All chapters16 of 42

Coming “Home”

O ALL-PERVADING Papa! Next morning, on taking leave of everyone, I started on my journey to Kasaragod. The people at home gave me a sari eighteen cubits long and in return got back from me the orange coloured sari which I was then wearing, as I wanted to come to you with nothing in hand. So I had only one sari that I wore. I came to Mangalore by steamboat and thence by train I arrived at Kasaragod. There, I at first decided to go to you straight by the route that led to your Ashram. But, as prompted by you from within, I walked on the road leading to Rame’s house and, coming near it, called out Rame and asked her if you were there. Receiving an answer in the negative, I proceeded directly to the Ashram.

The way was over the hill and it was night time. Thick clouds were overhanging the sky and it was Kartika Purnima. In spite of the full moon I could not clearly see my way. Nevertheless, as I was acquainted with the road, and as there were small lights twinkling in the houses on the way, I walked on by short stages. But as I advanced I found no more houses with lights to guide me. The way was difficult to traverse and darkness had enveloped everything around, with the consequence that I could not go onward. Under the illusion that as I was of fair complexion I could find my way by the light of my feet, I raised my sari a little. I saw a light in front of my feet as I walked on. Believing that the light must be issuing from my feet, I was taken aback.

Papa, the protector of the humble! I can vouch for it that it was really you who provided me with this light to guide me through the darkness. I also wondered how great was your love for your devotees who had taken refuge in you. I was extremely delighted to know that you can day and night watch over them and afford them every kind of protection. But I prayed to you not to entangle me in your miracles.

Papa, the lover of devotees! By the help of the light provided by you I walked on and arrived in your presence. At that time four or five devotees were sitting around you. The moment we met, you and I could not control an outburst of laughter. As you were then observing the vow of silence, you wrote on a slip of paper, “Mother, you have come to your own home. The Ashram shall, in future, be your permanent place of residence,” and showed the slip to me. Then I decided to remain with you doing your service, chanting Ram Nam and listening to your discourses.

O all-pervading Papa! Seeing that you were drinking only milk for your nourishment, we did not feel happy over it and questioned you about the fast over and over again. On getting tired of answering our questions you stopped the exchange of notes with us. At the ardent appeal of Rame and her husband Chandrashekhar, you ate food and also broke your silence. Indeed, our joy knew no bounds.

O kindness-incarnate Papa! The following day Rame sent you a letter in which she said that she would provide food for both of us and that we should agree to her request. As Rame had inexpressible love for you and me we agreed. But it was arranged that Rame and the devotee who was sending food to you till then, should provide us with food on alternate months.

O Papa, the embodiment of compassion! The manner in which you showered your rare love on us all was like that of a mother who would pour her love on her child which she had obtained as the fruit of her long penance and vows. But, just as the mother sometimes reprimands the child for its naughty behaviour, so you dealt with us in order to guide us on the right path. We knew you were admonishing us in strong words with the sole object of leading us on the path of God-realisation. So, you not only made me hear your advice but also granted me the strength to act up to it. At this time, as I was often living in your company, some of the devotees who were staying in the Ashram with us, began hearing the slander about us started by the people in the house of the devotee who was sending you food ever since you came to Kasaragod and by others in the town. For this reason and also on account of threats from them, the devotees left the Ashram. For the same reason the number of devotees visiting the Ashram was also reduced.