this Light not once, but three times.

The first time, I was alone. The second time, I was with a group of Japanese devotees. On sharing with them about this light, they sincerely asked, “Can we also see it?” I looked, and there it was! All of them saw it and all of us prostrated before it. The third time was in 2003. It was around 6.30 p.m. when I was going round Arunachala with a group of sixty devotees from Madurai, Nochur Ramana and a few others. As we were approaching the “Panchamukha Darshan” spot, we decided to sit on a rock. As we sat, the Madurai devotees, realizing that it was getting late for dinner at the Ashram, took leave and proceeded on their way.

Sitting on that rock, I suddenly remembered that T.R. Ramachandran, a close friend of mine and Editor of “Tattva Loka”, used to chant the “Shivopasana Mantra” (…sadyo jaatam prapadyaami sadyo jaataaya vai namo namah...) whenever we sat on this rock. I asked Nochur Ramana whether he could chant that. After listening to his sublime chanting, we prostrated and got up!

And as we looked up, there it was, that Divine Light for all of us to see. We all felt blessed!

In the 1990's, while being seated on the banks of Mother Ganga at Hardwar, the Sacred Mother — Ganga Mata — commanded me [in English] to chant — three times — the following mantra (along with / after Her):

1). "There is NO 'Ganesan'. 2). "I AM Brahman". 3). Jai! Ganga Mata Ki Jai."

Look at the Beauty and Compassion of the Divine Mother! The first portion (denial of identification with a 'body' and 'name') completely removes the entire gamut of impediments, hurdles and obstructions that prevented me from being Free to Experience or to Realise the "Truth". The middle portion confirms that such 'total removal', 'total denial' did not mean "Emptiness", "Nothingness", "Void" = "Sunya", but only raises the fundamental question: "Who Am I?" confirming (as "answer", as an "experience") what I have always been, what I AM and what I will henceforth be too = "I AM Brahman"! How could this "dual spiritual role" of "Denial and Completion" be simultaneously achieved? Mother Ganga asserts that it could easily be attained through "doing Japa" — by which 'act' one does total surrender of oneself to the ‘Divine'! Now! There prevailed / prevails — powerfully, experientially and effortlessly — the "Inner Silence" only! This is the operation of Guru's Anugraha (Grace)!¹

It all started in March 2005, in holy Hardwar. I was paying homage to the sacred mother, Ganga Mata. The divine mother not only activated my heart to write, but also graciously gave the title, Drops from the Ocean.²

You will be interested to know that as recently as this year [2016], Anuradha and I were taken by a devotee of Sri Bhagavan, to a Saint living at Velpur in Andhra Pradesh. He is addressed by all as ‘Mouna’ Swami, since he is in total silence from 1985 onwards. He is a true follower of our beloved Bhagavan. It can safely be said that he lives in principle and practice the instructions of Sri Bhagavan, in almost every way.

After reading ‘Ramana Periya Puranam’, Velpur ‘Mouna’ Swami instantly arranged for its translation into the local language, Telugu. Then, he got several thousand copies of it printed and had them distributed to the aspirants who flock to have his darshan. Coming across many references in that book to my having met many Saints and the spiritual benefits I gained through these meetings, he requested me to write them all down in a book. He said that just as ‘Ramana Periya Puranam’ had brought to light how the Old Devotees of Sri Bhagavan benefitted from their close association with Sri Bhagavan, this second book, ‘Meetings with Sages and Saints’, would help spiritual aspirants to seek the company of Sages and Saints and thereby get benefitted.

My life of eighty years has been filled with rich spiritual experiences. Despite episodes of turmoil in my external life, I have been constantly inwardly blessed, helped, advised, guided, and sometimes scolded, by Saints who played roles of fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, teachers, mentors and friends to me. For this, I am eternally grateful to each one of them.

Mataji Krishna Bai moulded my spiritual life -- my ‘journey within’ -- and matured it through the great Siddha Purusha, Yogi Ramsuratkumar! Along the path, several Saints continually moulded and blessed me making my life, thus far, a beautiful experience.

It seems now to me, that at the dusk of my life, the Great Master BHAGAVAN RAMANA has entrusted me to a ‘Glorious Son’ who attends to this ‘tottering’ old parent with dedication, love and devotion!

Despite all those years of service to Sri Ramanasramam - collecting reminiscences of Old Devotees, attending to them, bringing out the old manuscripts as books, publishing the Ashram journal: ‘The Mountain Path’, maintaining the Ashram correspondence, taking care of visiting pilgrims, and collecting funds for expanding the Ashram - I still had a ‘nagging pain’ in my Heart.

I was conscious about my limited ability to give talks on Sri Bhagavan's Direct Teaching of “WHO AM I ?" in a manner that ordinary people could grasp it and apply it into practice in their lives.

Another lingering concern was that our Ashram should actively follow Sri Bhagavan's specific directive: "It should be maintained as a Centre for the diffusion of Spiritual Knowledge"! I am happy to have lived long enough to see my resplendent 'Spiritual Son' Nochur ‘RAMANA’, dispersing this Wisdom to the whole World! Thousands have flocked to Sri Bhagavan’s path directly as a result of his tireless efforts to spread the teaching.

Old Devotees of Sri Bhagavan fondly used to address me and treat me as ‘Kuzhandhai Swami – ‘Child Swami’. The Great Master seems to complete this ‘child's’ life -- with a 'spiritual son'!

‘Life’ is truly, very richly rewarding as its “only purpose is to realise the Self ”!

My ‘Father' is ‘RAMANA’ !

My ‘Mother' is ‘RAMANA’ !

My 'Son' is also ‘RAMANA’ !³

In 2020, my elder brother Sundaram, the Ashram President, passed away. My younger brother Mani and I were joyous to seat Dr. Anand, Sundaram’s eldest son, as the next President in accordance with the specific instructions of Sri Bhagavan’s “WILL”. Some devotees urged me to help the new President in the management. I went to Sri Bhagavan’s Sacred Samadhi Shrine and reported it to Sri Bhagavan. He blessed me with specific indications, to mean: “Do not interfere in Ashram affairs, any further!”

In 2021, I had two bad falls due to my sodium level going down drastically. The fracture I suffered, needed a major hip surgery to set it right. Though bedridden for a long time, I have started walking slowly now. Staunch Ramana bhaktas like Anu Ma, Nochur Ramana, Dr. Anand, Venkatesan, Sudha, Paramaguru, Sadashiv, Ananda Rao, Ravi Gupta, Prasanna, Sunil Valluri and Mouli, continue to take very good care of me.

The ‘mind’ dives within and there is Perennial Peace! Staying at home, within the premises of ‘Ananda Ramana,’ I now abide in Ramanananda, the Bliss of Sri Ramana! It is all Guru Anugraha!

Guru is Anugraha!

Anugraha is the Greatest Spiritual Power!

And so, here I still am, at the Holy Feet of Arunachala. Eighty-seven years old and still rendering service to Sat-Guru Sri Ramana!⁴