← The Gospel of Swami RamdasHis talks, as recorded by Swami Satchidananda

1953-12-14

Chapter 39

Ramdas Ashram, Bhavnagar, December 14, 1953

391. Improvement in Papa's health

5 p.m. Papa got into the car for his usual drive and walk accompanied by Mataji, S and Mama, Mrs Kamdar's uncle who looked after Ramdas-Ashram. Near a lake all got down and went for a walk on the bund.

Papa: Ramdas’ health seems to have improved much now. Yesterday he walked for over an hour and did not feel fatigue in the least. You remember, when he was in the ashram, he used to feel so much tired after a walk to the Udyog-shala that he would gasp for breath and like to sit down. Now he feels fresh and light; there is even a spring in his step when he walks. The medicine seems to be acting on him very well.

S: Friends here, who have seen Papa before, may now be able to notice the difference in Papa's health, but as we see Papa everyday we fail to notice it. We must continue the medicine till diabetes disappears. Afterwards, perhaps, dieting alone will do.

Papa: This morning Mukund Pai, who gave Ramdas by oversight two pills instead of one, made such a fuss about it. What was the harm? The later dose can be adjusted. But he wept over it again and again. When Ramdas was taking it, it seems he heard a voice saying, 'You are no good for service'. Then he wept and wept. Later Ramdas had to console him.

S: As soon as I returned this evening he told me all about it. He said he made a great blunder in giving one pill more this morning and was so sorry, that he wept like a child all the afternoon. I told him that one more pill is never an overdose in this case as it could easily be adjusted later in the day and there was no reason to worry so much about it.

Papa: However, he made a fuss about it.

Mataji: This has been working in his mind, so he heard that voice.

Mama: Papa, as that Bihari is now coming in and sitting with us all, it is better that he changes his dress and becomes clean and presentable. He will not listen to any of us. He will obey Papa alone. Papa may kindly tell him to change his dress and come to the bhajan-hall clean.

Papa: Yes, Ramdas will tell him when he is alone.

December 15, 1953

392. Suffering, a lever to lift up the Soul

The Bihari was in the bhajan-hall. Papa, when informed of this, went to the bhajan-hall. The Bihari came and prostrated.

Papa: Ramdas has to tell you something. You must have your hair cut, have a clean shave, put on clean clothes and then come here.

Bihari: May I do that after the bhajan?

Papa: (patting him on the back) Yes, you do that after bhajan.

His face lit up with joy as Papa patted him. Immediately after bhajan, arrangements were made to take him to the barber. He came back at 12 o'clock with close cropped hair, shaven face, white dhoti and chaddar.

Papa: Ah, that is good, it looks as if you have taken rebirth. It is clean outside. Do not create any more trouble here. Be quiet. Do not snatch away the Ram Nam books from people who are writing Ram Nam.

Papa came in and, referring to the Bihari said, "Now you cannot say he is dirty."

Ghanshyam Sinhji was the younger brother of late Pratap Sinhji of Limbdi. The latter's illness was responsible for taking Papa out of the ashram in 1949 and the subsequent tours. Ghanshyam Sinhji then owned an estate near Bhavnagar and was doing all the work on the farm himself. When he talked about his farm he almost went into ecstasy, and more so when Papa listened to him with interest and attention. For over half an hour they talked about farming, gas plant, crushing machine and so on.

Ghanshyam Sinhji: Maharajshri, for the wrongs of someone, why should others suffer?

Papa: Nobody suffers for the acts of others. We do not remember all that we have done in this life or the past ones, and blame others for the evils that befall us. Really, we have to blame ourselves. The sufferings are a good lesson to us. When we know our sufferings are due to our own acts, we make up our mind not to do evil in this life. Since we ourselves are responsible for our sufferings, we must put up with them cheerfully. For spiritual progress, sufferings are necessary.

Sufferings have not spared even great souls. Sri Rama himself had to go to the forest for fourteen years and you all know what an amount of trouble he had to undergo. Harischandra's was another instance of suffering. The greatness of these noble souls was revealed when they were put to test. When you take some leaves of an aromatic plant, no smell comes out of them, but crush them, they give out fine fragrance. So too with great men. When they pass through trials and tribulations, their true greatness manifests itself. It will be a great consolation to us if we look at things that way. Let us not, therefore, be afraid of suffering, but face them bravely, come out of them unscathed and purified, and reveal the greatness of the Spirit within.

Ghanshyam Sinhji: When is Maharajshri coming to my little farm? Unless Maharajshri comes the crop will be a failure. So please do not fail to come.

Papa: Ramdas will visit you some time in January.

As they had been sitting for nearly an hour, Ghanshyam Sinhji got up along with others, prostrated before Papa, and took his leave. Mataji had by then got up after rest, and they took their leave of her also. When they were almost near the gate, Mataji saw the tin of lozenges in the almirah and said, "Oh, I should have given some prasad to the children." She took the tin, ran out to the gate and distributed the lozenges to them all.

393. Mataji on her precognitions

8.30 p.m. Bhajan was in progress in the shamiana. Mataji and S were in the room. Mataji suddenly remembering something said: "About thirtyfive years ago, when I was living in Bombay, a distant relative, who was staying with her husband in Bhavnagar, where he was employed, happened to meet me. She could speak Gujarati. When she told me all about Bhavnagar, a desire rose in me to visit Bhavnagar. I suppressed the desire with the counter-thought: ‘Why should I have such a desire, what is there in Bhavnagar' and so on. The desire came thrice and was suppressed every time. But finally there came a voice, 'You will definitely go to Bhavnagar'. This incident which occurred thirtyfive years ago has been recurring in my mind these three days. You see, what the voice said has come true. When I was a child, I used to feel such desires. Even if I tried I could not suppress them and later found they were fulfilled.

There are two types of thoughts – thoughts created by ourselves and thoughts that come of their own accord. The latter are the outcome of our vasanas of earlier birth. As a child, the trend of my thoughts was like this: 'I grow up, get married, become a widow. What then? Take to devotional practice, go to a sadhu and never turn back to family life.' See how exactly they have all happened.

394. No reason to weep

S: How did you find Anasuyakka when you met her at Khar?

Mataji: Did you not notice? It is hard to give up moha for the body. When she came there I was busy preparing Papa's dinner and various other things. After waiting for a long time, she came upstairs when I was about to go down with you for meal. Seeing her coming up, I waited and sat with her for some time. After a few minutes' talks she said: "You are leaving tomorrow. I don't know when I can see you again.” I was all along chary of talking to her about God. I always talked on the same lines as she did, as it is not at all good to speak about God to those who still have moha for my body. It is because of her moha for my body that she feels so sorry whenever she thinks of me. When she spoke as she did I suddenly broke out, 'I am always with you. I am not going anywhere.' In reply she said: “When Rama killed Vali and the dead body was lying there, his wife was weeping piteously. Rama tried to console her, saying: ‘why do you weep. The atman is never dead. If you weep for the body, it has to go one day or other as that is its nature. In any case you have no reason to weep.’ But Vali's wife said: ‘O Ram, I am neither weeping for the imperishable atman nor for the perishable body. I am only weeping for that state in which the atman and body are together.' So also, how does it help us when you say you are always with us?”

I did not say anything. Inwardly I was happy. I only meant to tell her that though living I was as good as dead. Now Anasuyakka herself means that though living, I am as good as dead to them. Afterwards we did not talk much. I wanted to send her by car. So we went out together and came back finding that the car was not immediately available. There was no more talk. Perhaps she was affected by what I told her.

December 18, 1953

395. Admonition to the recalcitrant Bihari

2 p.m. As a number of letters were to be answered Papa was busy dictating. The Bihari in his usual unkempt way came in, prostrated and sat at his feet.

Bihari: Papa, what shall I do? Tell me.

Papa: Ramdas has told you what you are to do. You do not listen to what he says but go on asking what you should do.

Bihari: I try to obey you. I went to Junagadh, but some other power forced me back to you. I cannot stay away from you. I do not know what is pulling me back to you. I have no control over myself.

Papa: It is only the ego residing within you that makes you dance like this. You want everything done your own way. You have to get away from Ramdas. There is no place for you near him. You will not gain anything thereby. It is found by experience that those who associate always with us do not improve. They start finding fault with us and that becomes the cause of their regression. Even before starting to stay with Ramdas, you have begun to find faults. You asked the other day why Ramdas went to Rajkot and Bombay for attending marriage functions. You considered it a folly on the part of Ramdas and remarked he should not have done so. Is it with this attitude that you are going to stay with Ramdas? Give up that idea and go to Girnar. If you do not go to Girnar now, it is not going to leave you. Girnar will pull you. Believe it; this is true. If you lead an ill-regulated life like this, Ramdas can tell you, you will go off your head.

He could not say anything. Tears were flowing down his cheeks and he looked quite restless. Then slowly he said: "No, Papa, I cannot leave you and go away."

He again prostrated and left the room, weeping. Papa continued dictating letters till 3 o'clock. Some devotees were waiting in the hall to meet Papa.

4.45 p.m. Papa had been thinking of having a walk every evening. After starting on the tour, it was not possible due to too many programmes. Papa managed to get an hour free every evening while at Anantapur, but it was not possible elsewhere. After coming there, the programmes were adjusted in such a way that Papa was free for at least two hours every evening. Sumatilal promised to keep his car ready for Papa to go out at 4.45 p.m. or so to some lonely place and there walk for about half an hour and return. Papa, Mataji, S, Mukund Pai and Goghawala went in the car, got down at the bund of the Gogha tank, and walked on the bund road for some time. They returned to the ashram at 6 p.m.

8 p.m. Papa had his dinner consisting of two boiled vegetables and six ounces of milk. He was sitting in his room and before him were Mrs Gunvantrai Kamdar, Sumatilal and his wife, Mataji and a few others. Amongst many topics the talk turned to the Bihari.

Mrs Kamdar: Papa, the Bihari is roaming about the whole day in the hot sun. He is restless and runs like a mad man. As he is not permitted to come in, he wanders outside.

Mataji: Looking at his condition, Papa feels sorry for him. He has great love for Papa. If he obeys Papa's instructions, he will soon come up.

Papa: Really, Ramdas feels sorry for him. True, he has great love for Ramdas and Mataji. But all others are less than straw to him. He does not care for them and falls out with them when they do anything that he does not like. He is not mad. He understands everything. The only thing is that he is bent upon is own way, which is harmful both to himself and others. He is not uneducated. He is a BABT, and was a teacher in some High School. When he came to us at Anandashram he was all right for the first ten or fifteen days. Later we found that his behaviour was not congenial to ashram life and we asked him to leave. He did so only after giving a good deal of trouble. When we came here, he was at the airport to receive us!

396. Ras-sadhana – Gopis alone know its secret

From 8.30 to 9.30 p.m., Papa was talking to a gathering of devotees in the hall.

A devotee: Who knows the secret of Ras-sadhana?

Papa: Gopis.

Devotee: Can none else know?

Papa: Those who have such bhava as the gopis had, can also know. At the very thought of Sri Krishna, the gopis forgot everything, their household, children and so on, and even their bodies. To attain such prem is no ordinary thing.

Devotee: I have seen many pictures of Sri Krishna and Sri Rama. In none of the pictures I see them with a beard. When Rama went to the forest, he was old enough to have a beard, and we cannot expect him to have carried a safety razor with him. The artists still paint him only with matted locks and a shaven face.

Papa: The artists have drawn as they were inspired to draw. Perhaps they were not prompted to present him with a beard. Are you a painter?

Devotee: Yes, I am a painter.

Papa: Yours is then a pertinent question. If you want, you can paint a picture of Sri Rama with beard and moustache. But one thing you forget. When Rama had the power to do anything he wanted, could he not have stopped the growth of the beard and allowed the hair to grow on his head only?

Devotee: It is possible.

He dropped the idea of painting the picture of Sri Rama with beard.

397. Another odd devotee

After the evening drive that day when Papa got down from the car, immediately his eyes fell on Chimanlal Ganatra of Dholera.

Chimanlal Ganatra was another problem devotee. Two years back he had come to the ashram at Kanhangad. He appeared to be really earnest for a few days. But after a stay of about ten days in the ashram, Papa advised him to go back, take up some work and be of help to his wife and children. Chimanlal told Papa that he was being ill-treated by his wife and children and that it was difficult to stay with them. However, he returned home and news came from his wife that he was simply wasting his time, neither repeating Ram Nam nor taking up any work. Papa wrote to him to take up some job. He could not stick to any job and was always a burden to the family.

When Papa had gone to Bhavnagar in March that year for the opening of Ramdas-Ashram, Chimanlal came with his wife and children. Mataji gave all possible help to them in cash and kind and they all left for their place. In June that year, Chimanlal again came to Anandashram. Though Papa took him to task for coming there and that too without any previous intimation, he was permitted to stay on for about a month, writing Ram Nam everyday. He wrote Ram Nam for a couple of days and then gave it up. He was idling his time, smoking a number of bidis and going out without informing Papa. When Papa talked to him once or twice about his acts, his only reply was: "You are prompting me to do everything. You are telling me from without not to do certain things, but at the same time inspiring me from within to do something else."

Papa: That is the best way of escape. It is no good your remaining here. You people stay here in the name of seva and give us a lot of trouble. You won't obey a word of what we tell you. This cannot go on any longer. It is better you leave the ashram.

Chimanlal: Papa, where can I go? I will live here only and serve you.

Papa: This is the way you are serving. The best way you can serve is to go away from here. Take up some job and lead an honourable life.

It was with great difficulty that he could be persuaded to leave the ashram. He was paid seventyfive rupees for his train fare to his place. In a fortnight he was back in the ashram. When Papa asked him why, he replied, "You prompted me to come back. What else can I do?"

What else could Papa do than keep him there? He gave him a notebook and pencil and asked him to keep on writing Ram Nam. He spent a few days there but did not write Ram Nam, continued smoking, and sleeping for long hours in the afternoons. His eyes did not look normal. Knowing that he was going from bad to worse, Papa kept watch on him. Chimanlal was now, off and on, trying to meet Mataji and follow her wherever she went. Mataji did not like it.

Papa called him one evening and questioned him why he was not normal in his actions. Chimanlal only gazed at Papa with folded hands and open mouth. His gaze was quite abnormal.

Papa: Why do you wander all the day here and there smoking? You sleep all afternoons. Is it for this that you have come here? Mataji has told you that if you behave like this you will be sent away from here.

Chimanlal: You are making me do everything. (Then he sits at Papa's feet and continues) I am Ram and Mataji is Sita. Let her come with me.

Papa: Your madness is worse than what Ramdas took it for. Now it is dangerous to keep you here. You seem to have no control over your own actions. You had better pack up your things and clear out immediately.

With much difficulty he was sent away that evening.

When Papa came to Bhavnagar on the 3rd, Chimanlal was waiting for him in the ashram. Papa permitted him to stay for a day and asked him to go away the next day. That day, even though Papa had seen him, he did not speak to him. When Papa entered the room Chimanlal followed, and prostrated before him.

Papa (with a grave look): Ramdas does not want you to come. Go and wait outside in the hall. Ramdas cannot permit you to stay here. So you had better go away tonight.

With the usual abnormal gaze, open mouth and folded hands, Chimanlal got up and went out. He must have left Bhavnagar the same night as he was not seen afterwards.

9.30 to 10 p.m. As usual, members of Kamdar's family were sitting around Papa. Some were massaging Papa's legs, applying vaseline.

Mrs Kamdar: Papa, that Bihari sadhu beat our gateman. He wanted to force himself in and, when prevented by the gateman, gave him some blows and ran away.

Papa laughed a while on hearing the new development, but made no comment.