← Mother KrishnabaiHer autobiography

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Ecstatic Union

O INFINITE Papa! Verily, I am your own embodiment. At the desire of some devotees, who are none other than yourself, you inspired me to make several attempts to dictate my life-story, incorporating in it all the events from the beginning of my life, even before you revealed yourself in me. But every time, after some progress, I could not continue the work. Now again I am taking it up.

O all-pervading Papa! In 1928 you awakened in me a strong urge to become one with your eternal Being, and I came to you. After passing one year in your holy company I appealed to you to initiate me with the Ram Mantra. All-compassionate as you are, you gave me the most sacred Mantra. You then advised me to stop reading any kind of books, to give up the use of the rosary while repeating the Mantra and to discontinue the worship of images. Instead, you counselled me to look upon all beings and creatures in the world as Ram and to consider the service rendered to any one of them as service and worship of Ram Himself.

O kindness-incarnate Papa! As I went on reciting Ram Nam, the remembrance of my relatives came to me with added force. To get over this hurdle, you asked me to take whatever thought that arose in me as Ram Himself. Whenever I thought of God as Ram I felt God was far away from me. But when I thought of God as Papa I felt His nearness. By this practice, after some time, I realised that all my relatives are yourself, and the thoughts about them as such disappeared. Then I looked upon everybody as you alone. I got the vision to behold you as everyone and everything.

O Papa, the lover of devotees! During my spiritual discipline I reflected how from my childhood onward, you assumed various forms to guide me on the path. I recollected how you spoke as those persons and made me also speak. Further, all the events of my life started crowding into my mind vividly one after another.

O Papa, the infinite Being! Grant me the wisdom to narrate my life in all truth and sweetness and without any exaggeration.

O Papa, the Divine Mother! You are omnipresent and, having become everything, you are also transcendent. You pervade within and without all that exists. You are above beginning and end. You are the sole protector of all.

O compassionate Papa! In the worlds you reside in entirety in all beings – even in the smallest particle. Likewise, you dwell in me in all your perfection. Now grant me the power to describe your magnificent glory manifest in me.

O Sadguru! As a first step to the realisation of your omnipresent Being, even before my advent into the world, you prepared the ground for that supreme consummation. When the time of my birth was approaching you caused to spread in the small village of Haliyal, where my parents lived, the dreadful disease – plague. As a consequence, all the people of the village had to flee away and take refuge in a neighbouring jungle, at a distance of about four miles from Haliyal. In this calamitous situation my mother and father, who were none other than yourself, took upon themselves, with all their heart, to provide, as far as they could, accommodation and other conveniences for the refugees. When helping the sufferers they considered them as their own. They felt that the happiness of these people in trouble was their own happiness. When thus my mother and father were revealing their benign and benevolent nature, in the month of September 1903 on Mahalaya Amavasya, the prominent new moon day of the year, as willed by you, I was born in one of the huts in the jungle.

O birthless and deathless Papa! As my mother and father, you poured your love on me and received in response my love in the same measure. Through my love for my parents you inspired me to love all their relatives on both sides. Yet, you willed that my love should not be confined to a narrow circle and it expanded beyond this limit.

O Papa, the ocean of compassion! In order to accomplish this aim, you as my father, taught me to love the image of Dattatreya installed by him in the Nadgar Temple founded by his forefathers. You then expanded my love so that it might go to all who visited the temple for worship. Moreover, when I was about six years old you kindled in me love for Srimat Pandurangashram Swami (the Guru of the Chitrapur Saraswat Brahmin community), and also the Gurus preceding him in the line. My love then gained further expansion, enfolding in its range all the members of my community, and I regarded them all as my own people.

O Papa, the embodiment of kindness! At the age of twelve years and three months I was married, which brought me close to all the members of my husband’s family, who were, of course, till then strangers to me. I developed love for them all, particularly for my husband’s parents. I held them in high esteem and often talked of their all round good nature. In this manner my love vision widened extensively. You play all the parts in this world drama and all events happen in it only by your will.

O Papa, the lover of the humble! When I reached the age of twenty, my husband passed away after a brief illness, leaving me behind with two sons, resulting in my detachment from my relatives and also giving rise in my heart to a growing dispassion towards the world. With a view to preserve my chastity you turned my mind toward you who are all and yet beyond.

O limitless Papa! Even when I was eighteen years old, you had brought me in contact with Sri Tammanna Sastri, a disciple of Sri Gondavali Maharaj, and he initiated me with a Mantra. Between the age of twenty and twenty-two I was again initiated by Sri Siddharudha Swami, Sri Chandekar Maharaj and Sri N.V.R. Indeed, they are all yourself in those forms. In this way you augmented my devotion to you by the Darshan of these saints and I gained some peace.

O all-pervading Papa! At last, by your grace, in June 1928, I felt an intense longing to have you and you alone, and you drew me to your presence.

O Papa, the Divine Mother! The moment I saw you, my heart was flooded with joy. The rare delight I then enjoyed was similar to that of a child when it meets its mother after a long separation.

Papa, you are indeed compassion personified. Within only three years of this child’s entry into your divine presence, you enabled her to realise your static, changeless and infinite Being. Just as the feeling of “I” ness in me pervades all parts of my physical being from head to foot and yet this “I” is distinct from the body, so also I came to know that I am at once the Universal Consciousness and the transcendent Truth.