← The Gospel of Swami RamdasHis talks, as recorded by Swami Satchidananda

1953-09-27

Chapter 22

Anandashram, September 27, 1953

182. A Mother's Grief

Amimini and her grandchildren arrived at the ashram around 3.45 p.m. Ammini entered the ashram in uncontrollable sorrow, profuse tears streaming down her face. She prostrated before Papa and sat in front of him. She tried to speak a few words but could hardly speak because of her choked voice. She made her grandchildren also prostrate. They appeared cheerful. Papa also could not speak a word to her.

After a few minutes' silence, during which Ammini was weeping bitterly, Papa said, "You must control yourself. Go and see Mataji." Then she got up and, followed by the children, went to see Mataji.

Now Papa and S were alone in the ashram.

Papa: Ammini was weeping terribly. It is well she came here for a stay.

S: Last time also when she came here she was weeping, was she not?

Papa: She was not weeping. It was long after her husband's death. But she was very anxious about her son's welfare, as he was in England at that time. It was during the war, and the Germans were bombing England constantly. Everyday we were getting reports of bombing and consequent destruction in many places. Every time she heard a report about bombing, she used to feel so much agitated that during the whole period of her stay here she was very anxious.

S: A report of bombing there would mean to her something like bombing her heart.

Papa: Yes. Why talk about her only? Because of Ammini, whenever Ramdas heard or read reports of bombing in England, he used to feel very anxious himself, though he was assuring Ammini that there was no need to fear and everything would be all right.

She repeated Ram Nam constantly, and went round the aswattha tree every morning. She did that for months together. At last when her son came back she ran home and brought him here. She took him to task for not coming to the ashram straight, before going home. She then presented a silver plate to Ramdas.

183. Papa besought for Grace

5 p.m. Papa was going towards C Ramachandra Rao's room. CR Rao was sitting on his cot with the book ‘Sri Ramakrishna, the Great Master’, before him. When Papa entered, he got up, prostrated, and sat again on the cot. Papa took his seat on a chair.

Papa: Have you finished reading this book?

CR Rao: Yes, Papa.

Papa: You are a voracious reader, no doubt.

CR Rao: I have everything except one.

Papa: What is that?

CR Rao: In the last chapter here it is said that an ardent devotee of Sri Ramakrishna, named Vaikunthanath, was always praying for Sri Ramakrishna’s grace. But Sri Ramakrishna was evading. And finally he could not wait any longer. He fell at Sri Ramakrishna’s feet, weeping and poured out his heart and craved for grace. Sri Ramakrishna touched him on the head and asked him to get up. When Vaikunthanath got up, his vision had changed. He saw Sri Ramakrishna everywhere. What a blissful Darshan it was!

Ramachandra Rao then got up from the cot and put his head on Papa’s feet, saying, “now it is your duty to pour grace on me and change my vision.” He remained in that position for about two minutes. Papa was silent. Then Ramachandra Rao got up and sat on the cot gazing at Papa, his eyes red and tears flowing. Papa also kept on gazing at him.

CR Rao: You should not ignore us long. It is horrible – these worldly cares and worries. What more can I do? You know all that I want. I don’t even have to ask. What is that you don’t know? You know what is in my heart.

Papa: Ramdas knows and knows not.

CR Rao: I know Papa knows. Why should Papa say that he knows not? When Papa says he knows, why should I worry?

Papa: Why should you worry?

184. Ramdas’ concern for devotees

CR Rao: We worry because you have not yet given us freedom from worries. It is all right for you. You are above worries. But we are caught up in them.

Papa: Do you think that Ramdas has now worries? He too has worries. Does he not worry about you all? If Ramdas does not worry about you all, will you all come here? If he were to remain unaffected by anything, like a stone, how many will come to him? He worries about your welfare and progress; he is unhappy when you are unhappy. In another aspect, of course, he remains unaffected and changeless.

CR Rao: But your worries do not make any impression on you. They disappear like a line drawn on water. But ours are not like that. We are bound.

Papa: The difference between Ramdas’ worry and another man’s worry is that when Ramdas worries, he is still conscious that he has another aspect that does not worry or change. All men are not conscious of it.

CR Rao: Why don't you make us conscious of that?

Papa: Why should you think that Ramdas is not doing it? What else is he doing? He is busy only in making you all progress on the path.

CR Rao: But, Papa, I don't know if I will get another opportunity. In this life I have you. If I have to take another life I don't know what will happen. So I must make the best use of my life now.

185. You cannot escape from Ramdas.

Papa: Do you think you can escape from Ramdas? Even if you were to hide yourself, he will come and pull you out. Ramdas can escape from you, but you cannot escape from Ramdas. So do not think that Ramdas is not worrying about you all.

At this assurance Ramachandra Rao again put his head on Papa's feet. Papa patted him on the back and after a few seconds Ramachandra Rao got up.

CR Rao: Papa, do not keep us long in all these worries. Oh, I had a bad dream last night. It was terrible.

Papa: Why do you attach any importance to dreams, whether good or bad? You have to go beyond the dream, sleep and waking states.

CR Rao: I found myself in a temple. I saw the deity there, decorated, and I was shouting to the pujaris there to show me the way out.

Papa: You saw a temple! That is not a bad dream.

CR Rao: But the scenes outside the temple were horrible, dirty and what not. I could not place my foot anywhere and I wanted to get away. But the pujaris never listened to me though I asked them any number of times.

Papa: Why were you in a hurry to get out of the temple?

CR Rao: The scenes outside were too much for me to stand there.

186. Truth beyond Good and Bad – Laugh and be merry

Papa: That was all to make you see God in good and bad things alike. You cannot abhor bad things, for God lives in them too. Ramdas remembers an incident in Sri Ramakrishna's life. Once he saw somebody, absolutely naked, eating from the remains thrown out from houses in the street. Sri Ramakrishna recognised in him a great saint. He called one of his disciples and asked him to go after the sadhu and seek whatever advice he might be gracious enough to give. The disciple went near him. Seeing the man coming near, the sadhu asked him to get away, but he did not listen. Both walked a long distance. The sadhu stood near a gutter and told the disciple who was following him: 'When you see no difference between this ditch water and the Ganges water, then only you will have realised the Truth.' So, good and bad are only different aspects of Truth. That means Truth is beyond both.

CR Rao: But the bad things I saw in the temple were horrible.

Papa: If not in the temple, where could the bad things be?

All laughed – Ramachandra Rao especially laughed so much that he was holding his chest with his hand.

Papa: Any pain in your heart?

CR Rao: No, Papa. You make us laugh and laugh, and you quietly evade what we ask for.

Papa (again laughing): What is realisation then? It is not sitting with a long face. We must laugh and be merry. Ramdas believes only in that. So, keep laughing. Ramdas must now be going to the kitchen.

From the kitchen, Kunhambu brought a big plate full of bananas presented by Ammini. It was shown to Papa, who said, "Ramdas has already seen this. Why should they bring it again? It has become a ritual here to bring everything to show to Ramdas. You may take it. Has Mataji seen it?" Kunhambu replied, "Yes", and left.

The paddy harvested from the Sri Krishna Vidyalaya compound had been thrashed and partly dried. Whatever was ready after winnowing had to be measured and stored in the granary. Mataji had requested Papa to go there at 5.30 p.m. So Papa directly went from Ramachandra Rao's room towards the kitchen. Mataji was waiting there. She took Papa near the granary. One of the workers brought a small quantity of paddy and showed it to Papa. Mataji asked Papa to take a handful and put it in the granary first, before the paddy was stored. Papa did accordingly. The worker then requested Mataji also to do likewise. She did as Papa did, saying at the same time, "Why should I do so, when Papa has done it?" Papa then came out and sat watching the paddy being measured and taken to the granary.

187. Man, a conceited animal

9.45 p.m. It was Papa's bedtime. S was massaging his back and Motiben his legs. A few others were also in the room. Papa appeared to be deeply thinking of something. He said with a sigh, "Ram's will be done! Ram's will be done!"

S: What is the matter, Papa?

Papa: Man is after all a conceited animal.

S: Animal?

Papa: Yes, a conceited animal. He is proud of his learning, wealth, beauty, name and fame, and position. And if he is a spiritual aspirant he is proud of being one. He always compares his own spiritual progress with that of others near him and feels himself taller, head and shoulders, than any other aspirant. So he ever goes on saying, I am learned, I am wealthy, I am wise, I have position, I have more spiritual progress than any other and so on'.

S: So there is always something to follow this 'I'.

Papa: Inevitable. After all, what is there for him to be proud of? You saw the Bhagavatar who came this afternoon. He praised Ramdas to the skies, saying, 'Swamiji, you are a great mahatma no doubt. What all things you have done within this short period of twentytwo years! An up-to-date ashram with all facilities! Who else can do it?' Ramdas was surprised at what he was saying and replied, "What do you mean? Ramdas is after all a particle of dust under His feet. What can he do? Whatever has been done was done by Ram. Ramdas is nothing. Do you think all these things can be done by human effort? Impossible. Ram alone did everything."

S: What did he reply?

Papa: He said, 'hoo, hoo,' and kept quiet.

188. A Bhagavatar's experience

A few minutes later, Papa continued: "He narrated to Ramdas a bit of his experience when he was at Tellicherry yesterday. He was the guest there of a Brahmin family. Last night, after their meal, the husband and wife, it seems, were talking. Wife: ‘Why don't you offer tamboola to the Bhagavatar? He is an honourable guest in our house.’ Husband: ‘What do you think? He won't use tamboola or anything of the sort.’ This morning, after meal, the Bhagavatar was to leave them. When he started, the wife from inside was asking her husband, 'It seems you are sending the Bhagavatar without anything. Should you not give him some presents? It does not look nice to send him empty-handed.' Husband: ‘You don't know. People like him do not accept anything. They wander from place to place without possessions. I know them very well. If we offer them anything, they may consider it an insult. Do you understand now?’ The Bhagavatar came away. He said only so much about the husband and wife, but never commented on them.

S: The Bhagavatar was lucky to a great extent in that he was given food the previous night. The husband did not say that he knew such people would take food only once and that during the day, and would consider it an insult if offered food at night.

Papa: So far he was fortunate. Of course, he would have resorted to hotels later. Poor fellow, what else could he do?

Then Papa laughed and laughed, so also all others, till Papa's throat got parched. Mataji came in and asked why all were laughing so much. Papa briefly repeated the experience of the Bhagavatar. She also joined in the laughter. "Now Ramdas must have another peppermint; his throat is all dry," said Papa. S got up and gave him a peppermint.

September 28, 1953

189. What people expect from Saints

9.45 p.m. It was Papa's bedtime. Papa called Mataji and she came and stood by Papa's side.

Papa: There is a letter from Mukund Pai. He wants to send his wife and children here for the Dassera holidays. It seems he is in great trouble. His financial condition is bad. He writes that there is no improvement even after he met Ramdas.

Mataji: He writes about financial conditions. Does he not?

Papa: Then what else? Do you think all those who come here are for God-realisation? Don't be under that illusion any more. They want more money, better business and so on and so forth. See the case of Bansidharbhai. He is worrying day and night because his son has gone to the Himalayas on an expedition.

Mataji stood silent for a few seconds and went out to the hall.

S: Papa, when people come to saints with certain desires...

Papa (interrupting): Their desires get strengthened!

S laughed with Papa, and continued: "They wish to have their desires fulfilled, and in course of time they get what they want. But in the presence of saints, don't they get a desire for the higher life?"

Papa: Don't you see many people going to saints? How many are really benefited? Very few. The rest remain as they were. Some feel that they made a mistake in coming here, and so run away the next moment.

S: Perhaps that was the case with the Australian youth who came here some months back. He found out he came to the wrong place and went away the next morning.

Papa: Yes, that is the type.

S: So, does Papa say that most of the people who come here gain nothing spiritually?

Papa: Some of them abuse us and go. They scoff at us.

S: If that is the case, when are they to turn to God?

Papa: They must get knocks and hits and then satsang. Then alone the awakening comes.

190. Grace impartial – Receptivity differs – Story of Purandharadas

Papa turned to Gopal and talked to him about the Udyog Shala for a few minutes.

Then again to S: You see if saints' grace can transform all those who come in contact with them, thousands must have been transformed here. That is not what we see. There seems to exist another condition to be fulfilled before the transformation takes place. Grace is impartial. But the power of receptivity is different in different people.

S: Papa, is it correct to say that many are not benefited at all? Can they go away without any impression being formed in their mind?

Papa: We cannot say that they go without any impression. A moment may come, when they are sorely tried by the world. All hopes gone, they will remember their visit to the saint, and from that moment they will think of God. So a subtle impression, which may take some shape later, must be there. The contact does not go in vain. Purandharadas was a rich businessman but very miserly. God in the form of a Haridas went to him daily for six months begging for some help for the upanayana of his son.

S: God went to him like that daily for six months! Not an ordinary job!

Papa: God must have had a very hard time with him. Ramdas will tell you the whole story:

“The rich merchant refused to give any help to Haridas, abused him and sent him away everyday. This continued for six months. At last he threw a bad coin to Haridas, who then went to the merchant's wife and narrated how he had been going to a merchant daily for six months and finally got a bad coin from that rascal. The wife knew whom he was referring to and did not like her husband to be called a rascal. She tried to send that Haridas away saying, 'What do you want? I can only give you some grains.'

Haridas: No. I want money.

Woman: I have not got any money.

Haridas: If you have a mind to give, you have enough to give. You have your nose-ornament with a diamond on it. That will quite serve my purpose.

She hesitated.

Haridas: If you do not like to give, I shall go somewhere else.

Woman: No, no. You are God Himself come here. How can I allow you to go away without giving anything? She then removed the ornament and was about to give it to that Haridas.

Haridas: What will your husband do when he hears about it?

Woman: What does it matter, I am prepared even to give my life to you.

Haridas: Then say 'Krishnarpanam' and give.

Woman: (giving the ornament to Haridas) "Krishnarapanam".

Haridas then went straight to the merchant (her husband) under the pretext of selling it. Seeing Haridas coming, the merchant in a contemptuous tone, asked, 'Shameless fellow, have you come again?’

Haridas: I have come here to do business, not to beg. Take this and give me its price.

The merchant took the ornament from Haridas. On looking at it, he could recognise that it was his wife's nose-ornament.

Merchant: From where did you get this jewel?

Haridas: A generous woman gave it to me as a present.

Merchant: Yes, thief, is it true that you got it as a present?

Haridas: What, thief! Krishna also was a thief!

Merchant: If Krishna was a thief, must you also be one? Come here tomorrow, I shall deal with you then. Haridas left, and the merchant in a fit of rage went straight to his house and knocked. Hearing the knocks, his wife thought it was another devotee come to meet her.

Wife: Is that Gopaladasayya?

Merchant: Ha! Gopaladasayya. I shall show you Gopaladasayya by a slap on your cheek. Open the door.

The door was opened.

Merchant: What did you give to the beggar?

Wife: I gave him alms.

Merchant: What alms?

Wife: I gave him some maize.

Merchant: You gave him your nose-ornament with a diamond as big as a maize. Where is your nose-ornament? Tell me.

Wife: I have kept it in the pooja room.

Merchant: Bring it here immediately.

Wife: I shall do Tulsi-pooja and then go to the pooja room to get it.

Merchant: Now you have to go and take refuge in Tulsi only.

She was now greatly agitated. She performed her usual pooja to Tulsi and, with folded hands prayed: O Mother, save me from this situation. If you are not going to help me now, I must commit suicide.

With her eyes closed, she was standing still. There was a sudden 'TUK' noise. She opened her eyes. Lo! Her nose-ornament had dropped down from somewhere, near the Tulsi!!! She took it to her husband.

Merchant: Ha! How could this come here? I had locked it in my box in the shop.

He ran up to his shop and found it was not in the box where he had kept it.

Then came the great transformation. That Haridas, whom he hated and despised for six months daily, had gone away. The merchant was thirsting for a look at him. He started wailing: "O Haridas, I must see you. Without having a look at you I cannot live for another minute. Come to me."

Then came a voice from heaven: "Why do you want to see that Haridas' form? I shall come in my own form."

Suddenly there was a flash of light and there stood Lord Krishna, giving Darshan to the miserly merchant. He no more remained a miser, no more a merchant. He distributed all his wealth to the devotees and, with his wife, left for Vijayanagar to serve in the temple of Vijaya Vithoba. There he came to be known as 'Purandharadas'.

191. Those who come to scoff remain to pray

"So the story runs. See, the brahmin Haridas, who was much despised, and ill-treated, was later adored by the merchant intensely. The merchant could not live for a second without seeing that Haridas. So also, even people who scoff at saints realise their greatness one day or other and give their lives to them. So, you see, there are cases where people who came to scoff remained to pray."