← The Gospel of Swami RamdasHis talks, as recorded by Swami Satchidananda

1953-01-05

Chapter 11

Anandashram, January 5, 1953

89. Writing and Talking, Nothing before Realization

The usual reading of ‘Tulsidas Ramayan’ was over at 9 p.m. Papa then signed the Likhit Japa notebooks of the devotees. He went to bed a few minutes before 10. Motiben and S were massaging his body and Swami Krishnananda was gently fanning him. Mataji was sitting in the adjacent room, near Ramkishor, who was laid up with an attack of fever.

Remembering what he read a few minutes back in the ‘Ramayan’ about Sri Narada cursing Lord Vishnu, Papa laughed.

S: What is the cause given by Vishnu for taking the avatar of Rama?

Papa: People in the world were suffering at the hands of the wicked. So they prayed to God for help. Papa then repeated the sloka.

“Parithraanaaya Sadhoonam Vinaasaaya cha dushkritaam, Dharma samstthaapanaartthaaya Sambhavaami Yuge Yuge”

'For the protection of the good, for the destruction of the wicked and for the establishment of righteousness, I am born in every age.’

Swami Krishnananda: Papa is quoting Sanskrit slokas!

Papa: Yes, Ramdas sometimes quotes Sanskrit slokas like a learned pundit. Whenever he quotes a sloka, he also says that Ramdas does not know Sanskrit, but people do not seem to believe it.

S: When Papa says so, all the more they believe that Papa knows Sanskrit well.

Papa: Yes, what Ramdas does not want them to believe, they believe. Ramdas’ ‘Gita Sandesh’ was sent to ‘The Hindu’ for review some years ago and a long review of the book appeared praising the way Ramdas has dealt with the subject in each chapter. Reading the review, Ramdas himself wondered and read the book twice to find out if there was really so much to appreciate. When he read once, he thought there was something in it, but when he read it again he felt that the whole thing was stale.

S: If Papa writes the book now, how would he write it?

Papa: Ramdas would never write it at all. Sometimes he wishes to destroy all the books he has written. He asks himself, 'What is there to write or talk?’ When Ramdas sees everybody as the very embodiment of God, whom can he teach or advise? Seeing God everywhere is a matter of experience. How to write about it? That is why Ramdas nowadays does not wish to talk or write anything about it. Just before Swami Vivekananda attained mahasamadhi, he was asked to give a message to his devotees. His reply was that he would like all the books written by him or published in his name to be collected and thrown into the sea. Kabir also said the same thing.

January 6, 1953

90. Mataji's Unexpected Entreaty

4 p.m. Papa was in the bhajan-hall. It was time to start the reading of ‘Tulsidas Ramayan’. The book was placed on the cross plank of his chair.

Papa (to S): This plank should be pushed forward to the utmost. Otherwise the heavy book presses on Ramdas’ stomach. Ramdas’ body has become unwieldy.

S then remarked that the book too was bulky.

Papa: Both are unwieldy – Ramdas and the book; but the contents of the book are very good and are liked by everybody. (Laughter).

Just then more devotees came and took their seats. When Mataji also sat in front of Papa, he repeated the above to her in Konkani. Before he started the second half of the sentence, she said, "I am also unwieldy."

Papa said, "No, no. Hear what Ramdas has to say", and completed the sentence.

Mataji laughed and said, "We like not only the contents, but also the body of both."

Then the ‘Ramayan’ was read as usual.

When the evening bhajan was going on, Swami Krishnananda and S were in the office. Mataji came there and asked some details from Swami Krishnananda. She then handed over a fountain pen to Swami Krishnananda and asked him to pass it on to Subramania Iyer. In a few minutes Subramania Iyer himself came in. Swami Krishnananda gave the fountain pen to him saying, "This is for you with Mataji's blessings."

Subramania Iyer: Then I shall have Mataji's blessings personally. Saying this he prostrated at Mataji's feet.

Mataji looked at him and said, "Let me have the blessings. You are wearing out under the weight of the blessings you have been getting from me all these twentytwo years. Now at least, let me grow fat by taking all your blessings."

Those present were surprised and upset at this attitude of Mataji, apparently without any reason.

Looking at Mataji, Subramania Iyer said, "I don't know this language. I don't understand it."

Just then a few devotees rushed in to make pranams to Mataji. So Mataji left the room followed by Subramania Iyer. S and Swami Krishnananda were eager to ascertain from Mataji the exact cause and significance of her strange words to Subramania Iyer. They waited for an opportune moment to ask her.

January 7, 1953

91. Pretentious Repetition of Ram Nam

9 a.m. Papa was in the bhajan-hall. CR Rao and a few others were seated near him.

Papa: The greater the devotee, the greater is his abhiman. He gets puffed up because he thinks he has great devotion.

There was perfect silence.

Papa: (to CR Rao): Is it true you are going tomorrow?

CR Rao: No, Papa.

Papa: Ramdas thought so, but he heard that you have decided to go tomorrow. You cannot run away like that. Ramdas will not allow you to get away so soon.

The usual reading from the book ‘Guru Ramana’ started after Mataji and a few others came and took their seats. It dealt with the last days of Sri Ramana, giving details of his physical ailment.

In the afternoon Papa was busy reading out from ‘The Illustrated Weekly’ to the devotees present. There were many jokes punctuated with a lot of laughter.

In the evening Papa went for a walk followed by a few ashramites. While returning, he came as usual along the roundabout way, by way of the car shed and kitchen. When he was near the kitchen he heard Kunhambu, a worker in the kitchen, repeating Ram Nam aloud. Papa remarked: "Kunhambu has become a singer now. But when these people start singing Ram Nam loudly, Ramdas is reminded of Padmanabhan, a young man who was once working in the kitchen. He used to repeat Ram Nam aloud and appeared to be a great bhakta. Sometimes he would wear gerrua cloth also and looked like a blooming sannyasi. Everybody here had regard for him, and those in the kitchen made it a point to see that he was fed well. He grew fatter and fatter. Do you know the result? He fell in love with a girl, daughter of an ashram worker. When the girl was sick he used to go to her house, sit by her side and repeat some Mantra to cure her. Finally he proposed to her. But the parents did not give their approval. He was sent away from here. Till then nobody would believe Ramdas when he warned them about this fellow. Sometimes Ramdas used to go to the kitchen and watch the fun of Padmanabhan being treated like a saint and specially fed by the workers. Then he would laugh, make fun of Padmanabhan and come away. That is why Ramdas is afraid when these people start repeating Ram Nam aloud and pose like great bhaktas. Others make much of them and praise them. They get puffed up and finally fall."

S: Papa, this spiritual world is a realm by itself and very funny too.

Papa: These devotees do not find any difference between matter and spirit!

S: That must be a very high state!

Papa laughed.

92. Mataji on Fasting

Swami Krishnananda and S were working in the office. Mataji came in. A few minutes later Subramania Iyer, Anandashram Post-master, brought two money orders for her. She signed the forms and the money was paid to her. Subramania Iyer wanted a few annas which he asked of Mataji. She gave him a rupee. He told her that he wanted only a few annas; she, however, asked him to keep the rupee.

Swami Krishnananda: Let him keep the rupee. He seems to have no money even to pay the barber.

Subramania Iyer: That does not matter; I shall grow a beard.

S: If we do not take a shave for a few days, Papa asks us if we are too busy to spare time even for shaving.

Subramania Iyer (to Mataji): In fact, Mother, I do not get time for shaving. I come from the post office at 10.30 a.m. and then I can think only of my bath and meal.

Mataji: That is but natural. When you feel the pinch of hunger, all other things are easily forgotten or ignored. Then you do not think of shaving or even of bath. The same will be the case when your mind is occupied with some higher or more important thing such as seeking God, or say, making arrangements for the marriage of your daughter. It is not that you will absolutely give up food on such occasions, but you may reduce it, or change your hours of eating. In my case, in the days of sadhana, I used to eat all right. I have never fasted and I do not advise others also to go on fast.

S: Papa has fasted many times, but he too does not ask us to fast, except when we feel the need for it on physical or spiritual considerations.

Mataji: Papa once used to describe to us the rigorous sadhana he had passed through. But all need not, nor will be able to go through such difficult discipline. I cannot bear hunger. I would eat whenever I wanted. See, for example, today they had prepared curry of tuvar (a kind of pulse) and I liked it very much. I took a good quantity at noon. Now they brought a little for Ramkishor and when he told me about it, I had a desire to take it again. In the evening, I generally take only milk and rice brought here from the kitchen, but this evening I ran up to the kitchen and took some tuvar. I do not believe in fasting.

93. Joy in all Actions

Of late, Papa was having pain in the joints, especially on the left side, due to rheumatism. Oil massage was being given daily, but there was not much relief. Even after the evening walk he said that the pain still persisted.

It was past 10 p.m. Resting on the bed, when his body was being massaged, Papa said, "Ramdas is now waiting for Sarangapani to come with the medicine. Do you know what will happen when Ramdas starts taking the medicine? He will be eating like a glutton and the expenses will go up." All laughed. Mataji asked him if the expenses would go up by ten rupees a day.

Papa: Last time when Ramdas took the medicine in Bangalore, Sarangapani's wife prepared fine food and made Ramdas eat plenty of it every time. In twelve days he gained twelve pounds in weight. This time he has to take the medicine for twentyfour days and he will therefore increase his weight by twentyfour pounds. His weight after the treatment will be one hundred and twentysix plus twentyfour, that is, one hundred and fifty. Then if he puts on a pair of trousers and a cap, he will look like P whose picture we see very often in the papers nowadays. Sarangapani knows we do not get good vegetables here. So he will bring two baskets full of them.

It was time for papa to sleep. The massage over, he was sitting on the bed. Mataji and S were gently rubbing his hands. After a few minutes he got up to go to the inner room and remarked: "See, Ramdas has joy in everything; he finds joy in sitting; he finds joy in walking; he finds joy in reading; in sleeping, in getting up, in tuning the radio. There is joy in everything he does."

Mataji: Papa has so much joy in doing everything. But I have no joy or enthusiasm in doing things.

Papa: No, it is not so, she also enjoys whatever she does. Though she may not show it as Ramdas does, you can understand by the way she does everything – so systematic and thorough.

While retiring to bed, Papa said, "The body is tired. Now he must sleep."

January 8, 1953

94. Love of God breaks Bonds of Moha

At 8-30 a.m., Papa was in the bhajan-hall, attending to correspondence, and S was taking down notes. Swami Krishnananda and CR Rao were sitting nearby. After dictating the last letter, Papa said, "Like a big fellow, Ramdas is sitting here and giving advice and instruction. He is like a dictator. But how many do you think follow his advice? Whatever he tells them, they do not do, they go on doing as they like."

S: Papa should not simply give advice, but must see that they also act accordingly.

Papa: That is what Ramdas wants to do now. He is tired of giving advice. Now he must quietly see that the devotees live the real life. See the boy Ramkishor. Ramdas is daily guiding and advising him. Do you know what he says? 'Papa, what is the use of your simply telling me what to do and what not to do? You are all powerful, and so you must make me do what you want. I have no power to follow what you say. My nature is such that it makes me do so many things which you do not like'.

Swami Krishnananda: Papa must resort, if necessary, to violent methods to see that devotees follow his advice.

Papa: Do you mean to say that Ramdas should break open the doors of their hearts and get inside? They have closed the doors so tight that Ramdas finds absolutely no chance to get in. If they, by any chance, make a small opening, Ramdas will enter and bring about the miracle. But they do not. The bonds must be broken. Love can do it. You know the burglar breaks open the houses, on account of his love for money. So also your love for God must make you break all the bonds of moha. Suppose you are bound by a rope and you want to get away. There is no use of your prostrating to the rope and asking for permission to go. You have to forcibly break it and your love for freedom will give you the strength to do so.

95. Need For Correct Understanding of Saints

After about half an hour S came with a bottle of oil and asked if he should apply oil on Papa's head. Papa was busy reading something and had a woollen waistcoat on. He replied: "You may apply the oil. But you must carefully do it as he does not want to sit like a statue for ten minutes. He is not going to remove the waistcoat or the spectacles. He wants to be reading."

S carefully applied the oil on his head while Papa continued the reading.

Papa took up the book ‘Guru Ramana’. Mataji came and sat before him. That day's portion dealt with the mahasamadhi of Maharashi and was very pathetic. After the reading, Papa asked S if Maharshi had hard breathing or groaning at the last hour. S replied that he was not present on the last day, as he returned from Ramanashram the previous day. Then Papa put the same question to CR Rao.

CR Rao: There was some heavy breathing and he was rolling his head from one side to the other. Though he would never have felt it, it was clear the body was in severe pain.

Papa: What do you mean? What was the cause for the suffering of the body then?

CR Rao: What can I say, Papa? It was perhaps prarabdha.

Papa: Then, in talking, walking, etc., was it Maharshi doing all those actions or prarabdha.

When the talk was going on in this strain, Mataji and S left the hall to arrange for Papa's shave and bath. When they were about to descend the steps Mataji told S: "When people write books about Maharshi, besides writing what the Maharshi said, they add their own ideas and opinions. Maharshi might have made a statement on a particular occasion or context, but these writers take the statement as applicable everywhere, in all conditions. For example, a statement in reference to the treatment of eyes is likely to be considered applicable by the devotees to hands or legs. That is to say, when Maharshi talks about one aspect of the Reality, devotees take it to be the only aspect and do not understand the remaining aspect or aspects. They mix up matters concerning one aspect with those of other aspects. This is all caused by improper understanding. I do not know if you follow what I say. The writings based upon such misunderstanding may not seriously affect the ordinary reader. But the real aspirants who are advancing on the path will be confused very much, It is said in this book that Maharshi never suffered any pain caused by the illness. A sadhaka reads this and tries to find out what is happening in his case. He is doing sadhana, and intensely asserts that he is not the body but the eternal and changeless Atman. But when there is some disease, he feels the pain. Now he wonders and thinks, 'Maharshi is said to have never felt pain, but I am feeling it!' Thereafter all his attention is on the body, as he determines that he must free himself from the feeling of pain. He tries to harass the body in many ways. His mind, which was attuned to the Eternal in meditation, has now come down to the body and he is greatly disturbed. His progress is hampered. Thus, such books are likely to create doubt and vacillation in the minds of sadhakas’."

Mataji added: "Once a devotee told me that Papa was showing some special love towards certain persons. I tried to make him understand that even if saints appear to love some more than others, it does not mean that they have come to a lower level. Their identification with the eternal, changeless Spirit is not at all affected by their external actions. I wanted to cite an example from the life of one whom the devotee admired most. So I told him that Maharshi once wept when the son of a very loving woman-worker of Ramanashram passed away. He wept because the mother was weeping. The point is that when you accept saints as all in all, as existing in everything and everything existing in them, it naturally follows that when they have the so-called good, they will have the so-called bad also in them. If you look at your palm, you see one side of the hand. Has it not got the other side also? Can you cut away the other side of the hand? Similarly if you accept the good in a person, you must accept also the bad in him."

96. Ask Blessings only for Spiritual Progress

7.30 p.m. Evening bhajan was going on. Mataji came to the office room where Swami Krishnananda and S were sitting. After a few minutes' discussion with Swami Krishnananda in connection with his work, she entered into a casual talk. Swami Krishnananda then told her that S and himself could not really understand why she had told Subramania Iyer two days ago, when he prostrated before her, that she needed his blessings. He also added that they were eagerly waiting for an opportunity to talk to her about that.

Mataji, smiling in her usual genial way, said, "That day something had happened in the kitchen and I was annoyed with the workers there. I came here soon after that and gave you the fountain pen to be handed over to Subramania Iyer. After receiving it from your hands, he prostrated before me asking for blessings; blessings for such perishable things as the fountain pen. It would have been something if he had at least asked for blessings so that he might write more Ram Nam with the pen, as the pen was given to him for that purpose. Blessings are worth while only for spiritual purposes, for attaining God's Sashwat Swarup, or Eternal Being."

97. 'My Work must be Universal', Mataji

Mataji continued: "Before Papa took me into His own Swarup, I was striving for my own liberation. But, for the last twentytwo years, since the starting of this ashram, I have been striving my best to see that everyone who comes into contact with me makes quick progress on the spiritual path and attains liberation. I am greatly disappointed, however, to see that there is no one who is prepared to take real advantage, when Papa is with us in flesh and blood, ready to shower his grace on all. Nobody truly wants spiritual liberation, though many may talk about it. They are only after petty, material pleasures and worldly pursuits. Those whom I wished well and strove to help all these years are now kicking me in the back. I feel this is so because Papa, perhaps, does not wish that I should bestow my attention on a few individuals instead of on the whole universe. It is like this. Take my little finger, for example; nay, take one small hair of my body. If I were to give all my attention for the growth of that one hair alone, the result will be that the rest of my body will suffer, and sometimes, due to such over-attention, that hair itself will not grow; rather, it may even fall off. What I should do, therefore, is to pay attention to my body as a whole. Then, all the parts will automatically get the benefit of the attention. When I am the universe, when I have identified myself with the universe, my work also must be universal, and not confined to any one individual or set of individuals. Papa is only teaching me to be universal by giving me such experiences as I have had during all these years. I have tried during this period for the spiritual progress of those individuals who came into contact with me, but have failed in my attempt. When Subramania Iyer prostrated before me the other day, all these ideas came rushing to my mind. That was why I told him that he did not need blessings from me, but on the other hand, I needed blessings from all, so that I might succeed in my efforts."

S: How can others, spiritually immature, bless you, a saint, and what is this effort of yours?

Mataji: My efforts, as I told you, is for the spiritual progress and liberation of all; and all can bless me for success in that effort of mine so that all striving souls may be blessed with spiritual and realization.

Swami Krishnananda and S were struck by Mataji's deep compassion and great concern for the spiritual welfare of all, as revealed by these words.

January 9, 1953

98. Ram Nam – The Best Medicine

Ray Magee, the young American who had come the previous day, spent an hour with Papa discussing his personal problems. When he left, Mataji came to the bhajan-hall. Papa then told her: "This American knows something about meditation. He was a student till last year. He had studied under Dr Frederic Spiegelberg. Though he looks tall and stout, he is very young. He wants to get married after returning to America."

The post brought the news that Sarangapani Mudaliar of Bangalore had been admitted in a hospital in Bombay for an operation of suspected cancer on his tongue. He was to come here to start a course of treatment for Papa. Papa remarked that he was then more concerned with Sarangapani's health than with his own.

After bhajan, Papa read out Sarangapani's letter to Mataji. She suggested that Papa's treatment as proposed should not be taken up, as there had been many obstacles and so, the omen was not good. She also added that she was not in favour of the treatment from the very beginning, as she felt the use of the bhasma too often was injurious. She finally said: "Let us not depend upon my medicine for Papa's health. Let us all write and repeat Ram Nam more and more. Papa's health will be all right."