← The Gospel of Swami RamdasHis talks, as recorded by Swami Satchidananda

1953-01-18

Chapter 15

Anandashram: January 18, 1953

128. Sadhana Essential to be Conscious of Grace

8.30 a.m. S was sitting before Papa with a note-book and pencil in hand ready to take down Papa's replies to devotees' letters.

Papa: There is a pile of letters for reply; of course not a big pile. Devotees will be anxiously waiting for a reply. Ramdas used to reply very promptly. They might be counting days, expecting the reply. Now they might be thinking Ramdas is too ill to reply. But they will never think ill of him.

Papa dictated a few letters. There was a letter from Dr K which remained unanswered. When Papa was reminded of it, he took it and read one paragraph, which was as follows:-

"In September 1939, Papa wrote to me, 'Ramdas has held your hand. You are never forsaken. Doubt not, worry not. Ramdas has given you grace.' Was this true only then? Or is it true also now? If it is true now, why is it that I am still assailed by lust, anger and sloth? Why do I not still feel the eternal joy that is within me? Why do some devotees consider me a worldly creature? Why has there been no progress all these years? I have not yet tasted the nectar that resides in the divine Name. My mind is as restless as ever. I have not known divine peace, nor divine joy. I am conscious that the fault must be in me, but if Papa has held my hand, can this fault yet remain? Is grace powerless? Forgive me if I appear ungrateful but I feel very unhappy when I think of all the years that have gone by. I am fifty now and I cannot yet say that I have tasted immortal joy. Do not withhold it from me."

After reading the letter, Papa said:

"Now the problem is whether one should be entirely depending upon grace. The devotee is not prepared to pass through the discipline which some spiritual guides enforce upon their disciples. They are asked to spend long periods in a solitary cell, repeating the name of the Lord, practically the whole day and night. For this purpose, special arrangements are made and their necessaries are provided and service rendered to them in their seclusion. Ramdas has his own doubts about the efficacy of this sort of enforced sadhana. There are cases of sadhakas who went through such disciplines and have not gained anything appreciably. Of course, there is some light which Ramdas has noted in their faces, but they themselves say that they have made very little progress. The devotee who wrote the letter dreads this sort of external pressure. He feels he is not prepared for it yet, and says that God's grace must work in him without his doing any sadhana. It is conceded that grace is always there, but one must do intense sadhana to become conscious of the grace.

"The devotee seems to be right when he says that he cannot be forced to do any sadhana unless he has the real inner urge for it. The real urge for doing intense sadhana comes only when one has received the grace. Ramdas shall reply him tomorrow."

129. Celibacy in Married Life

Swami Krishnananda: What about D's letter? What is the answer? Why should it have happened?

Papa: Do you know what Ramakrishna Paramahamsa says about this? A typhoid patient, who is just convalescing, has in his room a jar of pickles. Do you think he will remain quiet without having recourse to it, though he knows fully that it is detrimental to his health? Husband and wife staying together want to observe celibacy. This is, indeed, very hard. That is why, when he asked for sannyas, Ramdas sent him back. He is not yet prepared for the final renunciation. This fall must give him such a strong determination as will enable him to soar up.

130. Impatience not good

The letters for the day were over. S was alone with Papa. Continuing the talk relating to the difficulties of sadhakas, Papa said:

"Impatience is not a good sign. One who is impatient for the divine call is far from the call. The call comes suddenly without one's expecting it, when one is apparently not even prepared for it. One may be going on with his prayer and other sadhanas for years, but one may not get the call, whereas a man who never even thought of God is called. This does not mean that one should not be saying prayers and so forth. It only means that one should not be impatient for the call."

S: Then what is it that a sadhaka should do?

Papa: He must push on. One becomes a sadhaka only after receiving the inner call from the divine. Then one feels His guidance every moment. The moment the call is received, life takes such a turn that one has absolutely no attraction for worldly things. One cannot even think of them.

S: What about those whom Papa referred to as the impatient ones? Are they also not doing sadhana?

Papa: Their so-called sadhana is only superficial. The inner awakening is not there. Superficially they may say they pray to God, but inwardly they cling on to the world. They have no real inner thirst.

131. Obstacles are Imagined

2.30 p.m. Ray Magee was with Papa in the bhajan-hall. Papa was reading a book which he closed and restored it to the shelf, and looking at Ray Magee said:-

"This morning we were talking about the various kinds of obstacles to sadhana. These obstacles are of our own making, imaginary, the creations of the mind. When people go out in the dark, they are afraid of ghosts. But if the ghosts are not in our mind, they are not out there also. We must have only God in our thoughts. We must see God only everywhere. Then the so-called ghosts or evil spirits are also God for us. In this connection Ramdas will tell you a story. You must have heard of Saint Tukaram. In a certain village there was a big tree on its outskirts and a ghost was said to be living on it. Many people had been frightened by it, and on account of that fear, some of them had even died. Tukaram happened to go to that village. When he was going out at night, he had to pass by this tree. The people of the village warned him not to go near that tree, as many had met with disaster. Tukaram simply laughed and went his way. When he came close to the tree, he found standing before him an extraordinarily huge and frightful figure. Tukaram laughed, and addressing the figure, said, 'O Vithoba! What a wonderful form you have assumed! I never saw you in such a form before.' The next moment the form of the ghost disappeared and the form of Vithoba (the image of God in Pandharpur temple) was standing before Tukaram. So, when one sees God everywhere, how can one entertain any fear?"

January 19, 1953

132. Fall only natural – Take God to Task

8.30 a.m. Papa dictated a letter to Dr K and another one to D in reply to theirs. In the letter to D, Papa advised him not to be upset by what he called a 'fall' from his brahmacharya, but to take heart and go onward and stop not till the goal was reached.

After finishing the two letters, Papa said, "Ramdas is not in a mood to dictate any more letters today." Continuing, he said, referring to the topic raised in the letter to D:

"Falls are natural. But to condemn oneself or others for this is a great folly, because almost every sadhaka does pass through such situations. We are endeavouring to see God's hand in every act, and to realise that things go in this world only by His will. When such so-called 'falls' happen, one should take God to task. By doing so, you get nearer to God. You may ask Him, 'O God! What is the meaning of your letting me down? I have been repeating your name and am trying to rely on you entirely. If you do not give me strength to withstand temptations, what is the use of my calling upon you for help?' Talk to Him in this strain. The effect will be wonderful. You know the incident in Ramdas’ life that happened at Pandharpur, when Ramdas took meal at the eating-house. (The incident is described in the book ‘In the Vision of God’) When he came out after the meal, he saw the hungry man still waiting outside. Ramdas was so much pained at it, that he wondered how God could have allowed him to take food when the hungry man was waiting outside. Ramdas’ heart was breaking and he took Ram severely to task. By our putting the blame on God for any lapse, and by the intensity of our feeling about it, God's heart melts and He showers His grace on us. If, instead of this, a man condemns himself for a mistake, he reduces himself to a much lower level. Whereas by putting the whole burden on God and making Him responsible for the so-called lapse, he raises himself higher."

January 20, 1953

133. Thefts in the Ashram

10.30 a.m. Papa was taking a shave. In the room nearby an old woman named Devi was lying down on a mat, being unwell. "This room is the ashram inpatient ward", said Papa, "as somebody or other who has been ill has been lying here for the past many days." Devi, who had been in the ashram for two or three months, was found weeping at bhajan time the previous day. On enquiry it was found that she had with her a purse which she lost somewhere. She was raising such a hue and cry over this loss that she had to be told sternly to remain quiet and that her money would never be lost. In the next five minutes Lingappa came with the purse which he found near the bathroom. The reaction to the loss had told upon her health so much that she was feeling too weak to get up in the morning.

Papa: Is this the effect of satsang? She has been in the ashram for some months.

Swami Krishnananda: If the money was really lost, Mataji would have made it good.

Papa: Of course, that is what is happening in the ashram. When some of our visitors lost their things, we provide them. Once in a large gathering, about half a dozen visitors handed over their purses to Balaji. He kept them in the wooden box in the office, locked the box and also the office, and kept the keys somewhere on the top of an almirah in a room. All were engaged in bhajan. When the purses had to be returned to the guests, Balaji found that somebody had got away with all the purses containing fifty or sixty rupees each. The ashram quietly paid all of them. There were a few more incidents of similar thefts in the ashram.

134. Maharashi's Path difficult for ordinary people – Mataji's View

It was bedtime. Mataji was sitting in the hall. Swami Krishnananda, S and others too were present. Addressing Mataji, Papa said:-

"Ramdas has been reading to you Sri Ramana Maharshi's talks. From tomorrow Ramdas will be reading out to you the questions put to Ramdas and the answers he gave during the last two tours. You will be able to find out the difference in the way Sri Ramana Maharshi and Ramdas dealt with the same sort of questions."

Then the following conversation ensued between Mataji and S:

Mataji: Maharshi's teachings are all right for advanced jnanis. It is too much for me to understand. How many of the common people can really follow Maharshi's teachings? To start the enquiry 'Who am I?' and go to the supreme source straightaway is not easy. One has to go beyond the idea of the body, senses, mind and intellect to reach the source. It is a stage when the kundalini has reached the ajna chakra and has only to rise from there to the sahasrara. Papa never talked to me about jnana for a long time. He advised me to take Ram Nam constantly and serve everybody as the form of Ram. It was after some years’ practice like this that Papa asked me to sit for meditation.

S: At that time, did you ever have the idea that you were something other than the body?

Mataji: No. I never knew anything about it in those days.

S: When you were serving everyone as the form of Ram, what did you take Ram to be?

Mataji: As all the forms.

S: Did you not have any idea that He is also the formless, beyond all forms?

Mataji: No.

S: You were addressing Papa as 'Purushottam' Papa. What did you then mean by that?

Mataji: In those days I did not understand what it exactly meant.

S: When did you understand its significance?

Mataji: Only after Papa asked me to start meditation and took me into his Eternal Being.

S: If, as you say, it is so difficult for ordinary people to follow Maharshi's path, then why did Maharshi teach this path?

Mataji: Because it was the path which he trod to reach the goal. But in his case, from his very childhood, he was having high spiritual experiences. Perhaps all his ‘sadhanas’ had been done in previous lives.

In the meantime, Papa was continuing his talk with Swami Krishnananda. Now he wanted Mataji also to hear what he said. Mataji smilingly got up, went and sat in front of Papa.

Papa: Though the Maharshi talked pure jnana, he bore very great love to all.

Mataji: Yes, he had very great love for all.

Papa: Sri Ramakrishna was considered to be a jnani within and bhakta without. Swami Vivekananda was a bhakta within and jnani without. So also was the Maharshi. The Maharshi's path and his way of approach are unique. The enquiry 'Who am I?' is unique. By this enquiry one gets direct to the source of 'I', and the ego disappears completely. Sri Sankara asks us to meditate on 'Chidanandarupa Shivoham! Shivoham!' But Ramdas' path is a simpler one. By devotion to the Lord in His saguna aspect, you are gradually able to go beyond it to the nirguna aspect and lose your individuality therein. To jump into the nirguna Brahman straightaway is hard and frightening to many. This path is very difficult, more so for women!

January 21, 1953

135. Laughing Swami

4.05 p.m. A car was coming towards the ashram. Papa and a few others were observing the car from the bhajan-hall. Dr Max Berkman was expected and it was taken for granted that he was in the car. The car entered the ashram compound. A short figure in a green suit and a green cap came out. Papa sat on his chair. In a couple of minutes the newcomer entered the bhajan-hall. As soon as he entered, Papa in a loud voice asked, "How are you?", with a very broad smile. Dr Berkman (an old man of 65, with grey hairs) replied, "I am all right; thank you." He then came near Papa. They shook hands and each looked very happy to meet the other. Papa asked him to sit down.

Dr Berkman: Do you know, Swamiji, what we people in Europe call you? We call you "The laughing Swami", and I see him here now. You received me with your characteristic laugh.

Papa: Have some tea and a wash. The journey must have been very taxing.

Dr Berkman: I am tired. I was having fever. What I want is rest.

Papa: We have a doctor here. Would you like to have some mixture for your fever?

Dr Berkman: I myself am a doctor and don't like taking medicines.

Papa: You like to give medicines to others, but not to take it yourself. (All laugh)

Dr Berkman: What do you call your small book that has been translated into French?

Papa: “In Quest of God.”

Dr Berkman: I want to read out some portions to you. It contains wonderful things.

The visitor was taken to the guest house.

August 23, 1953

136. God's Wonderful Lila

9.30 p.m. Papa had gone to bed. S and Motiben were gently massaging him. That day he was feeling slightly giddy while walking, and got tired even after a short walk. The massage gave some relief to bodily pain. Mataji was resting near the window. Parvatibai, a Saraswat woman, who had been in the ashram for the past few months, was sitting near Mataji. Parvatibai was a great devotee of Lord Krishna and got His Darshan whenever she wanted. She spent long hours conversing with her Krishna. In her childlike manner she sometimes repeated to Papa her conversations with Krishna. It was always a joy to see them talking about Krishna.

Papa said to himself: "Ram's will be done." After a pause, he continued: "People say that Ram's will be done. But they go on doing things their own way and also often think that they do everything. What is the fun? But who are these people who say like this? Are not Ram Himself? He prompts all actions, dwelling in the hearts of everybody."

Parvatibai heard that and, as if in reply to or in confirmation of what Papa had said, observed: "Yes, Papa. He is the one who prompts all to work. But certain people say they are doing everything. They say there is no God and go on arguing about it."

Papa: Who are those people?

Parvatibai: There are some. They always talk against God.

Papa: Are they also not prompted to say so by Ram? Are they not His forms?

Parvatibai: Yes, Papa.

Papa: So, He Himself says through one that He exists, He is great and so on, and through another He Himself says He does not exist. What is this game? What a wonderful game is He playing? How does He make us do things? How does He talk, and how does He give us instructions? He walks without legs, He speaks without tongue, He smells without nose, He hears without ears."

Suddenly Papa got up and sat on the cot. Mataji also got up, came and stood before him. Looking at Mataji, Papa continued: "See how our mind functions. If we are occupied with something very important, we will not be conscious of an insect bite, a call or even a blow from somebody. We may be looking at a thing, but if the mind is not there, the thing makes no impression and it is as good as not looking. The mind has no ears, legs, nose nor eyes; but it hears, walks, smells and sees. In the same way, God sitting in our hearts, becomes the cause of all our actions. They say God is seated in the cave of our heart. Where is the cave? Can you see any cave in the body? It is full of blood, flesh and bones. Where does God sit in it? But all the same He dwells in us. We can talk Him. We have heard of so many bhaktas having talked to God, addressing Him within their hearts, though they have not seen Him at all. They fully believe that He sits in their hearts, and go on talking to Him. But He does not talk to them so easily. It is as a result of their constant longing and deep devotion that He begins to talk to them."

It was past 10.30 p.m. Papa realised that it was getting late, and so got up and went into the inner room. Before he returned. Mataji and S rearranged the bed and lowered the mosquito net. Papa got inside the net to sleep. Others also retired.

August 24, 1953

137. Conquering Lust

10 a.m. Papa was taking a shave. S was sitting by his side.

Papa (to S): In the book that we are reading about Sri Ramakrishna, there are so many things that are not seen in other books published by the Mission. Yesterday we read about an incident. It seems a young man came to Sri Ramakrishna and told him that he was being greatly obsessed by the sex impulse and wanted his guidance to get over it. Sri Ramakrishna in reply said, 'Is there any wonder in your being troubled by the sex impulse? You are a young man full of vigour. Even I am not completely free from it. To get over lust is not an easy thing. God's name will alone save you from the obsession. So take God's name constantly'.

S: Papa, Sri Ramakrishna to be troubled by lust! What is this?

Papa: He says that one day he felt he was free from lust. But the same day or the next day he was troubled so much by what he thought he was free from, and became so restless that he went crying to the Mother for help. One should never have the abhiman that one has conquered lust. The moment one has such abhiman one falls. Sri Ramakrishna has further said that it is easier for a naishtika brahmachari to control lust than for one who has been a householder from some time. The reason, he says, is that a naishtika brahmachari has had no chance to know or enjoy sex, but a householder will find it hard to take his mind away from it. But Ramdas, from his experience, cannot quite agree with the statement.

S: Some others say that those who have not enjoyed it will be more troubled as it is inherent in everybody, but those who have enjoyed it for some time know what after all it is and, with discrimination, may get over it.

Papa: Yes, that is one view. Anyway Ram Nam alone is the way. Constant repetition of Ram Nam is necessary to kill all vasanas.

While talking, Papa was moving his left hand, and the razor was in his right hand. Somehow the left hand struck at the razor and one finger suffered a deep cut. S immediately bandaged it, applying tincture iodine.

August 25, 1953

138. Significance of Sixtieth Birthday

Swami Aghorananda of Ramakrishna Mission had just arrived. Papa who had gone for lunch to Dharmashala (where Motiben stayed) returned and Swami Aghorananda met him in the bhajan-hall. In five minutes Papa went to bed.

In the hall were Swami Aghorananda, MR Ramaswami, Subbaram, S and a few mothers. That day happened to be MR Ramaswami's sixtieth birthday. So he specially performed Papa's pada-pooja.

Papa (to MR Ramaswami): What is the special significance of the sixtieth birthday?

MRR: A learned pandit told me some time back about it. In the vedic ages, people used to live up to one hundred and twenty years, and the sixtieth birthday marks half the life-span. There is another significance also. The planets, having completed a cycle of sixty years, come back more or less to the same position as they were in at the time of one's birth.

Papa: So this is the real birthday. Or is it celebrated because very few live up to the age of sixty, and it is considered a rare opportunity to celebrate the occasion?

MRR: I don't think that is the reason. Of course, in India many die before sixty. The average expectation of life is somewhere below thirty years.

Swami Aghorananda: I read sometime back that the average life expectation of an Indian is twentyeight years. People in Europe have the average life expectation of sixty/seventy years, and in some places they live up to an average of eighty years. Papa, why is it that in India life is so short? Are we the lucky ones then who are living above sixty?

S: Infant mortality is greater in India and that causes the reduction in average life.

Papa: Yes, many children die, mainly due to poverty.

MRR: Yes; poverty, squalor and ill-health.

Papa: Suppose all the children live; will there not be over-population and shortage of food?

MRR: Statistically we can say so. But it is said that the earth can accommodate any number of people if all of them live an honest and plain life, without greed, sharing what they have with others. Then everybody will have enough.

Papa: People are greedy.

Swami A: God brings about wars, and millions of people die. See, during the last war how many died in Europe!

Papa: If people give up their greed, and have a heart to help others, they can live harmoniously. But they do not do that, and thereby bring about strife and war.

Swami A: Is it not God who is bringing about disharmony, struggle and war?

Papa: Of course, He is the cause of everything.

Swami A: If we ask Him, He may say it is His prakriti or maya that is causing all these.

MRR: If God is at the bottom of everything like wars and so forth, then the ensuing suffering belongs, at bottom, to God.

Papa: Only He appears to suffer on the surface. He never suffers. He is ever in bliss. If we ask Him why He is causing so much misery and havoc in the world, He may keep quiet or say, 'That is my will'. We cannot question His will.

Papa then went to sleep. All those in the hall went out except the one who was fanning Papa.

139. Ashram Activities – Mataji's Comments

Half an hour past noon, MR Ramaswami, S and others were in the ashram dining-hall to take lunch along with Mataji. But Mataji had not had her bath. MRR waited for her, as it was his birthday and he wanted to take food in her company. Others present sat for meal and when their meal was almost over. Mataji and MRR joined them. MRR occupied a seat towards the western end of the dining-hall. Mataji's usual seat at the eastern end was kept vacant for her, but she went and sat near MRR.

S (to MRR): This is your birthday privilege.

Both Mataji and MRR laughed. Others had finished their meal and left. Mataji and MRR were the only two left in the hall, taking their food. S also stayed on to enjoy the conversation with Mataji, whose talk mainly related to the ashram and its activities.

Mataji said that since the beginning of the ashram, sadhus and poor people had admission there. They were fed for a few days, and given clothes and other sundries free. This practice had been going on for some years. But she said that, of late, some local people were coming and creating a lot of trouble. There was no end to their demands. So, strict instructions were given to the gatekeeper not to allow into the ashram local sadhus and professional beggars. They were to be given some rice and sent away from the gate itself. When some people were thus refused entry by the gatekeeper, they got wild and were in a fighting mood. They showered abuses on him, cursed him, and cursed the whole ashram. They sometimes insisted on seeing Mataji, as they were sure of getting something from her. So, on certain occasions, Mataji was called to the gate. There she would admonish them for their behaviour, for the confusion and trouble they created in the ashram, and sternly tell them that they would never be admitted inside. If they wanted, they could take their share of rice and go away. At this severe attitude of Mataji, most of them used to go away without further argument. Some of them used to abuse and curse her also before leaving. Though circumstances forced Mataji to be stern with those people, she was not at all happy over the happenings. She was feeling greatly disturbed at heart for having had to send them away and for not acceding to all their demands.

Mataji: We must live in this ashram only as we live in other places when we go on tour. When I go for bath and pour water on my head, all these ideas rush through my mind. This morning you saw how many had to be sent away. My whole being is agitated on this account. I often wonder why we started this ashram at all. Instead of our helping them to progress towards God, they are being made to go backward, as it were, when they are asked to go away; they go with very bad feelings towards us. How harmful it is for them! And after all, what is the use of our sending them back? In another half an hour another party came? They were let in and I had to feed them, give clothes and what not. Why did we send away only the earlier party? When some incident like this happens, all such ideas flow through my mind, as I told you, especially when I am taking bath. At other times my mind is perfectly blank.

In fact I do not remember many things that have happened in the ashram. Most of the things I did in the ashram have been forgotten, whereas I can remember well what I did before coming to the ashram. I can remember them only when somebody talks to me comparing what I did before with what I do now, such as my love, attachment, anger and so forth.

140. 'Keep Money where I cannot find it' – Mataji

4.30 p.m. Mataji was in ‘The Vision’ Office arranging the many things kept there. S went and took from her the cupboard key and soon returned the key saying. "I have kept in the cupboard a purse belonging to Swami Aghorananda."

Mataji: Your ought to have kept it somewhere without my knowledge. Kindly go and keep it somewhere else; do not tell me where it is.

S looked at her and laughed.

Mataji: I am not joking. You may keep it somewhere else so that I cannot find it.