← Mother KrishnabaiHer autobiography

29

Anandashram Life

O PAPA, who is the entire universe and beyond! Now in my dynamic being I am maintaining with you the relationship of that of a child towards its mother, but without any sense of duality. While in body consciousness, that is, before realisation, I did not feel any sense of duality between myself and the different parts of my body when I said, “my hands, my legs, etc.” So also now, after realising that I am the entire universe and beyond it, I consider you as my Universal Mother even though you and I are one. Whoever did anything right, you were the inspirer. Whoever did anything wrong, there again you were the inspirer. But I did not know this before I became one with your immortal Being. I have given before this the names of those who did right and those who did wrong. At this stage I feel I should not mention anybody’s name (except yours and mine), while narrating further all the events that happened from the time we started the activities of Anandashram.

O Papa, the embodiment of compassion! In order to begin the work of universal love and universal service, on the 15th of May, 1931 you started Anandashram near Kanhangad. The opening celebration of the Ashram was held with great eclat.

O universal Papa! While you were making me do all the necessary Sadhana for merging me in your eternal Being, for the protection of my body and for the enlightenment of my mind, you alone were doing everything necessary for me. When you were starting the work of the Ashram, whoever came with the sole object of realising your immortal Being, it was my wish that the task of both protecting his body and purifying his mind should not entirely rest on your shoulders and that I should be helpful to you in looking after their physical needs and that you should have only the work of raising them for the realisation of your eternal Self.

O love-incarnate Papa! With this aim, at the beginning you instituted a programme of one hour of Bhajan in the morning and one hour in the evening. Besides, if devotees came to the Ashram for performing Bhajan, you suggested to them to have their Bhajan at other times. Moreover, you fixed up the reading of scriptures for one hour during the day and one hour at night. At other times you were discoursing on what Sadhanas one should do to attain Self-realisation and how one should face obstacles on the path. In the course of the talk you would quote appropriate examples. You in the form of many devotees came to the Ashram with a strong desire to realise their oneness with your eternal Being. Most of the devotees of the same village in which the Ashram stands and also from nearby towns were coming to the Ashram. Again, you in the form of some young men who lived in far-off places, gave up their employment and joined the Ashram as Sadhakas.

O omnipresent Papa! At this time for our food we used to have coffee and eatables in the morning, and in the noon Kanji and curry. We were cooking these eatables in earthen vessels. At night we used to take diluted milk and any fruit, if available. If we had no fruit we would prepare some eatable. All the Ashram work was done by the inmates. Those who came as visitors from distant places had to do their own work and if time permitted they rendered service to the Ashram.

O Papa, the giver of bliss! In this manner, having arranged the work for the body and mind, you in the form of the Sadhakas progressed rapidly on the spiritual path and so their minds had a great uplift. They were fully satisfied with all that we did for them and were listening to your spiritual advice with faith and enthusiasm, thereby advancing on the path rapidly. You gave them a strong aspiration to realise your eternal Being in this birth itself. As they listened to your words their hearts would be flooded with joy. In your presence they would experience an indescribable bliss. They were listening with attention to your words, sitting for Bhajan, doing Sadhana and rendering service to you in various ways, without being tired and with all earnestness. So as days passed, you made their minds rise to higher and higher planes.

O peaceful Papa! Now it so happened that you in the forms of several people of this village and other places spread false reports regarding your sudden abandonment of the Kasaragod Ashram. These gradually fell into the ears of the Sadhakas as they went on Ashram work to Mangalore or other places and happened to be in the company of the persons who were spreading such rumours. Although you in the forms of these Sadhakas knew all that had happened in the Kasaragod Ashram, as they were keen on realising their oneness with the eternal Being, what they had heard did not affect them so much at first. Now, though you had made their minds pure as a result of their Sadhana, when they heard these reports their minds gradually became impure, just as when a colour is mixed in pure and sparkling water. You did not enable them to see you in both good and evil. Their minds became defiled because you made them see you only in the good and not in the evil.

Thus you made them forget with what purpose they came to the Ashram, giving up their families, and what they should principally do. The mind does not rise as rapidly as it falls down. Their minds, which you had to some extent made to ascend to higher planes of consciousness, were brought down by you in a short time. Till then you were making them do all the work with enthusiasm, seeing greatness in all that we did and setting a high value on them. Now you made them find in our same activities faults and shortcomings. Whatever we did for them was looked upon with disfavour.

O all-pervading Papa! In spite of this, you inspired the Sadhakas to treat you with love and reverence. You were found always in their company, giving them advice for their spiritual advancement. As for me, I was serving them with the same love with which I served you. But just as eating more food than necessary results in indigestion and illness, similarly you made my unstinted service rendered to them and my over-kindness, bring about their fall instead of raising their minds.

There was one among the young Sadhakas whose mind had dropped to such a degree that he was found always going about with women. Noticing this, I taunted him so that he might walk on the right path. You also became aware of his behaviour and suggested, for his benefit, that he might live in solitude and so arranged for his stay for Sadhana in a house near the Ashram. Even then, when you found that he had not improved, you had to send him away from the Ashram.

O infinite Papa! When you discovered that the minds of the Sadhakas, instead of improving, were day by day descending to levels lower than what they were when they first came to the Ashram, you realised that it was not possible for the mind once involved in the world to turn inward easily. So you started the publication of the monthly magazines, The Vision in English and Vishwa Prem in Marathi, so that the mind may be also given some external work side by side with Bhajan, meditation, etc., as a help to Sadhana. In order to work out this idea, you got from a devotee the necessary amount for constructing a small office building. The main aim of these monthly magazines was to spread the ideals of universal love and service. In these magazines were published articles on spiritual subjects written by yourself and other Mahatmas who were your forms.

O Papa, the lover of the humble! When I saw that you, dwelling in the hearts of the Sadhakas living in the Ashram, were taking their minds downward, I felt immensely pained at heart. I was doing all acts of service with great zeal and enthusiasm, believing that the Sadhakas would be benefited and attain oneness with your real Being, just as I had attained the same state. But my enthusiasm cooled down when I observed many untoward situations and happenings.

Then I reflected, “What is the use of an Ashram if it does not prevent the minds of the Sadhakas living in it from pursuing transitory pleasures? You have provided these people at their homes with the necessary things for enjoyment of worldly pleasures. They can have this enjoyment remaining in their places.” So I felt there was no need to have any Ashram at all.