← The Gospel of Swami RamdasHis talks, as recorded by Swami Satchidananda

1953-09-09

Chapter 18

Anandashram, September 9, 1953

160. "You are running the whole Universe!"

It was past 9.45 p.m. Papa was sitting on his bed with a paper in his hand.

Papa (addressing Mataji): Look here, Gopal has given Ramdas a bill for five hundred rupees for the cloth that you had purchased from the Udyog Shala during the last four months, for free distribution to poor devotees and sadhus.

Mataji: So it comes to only about one hundred and twentyfive rupees a month. That is all right.

Gopal: Papa, five hundred rupees is not the total of the bills together. It is only the total in one particular bill. There are four bills like that. So the total for four months is over two thousand rupees. Added to the previous outstandings, the total on this account alone comes to four thousand rupees.

Papa: (heaving a sigh): Ah! Two thousand rupees for four months! Krishnabai, what do you say now?

Mataji only laughed.

Papa: When Ramdas heard that figure from Gopal, his breath stopped. He got kumbhaka. His breath went up and stopped at the sahasrara; he came within an ace of nirvikalpa samadhi. If the breath does not stop on hearing such news, when will it stop? Saying this, Papa burst into laughter. Laughing and laughing Papa's face became red and he was profusely perspiring.

Mataji: You are making fun of me.

Papa: Not at all. You are spending as you like, liberally. And no wonder. For, you are running the whole universe! But you should get also as you give.

Mataji: Getting, you must do. It is your job to get things. I can only give.

Papa: If you go on giving like this, and do not pay the outstandings, how can yard be purchased and the work carried on in the Udyog Shala?

Mataji: Let Gopal have some faith. Everything will be all right.

Gopal: I have faith.

Mataji: Deep inside you, there is some fear that I may not clear my outstandings. Give up that fear.

Gopal: I have no fear at all.

September 11, 1953

161. Unreserved Faith in Papa and his ways

12 Noon. Papa had just stretched himself on his bed for his midday nap in the bhajan-hall. He was facing west. On the eastern side, outside the window, a middle-aged man came and stood. S asked him why he was standing there. Then Papa turned towards him and asked what the matter was. Replying in a rough tone, he said:

"I had been to a village nearby, about a mile away, to see if I could get some work there. There was no work and I am returning to Kasaragod. On the way I thought I might take my food here and go."

Papa: What do you think this place is? Is it a hotel, or have you kept a deposit here so that we may give you meal whenever you come? You seem to claim a meal here as a matter of right. You cannot have it. Go and take food in a hotel. You seem to talk in way which suggests that you have a right to have food here. We cannot feed such arrogant people. You may go.

Stranger: Please excuse me if I have said anything wrong.

That he said so low that Papa did not hear it. Saying this, the stranger took his bag and went towards the gate. Papa was making some observations about the arrogant behaviour of the stranger and the way even sadhus who came here sometimes told lies for getting meals.

S: But if Mataji were here, perhaps she would have made Papa agree to give him food before sending him away.

Papa: She might have done so. And there is also the rule that anybody coming at mealtime, whether he is a deserving one or not, should be fed. But that should not be applied in all cases. By feeding such arrogant people, we shall only be ruining them.

Just then Mataji came to the hall. Papa narrated the whole story to her.

Mataji: If he had behaved to me so arrogantly, I too would have sent him away without feeding him. But if he had apologised, I would surely ask him to take his meal and go.

Papa: If he had apologised, Ramdas too would have asked him to take meal.

Motiben: Yes. He apologised, Papa.

Papa: Did he? Ramdas did not hear it.

S: Yes, Papa. He did apologise, but in a low tone. Papa went on talking and therefore did not hear him.

Papa: He could as well have spoken it clearly and aloud.

Mataji: Shall we call him back if he is near the gate?

Papa nodded in agreement. Mataji, accompanied by S, went towards the gate, called the gatekeeper Ambu, and asked him, "Did you see anybody going out during the last ten minutes?"

Ambu: No.

S: A man of about fifty years, with a white shirt? I saw him going down towards the gate. Where could he have gone so soon?

Ambu: So far as I know, nobody has passed through the gate for the last few minutes.

So nothing could be done. Mataji and S went back to the ashram. Papa went to sleep and others came out to go to the kitchen.

Mataji (to S): You see, such instances are apt to disturb the minds of ordinary sadhakas easily. Unless we have the strength to accept without reservation everything about Papa, and believe that whatever he does is for good, it is hard to face such situations as this.

S: Yes, unless we are prepared to accept everything without any inclination to judge, it would be indeed very difficult. Our minds should not have the impression that Papa will do only such and such things and will not do such and such things. It must be trained to think that whatever Papa does is only for the best.

Mataji: The mind must be so trained from the very beginning. But it is very hard. In the early days, however much I tried to control myself, I got terribly upset sometimes by such things and my mind used to be affected like clear water becoming muddy.

September 13, 1953

162. How Likhit Japa Yajna started

4 p.m. A car brought to the ashram CR Rao and C Lakshmi Narasimhiah from Bangalore, with a lot of luggage. Papa came to the bhajan-hall and saw of them waiting there.

Papa (to CR Rao): How are you? You have come a day earlier. How did you manage it?

By this time Papa had come near him and was patting him on the back, when CR Rao bowed down. Lakshmi Narasimhiah explained they had to start a day earlier to suit the railway reservation.

Papa: You are very weak still. You must now go and have something, after a bath if necessary.

The guests were escorted to the bathroom and dining-hall. CR Rao was ailing for the last two months from heart trouble. After discharge from the hospital, he thought the best place to rest was the ashram and therefore came down with permission from Papa. They were accommodated in a room very near the bhajan-hall, so that CR Rao need not exert himself in going to the bhajan-hall. Some of the baskets brought by CR Rao were sent by him to the kitchen direct. They were all opened in the kitchen and found to contain vegetables and fruits sent by a devotee, from Bangalore. They were sorted out, put in separate baskets and taken to the bhajan-hall to be shown to Papa.

Seeing them, Papa said, "So much! All vegetables and fruits! The friend is not an ordinary man. Whenever he sends vegetables he sends basketsful. Lot of fruits too."

The baskets were then sent to the kitchen.

Papa: Have you had your bath and food?

CR Rao: Yes.

Papa: How do you feel now?

CR Rao: Tired a bit, due to the long train journey. After a couple of days' rest I shall be all right.

Papa: Come on, let us sit here. You can see Ramdas’ new room also.

Papa then took them to the new room. Papa sat on his chair and they also sat on the carpet by his side.

CR Rao: Papa, this has become quite a spacious room. I did not think it would be so nice.

Papa: This is all Mataji's plan. You know she is an expert in house-planning. We occupied the room only yesterday, Vinayaka Chaturthi day.

The talk then turned to the Likhit Japa Yajna.

CR Rao: If I were in better health, I would have worked hard in Bangalore to enlist more members for this japa yajna. Unfortunately, I could not do it.

Papa: That does not matter. Now you can do your japa writing here. This is the place for it. Ramdas has a long letter from SG Narasimhiah. They are meeting in Bangalore today at Krishnaswami Iyengar's house, and there he will explain in detail the japa yajna to all the devotees.

There is much enthusiastic response from all places in India. Many write to us asking to be enlisted. It will be a wonderful success.

Do you know how this was sponsored? The suggestion first came from U Sanjiva Rao in Bombay. He was under the impression that the Silver Jubilee of Mataji's renunciation was to be celebrated in October. He wanted to collect money and present a heavy purse to Mataji on that occasion, and wanted Mataji's and Ramdas’ approval for the same. When Mataji heard this, she said that no such thing should be done. She said we should not go about begging for money any more. We have taxed our devotees enough and we should not press them any more. We should not go on sucking the sugarcane until we reach its top end. When we reach the top end we shall find it no longer sweet. She then suggested that instead of worrying about money, let them all together write twenty five crores of Ram Nam. This hint was seriously taken up by Ramaswami (Editor of the Vision) and all of us put our heads together and decided to start the yajna.

September 14, 1953

163. Mataji on individious Distinctions

10 a.m. Papa and S were in the bhajan-hall. The telegraph peon brought two express delivery letters. S received them and Papa opened and read them.

Papa: What is CR Rao's diet?

S: When I asked him yesterday, he said he takes normal food. Perhaps more nutritious food will do him good.

Papa: You may tell Mataji that CR Rao may be given the same vegetable curries as are prepared for Ramdas. The friend from Bangalore writes that he has sent vegetables to the ashram and that these should be used solely by Ramdas, Mataji, and CR Rao. If she is not told about this, she will dispose of all the vegetables. It is better she keeps something for the next few days. The friend writes that he will be sending more.

S went to the kitchen and saw Mataji busy and happy cutting the vegetables in large quantities. He informed Mataji of Papa's wish that CR Rao be given the same curries as were prepared for Papa, and as he might not like to take only curries without chillies, it would be better if he was given also the ordinary curries with chillies.

Mataji: Today we are preparing the same vegetables for all. From tomorrow we will see.

When Mataji came to the new room Papa told her, "The friend writes that he has sent these vegetables only for three of us: Ramdas, yourself, and CR Rao. So don't use up all the vegetables."

Mataji did not reply.

1.30 p.m. Papa and S were in the bhajan-hall. Papa saw a European coming, carrying his baggage himself, and asked S to receive him. He came near Papa and introduced himself as David Haggot. He was coming from Hassan. After the formal meeting, S took Haggot to the bathroom for a wash and then to the dining-hall.

On entering the hall S asked Kunhambu (the server) to serve Haggot. Kunhambu replied that rice and curries were again under preparation and it would take fifteen minutes more.

S was surprised as there never had been an instance like that before in the ashram, and it was not late. Mataji, who was in the kitchen, came to the dining-hall and told S that it would take fifteen minutes for the meal to be ready.

S: Have you had yours?

Mataji (Smiling): No. I am also waiting.

S: How did this happen today? Were there any extra guests?

Mataji: No. The person who sent those vegetables did not desire our partaking of them. That is why everything went short.

S: But he wanted you to. You are also made to starve for some time now.

Mataji: What is the meaning of my eating when others have not? That is why I also could not eat the vegetables.

S was unhappy to see Mataji and also the new guest still waiting for meal. Mataji, S and a few others would usually sit for launch at 12.30. That day by that hour Mataji had not even had her bath. She told S, "I am not sitting for meal with you today."

S: Why? Have you not yet bathed?

Mataji: I went to the kitchen to see that food was sent to CR Rao properly. When I came back, these children Subramania, Kishor, and Ganesh were playing with heavy stones. So I sent them away from there and was somehow detained. I may be very late; you do not wait for me.

S was none too happy to sit down alone, to lunch. He recalled Mataji's silence when informed that the vegetables were intended only for three – Papa, Mataji, and CR Rao. The invidious distinction had caused immense pain to Mataji. Happy she was at receiving plentiful supply of vegetables; far more happy to prepare and serve it to all in the ashram. The express letter restricting their use had caused such an anguish in Mataji's heart that it could not but be strongly expressed in her face. She was sorry for the devotee, who, unwittingly perhaps, had injured himself for lack of a wide outlook. Littleness in anyone, anywhere Mataji could hardly tolerate. Such errors arose out of lack of proper understanding of either Papa or Mataji, what they personified and what service to them meant. It was one thing to present, out of love for either of them, something of lasting value for personal use, but quite another for love and devotion to find expression in the way it did with the vegetables.

164. Be a Jnani-Bhakta

9.45 p.m. In the new room. Papa was about to turn in. S, Motiben, Parvatibai, Subbaram, Gopal and Shivashanker were in the room.

Shivashanker (in Hindi): The Lord has created the jivas and the world, and has put them all in a mess.

Papa: Those in the mess are none but the Lord Himself. All jivas are He. This knowledge must be there along with the devotion for God. The Lord says in the ‘Gita’ that there are four types of bhaktas – artha, jijnasu, artharthi, and jnani – among whom jnani is considered to be the best. So we must become jnani-bhaktas. The jnani-bhakta has the knowledge of the Reality and also has devotion. He knows he is one with the Eternal and yet keeps up his individuality to enjoy the sweetness of devotion. Such a bhakta alone is free from the pangs of viraha. He won't have to weep or cry.

Motiben: So a jnani-bhakta will never have to weep. Is it a fact?

Papa: Why should he have to weep?

Subbaram: We hear there are some who get the vision of Krishna whenever they want. Is that true?

Papa (Pointing to Parvatibai): This mother is one of them.

Subbaram: How does she see?

Papa: You must ask her. (Laughs)

Subbaram: Do they see Him always, or...

Papa: You must ask her. (Laughs again) These visions are possible if our mind is concentrated on such forms.

There was a lull for sometime.

Papa: When a parrot is taught to repeat Ram Nam, it goes on saying, 'Ram, Ram, Ram', but the moment the parrot sees a cat coming near it, it is terribly frightened, stops Ram Nam, and starts crying, 'ke, ke, ke'. There is nothing gained by repeating Ram Nam like that.

Motiben: When Ram Nam is repeated, why should the cat come?

Papa: If it is repeated parrot-like, the cat may come. But even when the cat comes, if the repetition continues without any fear, the cat will not do any harm.

Motiben: Papa, you make us get into hot water by imposing various conditions. Sometimes you say, somehow or other if a person repeats Ram Nam at least once in his life, he is saved. Now you say he should not repeat it like a parrot. You again say that Ram Nam has no effect if it is repeated without concentration. So, if you go on imposing more and more conditions, what are we to do?

Papa kept silent for a few minutes, then said, "Anyhow you must repeat Ram Nam," and laughed.

September 16, 1953

165. Mataji's Account-keeping – the Humorous side to it.

9.30 a.m. After dictating replies to a few letters, Papa came out of his room. As CR Rao was not permitted to move out, Papa thought he should go and sit in his room for some time. Accordingly Papa, accompanied by Subbaram went to his room, and began to talk in a very humorous way about Mataji's account-keeping. In a few minutes S also entered. Papa, looking at S said, "Ramdas is explaining to him how Mataji is dealing with her cash and accounts."

Then (addressing CR Rao) Papa continued: "You must see her sitting with her account books, her glasses on, like a wise accountant. Keshav is her assistant. She thinks he can purchase things, keep the accounts and strike the balance all right. She has yet fifteen days’ accounts to write to bring her cash-book up-to-date. But if she sits with Keshav for two hours, she will finish all her entries!"

CR Rao: Is she able to do the balancing all right?

S: Regarding balancing, the accounts must take care of themselves.

Papa: She enters there whatever entries she can get hold of. Some may be left out; she does not know. She has got her own peculiar ways of keeping accounts. So simple and plain. What an amount of trouble these auditors and accountants take to keep their accounts in proper form! Theirs is a complicated system. They must come to Mataji to learn the simplest system, where there is no botheration of balancing at all.

S: Mataji does not give any value to cheques. She wants only ready cash.

Papa: If Ramdas says he has received a cheque for Rs.100, she says, 'Phoo! ' Because, for cashing she will have to wait till the bank opens next day or so. She wants ready money then and there, and only rupees, no smaller coins. If Money Order comes, say for fifteen rupees and twelve annas, she takes fifteen rupees and passes on the balance of twelve annas to Ramdas. He keeps the change in a bag and uses the same for sundry expenses. Whenever she wants a rupee or more, if she has nothing left, she opens this bag and takes what she wants. Do you know where her treasury is? She rolls up currency notes and twists them round her saree's edge, about her waist. Whenever anybody asks for money, she takes it out from her saree, just like a juggler. Her account-keeping is, indeed, wonderful. Ramdas sometimes looks at her, when she is sitting with her spectacles on, to write the accounts. It is an enjoyable sight. But when Ramdas laughs at her, she looks at Ramdas with not a very pleasant eye. That makes Ramdas run away from there. When Ramdas tries to teach her the usual ways of account-keeping, she gets angry and says, 'Papa, if you are so particular, you had better take up yourself the cash and accounts, or ask somebody else to do it for you. When I do the work I must have my own way and you should not interfere or be critical.' Ramdas would simply reply, 'No, no. Ramdas is not going to do anything of the sort.' That is our Mataji.

S: She does keep proper accounts in regard to the construction work, as that is important.

Papa: That at least is something.

And Papa left the room, laughing.

166. Control of Mind, not Easy

10 p.m. Papa was about to go to sleep in his room. He then remembered Shivashanker, who used to sit in the room daily for a few minutes before Papa went to bed. That day he was not there.

Papa: Where is our Rajasthan friend today?

Gopal: He is sitting outside on the seat.

Papa: Oh, that is a fine place for him.

Mataji: Why does he sit outside today?

Papa: What has he to do sitting here? When we are all talking and laughing, he does not understand anything at all. It is better he sits there quietly and does dhyana.

Gopal: He tells me that he is able to control the mind better.

Papa: Yes, he said this to Ramdas too. He has got dispassion. To control the mind is not an easy affair. Years of steady sadhana are required. One or two months' sadhana won't do. Even after doing sadhana for thirty years or more, many still complain they cannot control the mind. The highest degree of dispassion is necessary. Ordinary dispassion won't do. Then only one can steadily progress towards complete control of the mind.