← The Gospel of Swami RamdasHis talks, as recorded by Swami Satchidananda

1953-10-03

Chapter 24

Anandashram, October 3, 1953

203. Ram Nam sweeter than Nectar

9.45 p.m. It was Papa's bedtime. Mataji was massaging Papa's legs and S his back. Subbaram and CR Rao were fanning him. Shivashanker (the Rajasthan friend) was sitting a few feet away. Papa, of his own accord, started talking about Ram Nam.

Papa: Ram Nam is so sweet; so sweet that even nectar is nothing before it. It is a glorious pill, sweeter than nectar itself. Repetition of Ram Nam is the easiest and best sadhana. Still how many take to Ram Nam? They take to all other sadhanas like hatha yoga, raja yoga, jnana yoga, and so on. All these yogas will not bring them the bliss and peace supreme that Ram Nam can bring. They might bring forth siddhis and bind the sadhakas again to the world.

Shivashanker: Nowadays there are a few disciples but a lot of gurus. Everyone prefers to be a Guru but not a disciple.

Papa (laughing): Instead of repeating Ram Nam oneself, one goes on asking others to repeat it. That is easier.

204. Worries of the aged hamper sadhana

Subbaram: In our houses they say that one should take God's name always and other spiritual practices only after retirement from service. But some saints say that the mind will not stay on God if spiritual practice is started only after sixty years or so.

Papa: Why do you ask this question? What is your age now?

Subbaram: Thirty-one.

Papa: When did you start singing bhajan?

Subbaram: About ten years back.

Papa: Were you not singing before, and if so what songs?

Subbaram: Any song that appealed to me.

Papa: So after allowing your mind to roam about like a wild bull, did you not find it difficult when you wanted to control it ten years back?

Subbaram: Yes, very much.

Papa: Then, what do you think of the person who had allowed his mind to wander for sixty years like an angry, wild bull? Can he easily catch the bull and tie it to a post?

Subbaram: No, Papa.

Papa: How can he take God's name with thousand and one worries in his head? He has his children and grandchildren. If a child is sick, the old man carries it to the doctor or takes a bottle and goes and weeps before the doctor to cure the child. Another day there is something else for the old man to worry about. It goes on like that. Where is the time for him to think of God or repeat His holy, sweet name? When Ramdas was in Srinagar, an old man was coming to see him almost every day from a distance of fourteen miles. One day he was in tears when he came to Ramdas. Without uttering a word, he took Ramdas’ feet and placed them on his chest. Ramdas, with great difficulty managed to hold on leaning against the wall and remain in that position. Ramdas, in wonder, asked the old man, "Ramji, what is the matter?”

Old man: Swamiji, my grandson is seriously ill. Please bless him so that he may recover from his illness.

Ramdas consoled him saying, "By Ram's will, your grandson will be all right." He had great faith in Ramdas and the result was that his grandson was all right in a couple of days. After two or three days the old man again came to Ramdas with tears in his eyes and started complaining, 'Swamiji, my wife, who is very old, had a fall this morning and she has a fracture in her leg. Please, please bless her so that she may be all right soon.' Ramdas said, "Don't fear, by Ram's will, your wife will be all right." Again his faith worked wonderfully and his wife recovered soon. Four more days passed, the old man came again.

Ramdas: What is the matter? Who is ill now?

Old man: By your blessings, all are well, Swamiji. But my son is not able to pull on with the low salary he is getting here. There is a better chance for him in another place and if you bless him he will surely get the new job. Swamiji, Please bless him.

Ramdas: Yes, By Ram's will, he may get the transfer on a better grade.

On the third day the old man was there saying, 'Swamiji, my son has got the order for transfer on promotion, by your blessings. But his wife has severe earache. She is not able to accompany him to the new place. Please bless her so that she many become fit to go with her husband'.

Ramdas: By Ram's will, she will be all right.

The old man happily went away.

Like this, the whole life passes away. Not a minute's peace of mind. That is what happens to old men. In Jhansi there is a Ram. He says he will go on with his usual business of money-lending at a high rate of interest, uttering a lot of lies everyday. He wants Ramdas to be with him once in four or five months. He would then serve Ramdas with all love and devotion so that all his sins committed so far may be washed away. When Ramdas goes from there, again starts his business, the sins of which he will wash away when he meets Ramdas next time. His argument, as he told Ramdas, is, 'I am a child playing in the mud and soiling my clothes. You are my mother and when I, the dirty child, come to you, it is your duty to wash me clean; and again I may go and play in the same mud, and again you will have to wash me'. That is his argument. What sadhana can old men do then? If you ask them to repeat Ram Nam, they say Ram Nam does not come on their tongue. Then what comes on their tongue? Grandson's name!!!

Laughing and laughing, Papa got up and sat on the cot.

S: Then the grandson must be given God's name.

Papa: Even then, he may be calling that name but of whom will he be thinking? Only the grandson, not God.

Papa got up from the cot, again laughing. Going near Shivashanker he asked, "What do you say? How do you like that bhakti?"

Shivashanker: What? Of the old man asking blessings for the grandson?

All laughed again.

S: Shivashanker is still in the heights of Kashmir, not yet come down to Jhansi.

Papa: It is a cool place and Jhansi is hot. (to Shivashanker) We have come down from Srinagar long ago and are talking about a friend in Jhansi.

Shivashanker kept quiet, as he had apparently not heard what was being talked about the Jhansi devotee.

October 4, 1953

205. 'No one my Bhakta' – Mataji

9 p.m. S was coming to the bhajan-hall. When he entered he saw Papa moving about in the hall and a few devotees were also there. Some were writing Ram Nam. Mataji was in the room just to the south of the bhajan-hall and was arranging certain things in one of the corner wall-almirahs. Papa was talking from the hall to Mataji about Ram Nam-writing and the total number written that day.

Papa: Gopal is not writing even two hundred daily; his figure is one hundred, one hundred and eight or maximum one hundred and fourteen.

S (Intervening): Papa, Gopal writes only less than two hundred. That too, for the Japa Yajna started in connection with Mataji's, his Mataji's, Silver Jubilee celebration.

Papa: That is the wonder. Being her bhakta, he writes only less than two hundred.

Mataji heard this remark of Papa and said, "No. There is nobody who is my bhakta."

Papa: Gopal is your bhakta, what doubt is there?

Mataji: No, no.

Papa (to S): If Ramdas says this in Gopal's presence, he gets puffed up and goes about like a bird fluttering its wings. If he has wings, of course, he would be fluttering them.

A few minutes before going to sleep, Papa enquired of Mataji about Champakbhai, the son of Narottamdas Shah, who had come from Bombay that evening.

Mataji: Who? Your bhakta?

Papa: You mean Champak? Why do you say he is Ramdas’ bhakta?

Mataji: You don't like it very much when told so, do you? I also feel exactly like that when you say Gopal is my bhakta?

Papa: What do you mean? Gopal is your bhakta. He has so much love and devotion for you.

Mataji: If he has no love for others, what is the use of being a bhakta?

Papa: He is your bhakta, worshipping your saguna swarup. He has not yet gone beyond it to the nirguna swarup. You have to help him go beyond.

Mataji: No such thing. I do not want you to say so and so is my bhakta and so on. You have been teasing me with such jokes. I shall now tell you who your bhaktas are and let me see how you feel about it. I shall pay you back in the same coin.

Papa: Yes, you must do it. Ramdas is a bit naughty. If he has no ego-sense, he will not take it amiss; and if he has ego-sense, that will disappear by what you say.

Papa then got into the mosquito net and went to sleep. Others also retired to their respective places.

October 6, 1953

206. "If you eat, the whole world eats"

9.45 p.m. It was Papa's bedtime; Parvatibai was fanning Papa from one side and CR Rao from the other.

CR Rao: Some arrow-root powder has been brought from Kasaragod.

Papa: That is good. How nice to have some cakes made of it! A little of butter added will make it so fine. Ah! Ramdas’ mouth is watering at the very thought of it.

Motiben: Then we shall have it prepared tomorrow itself.

Parvatibai: Arrow-root is very good, nice and cooling.

Papa: is it? That is exactly what Ramdas wants. Don't forget to keep some butter too. (After a little while) What a desire to eat! How he craves to eat arrow-root cakes!

Parvatibai: If it is not for eating, why has Ram created all these things?

Papa: Ah, but He says we must conquer our senses, we should control our diet by avoiding or reducing that which we like most. How selfish is Ramdas! He does not say that arrow-root cakes should be prepared and given to all, but wants only for himself!

Parvatibai: If you eat, the whole world eats. See what happened when Krishna took the one piece of green leaf from Draupadi's pot. The whole party of Durvasa felt they had eaten a hearty meal.

Papa: When Ramdas asks Ram why Ramdas is after nice food, do you know what He says? He says: 'You had enough of fasting, when you were doing sadhana. The person who was fasting is gone now, and I am there in his place. I do not want to fast, I must eat.' That is what He says. Ramdas wants to eat fine things now. Nowadays He is reminding Ramdas of drumsticks. Ramdas has told Him that they are not available now and so He has to be patient for some time.

Motiben: On the tree near Dr Ramaswamy's house, there are drumsticks.

Parvatibai: Even if they are not available, can't Ram make them available tomorrow if He wants?

Papa: So you expect to see two three drumsticks ready on the tree tomorrow, do you? It is not difficult for Ram to get anything done. But He does not seem to do as we want. In the midst of so many things, is He going to produce drumsticks tomorrow?

Motiben: When He is doing so many things, why can't He make the drumsticks also?

Papa: If he wants, He will do it, but not as we want. Ramdas has consoled Him and asked Him to keep quiet for some time. He won't be in a hurry. Now he has got the arrow-root cakes getting prepared tomorrow. He won't bother about drumsticks any more. When we are talking about Him, He is laughing.

Saying this, Papa got up and laughed with others for a while.

October 7, 1953 (Mahalya Amavasya)

207. Celebrations ought to give joy

It was Mataji's birthday. It had been decided that there need not be special celebration on that account at the ashram. But from early morning people started pouring in. Tiffin had to be prepared many times and so also rice. With the removal of the pandal in front of the dining-hall, the dining space had been very much reduced. Consequently it took a longer time for service, besides the delay caused in preparing rice again and again. The last batch (while yet a few workers remained) sat for meal at 6.30 p.m. This batch consisted of Mataji, MR Ramaswami, Subbaram, S and a few others. As Mataji was continuously in the kitchen from the morning, she was having a bad headache. She noticed also that all the workers wire tired. The service was not to her satisfaction, as one or two batches in between could not be served proper quantity of rice. With these thoughts in her mind she said (addressing S and others sitting opposite to her): “What is the use of these celebrations? Celebrations must give a certain amount of internal peace and joy to all those who take part in them. But what happens is entirely different. Those who cook get so much tired that they become anxious when the whole thing would end. Those who serve are equally tired. What about those who take food? If everything goes on well and in time, they feel a bit happy. But if there is some delay, or if things prepared are not tasty and sufficient, they also become unhappy. Then who is happy by these celebrations? They lose even the peace and joy they get on ordinary days with simple food and the daily routine.”

S: But, is it not the nature of the mind to crave for some excitement in the way of celebrations when all have been quiet for some time?

Mataji: No, not at all, so far as I am concerned. Even in a dream I won't wish for any celebration, let alone in the waking state.

Radhabai, who was sitting by Mataji's side, was very unhappy to see Mataji also going without food till 6.30 p.m. She now got an opportunity to tell Mataji about it.

Radhabai: If you had taken your food earlier, everything would have gone on all right without any difficulty anywhere. But you purposely fasted as you wanted to know for yourself how others would feel when kept waiting for meal.

Mataji (laughing): "No, no, not so.

October 9, 1953

208. Animals have their reactions

7 p.m. S was taking his evening food in the dining hall. By his side were sitting the boys Ganesh, Kishor and Subramania. After a while, Mataji came and joined them. Before doing so, she asked Ganesh, "May I sit by your side? You have no objection, have you?" The boy only smiled at her, and she took her seat. A little rice and vegetables were served to her.

S: Mataji, this evening the cart could not be sent to the station. Did Ahmed (the cartman) tell you?

Mataji: Yes, Ahmed came and said that Govinda, one of the bullocks, purchased last year, does not allow him to go near him. At the very sight of Ahmed, Govinda gets furious and attempts to butt him.

S: Why so all on a sudden? Both the bullocks were quiet fellows all these days. Ahmed took me to the goshala and showed me how Govinda behaved with him. When about five or six of us together went near Govinda, he appeared not to be concerned with any one except Ahmed. His eyes became red with fury and he was intently gazing at Ahmed. I was surprised and could not understand why he should show so much enmity towards Ahmed.

Mataji: Yesterday, Ahmed had given a wash to both bullocks and had tied them near the well. I happened to pass that way and, seeing the bullocks, remembered that we had promised to give these two bullocks and the cart to Ahmed so that he could look after them and earn his livelihood. I then called Ahmed and advised him that he should take good care of the bullocks. He should not be harsh to them. If he should prosper in life, he must cultivate a kind and charitable nature and so on. When I was saying this, the bullocks, standing though at a distance, had their heads and ears up with eyes wide open and were looking at us without winking. I was surprised to see how soon the bullocks understood what I told Ahmed and how disturbed they were at our very talk of sending them from the ashram. Immediately after that, Govinda was trying to butt Ahmed and did not seem to like the very look of him. This is the case not only with the bullocks. Whenever I go to the goshala and, seeing the congestion there, entertain a thought of selling a few of the bulls, do you know how they react? It is after all a thought, but the very next moment I see them raise their heads and cast a very angry look at me as if to ask me if I alone have the right to live in the ashram and not they.

On the other hand, whenever I went there and felt that the grass supplied was insufficient, and that I ought to have arranged to get more grass as most of the cows appeared not fully fed, the cows would raise their heads and give me a very gracious look and shake their heads as if to invite me near them. Thus they are affected by our mere thoughts.

We had given a cow to MP. When MP turned against the ashram, this cow refused to take even water at MP's house. If she came to the ashram she would drink very well.

Cows are so loving. They are like children. If we start taking interest in them, we shall never be satisfied with what we do for them. I used to spend hours in the goshala. Now, of course, I don't find time to do so.

209. True aspirant, one in a million

9.45 p.m. Lying on his bed and turning towards S Papa asked, "Do you know R Rao, a lawyer?"

S: I have heard of him. Is he the one who was hit with a coconut by Swami Nityananada?

Papa: Yes. He was coming to the ashram every year for some years. He came here last about two years ago. It seems he was saying that there was no more need for his coming here as he had got what he wanted. He started teaching others and soon found a batch of disciples. He had stopped his practice as lawyer and was spending his time reading the ‘Bhagavad Gita’ and other scriptures to the many devotees who gathered in his house. Do you know what happened? Afterwards he left his house and went to his father-in-law's where his wife gave birth to a boy. This is the sort of vairagya these people get. He no longer goes to his own place.

Papa (to Mataji): Krishnabai, do you remember R Rao who was coming here?

There was no reply. She was asleep.

Papa: She has fallen asleep. Let her sleep. The whole day she had been busy in the fields, standing in the hot sun.

Then she woke up and asked Papa what he was talking about.

Papa: You had better sleep. You are tired.

Mataji: No, Papa. What about R Rao?

Papa then narrated the story, and when he finished it, she said, "Don't you think that there can be only one in a million who is a true aspirant? Others have one desire or other lurking in their minds."

Papa (to S): What a conceit! These people imagine and go on telling others that they have attained what they wanted; and this is the result.

S: What can be done with this sort of people? Some one started making an image of Lord Ganesha and, when finished, it turned out to be the image of a monkey.

Mataji: That is exactly what is happening.

October 10, 1953

210. Darker side of ashram life

12 Noon. MR Ramaswami, Subbaram and S were going to the dining-hall. A few yards away from the kitchen they saw Mataji near the washing-shed. Seeing them, she took her umbrella and started for the dining-hall. Noticing that she had not had her bath, S asked, "Mataji, have you not had your bath yet?"

Mataji: Today I will eat meal first and then take a bath.

S: That is fine. But what is the matter today?

Mataji: Today those ladies who have come from Trichur are waiting to dine with me. If I go for my bath now, they will be further delayed. I shall just have a wash and come back.

Mataji and the batch of women devotees from Trichur sat in one line. Opposite to them sat MRR, Subbaram, Gopal, S, and others. After all had nearly finished their meal, Mataji casually enquired about Devi, an old woman, and seeing her, said, "Oh, she has come. Today, for something or other, I have been angry from the morning. On some days it is like that."

S: What happened today?

Mataji: It started with F this morning. Then with Devi. She hangs her clothes to dry in the room where she is sleeping, and if the clothes of somebody else are put there, she gets upset and abuses them. This morning some ladies had hung their silk garments in Devi's room, as they should not be hung out in the sun. Devi did not like this and got angry. She had her cotton clothes there which could very well be put out to dry in the sun. She washes her hands outside the bathroom, but if anybody else does so, she quarrels with them. This morning I got angry and told her that I would take her to Papa immediately and report her conduct. I talk much, but put off taking action.

S: What was wrong with F?

Mataji: He has not been attending to his work regularly nowadays. It is also reported that he is gambling in a tea-shop. When I asked him if he was gambling, he got annoyed, as he took my question to be a great insult. I too lost my temper and went on talking, rather rebuking him without even listening to what he was saying. I do not remember all that I told him, but I tried to impress on him that if he is working here, he should not be absent without any previous intimation. By such irregularity, work would suffer greatly. New men who are put on the job cannot do the work efficiently. But that does not mean he is indispensable. If he goes away, we can manage somehow, but playing such tricks is no good. So I warned him.

S: Listening to your talks about the ashram, we sit so long that the hands get dry.

Mataji: You go on writing articles praising the ashram. What is the use?

MRR (laughing): Still harping on the same string! Are we not writing also about the darker side of the ashram life?

S (laughing): Yes, Mataji, on whatever topic you start, you must end on this note about the ashram.

Mataji: What is the use of my talking about it always? That was why, perhaps, the ancient rishis and munis who, in the beginning preached a lot, got fed up with their preaching and finally retired to the quiet mountains. However much you teach or preach, the world remains the same, because none wants to learn. Everybody wants to be a teacher, not a student. Even that boy (refreshing to Mohan, Keshav's son), who is but three years old, wants to teach others and does not want to learn. That is how children are nowadays.

211. Moha – higher and lower

S: Why is the world like that? The mentality of people today is very different from what it was some years back.

Mataji: Because it is a world after all. In the world people have Prapancha Moha or worldly attachment. It is Moha for the limited family circle. But here we have Paramartha Moha or spiritual attachment. The circle is wider. If in the world people have Moha for four persons, we have here Moha relating to four thousand, four million or four crores of people. Still it is Moha.

According to Mataji, anything other than the absolute samata of the transcendent vision is Moha. Continuing, she said, "Worldly Moha is of a lower type, but in our case it is Moha of a higher type. In order that we may have this Moha of ours broken and we may be free inwardly and outwardly like avadhutas, those very people themselves whom we serve, and to whom we are attached, help to cut the knot. You see here how they are helping to release us from Moha and make us free like avadhutas. Now get up. Your hands are dry, go and wash them."

4.30 p.m. Harvesting had started. Mataji was supervising the work almost the whole day. Papa also went there about 4 o'clock and both were sitting in the veranda of the small hut at the southern end of the fields. S went there with a cine camera to take some pictures. Seeing S with the camera, Papa thought of Ramkishor. He called the boy Kishor who was with S and said, "Kishor, go to the ashram, tell Ramkishor that film is being taken here, and ask him to come here soon."

After the films were taken, Papa, Subbaram, S and the children returned to the ashram, leaving Mataji there to supervise the work. Papa then went and stood for some time looking at the harvested paddy that was being stacked.

212. Sadhus must rely on God

A sadhu came and sat in front of Papa. He was in white robes, a long shirt reaching up to his knees, and a big white 'V' mark with a red line in the centre of his forehead. The white 'V' and the red line had their base almost on the middle of his nose, the other ends crossing the forehead were touching the head. That mark signified that he was a vaishnavite.

Papa: Maharaj, what is the matter?

Sadhu: Guruji, I am going now to catch the train to Mangalore.

He then prostrated before Papa, got up and stood quiet. Papa then left that place and came to take his seat on the chair put in front of the bhajan-hall. The sadhu too followed him and stood by the side of the cement bench near Papa's chair. Papa thought of giving him two rupees, and asked Subbaram to bring his small bag. When the bag was brought and Papa was about to take out the money, the sadhu said, "Guruji, you must give me some monetary help, at least enough to purchase a ticket to..."

Papa: Maharaj, we have not got enough money to distribute to you all for your tickets and so on. Ramdas thought of giving you something with which you can surely purchase a ticket up to Mangalore. From there you can get hold of some big people and get help from them.

Sadhu: Guruji, I cannot get help from anywhere. All are misers.

Papa: Is that so? You have no faith in God then. Sadhus must rely on God for help and move about cheerfully.

Papa then took the money and passed it on to the sadhu. The sadhu found that it was only two rupees.

Sadhu: Guruji, please give me sufficient money for my ticket to Rameshwar.

Papa: Ramdas can give you only this much. You may get more help from Mangalore or any other place.

The post was brought and Papa got busy in reading the many letters that had arrived. The sadhu sat on the cement bench and went on talking something in Gujarati.

Papa (to S): This fellow is a great grumbler.

Sadhu: Babubhai at Cannanore purchased a ticket for me to come here and told me that I would get all the help from here to go to Rameshwar.

Papa: Ah, Babubhai would never have told you that. He knows the condition of the ashram. You are telling a lie for the sake of money. What type of sadhu are you? Telling lies for money? Is this sadhuhood?

Sadhu: That Bhavnagarwala gave me information about the ashram.

Papa: See how he changes the topic now.

Sadhu: A batch of Gujaratis at Cannanore...

Papa: Do not go on telling this and that to cover your lie. Is it to tell lies that you have taken to this life? Sadhus must freely wander depending upon God. You got help from Cannanore to come here and go from here to Mangalore. You must cheerfully go and see that God is there to help you onwards. You seem to have no faith in Him and instead of remembering Him you think only of money-god always.

This was too scathing an attack for the sadhu. He placed the two rupees on the bench and said, "Guruji, I am not a sadhu wandering for money. I am for God and I go about with the name of God. When you accuse me of having told a lie, I do not want to take even this money. You can have it back."

Papa (stretching both hands): Maharaj, Ramdas will gladly receive it from you. You are a great sadhu, but Ramdas is only a bhikshu. He does not mind begging from you. Maharaj, Please give that back to Ramdas.

The sadhu realised that he was losing the game and wanted to play a different part. He changed his grumbling attitude and, putting on a smiling face, said, "Guruji, what do you say? You are a great mahatma. You have everything with you. You are the king of kings."

Papa: Nothing like that. He is only a beggar.

The sadhu feared he would lose even the two rupees. He quickly took the money, put his bags on his shoulder and was about to leave.

Papa: Don't think of money. Take God's name always.

Sadhu: I am a Gujarati sadhu and I am always singing bhajan.

Papa: You are now singing only of money.

Sadhu: With your grace, I will do bhajan.

Papa: Yes, that will do you good!

He left.

213. Ashram different from what was envisaged

Around 7 p.m. Mataji saw S passing by. She called him and said, "I wanted to tell you something, but now I do not remember." She then thought for a while, and recollecting, said, "Yes, it is about the ashram. You all laugh when I talk about the ashram. I do not mean that the ashram should not have been started. I mean only that it should not have taken the present shape. What we wanted it to be was much different from what it has now become."

S: Is it like the case of the one who started making an image of Ganesha?

Mataji: Ah! Yes, it is like that.

So saying, Mataji proceeded towards the ashram, when S told her, "You are going away. But you said you had to tell me something."

Mataji: There is a saying in Konkani which means, 'if you find the dog, the stick is not seen. When the stick is there, the dog is gone.' So, when I feel like talking to you, you are not to be seen. When you are near me, I forget things.

S: Why not talk now?

Mataji: Now I must go to the kitchen to arrange the things that have come from bazaar today.

10.30 p.m. Mataji was spreading her bed in Papa's room. Gopal had just lighted some agarbattis and was about to leave the room.

Papa (to Mataji): What is the day tomorrow?

Mataji: Tomorrow is Sunday.

Papa: Hoo .... Ram's will be done!

Mataji: What is the matter, Papa? When I said, 'Tomorrow is Sunday', you said, 'Ram's will be done'!

Papa: Nothing.

Gopal, hearing the conversation. said, "Because, there will be no money orders coming by post, Sunday being a postal holiday."

The joke from Gopal roused Papa so much that he sat up and laughed loud for a while. He could not control his laugher. Mataji too laughed aloud. Gopal did not laugh, but quietly left the room.