← Mother KrishnabaiHer autobiography

12

Serpent Bite

O PAPA, the ocean of grace! While my aspiration to realise you became exceedingly strong, your loving devotees living in the North, with a view to drawing you to their places, repeated Ram Nam in an inordinately increased number. You could not resist their call any longer. So you resolved to travel to the North. Before doing so, you thought to take permission from your Gurudev first. Hearing of this, Rame and I suffered from the pain of separation in anticipation of the visit. Out of grief we used to beg of you not to go away from Kasaragod to the North. At this time you would discourse for hours upon the impersonal aspect of God. As against it we used to sing before you:

नको ब्रह्मज्ञान आत्मस्थिती भाव । मी भक्त तूं देव ऐसें करी ॥

I don’t want Brahma Jnana, the knowledge of the Atman. May I be your devotee and you my God!

O Papa, the Mother Divine! I desired to spend the night in the Ashram on the day you went to Gurudev for seeking his permission. Coming to know of your intended departure to the North, Rukmabai came to the Ashram. Whenever she visited the Ashram, she would not go back the same day but spend the night in the Ashram, as it was difficult for her to climb the hill on return, owing to her acute asthmatic trouble. I asked her if I also could stay in the Ashram that night. She did not agree to my proposal. But I did not at all like to leave the Ashram on that day. Moreover, I was keenly anxious to know what you had decided about your tour after meeting Gurudev. Therefore, when I started for home my legs refused to move forward. I sat, without being observed, in a place on the way by which you usually returned, so that I might hear your talk about the tour. After a few hours I saw you coming down the hill, talking happily with the friends accompanying you about the permission granted by Gurudev and of your approaching journey.

O Papa, the ocean of grace! Hearing your talk I became miserable and spoke within myself, “It is definite that you are leaving us. Since I have not yet attained the fullness of spiritual life, I wish strongly that I should rather meet with death. At least, you should come to me as a serpent and by biting me free me from the impending pain of separation.”

After you had reached the Ashram I also proceeded towards it. At this juncture, I felt something strike my feet but without noticing it I walked on.

It was a serpent bite. As the poison of the serpent spread upward on my leg, I found it getting heavier as I moved on. Even then, without caring, I dragged myself along with the swollen leg and descended the hill halfway. From there I could very well see the Ashram. In the meantime dark clouds gathered in the sky and the rain started, which completely drenched me.

I had come to know from some people that the poison of a serpent bite does not rise up in the body when a stream of water is poured on the affected part. You brought down rain in time and thereby prevented the poison from permeating my body.

O universally-pervading Papa! Walking slowly I came to the Ashram. I saw you and others sleeping soundly and, fearing that by my remaining there I might disturb you, I did a Pradakshina of the Ashram. Then, going up the hill again, I laid myself down in the verandah of the small devil’s shrine on the top of the hill. I did not get any sleep for a long time owing to the pain from the serpent bite and the thought of your approaching departure. When dawn was nearing I felt drowsy and had a brief nap. At sunrise I got up and for ablutions I slowly made my way with my swollen leg to the bank of the river Chandragiri. As the path to the river was difficult I reached the bank as late as 11a.m. I finished my bath there, returned to the devil’s shrine at three in the afternoon and again rested in the verandah.

O all-pervading Papa! People believe that it is harmful for women to sleep in a devil’s shrine. Some lads who saw me lying down in the shrine went home and reported to their elders that a woman was found sleeping in the devil’s shrine. The elders immediately ran up to you in the Ashram and angrily told you about me. With the object of finding out who it might be, you came along with some devotees to where I was. I then accompanied you to the Ashram. As I had pain in my leg from the serpent bite I walked very slowly.

Seeing this, you asked me a little sternly, “Since you desired so much to remain last night in the Ashram how is it you didn’t tell Ramdas about it?”

Then, turning to Rukmabai you asked, “Since she had such a keen longing for spending the night in the Ashram, why did you not give her consent to do so?”

Soon you sent me in a horse cart to Rame’s house. From there I was taken by Sundari to her home. She arranged to treat me with proper remedies and relieved me from the effects of the poison. Although the wound did not completely heal I began to visit the Ashram as you were soon to go on tour.