← The Gospel of Swami RamdasHis talks, as recorded by Swami Satchidananda

1953-11-05

Chapter 29

Anantapur, November 5, 1953

247. Doctors terrify

Satyanarayana Rao's house. Papa's urine was sent to the doctor for sugar and specific gravity test. Venkatesan, who took it to the doctor, came back.

Papa: What is the result of the test?

Venkatesan: Papa, the doctor says that there is two and a half percent sugar and the specific gravity is one thousand and twentyfive.

Papa: What? Ramdas never had so much any time before. It was never more than one percent in the morning and Ramdas has been very careful in his diet.

Venkatesan: The doctor says it is pretty high and the urine was brick red. He feels it may perhaps be due to exertion during the journey.

Papa: Somehow Ramdas does not care much for the report of these doctors. They terrify people. Once, many years ago, a doctor examined a patient and found out that he was so bad that he ought to have died! But that man is even today quite alive and kicking.

9 p.m. After the bhajan, most of the devotees had left the place. Only a few were with Papa in his room.

248. Telugu version of Papa's poems

The devotees were called for dinner in the adjoining hall. Some of them went, while a few others remained with Papa. Papa asked them also to go and have their meal. Leaves had already been spread and meal served for all of them. As soon as they sat, they started singing "Om Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram" and after a few minutes some verses in Telugu were sung. Papa had pulled his chair to the entrance of the hall and was facing the devotees dining in the hall. Papa liked the verses sung by Appannachar very much, though he could not have understood their meaning. After singing two or three verses, they commenced dining; thereafter they all rejoined Papa in his room.

Papa (to Appannachar): Your verses are very nice. Whose composition are they?

Nagesh Rao: They were all composed by Appannachar himself and are the translations of Papa's poems.

Papa: Are they? How many has he translated? They have been translated into Marathi also.

Nagesh Rao: He has translated quite a number.

Appannachar then brought his notebook in which he had written the English originals and the translations, and read out both to Papa. While reading the second poem in English, Papa asked, "Sure? Is it written by Ramdas?"

Appannachar: Yes, Papa.

Papa: Ramdas does not remember at all. He cannot think he could have written this.

Appannachar continued to read a few more and sang his Telugu translations.

Prof Krishna Rao: Your poems treat of such high philosophy that it is hard to translate.

Appannachar: Whenever we read a poem we are lifted up and up so high.

Papa: So it takes you right high up and leaves you there.

Janakiram: And by the time we come down, another poem comes from Papa to shoot us back to the heights.

Krishna Rao: They are very difficult to understand.

249. Papa's poems – 'prose run mad '

Papa: You will see a poem published in the current issue of ‘The Vision’. Take that copy. Ramdas will read it out to you. It is about Divine Life.

Papa then read aloud the poem:

'Life is fragrant, sweet and glorious, Is eternal, blissful and tranquil Life is love that gently flows In crystal streams luminous.

This life is Mother, everywhere revealed In myriad forms, movements, ways. The blue, the green, the crimson, the yellow hues Lavish in their varied luxuriance, And rich with untold beauties, expressed, In verdure, heavens, earth and dawn, Cast their mystic spell on thee.

O Mother Nature – this is all Thy play! A festival of light and colour, O soul, bewitches the heart.

When Mother's grace descends on thee, Thou art lost in the splendour of Her presence That resolves all diversity into one Supreme whole – The vast cosmos and beyond – And into that Infinite in which everything is and is not!'

Krishna Rao: That is exactly the thing, Papa. We cannot understand, even if explained, more than what we have experienced.

Papa: You find something good in Ramdas’ poem then. Don’t you?

Nagesh Rao: Why should Papa doubt it?

Papa: No, Ramdas does not know how they are. He does not give much thought to them. He writes all these in the midst of noise and disturbance. And he does not care about the metres or syllables. Some sentences are long and some are short. Some lines are very prosaic.

Appannachar: When the ideas are high, sometimes the language and the poetic style are not up to the mark.

Papa: A critic of poetry remarked once, referring to the work of a poet, like this: 'This is not poetry, but prose run mad.' This is exactly what Ramdas’ poetry is. Are Ramdas’ poems getting better or worse; how do you feel?

Janakiram: They are as good as ever.

Papa: Ramdas asked because he cannot judge them himself. When he heard the old poems read out to him, he found them very good. So, he is wondering if the present ones are as good as the old.

Janakiram: They are, Papa.

Papa: So Ramdas can boldly continue writing poems. Can he not?

Satyanarayana Rao: Should we, poor low creatures, certify Papa's poems?

Papa: Low or high is no matter. When you say they are good, Ramdas feels he can boldly go on writing.

250. No worldly knowledge equals inner bliss

9.30 p.m. It was time for Papa to retire. The devotees left the room. Mataji and Mrs Krishna Rao were massaging Papa.

Papa (to Mataji): One of them has translated Ramdas’ poems into Telugu. They say he has done it nicely. They are full of appreciation for Ramdas’ poems. Does Ramdas write so well? He does not think he has any ability to write, lecture, or do anything. The one thing that he is fully aware of is the bliss that he constantly has.

Mataji: At least you say you have one thing.

Papa: Bliss he has, and he knows well that he has it. Other talents he has not. But he is sure he is not prepared to give this bliss up even if someone is ready to give him all the worldly knowledge of writing, speaking and so on, in exchange for the bliss. This alone will do for him.

November 6, 1953

251. Ineffable bliss through Japa Yajna

Papa got up a little after 6 a.m. Satyanarayana Rao, Krishna Rao, and a few others were in the hall writing Ram Nam. As soon as the door was opened, they entered the room and prostrated before Papa. They then sat around him and continued writing Ram Nam.

Krishna Rao: Papa, this is the first thing we do – finish the quota of Ram Nam.

Papa: In the ashram all together write thirty to forty thousand Ram Nam daily. Mataji is also writing. She writes a very beautiful hand in Devanagari script. Lately she has not been able to write because of heavy work. There is enthusiastic response to this Nama Likhit Japa Yajna from all parts of India. Many feel that this has come to them as a blessing, as the time wasted in gossip is now better utilised for writing Ram Nam.

Krishna Rao: The peace we get while writing is indescribable.

Papa: That is what many devotees also write to Ramdas.

252. Do not overstress vegetarianism

Papa's breakfast was brought. After breakfast Papa returned and continued the talk.

Satyanarayana Rao: Papa, Christians talk of repentance, confession and so on. Are they not all on the plane of duality?

Papa: Yes, the talk is always on the plane of duality.

Venkatesan: So, the teachings of Christ are based on dualism. Christ never said that he himself was God. He only declared that he and his Father in Heaven are one. Of course, Sufism transcends all these. One sufi saint was saying, 'Anal Haq' (I am God). Even when his body was cut into pieces, each piece of the body continued saying. 'Anal Haq.' Papa, one Muslim friend told me that non-vegetarianism was prescribed in olden days for people of the most uncivilized type living in places where nothing but meat was available. In these days of vegetarianism it has no place.

Papa: Was he a vegetarian himself?

Venkatesan: Yes, he was.

Papa: That is the way they support their own point of view. An English lady was a pure vegetarian and had a great leaning towards non-violence. She was telling Ramdas that Christ was a pure vegetarian. But the scriptures clearly show us that he was not. She had great respect for Christ and therefore could not think of Jesus taking non-vegetarian food for which she had contempt. So she brought him to her own level. As Jesus has it, 'Not that which goes into the mouth defileth a man but that cometh out of the mouth that defileth a man.' It does not matter whatever food we eat, but it is of great importance what we express through our mouth. There are many strict vegetarians who have a furious temper, and filthy words come out of their mouths.

Satyanarayana Rao: Papa, there are some devotees waiting to perform pada-pooja.

Papa: Oh! (jumping up from the seat): The time is up. Why did you not remind him of this earlier? Let us go.

253. Papa's need for exercise

9.45 a.m. The morning bhajan was over. Mataji had yet to arrange Papa's bath. Papa had not been quite normal in his health since he left the ashram on tour. So he suggested to Mataji, "Ramdas must go for evening walk regularly. He should not miss it."

S: Papa, we forgot all about the evening walk after starting on the tour.

Papa: We had better start it now.

S: What time? 5 to 6 may be all right.

Papa: Yes. (to Venkatesan) Ramdas would like to take a long walk in the evening between 5 and 6.

Venkatesan: We shall take Papa in a car to the vicinity of the tank and there Papa can take a long walk on the road. There will be little traffic then.

Satyanarayana Rao: The tank is full, Papa.

Papa: What does it matter? Ramdas is not going to swim.

Venkatesan: So, it is fixed that we go from here at 5 o'clock and near the tank, break.

Papa: What to do near the tank, bray?

Venkatesan: Break.

Papa: Ramdas thought you want us to go near the tank, and bray!

Nanjunda Sastri: Are we to go there and break the car?

Venkatesan: That is fine. We neither bray nor break the car. We only get down near the tank, walk for about an hour and come back.

254. Universe is Mother's form

Some devotees came for darshan. Papa sat on his chair. The devotees, after paying respects, sat before him. Those who were already in the room also sat down.

One devotee: Swami, many horrible things are going on in the world. Why does God permit all these things?

Papa: The whole universe is a play of Shakti. Shakti is the dynamic aspect of Shiva. Shiva is the eternal, changeless Reality. Its dynamic aspect, Shakti, takes all the forms. That is also called prakriti. Shakti can again be described as two – Para-shakti and Apara-shakti. Para-shakti is that which is beyond all gunas. Apara-shakti is that which manifests itself as and in all gunas. Ours is to surrender to Para-shakti. What do you mean by surrender? Surrender here means to know and feel that all our actions are Her actions; all our movements are Her movements. If we live our life with this attitude, our ego-sense will gradually disappear. In fact all the various forms of the universe are Her forms. The whole universe is the form of the Mother, and we are not each a separate form. We all together make up the Mother's divine form. We think we are males, some others are females and so on. But when we once know all are the forms of the Mother, we see that all are females. The only male is Shiva – the Purusha. If you attain this consciousness, you will easily get over the sex idea. You will never feel you are a male, different from the other sex. You will thus feel one with the whole existence.

255. Ram Nam the only way

One devotee: We kindly request Papa to enlighten us as to how to get that consciousness.

Papa: Ram Nam. Ram Nam is the only way.

Venkatesan: Ram Nam is the panacea for all the ills of life. Let us hoist the flag of Ram Nam everywhere.

Papa: We have a big flag in the ashram in orange colour, with ‘Om Sri Ram Jai Ram Jai Jai Ram’ embroidered on it in Hindi.

256. Servant becomes master

Mataji: I am arranging for the bath and shall send for Papa in a few minutes.

Papa: Yes.

Mataji went into the bathroom.

Papa: Mother's will be done! Ramdas generally submits to her. But sometimes he rebels. Because if, at least sometimes, he does not rebel, he will be taken to be a very tame chap and considered good for nothing. When he asserts himself sometimes, she will know he has plenty of guts in him.

Venkatesan: But that assertion becomes finally submission.

Papa: Yes, invariably.

Satyanarayana Rao: Is that assertion not mithya?

Papa: Assertion and submission, both are mithya. So far as the play is concerned, both are real. Beyond that, both cease to have any reality.

Venkatesan: It is better to have the servant bhava with the Lord. Is it not, Papa?

Papa: A real servant becomes a master automatically. Hanumanji was the humblest servant of Rama. See how he behaved in Lanka. He was a terror there. You become a servant in order to go beyond the idea of master and servant. 'Aham Brahmasmi' is the attitude of a jnani. 'I am a servant of God' is the attitude of one on the bhakti path.

One devotee: Swamiji, I am troubled much.

Papa: Do not trouble trouble till trouble troubles you. (Everybody including the questioner burst into uproarious laughter.)

5 p.m. Papa, followed by some devotees, left by car for an evening drive and walk on the bund of the tank and returned a few minutes after 6 o'clock.

After the evening bhajan, Papa came back and took his seat in the room. Janakiram's wife sat before him, holding his feet and shedding profuse tears. She was sorry that Papa did not visit her village and stay in her house for at least two days as before. Papa consoled her in many ways. Now Janakiram also came and sat by her side, and started stroking Papa's feet.

257. A devotee's experience of Papa's grace

Papa (to Janakiram): Do you find a strange glow in Ramdas’ face? Is he diffusing light?

Janakiram, hearing that, melted away like butter and placed his head at Papa's feet.

Janakiram: Papa, it is simply wonderful that you ask me this question now. I had a dream four or five days back, when I saw the bust of Papa diffusing such a bright and powerful light of love and compassion that I was quite overpowered by joy. This experience lasted for about ten minutes. Papa is asking me now if I see a strange glow in his face. Is it not simply wonderful? In fact I do not miss Papa even for a day. Any moment I want Papa, Papa is with me to solve any problem. The answers are ready before me. So, I never feel your separation. I do not have to write to you often.

Papa: It is well if all the devotees do likewise, as Ramdas will have his correspondence reduced to a great extent. Now he is dictating about twenty to thirty letters daily in the ashram.

Janakiram: I do not have to write to Papa except perhaps about some spiritual matters. Even spiritual matters are solved without resorting to correspondence.

Papa: How Ramdas wishes he were in your place!

Janakiram fell at Papa's feet saying, "Ah, Ramachandra! What do you say, Papa?"

Papa: Yes, Ramdas really feels it. In his life he missed this joy that you are getting now. He met some saints but never felt so much joy as you all feel now. He simply sat before them and after some time left the place and never felt like doing any service. He was sitting before the saints, completely absorbed and unconcerned. Even food, somebody had to force him to take. Instead of his doing service to saints he was receiving service. The sadhus were very kind to him and they looked after him very lovingly and tenderly. Thus you will find that he missed the sort of joy and ecstasy that you are now experiencing.

Janakiram was simply moved to tears and was intently gazing at Papa.

Papa: Yes, Ramdas does feel he is sometimes radiating a strange and powerful light from his face. It is more when he is in a state of high ecstasy.

November 7, 1953

258. Mataji's instinctive reaction

It was past noon. Papa was resting. In the adjoining room Mataji and S were sitting together. They were cutting some fruits for Papa.

Mataji: J's wife wanted to talk to me. She was waiting for a chance when I was free. Yesterday afternoon when Papa had gone for the talks at two o'clock, I called her in to hear what she wanted to say. She narrated a lot of her family worries, financial difficulties and the unworldly nature of her husband. She said J would bring money and hand it over to her and would not care to see how things were managed. I told her that such a husband had to be looked after with all love and care. She wanted to touch my feet and hands, but I was feeling so uncomfortable in her presence that I wished I had been left alone. The moment she was about to touch me, I was shuddering within myself. I was also wondering why I had such a reaction. Again in the night she came as soon as I was about to close the door to rest for some time. I did not want her to come in, but she did all the same. She went on speaking about her husband, how a number of people were coming there, how she found it difficult to serve them and so on. Finally she said that she felt very close to me and once saw me in everything for a few minutes. She added that she thought of me often and wished to be with me as she felt deeply attached to me. Then I understood why I was feeling revulsion for her. I have an inward revulsion towards anybody who attaches himself or herself to me, leaving Papa aside. In this case I did not know about it until she told me. But my revulsion for her had started before I was aware of it.

S: When they love you so much, is it proper to maintain such an attitude towards them?

Mataji: Such an attitude of mine will not do them harm. It will only help them to take their mind off me and place it on Papa. That will give them salvation. By merely depending upon me they get nothing.

S: Why not?

Mataji: Because I had been cherishing such a wish for many years. There used to be questions and answers within myself during my sadhana days. The question was whether I should become a Guru like Papa. The questioner was Papa himself from within. My answer to that question was that I should never be a teacher but only a devotee all my life in the service of Papa. Many times I took Papa severely to task mentally for putting such fantastic questions to me. At present I do not wish or express anything of that type. My previous sankalpa works. Nobody can get spiritual benefit from me direct. They must approach Papa. If they cling on to me knowing that Papa and I are one, then it is all right.

S: Then what do you think J's wife is doing? What is her attitude?

Mataji: I don't know.

S: Do you think she clings only to this one form of yours and that is why you have revulsion for her?

Mataji: Most probably. Suppose she loves me with a broader outlook and sees me in all, as she said, then she must automatically love all. Such a big heart is not seen in her. So her attachment seems to be purely to my physical form.

259. Value of prasad

S: Mataji, you were telling something about prasad this morning. What was it?

Mataji: Yes, I remember that. When SM with his wife and children was returning to his place this morning, I gave him some fruits as prasad. He immediately said he did not want them. But on second thought he took them from me. The moment he said he did not want them, I felt sore about it as it was very wrong to refuse prasad. He did not know the value of prasad.

I still remember what he did when he took us in his car to Kasaragod. He left us at the railway station. D had brought some mangoes from the ashram and he lovingly offered him two or three mangoes, but he said that he did not want to take them as he was always eating prasad. When D forced on him a few, he took them and passed them on to the railway porter standing on the platform. I was sorry for this behaviour of his. Within a short time he got some trouble in his tongue and it became so serious that he could not eat anything for some days. In those days he had contempt for those who were taking prasad from us. He used to laugh at them. Now his attitude has much changed. He has climbed down to a great extent.

S: When he did not take the prasad offered to him, why did you feel that he did so in an arrogant or insulting attitude? He might have done it with a pure heart and meant what he said, that he was always eating Papa's prasad only.

Mataji: It was very clear from his face. Because of my faith and my knowledge of its effects, I felt he should not have refused it that way.

S: Suppose one has absolutely no faith in it, what would you then say?

Mataji: Faith or no faith, the effect of the prasad is there when one takes it. It is like putting your hand on fire; whether you have faith or not, the hand will be burnt. There is a story in the ‘Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna’ or somewhere, I was told, that even a dog which ate the excreta of a saint got a better birth in the next life. Even the excreta that comes out of a saint's body works such wonders; then what about the prasad when taken by human beings? If it is taken with all love and faith its effect will, of course, be marvellous. One should never refuse prasad when offered. The other day when we all went to see Sri Anandashram Swamiji, you saw me asking for some fruits as prasad. I kept the fruits safe, washed them, cut them and gave them to Papa. Afterwards Papa asked me, 'Where are the fruits that we got from Swamiji?' I, of course, explained to him that they were the very fruits that he had taken just then. He himself is giving so much importance to prasad.

S: When you mention this I remember one incident. When Papa went to Ramana Maharshi, he gave him some prasad. But Papa, instead of eating it, gave it to the dog that was standing near. According to you it amounted to insult.

Mataji: He was on a vow of saltless diet.

S: That should not have made him refuse prasad. Prasad is above all such restrictions.

Mataji: As I have already told you, in Papa's case it was different. His sadhana was so intense that he never depended upon any external help. He could stand alone like that, but not any of us.

S: I pointed out this instance because you said even Papa is anxious to take prasad.

Mataji: Papa did not have to take it. But he took it now to show all of us its importance.