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Initiation

O PURUSHOTTAMA Papa! From childhood I had cherished great love for God. I very much liked to stand before the pictures of God in my home for singing to them praises and invocations. I would fix my eyes on those pictures and get so absorbed that I used to forget everything, even my kith and kin and surroundings.

O compassionate Papa! It was my practice to join my hands in salute before the pictures of God. Whenever I passed the door of the family shrine I would not fail to salute the deity inside it. Whenever I went out, on seeing stones on the roadside on which Kumkum was applied, I would offer salutations to them. Noticing this people would laugh at me.

O love-incarnate Papa! When I stood before the pictures of God I would talk to them. Sometimes, even though I was not in front of them, I would converse with them, visualising them face to face.

O Papa, the Divine Mother! I took delight in touching the pictures of God, but I was not allowed to touch the images, which were bathed and worshipped daily, except on the special occasions.

The daily worship of the images in the home shrine was performed by a Saraswat priest appointed for the task. On festival days we children were permitted to worship the images. On such occasions I would experience untold joy in touching, worshipping and saluting them with all faith. All this was done only after first purifying myself by ablutions and bath.

O Papa, who is beginningless and endless! From my childhood you made me possess a reverential feeling for God. It was my habit to apply Kumkum to the pictures of God in our home every day. It was not possible to apply Kumkum simultaneously to all the pictures. So when I was about to apply Kumkum to any one picture, the other pictures would ask me, “Why don’t you apply Kumkum to me first?” Therefore, I used to apply Kumkum to one of the pictures, telling the others, “I will apply kumkum to you first tomorrow.” Sometimes I would forget to which of the pictures I had applied Kumkum first the previous day; then I would say to all the pictures. “I do not remember to which picture I applied Kumkum first yesterday. Therefore, none amongst you should get annoyed with me.” And then I would apply the Kumkum.

O Papa who is all and beyond all! As I outgrew my childhood, you infused into me the desire to learn by heart hymns glorifying God. When I was yet five or six years old, you induced me to wish for initiation of Guru Mantra from the traditional Guru, Srimat Pandurangashram Swami. The Swami was giving the Mantra only to married couples. The Swami who was none other than yourself, was therefore not in a position to initiate me as I was then unmarried and hence my wish remained unfulfilled.

O all-pervading Papa! After marriage I wanted to receive the Mantra from Srimat Anandashram Swami disciple of Srimat Pandurangashram Swami But my husband, as you willed, prevented me from satisfying this longing of mine. Yet my aspiration to be initiated with the Mantra grew stronger as time passed. At last, in my eighteenth year at Hubli, I took from Sri Tammanna Sastri, a disciple of Gondavali Maharaj, initiation of the thirteen lettered Mantra: श्री राम जय राम जय जय राम (Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram). He instructed me to repeat this Mantra at least 1,300 times a day. He further said that if this was not possible I should turn the rosary once a day with the repetition of the Mantra. By your grace I did the Japa of this Mantra the required number of times without fail.

O Papa, the giver of bliss! Thus infusing into my mind the spirit of love and devotion to God, you guided me to yourself and, initiating me with the holy Ram Mantra, “Om Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram,” set me to repeat it day and night. Moreover, you asked me to consider all thoughts that arose in my mind and whomsoever I beheld as Ram Himself.

O Papa, the repository of compassion! While in this way I was practising that you were all-in-all, I came to realise that you were ever near me and that you were ever dwelling in my heart. The feeling of your nearness filled me with infinite love for you, resulting in my merging into your limitless Being, thereby awakening me to the knowledge that you and I are one.

O Papa, the lover of the humble! You explained to me how to offer to you all the actions performed by the limbs of my body and the senses. You thereby made me realise my oneness with all aspects of your eternal Being. Do make me write clearly about my integral surrender to you from my childhood – my body, mind and all that I possessed – and also how you instilled in me the qualities of renunciation, compassion, forgiveness and peace.

O Papa, the ocean of kindness! In my childhood I loved my mother and father without recognising them. When I grew up I learnt to love them, knowing who they were. The love I bore for my parents led me to love my brothers and sisters. This love for parents, brothers and sisters prepared me to sacrifice my all for them. Though sometimes I got angry with my brothers and sisters, you made me treat them with compassion, kindness, forgiveness and affection because of my love for them.

When I was at school for my education I used to be there both physically and mentally by lessening, for the time being, my attachment to relatives at home. After marriage, making my love for my husband a basis, I loved his parents and relatives. Then I withdrew my love from my parents and erstwhile relatives and tried to love my husband and his people with all my heart, ever ready to sacrifice my all for them.

At the age of twenty-five you awakened in my heart an intense longing for a Guru and you brought me to where you lived. Accepting you as my central object of adoration, I learnt to love the entire universe. I was prepared to extend my love towards all beings and treat them with kindness, patience and forgiveness. As my vision expanded I came to love all people and creatures in the world, and my attachment for my husband and other members of his family disappeared. Later, when I renounced my attachment to all my kith and kin, by your will, I dedicated my body, mind, and all that I called my own to you, who is all and beyond all. Ultimately you made me renounce myself, your form and the entire cosmos and I became one with the eternal Truth beyond name, form and movement. This spiritual summit I reached through your infinite grace.

My infinite Papa! You brought about all these changes in my inner being whilst all my external limbs and aspects remained as before. In order that I might realise your real existence, that is the Self, you blessed me from my childhood with the urge to dedicate to you my entire body, mind and possessions, and you also illumined my heart with love, compassion and forgiveness. You have, no doubt, gifted all beings in creation with this nature and capability – principally human beings in a larger measure. Nevertheless, for the smooth running of your creative activities in the world, the majority of human beings, instead of using these divine faculties for realising your supreme and eternal existence, are busy in employing them for attaining transitory happiness. This is undoubtedly your own doing. Because of this, many have not achieved permanent peace and bliss. For experiencing this exalted state, it is essential to know you in reality. So I pray to you, who are Purushottama, to condescend to shower your grace on all beings so that an intense aspiration springs in their hearts for their absorption into your imperishable life and existence, finally granting them the realisation of everlasting peace and bliss.